Sunsets and Shades

by Erica Lee

  I was going to ask her to elaborate, but it turned out, I didn’t have to. “I was never wild and crazy, but I was definitely more carefree. I was silly and fun. I feel like I lost that somewhere along the way. I lost myself.”

  I took a deep breath, trying to decide how to respond. “Breakups can do that to you.”

  Grace shook her head in response. “It wasn’t the breakup. I mean that certainly didn’t help, but I’ve been feeling this way for at least a year, maybe longer. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why Becky found someone else. Maybe I just wasn’t good enough anymore.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I blurted out before I could think better of it. “I mean, have you ever thought that maybe you lost yourself because of your relationship? I realize I don’t know anything about it, but aren’t relationships supposed to make you a better version of yourself? If yours didn’t do that, maybe there were more issues in your relationship than you realized.” I paused for a moment, thinking I should stop there, but I was on a roll at this point. “Be honest… was your relationship with Becky as perfect as you’re making it out to be?”

  Grace only seemed to contemplate this for a brief moment, not enough time to truly consider the question. “It was. At least up until the cheating.”

  “And you never felt like Becky was holding you back or keeping you from living your own life?”

  Grace looked down at the ground and stared absently at her feet for a few minutes. When she looked back up at me, her glasses had slid down her nose, so she had to push them back up. Stop that. I’m trying to have a serious conversation for once and now all I can think about is throwing those glasses across the room, along with… what the hell? I really need to get laid.

  My thoughts were interrupted by Grace finally responding. “I mean, relationships aren’t about living your own life. It’s about living the life you create together.”

  I groaned to show my frustration at her cookie-cutter answer. That sounded like something I would post on my social media sites, and I wanted to slap myself for it at this moment. “But were you living the life you created together, or were you trying to live the life that Becky created for you guys?”

  Grace refused to make eye contact with me, which seemed to be a pretty good indication that I was onto something. “I mean...Becky always had the more dominant personality. I’m naturally more timid. So, it made sense that she made a lot of the decisions. It’s just how our relationship worked. It worked for us.”

  I gave her a look that I hoped would convey that I wasn’t buying it. “Are you sure about that?”

  “Of course I’m sure,” she answered, starting to sound a little annoyed.

  I groaned again. She didn’t need to be the only frustrated party in this situation. “Listen...do you want to get over this girl or not?”

  “Obviously,” she scoffed.

  “Then you need to do me a favor. No, scratch that. You need to do yourself a favor. You need to stop acting like this girl was God’s gift. She cheated on you, Grace. Not just once, but continuously - for six months. It probably would have been even longer if you hadn’t caught her. I don’t care if you were the worst girlfriend in the world, or if you spent the last year and a half of your relationship in some big funk. There is no excuse for her doing that to you. So come on. We both know that she was far from perfect.” I thought for a moment then added, “I’m willing to help you get over her. But it’s going to be my way, not the way Laurel Lake would do it. None of that fluffy happy endings and rainbows junk.”

  Grace sighed. “I don’t know. You’re not going to make me have sex with someone, are you?”

  I laughed in response. “We’ll get there. You’ll see. But no, I won’t make you. I have a feeling that I couldn’t actually make you do anything, which leads me to believe that you’re much more headstrong than you want to admit. Anyway, your first task is to tell me one thing everyday that you dislike about your ex.”

  “How long do I have to do that for?”

  I shrugged my shoulders at her question. “How the hell am I supposed to know? I’m making this up as I go!”

  With this, Grace finally cracked a smile. “That doesn’t do much to help my confidence in your methods.”

  I used one hand to playfully push her shoulder. “Do you really have much of a choice?” When she didn’t immediately answer, I took that as my cue to move forward. “Alright let’s go. Tell me one bad thing about your ex.”

  “Oh, we’re starting now?” Grace asked hesitantly, then sat completely still for a few minutes like she was truly contemplating the question. It took everything in me not to scream over the fact that this really shouldn’t have been that hard. “Oh, I’ve got something,” she finally answered. “She and I always talked about how we were going to go to Hawaii on our honeymoon. We were actually saving up money for it. Well, it turns out that she’s in Hawaii now… with Jamie… That’s the girl she cheated on me with. And I don’t know. I just feel like that’s kind of crappy. As if they haven’t hurt me enough already, did they really need to choose that as their first trip together?”

  Wow. This girl sounded like a real winner. This was exactly why I didn’t do relationships. People are crazy. They are too fickle and naturally selfish to be trusted with someone’s heart. “It’s not kind of crappy. It’s super shitty. Like big ol’ pile of flaming poop, shitty.”

  My words brought another slight smile back to Grace’s face, and I was honestly just happy that she didn’t get mad at me for it. I let the subject drop, and we spent the rest of the night eating Chinese food and fighting over what to put on TV.

  Over the next three days, I learned that Becky always had to choose what restaurant they ate at (but only because she was the pickier eater... gag), for some reason she hated the fact that Grace wore glasses instead of contacts, and she never actually apologized after Grace found her in bed with another woman, choosing instead to question why she came home so early. I had found out this information over dinner with Grace, which had sort of become our thing. This was still the only time we spent together, but I had a different plan for Sunday.

