Sacred Surrender

by Ava Riley

  Rowan stopped dead in his tracks when instead of the bell ringing again there was a knock at the door. Only one person he knew ever knocked. And that was a person he really had no desire to see, ever again. He breathed in a cleansing breath, prepared himself for the worst, and opened the door. Erin stood before him looking as beautiful as always, at least on the exterior. He knew what lay inside her was a heart as black as a moonless night. He hadn’t seen her since the day of their wedding, or at least the wedding that should have been.

  “Erin?” He said without any emotion.

  “Hi Rowan.”

  “Is there a reason you are here?” Rowan asked with as much bitterness in his voice as he could. He shook his head in disbelief. The bitch really had the nerve to show up at his door.

  “I needed to drop off your things. I finally got around to unpacking the rest of my boxes. I came across a few items of yours that ended up in one of them.”

  Erin handed him a small red shoe box. She came all the way over to his place to give him a box that weighed the equivalent of a tea bag? Rowan walked out of the house out onto the porch. Allowing Erin and Tessa to be in the same room only spelled disaster. He was not about to put his sister through that. He could give a rat’s ass about how Erin felt. Closing the door, he walked around her, being sure to not even touch her in the slightest bit.

  “Thanks for bringing over my things. You really didn’t need to. Apparently, they aren’t things I was missing too much.”

  “It’s not a problem. I was actually hoping we could talk, though.”

  “I have nothing to talk to you about, Erin.”

  “I wanted to apologize, Rowan, for what happened between us.”

  “It’s really pointless, don’t you think.?” She’d already broken his heart and honestly he was ready to move on.

  “Can’t you find it in your heart to forgive me and give us a chance?”

  Rowan rubbed at the back of his neck, standing in disbelief at the words that had just come from Erin. She had a lot of nerve to stand before him, asking to give them a chance. She was the one that stepped over the line; she was the one that thought only of herself not giving a second thought to how her actions would affect him.

  “I have forgiven you, Erin, for myself, not for you. And when I placed that engagement ring on your finger we had a chance.”

  Everything within in him wanted to pick her up and throw her ass off his porch, but he’d never touch a woman in a violent way, not even his sister when they were kids. She’d already changed so much of the person he was; he wouldn’t let her push him to that. She’d already taken so much from him and he wouldn’t give her any more.

  “You can’t tell me you still don’t love me, Rowan, I know you do,” she said as if he didn’t have a choice in the matter.

  “Erin, if I had to choose between hell and you, I’d gladly take hell any day of the week. The woman I fell in love with doesn’t exist any longer.”

  Rowan turned from her when he saw that the real Erin was about to show her ugly face. He glanced over towards Madison’s place. He couldn’t help himself; he was drawn to her, even though she was nowhere to be found. He would much rather be in her presence than the woman standing on his porch. Unfortunately, he wasn’t and probably had ruined his chances with Madison. Rowan was caught up in his thoughts about Madison when he felt Erin’s heated glare boring into the back of his head. He turned quickly to face her.

  “What?” He asked irritated that she was still standing there.

  “It’s just like you, Rowan, to not pay attention to someone who is talking to you. Jesus, I don’t know why I came over here. I don’t know why I even try with you.”

  “I don’t know why you try either Erin, I have no desire at all to be with you, or to have you in my life. You made your choice of where our relationship would end up when you tried to get Cade into our bed. Deal with it, just like I’ve had to do.”

  “Damn it, you are the most frustrating man,” she huffed as she walked down the stairs to her car.

  “So I’ve heard,” he mumbled as he turned to go back inside.

  Cade and Tessa were walking out of the house as Erin slid into her car, hurriedly driving off. Tessa gave Rowan a look that would’ve raised the dead, but he quickly raised his hand to stop any remarks she may have for him. Shaking his head, he waited for them to descend the stairs. Their stay was much shorter than he expected. He’d be a liar if he said he was disappointed that they were leaving so soon. He loved them both, but he was happy for the peace and quiet that awaited him. After finally saying their goodbyes, with him reminding Tessa not to get on the death machine known as a motorcycle he watched them drive off. Rowan went inside to make himself an early dinner.

  Chapter 6

  Every morning the past week, Rowan took his run at the same time as when he’d bumped into Madison on the beach last week in hopes of seeing her again. He’d not had any luck the entire week. As a matter of fact, he’d not even seen her the times he’d gone to sit on the porch or to run errands. He was in and out throughout the day, but no sign of her. It seemed almost as if she were trying to avoid him. Hell, maybe she was. The way he made an ass of himself with her, he wouldn’t blame her one bit.

