Obscured Love

by Delilah Mohan

  Having two of us working on the pies made it go much faster than being a solo pie maker. She peeled and cut the apples while I made the crust and rolled it out before placing it in the pan. We seasoned the apples, poured them in, then used leftover dough to make some lattices over the top. After setting it in the oven, we helped the mashed potato team peel the never-ending bags of potatoes.

  Hanging out with the girls was fun and completely eye opening. The world around us, the people around us, could be cruel, and those women had all been on the receiving end of the world’s brutal truths, yet they were all strong. Each one dealing with their own impossible feats and still managing to pull out on top, to be a bigger, better person, despite the world telling them they couldn't. Each time I came over, they always thanked me, and maybe that hit a little close to my heart because I couldn’t help but thank them back. I thanked them because the girl time brought me joy, the kids brought me hope, and the good that the program was doing here gave me some optimism that maybe humanity wasn't as bad off as it seemed from the outside.

  I was having so much fun that I didn’t even realize it was a little past two thirty, until one of the kids came in and asked how much longer until he got to eat. I glanced at my watch and cringed. “If you could wait another hour or so, I’m sure the turkey will be ready soon.” I told him and sent him back toward the playroom, where a mass of kids were busy building towers, playing video games, and coloring an array of beautiful pictures.

  I made it a point to hug each of the girls and say my goodbyes, letting them know that each of them mattered to me, because they did and they needed to know that. By the time I got to Auggie’s, I was already late, but he came out quickly once I honked the horn. He jumped in my passenger seat, buckled his seat belt and announced, “You’re late.”

  I quirked my lips, “I know.”

  “If I don’t get my turkey leg, you are making me a whole turkey.”

  “Says who?” I looked over at him like he was crazy.

  “Says me.” He answered matter-of-factly, and he was right. He knew if he applied enough guilt, I probably would make him a whole turkey, all the sides, and a dessert. He folded his arms, sitting back in the seat smugly. Bastard.

  We were late, but only by fifteen minutes. In the scheme of the day, I didn’t think fifteen minutes made that much difference. That was until I walked into my parents’ backyard, making eye contact with what seemed to be a rather agitated Beckett, and remembered that to Beck, carpooling was a sure sign of intimacy. I rolled my eyes internally. I plastered on a fake smile and prepared myself for what I could only assume would be an afternoon of intense taunting foreplay.

  Beckett Fucking Cole, you jealous bastard, show me what you’ve got.

  Chapter 21

  BECKETT

  I stood in the driveway watching Lotus leave and I was torn. I wanted more for her than this, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn’t cut the fucking string but I also couldn't step up to the plate, either. Limbo. I was in limbo, and if there was any worst place to be, then stuck between heaven and hell, I would like to know about it because there was no sweet satisfaction in my suffering.

  I shut the gate a little rougher than I intended, but hearing the slamming wood and metal eased my frustrations a little. I’m not a violent person, really, but the feelings being invoked by this girl were becoming impossible to suppress, and fuck, I needed some more outlets because I could only run out my frustrations for so long. There were only so many times I could work Lotus over each night before we collapsed in exhaustion, or so many times I could bury myself under piles of contracts at work just to try to escape.

  I needed a distraction, a big one, because it would be hours before I could see my girl again and didn't that just fucking suck. I wanted to keep her away but couldn't stand the distance all at the same time. Like God himself heard my thought and was sending me his own personal message, my phone rang in my pocket. I dug it out, looking at the screen and the name that flashed and silently cursed.

  It was Janet, Alexa’s mother, and if that wasn't a sign from above, I'm not sure what would be. I took a deep breath and clicked the green button to accept. Holding it up to my ear, I began walking back toward my front door. “Hello.”

  “Hey son, Happy Thanksgiving.” I felt a tug of guilt course through my stomach. What would they think of me, knowing I was spending my nights with Lotus? I hadn't moved on; moving on would be acceptance, and I wasn't ready to accept my past a hundred percent yet. I didn't want to believe in the truth. Even though I knew Alexa was right and I would never be good enough for a girl like Lotus, I wanted to walk this tight wire for just a little longer.