  “Up for an adventure?” I asked after knocking on the door to Leah’s bedroom.

  Grace came to the door, still wearing her pajamas and her hair sticking in all sorts of directions. She seemed embarrassed when she noticed me staring, but there was no way that I was going to point out that the reason I was staring was because I found it to be a cute look on her. Instead, I left her alone to get ready, and an hour later we headed to our destination, with her looking much more put together but still just as cute.

  “So, what are we doing here?” she asked, as we stood in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. “Did you bring me here to tell me that the Rocky statue is just a statue and nothing to write home about?”

  “Absolutely not,” I scoffed. “And don’t you dare disrespect the city of Philadelphia like that ever again. Nope. We’re here because you’re going to run up the Rocky Steps, then get a celebratory picture with the statue.”

  The way Grace’s eyebrows came together showed me just how confused she was by my plan. “What am I celebrating?”

  Seriously? Did I even want to know if this girl had seen the movies? “Obviously, you’re celebrating that you made it up the stairs. That run represents overcoming obstacles to achieve your goals. It’s the first step in going from an underdog to a champion.”

  Much to my surprise, instead of getting pumped from my speech, Grace started to laugh. She was laughing so hard that she snorted, which I was beginning to realize was one of her things. “Sorry,” she apologized. “I just find it funny when you suddenly become super passionate about something random.”

  “This isn’t random. This is Rocky. Now let’s run.” With these words, I took off, leaving Grace behind me.

  About halfway up the steps, I was surprised to see her come up beside me. Before long, she was passing me, and no matter how hard I pushed, I couldn’t catch up. By the time I mad
e it to the top I was out of breath, but the wide grin that had formed on Grace’s face somehow made it all worthwhile.

  “Did I mention that I did track in high school and college?”

  “Nope… I.. think... you failed… to say… that,” I spoke between breaths. Once I finally caught my breath, I looked over to see Grace had started to giggle. “Alright, alright. I get it. I’m out of shape. Anyway, next step: throw both hands in the air like you just won an Olympic gold medal.” I threw my arms up to demonstrate, and Grace laughed even harder.

  “Why on earth am I doing that?”

  “Because you’re one step closer to forgetting that rotten ex of yours,” I said with a wink. Unfortunately, this backfired, and the smile left Grace’s face. “Rocky time!” I announced, trying to change the subject.

  When we made it to the front of the line for the Rocky statue, I directed Grace to stand next to it and flex her biceps. Instead, she put both hands on her hips. “If I’m doing this, you’re getting in the picture with me. I’m not going to be the only one standing here looking like an idiot.”

  “You won’t look like an idiot. Tourist, maybe. Really freaking cool, definitely. But certainly not an idiot,” I protested. Yet, I still handed the person standing behind me in line my phone so I could join her for the picture. When I flexed, Grace finally started to laugh again and joined me.

  As we headed back to the apartment, I started to wonder what it was about this girl that got to me so much. She was able to get under my skin just as much as she could fascinate me. From what I could see, we were polar opposites, and I wondered if that’s what was drawing me in. Either way, I was equal parts shocked and annoyed that Leah’s half ass plan somehow seemed to be working.

  ***

  It continued to work as the next week passed by with us spending progressively more time together. By Thursday night, I convinced Grace to go out with me so we could enact the next part of the plan. “So, you want me to just sit here, checking out girls as they walk by so I can rate them for you?” she asked in disgust, as we sat beside each other in a small bar. “Isn’t that a very heterosexual male thing to do?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “You have a point. But this is for a good cause, so it’s OK.”

  She rolled her eyes at me as I looked around the bar. “Why do I feel like we’re doing this more for you than we are for me?”

  I shushed her and began subtly pointing girls out to see what she thought. By the end of the night, I learned that she was into brunettes with long hair and a build similar to her own. “Pretty much, we’ve learned that you’re into me,” I joked as we walked back to the apartment.

  “Oh, I mean.. I do find you pretty. I just don’t think that we could ever.. you know. Or that I could think of you in that way. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with you. I just…” Grace fumbled over her words, clearly thrown off by my joke.

  “Calm down. I was just messing with you,” I joked. Although, it made me feel strangely hurt to hear her say that she could never be into me. What the hell? When did I start to take things so personally?

  Later that night, after crawling into bed, I heard a knock at my door. “Come in,” I yelled, without bothering to stand.

  Grace opened my door, and her jaw tightened a bit when she noticed that I was already in bed. “Oh I’m sorry,” she mumbled nervously. “I didn’t realize you were going to sleep.”

  “It’s OK. I wasn’t actually planning on going to sleep right away. I figured I would probably masturbate for a while.” I said the words as a way to fluster Grace even more, but now that I had said them out loud, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

  Grace’s eyes darted around my room, desperate to look at anything other than me. “Um. Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to tell you that I decided that I’m ready.”

  I racked my brain trying to figure out what she could possibly be talking about. When I couldn’t think of anything, I simply raised my eyebrows at her in question.

