If I Can't Have You (Mills & Boon Spice)

by BETH KERY

  “I’m sorry,” he said. He grabbed both of her wrists with warm, wet hands and moved her hands to her back. “Do you mind?” he asked.

  Colleen blinked, not really sure at first what he meant. When she realized he was asking her if it was all right if he kept her hands held at her back while he touched her, heat flooded her all the way to her toes.

  “That doesn’t seem fair,” she whispered, her gaze stuck on his sexy mouth.

  He chuckled and stroked her wet neck. “You’ll have your moment, trust me. Your hands are driving me nuts right now, though. I can’t think. I’m about ready to lose it, I want you so bad.”

  Colleen glanced down the length of his aroused body and swallowed with difficulty. The admission of his vulnerability had given her strength.

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  She watched as the hand that wasn’t holding her wrists coasted through rivers of running water up her belly. He cradled a breast in his hand and shaped it to his palm.

  “If you only knew how much I’ve fantasized about touching you,” he mumbled, watching his actions with a narrow focus. “You were so beautiful in my mind, but reality is much, much better. You’re exquisite,” he added before he sunk his head and pressed his lips to the slope of her breast. Colleen stared into billowing steam, biting her lower lip to stifle a plea as he kissed the sensitive skin and licked away droplets of water. He took her nipple into his warm mouth, and her pleasure mounted to a piercing ache. She arched her back into him as he suckled, laving her nipple with a warm, agile tongue.

  Her hip encountered his firm, heavy erection. She longed to touch him. He kept her wrists at her back, however, and she had no choice but to drown in mounting heat and pleasure. He transferred his attention to her other breast, sucking her into the heat of his mouth, lashing her nipple with his tongue, pulling on her gently until she moaned in a fever of desire.

  He lifted his head and caught her mouth in a ravishing kiss. The sound of the hot water pounding on the floor drowned out her heart drumming in her ears, but her pulse throbbed madly at her throat as she kissed Eric back for all she was worth. He touched her hip, and then her pelvic bone, watching her through narrowed eyelids as his wet fingers slid over the juncture of her thighs, parting the folds of her sex. His fingers belonged to a surgeon to be sure; they were gentle, firm and astonishingly accurate.

  Her eyes sprung wide as he played her most sensitive flesh.

  He continued to watch her face as though fascinated by what he saw there. His finger circled and stroked until Colleen grew light-headed. He captured her whimper with his mouth, kissing her while he stroked her and pleasure surged and mounted, delicious and inescapable. The tension he wrought with his talented fingers broke.

  He caught her against him as pleasure splintered through her, eating her moans of release as though he was starved and he found them delicious.

  She leaned against him, panting. She felt like she’d been turned inside out. He released her wrists and shut the water off. The cool air flowing in through the opened shower door didn’t make her shiver this time.

  Colleen wondered if she’d ever be cold again.

  “Thank you,” she murmured a moment later when Eric finished drying her off hastily with a towel. He merely swiped the same towel across his face, neck and belly before he cursed under his breath and tossed it aside. She smiled when he swept her into his arms, and suddenly they were once again in his bedroom.

  “Do you make a habit of carrying women around?” she asked as he lowered her to the bed. She was so relaxed, hot and aroused, the luxurious bedding felt decadent.

  “Never. You’re the first. You bring out the caveman in me, apparently,” he said, sounding a little grim as he searched for a condom in the bedside table. He couldn’t move quickly enough for Colleen, and himself, either, from the look of his strained expression. He came down over her. His hard, lean muscles sliding against her only increased her sense of voluptuous luxury, like she was drowning in the rich, sensual world Eric had created for her. She felt as if she could melt right into the mattress…melt right into him…meld with him in a blazing, furious blast of need.

  It seemed like the most natural, the most exciting thing in the world when he slid into her, fusing their flesh. She gasped at the intensity of his possession, pleasure mingling with intense, nearly untenable friction.

  “Eric,” she grated out between clenched teeth, because he was filling her now, overfilling her, stretching the very limits of her consciousness. “It feels—”

  “Please say it feels incredible, because it so does,” he gasped, sounding a little crazed.

  “It feels incredible,” she whispered.

  Then he began to move, and it was as if a million pieces fell into perfect alignment. He stared down at her, his biceps bulging tight as he held himself off her. Sensations barraged her consciousness. His strokes were firm, demanding and smooth, but they caused an electric friction inside her. She was hot and melting, but she somehow needed more…more of Eric, more heat, more pressure. She was so greedy, she wanted to explode with it.

  How could she have lived for so long without this divine experience?

  She reached for his hips, adding her own strength to his forceful possession. He clenched his teeth and took her harder, their joining growing frantic. She met his gaze before she tipped into an abyss of pleasure.

  “You’re mine.” His proclamation was simple, powerful…surreal.

  Pleasure wracked her in waves. She felt him succumb at the very core of her being. His growl of release sounded primal…thrilling. She held him against her, feeling his shudders mingling with her own.