  “Right back at ya. I’m sorry I couldn't make it your way. Some things came up at work and Ben’s family invited me over so I figured it would just be easier this way.” I shut my front door behind me and walked into my living room to sit on the couch.

  “Don’t worry about it. I know you're a grown boy and have your own life now. I’m just glad that you remember to call us from time to time.” I swear I felt my chest jolt with the theoretical knife she just jammed into it. I hadn't been intentionally neglectful, but I hadn't gone out of my way to call, knowing that each phone call brought up guilt that I wasn't strong enough to repeatedly deal with.

  “Janet, you're going to break my heart here, love.” I told her, loving the way I could practically hear the blush when she giggled.

  “I see you still have the charm my girl loved so much.” The phone went silent, carrying a heavy awkwardness that neither of us knew how to break. Finally, she broke the lull, “We were thinking about taking the RV out in your direction, next month sometime.”

  I smiled, “Is that so? And whose idea was this? I bet Phil doesn't even know.”

  “But he will.” And I knew Phil would agree. Married since they were eighteen, I had never seen two people more in love. I used to be envious of the happiness they emitted because that was what I was supposed to have, to share, with Alexa. But I was glad they were happily in love, they deserved it.

  “That’s what I thought! Just call me and let me know when you’re coming. I’ll set up a room for you.”

  “Of course we would call first, I know how busy you are. I have to go, the oven’s beeping, but I didn’t want to let this day go by without letting you know I’m thinking of you, and that no matter what, you are family.” Her reminder sent electricity straight to my heart and I’m pretty sure it added some pep to its beat.

  “Thanks Janet. I appreciate the reminder, more than you know. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and tell Phil that next time, he won’t get so lucky, because I’ll be there and I will fight ... and win for the best cuts of meat.”

  Janet laughed. “I’ll tell him. Have a good day, love you kid.” She hung up before she heard me whisper that I loved her too.

  The rest of the morning and into the afternoon was spent hanging out with Ruins, doing some laundry, and working on some house projects. Lotus kept saying she couldn’t reach the laundry room shelf so I installed a lower one, and since she always walked from the garage to the house at night, I installed a motion sensor light so she could see her surroundings better. I mean, I was usually home and I went out to greet her, but occasionally I worked late and then I sat at my desk worrying.

  I went to the Bishops’ a little early, and just as I was getting off my motorcycle, Bentley pulled up. He parked his car in front of the house and walked up to me, meeting me halfway to the walkway. “Glad you could make it, man. You know how my mom likes feeding people.”

  “I know it! Thanks for the invite.” We did one of those man hug things that aren’t quite a hug but aren't just a handshake either, before I followed him inside, basking in the aroma of roasted turkey, apple pie, sweet potatoes, and everything that screamed holiday meal. Heaven. The scent of Thanksgiving is completely heavenly.

  I spent time catching up with Mr. Bishop. Apparently, his car dealership was doing well and he was thinking of
retiring in the next few years. Now he was waiting for Bentley to give him some grandchildren because he had always had a dream of continuing on with tradition and naming his grandkids Mercedes or Ford. I nearly choked on my appetizer, but I was thankful that these were his dreams for Ben and not Lotus, because there was no way I would name my daughter Mercedes. Fuck, what was I even thinking? Lotus and I weren't ever having kids together, this was just a temporary, fun arrangement, but sometimes it was hard to remember what was real and what wasn't. Maybe my reality was blurred. Wasn't that what happened sometimes with Alexa? I decided to look into a doctor sometime, just to get checked out. I took out my phone, making a note in my reminders of my calendar to do just that.

  He started asking me if I was seeing anyone and when I was planning to add to his grandchildren as well. Even though I’m not blood, I’m still like a son which was touching and also, equally disturbing. If he only knew the positions I’d had his little girl in, I’m positive he would have castrated me. Ben picked this moment to save me and I was incredibly thankful for his timing.