  Madison shuffled her feet down the hall from her bedroom to the kitchen. She had just this weekend before she started work. She had worked her tail off to get her house in order so she could enjoy the next couple days just relaxing. Really, she killed two birds with one stone by doing so. Her house was exactly the way she wanted it and her mind had stayed off of Rowan. Well, at least it had stayed off of him for the most part. A couple days she had gotten up early to go for a run, but stopped when she saw him jogging towards the beach. She had no desire to share the beach or a run with him. Damn, but the man could make her body ache just by looking at him. Too many times, she found herself licking her lips, wishing she could lick every inch of his succulent body. His broad shoulders perfect for anchoring herself as she wrapped her legs around his waist, his chest and abs adorned with muscled ridges that descended below the waist of his shorts and that wisp of hair below his navel that beckoned her.

  She shook her head to clear her mind once she realized she was standing in the very center of the kitchen, unmoving except for the quivering between her thighs. She needed coffee and, damn it, she was going for a run this morning no matter the consequences of seeing him. Her body needed to release the tension that had been building the last week. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone so long between runs. After gulping down a cup of her favorite coffee, she dressed quickly. Maybe if she hurried she’d miss Rowan altogether. With her iPod attached to her arm and keys in hand, she headed out the door. Turning to place the key in the lock to secure the door, she saw the white folded notebook paper taped to the wood. MADISON was scribbled in perfect print. As she read her name, she felt goosebumps spring up all over her body. These weren’t the kind of goosebumps she gets when she’s cold, but the kind she got from excitement streaming through her body. She felt them from the tips of her toes to the top of her head; her scalp tingled with the sensation of fingers massaging her as visions of Rowan engulfed her mind. Her heart stuttered as she read his words.

  Madison,

  I think we got off to the wrong start and I’d like to make it up to you. If you would do me the honor of meeting me for lunch, I would appreciate it. Meet me at Joe’s Crab Shack on the boardwalk at noon, it’s a hole in the wall, but they have the best seafood in town.

  Rowan

  Son of a bitch, the man was going to do her in. She didn’t want to see him she tried to convince herself. That’s why she stayed holed up in her house all week, wasn’t it? As a matter of fact, she didn’t want to have anything to do with him at all; at least that’s what she kept telling herself throughout the week. Hell, maybe she should just meet him for lunch, what did she have to lose, other than possibly her pride and what little self esteem she had left. He was right though, they had gotte
n off to a bad start and it was partly her fault. He’d only asked her to lunch, nothing more, and they’d be in a restaurant full of people. What was the harm in that? She’d meet him, but if she was going to meet him in time she needed to get a move on it. She put her earplugs in, cranked the music, and headed up the beach at a steady jog.

  The morning breeze drifted across Madison’s face while the wet sand gave way to every step she took. As she ran, it reminded her of the movie Chariots of Fire making her feel like she could conquer the world, at least the world that was Rowan. She’d meet him and she’d stop acting as if she knew nothing about the opposite sex.

  Madison made it back to her house just in time to jump in the shower so she could make herself decent. She pulled her long dark hair into a ponytail, after pulling on a pair of faded denim jeans and a navy blue polo shirt that tapered at the waist. Slipping on her pink flip flops that found their place by the front door, she snatched up her keys, heading out as quickly as she could to the boardwalk. She knew where she was going, she just wasn’t sure of where Joe’s Crab Shack sat. It took her longer to find a parking space than it did to find Joe’s. She hadn’t expected it to be so busy during the week, but she figured tourists made their way here year round, so that must have contributed to the full parking lot. Rowan was right, it did look like a hole in the wall and it sat smack dab in the middle of the boardwalk.

  Madison pressed her hands against her jeans, trying to wipe away the nervousness that coated her palms. As soon as she caught sight of Rowan, everything and everyone around her blurred out of focus while her breath caught in her throat. Standing tall, he sported a pair of khakis with a black button up shirt that stretched tight against his muscled chest. His blonde hair stood on end making him look like he could grace the front cover of a GQ magazine. Suddenly, she felt underdressed. Apparently, hole in the wall in California meant something completely different than in Kansas. In Kansas, it meant hurry the hell up and throw something on, but in California it meant look as damn hot as you possibly can, standing around while every woman that glances your way fucks you with their eyes.

