Obscured Love

by Delilah Mohan

  I felt Lotus’ body tense behind me, and I wasn’t sure of the correct answer. “Um, yeah . . . maybe. You know what? Let me talk to Janet and Phil and get back at you.” I told him, knowing I needed to first ask Lotus if it was alright, and also knowing I would have to pull out of going to Alexa’s parents like I had been doing for the past few years, even before her death.

  Lotus’ body never really lost its tension throughout the movie. I wanted to reach up and tickle her, grab her hand, lace my fingers with hers, kiss her palm . . . but I couldn’t risk Ben seeing. He was already suspicious enough, and after we left, I figured we had all night to talk about what was on her mind.

  We were an hour into the movie when Ben paused the movie to use the bathroom. As soon as I heard him click the lock, I pulled on her leg, tugging her off the couch and placing her to straddle my legs. “What’s wrong?”

  She rested her head against my chest. “Nothing.”

  “Don’t lie, Blue Eyes, I know you better than that.” I pinched her side and despite the fact that we were in Ben’s apartment and she was sad, her squirming caused my cock to jump in appreciation.

  “Who are Janet and Phil?” Her fingers were playing with the collar of the dress shirt I still wore, since I never went home to change.

  “Alexa’s parents.” I told her, running my hand through her hair.

  “And you still talk to them?” She asked. The question obvious because I had just mentioned that I did, earlier.

  “Yes.”

  “Oh.” Was her simple reply.

  “I don’t talk to my own parents any longer, Lotus. You know this. Janet and Phil have always treated me like I was their son, despite the whole situation, and I respect the shit out of them for not tossing me aside when things got hard.”

  “You never thought to mention to me that you still talk to your ex’s family?” She asked and I wasn’t sure where this was going because I didn’t think something this important should matter, and most certainly shouldn’t turn into a thing.

  “Why would I?” I was genuinely baffled.

  She pulled back and stared at me intently for a moment before getting off my lap. I had a feeling I somehow did something completely wrong, but I couldn’t quite figure out what. Things with us had been wonderful, smooth, perfect . . . hadn’t they?

  “You’re right, it’s none of my business.” I heard her say as she pulled on her sweater. “I’m tired, I’m going to go get some sleep.”

  “Are you going to my place or yours?” I needed to know where I was going later.

  She sighed, a deep body shaking sigh like she was resigning herself to a situation. “I’ll go to your place.”

  “Okay, good. I’ll stay a little longer and then join you, okay? Make sure…” I didn't finish before she cut me off.

  “Make sure I park in the garage so your neighbors don’t know you’re a man whore. I know.” She said as she grabbed her purse, gave me one last look backwards, and slammed the door.

  Right as she left, Ben came out of the bathroom, looking around for his sister. “Where did Lo go?”

  “Home. She was tired.”

  “Her loss, I guess.” He said as he went to his freezer and took out the ice cream she had brought.

  I stayed to finish off the movie, then made an excuse about going home to check on Ruins. I hoped that when I got there, she was going to be in a better mood than when she left. I parked my motorcycle in my driveway, and then closed my fence gate. The house was dark, but it was almost midnight, and I suspected that I might be sleeping alone, after all. If Lotus was here, she would have left a light on.

  I unlocked the door and went inside, Ruins not making a peep. It was unusual for him to be so quiet, but not completely out of the ordinary. I left my shoes by the door and stripped my clothes off as I made my way to my bedroom. It had been a long night, and since Lotus went to her place, most definitely angry at me, I imagined my night would be equally long and filled with restlessness.

  I blindly stumbled my way through my bedroom, to my bathroom, to brush my teeth before making my way to the bed. I pulled back my blanket, shocked to find Ruins taking over my pillow.

  “Shoo, boy, you get the end.” I whispered to him. I don't even know why I whispered, it was just the two of us, but it was dark and being in the dark made me think I needed to be quiet when I spoke.