  “Absolutely amazing,” he murmured as he stroked her belly. Morning sunlight glowed behind the creamy draperies and streamed around the edges. They’d made love for a better part of the night, pausing to touch, talk and laugh in the interludes. Despite the fact that he probably had only slept a total of two hours, Eric felt energized and fantastic—better than he ever remembered feeling in his life.

  He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off Colleen. As a physician, the human body was his specialty. He’d learned a measure of objectivity when it came to his assessment of physical beauty. But there was something about Colleen’s nudity that brought out the opposite of logic in him. She was like poetry set to flesh, all feminine curves and long, graceful limbs and beguiling stretches of smooth, silky skin. It pleased him beyond belief to find new spots where his hand fit perfectly, to seek out new patches of skin that made her breath catch and her eyes glaze with desire.

  “What’s absolutely amazing?” she asked after a stretched few seconds. He’d found yet another sweet spot on her side between two ribs, fracturing her attention for a moment. He leaned down to add a kiss to his tribute, and she shivered beneath his mouth. He smiled and raised his head.

  “That. You’re entire body is like a live wire.”

  Two spots of vivid color bloomed in her cheeks. “I…I’m sorry. I can’t seem to help it…the shivering, I mean.”

  His smile faded. “Why are you apologizing? It’s incredible.” When she just stared at him, her blush deepening, he shook his head in disbelief. “I’m serious. What man wouldn’t be thrilled having such a responsive woman in his bed? You make me feel like some kind of a god when I’m just touching you.”

  A small smile shaped her mouth. “You are so full of it.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t entirely believe him about how intensely sexy he found her, but at least she’d relaxed enough to smile. He leaned down and kissed her, taking his time, relishing every nuance of her soft, fragrant mouth. He felt himself stir with arousal, even though they’d just finished making love minutes ago.

  Her effect on him was unprecedented.

  “Nicest surprise…of my life to see you standing�
�at my front doorstep last night,” he told her between kisses a moment later. “What made you come?”

  She cradled his head in her hands and sunk her fingers into his hair. His eyelids grew heavy as she massaged his scalp. Eric couldn’t decide what made him happier: Colleen’s magical touch or the fact that it was magic touching her. He blinked a moment later when he realized she hadn’t answered his question. She was chewing on her lower lip.

  Why did she look so hesitant?

  “My mother said something,” she began distractedly. “Something about how I was so confident in expressing my emotions…how I wasn’t afraid to be honest about what I was feeling.” She met his stare and gave a sheepish grin. “I realized then that not only had I not been entirely honest about how I felt about you, I had been full-out lying to myself.”

  He shrugged and landed another kiss on her mouth, not liking to see her looking so hesitant. “We talked about this. It isn’t like there weren’t barriers galore between us. Colleen?”

  “Yes?” she asked, her blue-green eyes wide. She wasn’t wearing a smudge of makeup and her hair was wild and uncombed. He’d discovered there were seven tiny freckles sprinkled across her nose.

  She looked delectable.

  “Did you make a decision to spend the night with me because you believe we can overcome those barriers?”

  “I hope we can,” she whispered. Her solemn expression cut at him a little. He leaned down and seized her mouth in a hot kiss. He’d rather see her beautiful face glowing with desire. She responded wholly, sweetly, melting at his touch. For a sublime moment, he made himself forget the shadow of doubt he’d seen in Colleen’s expressive eyes.

  Their desire spent yet again, they finally slept. Colleen awoke with her head on Eric’s chest, her body wrapped in his arms. For a minute or two she lay there fully awake, soaking in the sensation of his chest rising and falling as he slept, wondering at how safe and warm she felt in his embrace.

  Making love with him had been a truly eye-opening experience. Colleen had always considered herself open-minded and comfortable with the topic of sex, but Eric had taught her last night she’d never really fully explored her sexuality. Thanks to him, she’d just begun to tap into the depths of her sensual nature, and for that she’d be forever thankful. She couldn’t recall ever feeling so alive, so feminine…so wonderful.

  When she finally focused on the clock on the bedside table, her eyes widened in disbelief. She hadn’t slept until noon since she was a carefree teenager. Of course, then she hadn’t possessed the adult excuse of being kept awake all night by a virile, demanding man. She eased out of Eric’s arms, trying not to wake him. He roused slightly, his forehead crinkling and his mouth flattening, like he was dissatisfied with something and was about to take someone to task in his dreams. Colleen smiled, recalling how at one time, she would have interpreted that exact expression as arrogance.

  Today, she decided that expression was entirely endearing.

  She wasn’t thrilled about putting on her clothes from last night, but what other choice did she have? She detangled her hair with effort. Eric still slept as she crept downstairs, eager to call her children. Brendan and Jenny were having too good of a time, however, to spend much time on the phone with her. After she hung up, Colleen found herself longing for clean clothes. Could she run to her house and retrieve some before Eric woke? She didn’t want to disturb his sleep if she didn’t have to.

  She was putting on her coat in the foyer when something caught her attention. Eric strode down the hallway. Her eyes went wide. He wore a pair of jeans and a scowl.

  “Where are you going?” he demanded. “You’re not leaving.”