  We went out back to play some basketball and it was then that I noticed it was close to three and Lotus hadn’t arrived yet. I wasn’t trying to be paranoid because I knew she was out there doing a good thing, but I also knew what it was like to worry myself sick for days straight, wondering when a loved one would surface. I didn’t realize I kept checking my watch, but apparently, Ben did because he finally asked if I was waiting for anyone. I gave him the first lie that came to my head and told him I was starving and was just wondering when food would be done. He shrugged and threw the ball at my chest, effectively distracting me until the moment she arrived, fifteen minutes late, tugging the hand of Gus behind her as she entered the backyard. She made eye contact with me and smiled a devilish smile. I knew a game was about to begin, but hell if I knew what side I was on.

  She didn’t let his hand go as she walked up to us and yeah, that made me furious. I knew she didn’t belong to me but hell, she didn't have to be all over him in front of me, either. “Hey guys, sorry we were late, I left a little later than anticipated, then I was late picking up Auggie.” Her eyes found mine and I knew she could see my annoyance because what the fuck was she doing, carpooling with him, then walking around holding his hand? People were going to think they were in a relationship or something. That was what it fucking looked like to me and I didn't care if they wanted my opinion about this whole situation, I would have liked to see them try to stop me.

  “What happened to that piece of shit I saw you driving? Couldn’t trust the junker to make it twenty miles without leaving your muffler on the side of the road?”

  The bastard had the decency to smirk at me. “I’m getting some upgrades done. She’s in the shop.” I saw him squeeze her hand tighter between his fingers, and then gave me a fucking wink. I swear, if I had been at any other place, I would have taken this fucker down.

  “I talked to Lotus earlier and she didn’t mention picking you up. If I would have known, I would have taken my truck and got you for her, saved her the trip.”

  Gus snorted like this was funny and it wasn’t. There wasn’t a single thing funny about him trying to steal my girl right out from under me. Best friends my fucking ass, this guy wanted her. How could he not? She was fucking sexy as hell and she had curves that could bring a man to his knees. Literally. I’d been there.

  “I’m sure she didn’t mind the extra trip, did you, darlin’?” He asked her, and she shook her head, smiling at him and it gutted me. Seeing her smiling up at him like he hung the moon tore out my insides and spilled them on the floor in front of us.

  I didn’t get a change to say anything more, despite the fact that I wanted to, because Mrs. Bishop came outside to let us know food was ready. Lotus turned around with a smirk on her face and walked the gimpy, hobbling asshole into the house. I knew I was being unfair, I didn't even know why he limped around like he was a sixty-year-old refusing to use a cane, but what I did know was the way she was fawning over him made him enemy number one in my book. There was no playing nice when your greatest competition was five feet away. I wondered if she would notice if I tripped him.

  The food was set out covering the entire kitchen counter. It smelled delicious and looked divine. “Go ahead and serve yourselves, kids, I already put drinks out on the table.” Mrs. Bishop told us as she carried two plates toward their dining room.

  I was already digging into the mashed potatoes before I realized Lotus was beside me with two plates. “Didn’t I feed you this morning?” I whispered close to her ear.

  “One of these is Auggie’s.” she replied, holding up a plate, and didn’t that piss me off that my girl was serving him and that she knew his food preferences. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that she wasn't really my girl, but despite my best efforts, I still felt like I had some claim over her. We did share a bed every night and a shower every morning, not to mention at least one meal a day.

  “He can’t make his own plate of food?” My whisper sounded harsh to my ears.

  “Why? Jealous?” She countered. “He can make his own food but Mom noticed his leg is acting up so she told him to sit and asked me to do it for him.”

  “So he has won over your mother already, too?” I sounded bitter and I knew it, but how could everyone love him so much when he so obviously was the wrong choice for her?

  “He’s always had my mom’s love, just like you.” She poked me in the side and walked away, juggling two overflowing plates. I watched her set one in front of him, and then run her hand over the top of his hair, something I loved when she did to me, before sitting down beside him. I nearly gagged when he smiled and tossed her one of his fucking generic “thank you, darlin’”s. Please insert an eye roll.