  He groaned and complained, but got up. Slowly, he stretched and walked the few feet to the end of the bed. I slid under the covers, meeting warmth and skin, and even though no one could see it . . . I smiled. Despite her leaving Ben’s in an angry rush over who knows what, she still came to sleep with me, just like she said she would.

  It wasn’t like all the times Alexa had gone off on a tangent over something small, and then left, not speaking to me for days. Lotus was angry, but she still came. Here. To be with me. I felt that random pain in my chest again, probably a sure sign I needed sleep. I smoothed her crazy curls away from her face, placed a kiss on her cheek, and then wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her tightly into my body. When I was sleeping like this, here, with her... I didn't feel my past trying to grip me so much. I didn't worry that this somewhat mystical sanctuary I had created with her to escape the world, would somehow fade. The thoughts of dying of old age, with no one around to bury my body, didn't seem to plague me. With her here in my arms, the only thing I felt was contentment.

  And I would gladly relive a hundred past, painful days to trade for just one night lying next to her.

  Chapter 20

  LOTUS

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Beckett grabbed my wrist as I was getting out of his bed, yanking it hard enough so that I stumbled back onto the mattress.

  “Well, I had the world’s most unsatisfying sex last night so I’m off to explore these expensive shower heads I heard you installed with your remodel.” I told him as I tried to get up again.

  I heard him growl before the steel of his arm latched on and tightened around my middle. “Oh no you don't! You aren't going anywhere until you tell the truth.”

  I tapped my chin and feigned confusion, “Oh? What truth might that be?”

  The bed shifted and he rolled his weight on top of me. “That the sex you had last night was superb. That you came twice by my mouth alone, and you were begging and screaming my name by the third orgasm you gifted me around my cock.”

  I gave him a sly smile, “Small details.”

  He ground his hips against my core. “Does that feel like small details?”

  I gasped, closing my eyes, completely absorbed in the feel of his bare body rubbing against mine. His lips came down to mine, hovering without actually touching. “Does it?” He whispered.

  I shook my head no, unable to answer through the sensations coursing through my body. Every time. Every time he got this close I was weak, completely helpless to him and he knew it. The bastard thrived on the power he held over me and used at his will.

  “Words baby, I like it when you use words.” His breath fanned against me and I tried to reach my mouth up, searching for his. “Nope, say the words first.”

  I sighed heavily, “Fine. It wasn't the worst.” His eyebrow rose and he waited, “Okay . . . it was a solid five out of ten.”

  He brought his nose down, rubbing it gently against mine. “I think you can do better than that.” He whispered.

  “If you were an escort service, I might give you a three-star Yelp review.” His hand went to my side and his long fingers began to tickle me.

  “That's not good enough.” He growled.

  “Well, because the sex wasn't good enough.” I was laughing hard, squirming under him from the tickling assault.

  “Try to think about last night a little harder baby, I think your memory is fogged.” I couldn't stand the tickling much longer, but the torture to his ego was oh, so sweet.

  “Four, I'll give you a four-star review!” I screamed as his hand found the spot just behind my knee.

  �
�Four! That's all you can say? I need better feedback than that if you want the tickling to stop.”

  I squealed so loud I'm sure the neighbors heard me. “Fine! You win, okay!”

  The tickling stopped. “What was that? I couldn't hear you over all your screaming.”

  “I said you win, five-star performance. You're a God!” His hands left my knee and traveled slowly up my side.

  “Just a god?” He questioned.

  “Not just a god, The God. In fact, I got a call from Hera, she's seemed to misplace Zeus. I told her I’ll return him when I'm done.”

  “Does Hera get jealous?” He gave my lips a quick peck. “Or does she like the thought of Zeus’ adventurous side?”

  I bucked my hips up, “A strong gal like Hera? I doubt she would turn away from any adventure.”

  “Yeah?” His eyes were shining with playfulness.