  She smiled. The last part hadn’t been a question, but a proclamation. He seemed a little distraught and that pleased her, although she couldn’t really believe for two seconds he was seriously upset. Surely a man like him was used to a woman scurrying away in the morning after a night of passion spent in his bed, even if the odds were Eric was the one sneaking out of bed and dashing out the door while the woman still slept. In fact, it had occurred to her that if she left his house, he might think it was very odd for her to return, so his reaction reassured and warmed her.

  He looked incredibly sexy standing there, bare-chested and hair mussed. He must have dressed in a hurry before he came downstairs, because the top two buttons of his jeans were still unfastened. The triangle of bare skin exposed above the partially opened fly was paler than his abdomen.

  She yanked her gaze to his face.

  “I didn’t want to wake you. I wanted to shower, but I didn’t have anything clean to put on. I was thinking about running home to get a few things.”

  He stepped toward her and slid her coat off her shoulders. “The easiest solution to that problem would be for you to stay naked all weekend,” he said in a sultry tone.

  “Not even you could have that much energy.” She glanced up as he took her coat and noticed his small smile. “All right,” she conceded. “I admit that you just might.”

  “Only when truly inspired,” he said gruffly, reaching for her. He kissed her, and she looped her arms around his waist. “I did not like waking up and finding you gone.”

  “Hmm, yes, you’ve made that clear. But I need clothes.”

  He growled softly and kissed her again. “I’ll take you to your house and you can get what you need for the rest of the weekend.” He deepened their kiss. Colleen went up on her tiptoes, flushing with heat. “But right now, let’s go back to bed,” he mumbled next to her lips a moment later.

  “No,” Colleen scolded, even though she was sorely tempted. “It’s the afternoon, and I haven’t even had my morning coffee yet.”

  He lifted his head. How could she have ever hated his brooding scowls? She resisted an urge to pull him down again for another kiss. At this point, she knew full well how delicious even his frowns tasted on her hungry lips.

  “Okay,” he conceded ungraciously. “I suppose I’ll have to feed you, too.”

  “You really are a gentleman.”

  He smiled, his dark eyes gleaming. “A gentleman wouldn’t have taken you to bed without taking you on at least one official date.”

  “Dinner last night didn’t count?” she murmured.

  He shook his head with mock sadness before he kissed her nose. “Nope. I have some karma to make up in the dating department. Give me fifteen minutes to get ready. Afterward, I’ll make up for my callousness by giving you a day you’ll never forget. I’ll do my best, anyway.”

  “Your best is pretty damn amazing so far.”

  His eyes widened and then smoldered at her honesty. “Are you sure you don’t want to—”

  She laughed and gave him a gentle shove. “No. Get going. I can’t wait to see what you come up with to balance your dating karma. Not that I’m putting any pressure on you or anything.”

  He grinned and backed out of the foyer, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. “I’m a surgeon, remember? I thrive on pressure.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Fifteen minutes,” he promised.

  “I’m timing you.”

  He charged for the stairs.

  Colleen caught a glimpse of herself in the armoire mirror. She blinked. Her cheeks were flushed and she was grinning like an idiot. It took her a moment to recognize her own face transformed by pure happiness.

  Oh, no. Something squirmed in her stomach.

  Surely it was a mistake for her to allow herself to be this happy.

  Don’t think about that. Just try and live in the moment for once. Don’t you deserve a nice, carefree weekend?

  Colleen waited, wondering if the anxiety monster in her belly would rear to life again. When it remained silent, she sighed with relief. Her anticipation for spending time with Eric was free
to build. Nervousness segued to pure excitement.

  Chapter Eleven

  After Eric took her to her house for a quick shower and change of clothing, they went to refuel at the Tap and Grill. The Tap was known for selling breakfast at all hours, so they filled up on omelets, wheat toast, coffee and orange juice, both of them unabashedly ravenous after their night of lovemaking. They talked almost nonstop. Eric kept her in stitches, telling her about several funny odd jobs he’d held in college and medical school, including a job in a toothpaste factory and another dusting dinosaur bones at the Detroit Science Center. At one point, he noticed her distracted expression.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  Colleen shook her head and took a sip of coffee. “All those jobs you worked…” She faded off hesitantly. She studied the remains of her toast, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. “Wasn’t there sufficient money from the lawsuit? I mean…it was quite a lot, wasn’t it? I…I would have thought—”

  He silenced her increasingly nervous ramblings by placing his hand on top of hers. She met his stare.

  “You know how expensive college and medical school are, let alone food, board and other living expenses. Natalie was only eleven when the crash happened. I needed to be careful with finances. I had her to support. I didn’t want to screw up and find out she didn’t have all the resources she needed to go to college. So I supplemented with odd jobs.”

  “I’m sorry you had to grow up so young, Eric.”

  “I thought you said last night that you realized you can’t apologize for your dad’s actions.”

  “I did,” she said quietly. “I’m not apologizing for Dad. I’m just sorry things were so rough for you.”

  He squeezed her hand, and she looked up. “I turned out okay.”

  “Yeah. You did,” she whispered feelingly.

  Eric wouldn’t tell her where he planned to take her after they ate, so Colleen was a little taken aback when he pulled his car into Sutter Park’s outdoor ice rink.