  She cleared her throat a few times, as if she was nervous to say whatever it was that she was apparently ready for. “I’m ready to have sex with someone else.” Her words came out in one swift breath, and she exhaled loudly after finishing, staring at me nervously while she waited for my reply.

  “Hell yeah!” I hollered, pumping my fist in the air to show my excitement.

  Chapter 8: Grace

  Kinsley and I had just walked into the club, and I was already re-thinking this whole one night stand thing. For a brief moment, it seemed like a good idea. God knows I could use a little bit of physical attention. I hadn’t even kissed anyone since being with Becky, and by the end of our relationship, things had really fizzled out between us. I thought we had just gotten busy or too comfortable, but it turned out that she had been getting taken care of by someone else.

  I couldn’t think about that right now, though. The whole point of this endeavor was to try to forget about her. It was also cute, albeit strange, that Kinsley was so excited about this. I never thought someone would be so passionate about getting another person laid, but I was learning that Kinsley was full of surprises.

  “Alright, so there’s a whole process to this. We can’t just have you jumping in the sack with the first person who looks in your direction.” Kinsley’s voice brought me back to reality.

  “I’m honestly not even convinced that I’m going to be jumping in the sack with anybody tonight, let alone just any old person,” I admitted.

  Kinsley’s smile told me that she believed otherwise. “We’ll see about that,” she practically sang. “OK... Step one. We need to have you drink enough to loosen up, but not enough to get drunk. You need to fully remember tonight. That’s the only way this is going to work.”

  She walked up to the bar and ordered two mixed drinks, handing one to me when the bartender brought them over. “I need you to drink this whole thing, but not too quickly. This is a gay bar. They make these things strong. Even I start to feel it after only a drink or two.”

  I took one sip, and my throat immediately started to burn. “You weren’t lying,” I coughed.

  Kinsley took an even bigger sip of her own, without even flinching and followed it up with an aggravating, yet sexy, wink. “Shall we head up to the dance floor?” She turned before I could give her an answer, and I had no choice but to follow her.

  When we arrived upstairs, I had to stop for a moment to take it all in. Having never strayed far from my small hometown, I had yet to experience a gay bar. And boy, was it an experience. Music was pumping from multiple speakers, and tons of strobe lights flashed all the colors of the rainbow throughout the room. There were boys dancing with boys, girls dancing with girls, and of course, boys and girls dancing together. It was a room full of people free to be themselves, and if I hadn’t been on a mission, I probably would have started to cry.

  I felt Kinsley’s elbow push into my side. “Pretty cool, huh?” She leaned in to whisper. The feeling of her breath on my ear caused goosebumps to rise on my arms. Great. If I was having this sort of reaction from someone leaning close to me, how was I ever going to make sex last for more than five minutes?

  I started to walk toward the dance floor, but Kinsley pulled me over to the bar instead. “You can’t just jump right in there. We need to scope things out,” she instructed. “We’re going to play a little game of single, taken, or straight.”

  The game went on until we found our first victims, as Kinsley called them. It was two girls who were dancing together, but Kinsley pointed out that the way their eyes were wandering to other girls on the dance floor proved that they were just friends. “The plan is to go dance close to them and then eventually make our move. Just follow my lead, OK?” I nodded in response to Kinsley’s instruction since it didn’t seem like I had much of a choice.

  Unsure exactly how I was supposed to act, I stood in the middle of the dance floor awkwardly bobbing my head up and down and tapping my foot. Kinsley watched my movements and started to la
ugh. “As cute as that move is, I think you need to lighten up a bit.” She took my hands and placed them on her shoulders, then placed her own hands on my hips. The contact made my skin burn. These drinks really must be strong. We stayed like this for a few minutes, and I followed Kinsley’s lead as we swayed along with the music. When Kinsley moved in close again, the goosebumps immediately returned. “I think we grabbed their attention. It’s time to make our move.”

  With that, she removed her hands from my hips and moved over toward one of the two girls, whispering something into her ear. The girl threw her head back in laughter and soon the two of them were dancing together, leaving her friend alone.

  I slowly and awkwardly made my way over to her. When I was close, I reached my hand out toward her. “Hey there! I’m Grace. It looked like you could use some company since our friends are a bit busy.” I began to laugh nervously, which was followed by a nervous snort. Luckily, the music was drowning me out, so the girl in front of me had missed my whole awkward ramble. She took my outreached hand and used it to pull me closer to her, turning me in the process so she could dance against me from behind. Even though it felt good to finally have human contact, my eyes quickly drifted toward Kinsley. She had her hands on the hips of the girl in front of her and was moving her body in perfect rhythm to the music. I found my own body reacting more to watching her than it was to the feeling of dancing with someone. I continued to watch as Kinsley moved in even closer and placed her mouth next to the girl’s ear. I couldn’t tell exactly what she was doing, but a whole new feeling came over me. It almost felt like jealousy, but that didn’t make sense. Why would I be jealous? Kinsley had asked me which girl I found more attractive and had purposely approached the other one. As I contemplated this, Kinsley’s eyes caught mine, and a smirk came onto her face, which she followed up with a wink. Great. She probably thought I was checking her out, which I totally wasn’t.