  “Yeah.” I breathlessly replied, just moments before his lips came down and gently caressed mine. His hands cradled my head, fingers tangled in my hair, and if this was what it felt like to be cherished, I wished it to never end.

  But it did end, all too soon, when he broke the connection of our lips and rested his forehead upon mine. “I want to stay in bed all day with you.”

  “But I thought Thanksgiving dinner was your favorite meal.” I lazily stroked his back.

  “I can think of one other meal I like more.” He said, and although I couldn't visibly see it, I heard the smile in his voice.

  I shoved his shoulders playfully, “I have to go. I’m helping cook at the shelter. I already promised to spend some time with them today and I would never let those girls down.”

  “They can't do for you what I can.”

  “Well, I haven't tried it but I'm sure they could if they were really determined and relations weren't against volunteer policy.” I told him in a matter of fact tone. I flipped him over and straddled his hips. “But seriously, I have to get ready soon if I don't want to be late.”

  I gave him one last long kiss before getting out of bed, taking the hand he held up with me. We took a shower together because he insisted he didn't like to shower alone anymore. It was sweet really, him insisting our showers be shared every morning, even when all we were doing was prepping for our day instead of exploring each other's bodies.

  He brought me breakfast while I got ready, a bagel and cream cheese and a large vanilla iced coffee. I picked out my clothes from the half of the closest he designated for me, and by the time I was ready for the day, he had just arrived back from walking Ruins.

  I reached down and patted Ruins’ head affectionately. “Are you riding with me later?” He gave me a funny, confused look. “To my parents. It’s Thanksgiving.”

  He shook his head. “No. We can’t ride together Lo, you know how that will look.”

  I’m pretty sure my face reflected the level of dumb I felt his answer contained. “It would look like two people, riding in the car, saving gas.”

  “No, we can’t have them thinking we are in a relationship. If they see us pull up together then they are bound to start questioning, especially Ben. At the very least, they will assume we came from the same place and then wonder what we were doing there together.”

  I tried hard not to roll my eyes, “I know you want to keep this thing a secret, for whatever ridiculous reason you have, but seriously. I think you are overreacting just a tad bit.” I held up my fingers so he could see me spread them apart a smidgen of a space.

  “I’m just playing it safe. Your brother has already given us suspicious eyes. All I need is for him to find out I’ve been nailing his sister every night.”

  “Oh yeah, sure. I understand.” I said breezily, “War, hunger, famine, floods . . . those are all tiny, insignificant things in comparison to my brother finding out that two consenting adults have recreational sex.”

  “You’re making this into something it’s not.” His tone was serious and I knew I better drop it because his insecurities were not my issues to address, they were his. I couldn't fix what he so clearly didn’t feel was broken. So instead, I grabbed the waistband of his jeans and pulled him closer to me, leaning my head against his shoulder.

  “So, you will meet me at my parents’ house around three then?” I lifted my head and rose on my toes to kiss his jaw.

  His fingers danced lightly over the skin on my hip, “I’ll be there. I’ll even wear my feasting pants.”

  I laughed. “Feasting pants, eh?”

  “What? You don’t wear feasting pants?” He winked at me and my heart did this weird stutter that it always did whenever he looked at me with happiness instead of conflict. “You know, pants made to withstand the stretch of not just second helpings, but third helpings and pie.”

  “We call them yoga pants, and we wear them for a week solid at least once a month.” I replied.

  He gave me a thoughtful look before shrugging and leaning down to kiss my nose. “I’ll see you at three. Don’t be late because I won’t save you a plate.” He pinched my ass before giving it a smack. I yelped and he quickly silenced it with a kiss before pulling away and pushing me toward the door. “You’re going to be late.”

  I was going to be late, but I didn’t mind so much knowing that the cause of my tardiness was kissing his irresistible lips. He watched me as I walked to his garage, got in my car and pulled down his driveway, waving at me as he opened his gate for me to leave. It was things like this . . . opening his gate, buying me breakfast, sharing his showers that had me so damn confused about this weird affection, this obscured love that we insisted on dangerously dancing around.