  I nearly wrestled Ben for the spot on the other side of Lotus, pretending I didn’t see he was two seconds from setting down his plate as I rushed to place mine on the table first. He gave me an odd look, shrugged his shoulders and moved to the next chair over. Good, it was plain to see that the spot next to Lotus belonged to me, it had always been my spot. I mean, when I came over as a kid this was my spot, that was all . . . why change a habit now?

  Turned out, the spot next to Lotus was prime fucking seating, definitely worth any annoyed look Ben had given me. I realized this the moment I felt her little hands snake over my denim clad leg and run along my inner thigh. I sucked in a sharp breath, my back becoming instantly straighter as the whole table listened intently to Mr. Bishop replay his latest adventure with deer hunting.

  I looked at her from the corner of my eye, her face a mask of complete fascination while her naughty little hand snaked upward, then back down, stopping at my knee to give it a squeeze. I bit my lip, fighting the urge to squirm. She knew what she was doing, and by the glint I saw in her eye, I would bet she was enjoying every second of my discomfort.

  The subjects changed around the table but her hand remained consistent, taunting, teasing, driving me to the brink of insanity, but not taking me to the paradise I was ready to beg for. She just sat there. Her chin in her palm, staring interestedly at the speakers, inserting comments and questions appropriately all the while I was dying. Physically dying. So damn turned on by the feel of her nails scraping over the denim, teasing my thighs.

  I nearly screamed in thankfulness when it was suggested we move to the living room so everyone could hang out and chat in a more comfortable setting. Pulling my shirt low, I was the first one to dispose of my plate and find a spot in the living room, hoping that no one noticed the raging hard on I was sporting, or the fact that Lotus had me sweating like it was summer in Phoenix instead of a chilly California fall.

  I sat on the love seat, expecting Lotus to sit next to me. Her family piled in, followed by Gus who sat in an arm chair. When Lotus entered, the very last to come into the room, she looked directly at me and then sat on the arm of Gus’ chair. I watched it all in slow motion as she sat on the chair and his admittedly muscled arm
slung behind her back. She leaned back into him and I swear I didn’t know what game she was playing, or what angle he was aiming for, but this shit wasn’t working for me. The fucking lopsided grin he beamed my way told me he knew just too well how I felt about it too.

  I spent an hour watching him intentionally pull on her curls, lazily twirling them in his fingers, and using his eyes to challenge me and I admit, I was fucking challenged. The whole Bishop family went out of their way to eat up every fucking word he muttered . . . I say muttered because the fucker barely made the effort to talk . . . and still they were ready to hand over a dowry and declare her his. She wasn't even fucking his . . . didn't they know a wild spirit like hers couldn't belong to anyone? She was only snuggling up to him to drive me mad, and it was working. It was so fucking working.

  I was temporarily drawn out of my scowl when I heard Lotus ask her dad about her old projector. As a kid, she used to make us watch movies outside on this dinosaur projector she had gotten from her grandparents, and I was sort of shocked it still existed.

  “I think it’s in the garage.” Mr. Bishop said as Lotus stood, stretching, exposing a delicious amount of skin above her waistline.

  “I’m going to go look for it.” She said and I watched as Gus stood to follow and she pushed him back down. “You stay, you shouldn’t be on your leg. Don’t give me that look, you may intimidate a whole shop of men but you don’t scare me one bit, Augustus.”

  The satisfaction that coursed through me at her rejection of his help was palpable, but it wasn't like I could just jump up and follow her after she insisted she got it. I watched her walk away, swinging that sweet ass in the most mesmerizing way, and then I waited. I waited through Bentley’s geek story about the hilariousness of a client confusing Star Trek and Star Wars and an in depth detailing of how he explained the so obvious differences between the two. (Really, I still didn't get it). Then it was followed by a story from memory lane which then turned to a dramatic retelling of Lotus’ nightmare date with Eugene.