  It was a dangerous dance and neither of us was ready to sit it out. Someone was going to get hurt and I could guarantee it would be me, but like a moth to the flame, I was sucked into the orbit that surrounded him. Consumed by the whirlwind of everything that made him tick, act, and be and there was no way to escape, at least not in the foreseeable future. Can I admit I was scared? So fucking terrified of exactly which pieces would be left of me to put back together, who exactly I would become when he finally decided it was okay to crush my soul and walk away, completely unscathed.

  I suspected it wasn't just Beckett that stood in the way of us, but the memory of his beloved Alexa that he couldn’t get past. The jealous part of me wanted to know what it was that she had that I lacked. Why could he love her whole-heartedly, but he couldn't even hold my hand in public for fear people might think he had feelings for me? I was being petty and I knew it, because he told me from the start that he didn't do relationships and I couldn't expect that to change just because every waking hour that we weren't at work, we spend together.

  I was a few blocks away from West Gates Women’s Shelter when my phone rang. Clicking the button on my steering wheel, my phone connected onto the speaker system and Auggie’s voice filled my car. “Hey, darlin’, can you talk?”

  I smiled, knowing that he couldn’t see me. “Always have time to talk with you. What’s going on?’

  “Would you laugh if I told you I’m watching the parade on T.V. like I’m five?” he told me.

  “Would you laugh if I told you I’m recording it to watch later?”

  “I would never laugh at you. Are you picking me up this afternoon?” he asked, getting right to the point of his call. Auggie, for all his great skills and abilities, talking more than needed wasn’t one of them.

  “For?”

  He huffed out some air, “Thanksgiving. Your mom invited me last week.”

  Ha, nice of her to let me know she was taking in the neighborhood strays. Not that I minded, I loved Auggie and I loved Beck and to me they both would always be family. “She didn’t mention it. What’s wrong with Betty?”

  “Betty is in the shop. Ben was going to pick me up but something came up about an emergency repair on one of his client’s systems. I gave up listening and just went with the ‘I’ll meet you there’ response.” I could relate, I couldn't keep up with nerd speak either.

 
“Gotcha. I’m at the shelter and I should be done here in a few hours so I’ll pick you up a little before three.” I didn’t have to tell him what shelter I was at, he knew. He was the one who set me up volunteering through his contacts. He was a big, silent donor and on occasion, he did work on some of the girls who had stayed there, helping them regain the confidence they lost from their past relationships.

  “I’ll be ready. How do you like it there?”

  “Love it. Love the people and made a few new friends.” This was completely true. Everyone there were so welcoming and it broke my heart to know that they had suffered such pain.

  “Good, I’ll let you go. See you around three, don’t be late. Your mom can only save me a turkey leg for so long before your brother sneaks off with it.” I chuckled as he hung up the phone. It reminded me of a similar conversation earlier when Beckett told me not to be late, as well.

  I parked my car behind the kitchen entrance of the gated building. Some of the girls were busy unloading last minute groceries from the car when I pulled up, so I offered to help. It took us all two trips, but once the car was unloaded and the groceries laid out, everyone took on tasks to help prepare the meals for the twenty women and their numerous young.

  Riya and I got put on pie duty, which was lucky for them because rumor had it I made a killer pie . . . family’s secret recipe, if I told you I would have to kill you type thing. Riya had to be my favorite of the gals I met there. At first, she was quiet, but over the last few weeks I had really seen her open up and take on more responsibility.

  She didn't talk about her past at all, but from what I could gather, her husband was an abusive, power-hungry asshole, all of which was evident by the glimpses of white scars I’d seen marring her beautiful olive skin, and the way she flinched at unexpected movements or loud noises. He couldn't hurt her now though, not like he would actually be able to find her. Even if he did, there was eight feet of fence, topped with barbed wire and a security access code to pass before he could even get close to the building.