  What the hell was she getting herself into? This man was too much for her. If she knew what was best for her, she’d turn around before he noticed her and forget about him all together. She never was one to know what was good for her though. So, there she stood staring at him with the same fuck me eyes as all the other women on the boardwalk. She wasn’t certain how long she’d been standing there before she realized he was looking right at her, smiling and walking towards her. The smile on his face melted her heart, making her want to do nothing other than to fall at his feet and worship him for it.

  “You made it. Thank you for coming.”

  “I did, but I wish you would have let me know the dress code, I’m a little underdressed, apparently.”

  Rowan looked down at himself and realized what it must look like. Normally, he wouldn’t dress like this for Joe’s, but one of the doctors called in so he went in for a few hours to help out this morning. He didn’t have time to go home to change, otherwise, he would have.

  “You are perfect the way you are. I, unfortunately, am the one that is a little overdressed. I had to go in to work this morning for a few hours. So much for my vacation, huh?”

  “Oh.” Madison felt her cheeks flush with heat. She could only imagine that the blood rushing to her face was setting off a bright red glow, which only made her more embarrassed.

  Rowan drew on every ounce of self control that he had to keep himself from stroking Madison’s cheek. He absolutely loved when her face lit up with embarrassment. Her beauty was magnified by the color in her cheeks and he wanted to place his lips on each one.

  Slow, Rowan. Take this slow and don’t screw it up.

  “Shall we go in? This place looks like it should be condemned, but they have the best seafood on the West Coast.”

  “Great. Thank you for the invitation.”

  “It’s my pleasure,” Rowan nodded as he put his hand on the small of her back to lead her into the restaurant.

  Madison felt a tingle make its way up her spine from the gentle touch of his fingers. Heat pooled between her thighs, making her face flush once again. She couldn’t remember ever having such a reaction from a simple touch, hell, she couldn’t even remember if any other man had ever made her feel heat in the vicinity of her nether region. She was afraid Rowan would notice, but apparently he hadn’t because he kept walking with his hand on her back. She was jerked from thoughts of her over-heating core when he opened the door to an aroma like she’d never experienced before. The multitude of fragrances of served seafood filled her nostrils, making her stomach ache. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she walked through the door, finding her body reacting to the aroma. A beautiful young blonde gave them a square electronic coaster to signal when their table would be ready. She let them know they’d have a thirty minute wait, which was going to be an eternity of utter awkwardness for Madison. She was never good at talking to men in a group much less one on one. To top it off, a man who made her feel things she never felt before. Rowan led them to a red bench running along the wall, taking his place next to her on the bench. He turned to her as if to say something when an older man walked up to them.

  “Rowan, how are you my man?” The man said as he heartily shook Rowan’s hand.

  “Joe. Looks like business is treating you well.”

  “That it is, that it is.”

  Joe reminded Madison of her own father. He stood a good six one, with salt and pepper hair and a demeanor that made her want to wrap her arms around him. She noticed when he spoke to Rowan his face lit up, causing her to wonder about the relationship the two shared. Before she knew it, she and Rowan were being led to a secluded table sitting in the very back of the small restaurant. Joe shook Rowan’s hand before the two of them slid into the red vinyl lined booth, one on each side. He placed two small tri-fold, worn menus in front of them, winked at Madison before telling them to enjoy their meal then quickly strolling out of the back room leaving them alone. Madison watched him until he was out of her line of sight, turning back to Rowan to find him watching her. The heated look he gave her, made her squirm in her seat. She absently twirled the end of her silk dark hair, nervously trying to figure out an intelligent conversation to have with him.

  “He seems like a pleasant man,” she finally got out trying to cool herself down somewhat.

  “Joe? Yeah, he’s a great guy. I used to work here during medical school. He was very understanding when I needed time off to study and always made sure this struggling student was fed.”

  “He reminds me of my dad. He was that kind of man too.”

  “Was?” Rowan asked with caution in his voice.

  “Yeah, he passed away a few years ago.” Madison hoped that he hadn’t heard the tremble in her voice. Talking about her dad without getting emotional had always been hard for her.

  Rowan reached over, grabbing her fingers from her hair and resting their hands on the center of the table. Gently stroking the skin between her thumb and index finger, his gaze bore into hers. “I’m sorry for your loss. It’s never easy losing someone you love.”

  Madison was taken aback by the compassion that filled his words and voice. Something deep inside told her he had himself experienced such a loss. She sat and waited for him to elaborate, but it never happened. A million things ran through her mind as to what kind of loss he experienced. Was it a lover, a wife? God, she realized how much she didn’t know about him and how much she wanted to know.

  A waitress, who looked to be in her mid forties, leisurely strolled over to them with two glasses of water placing them down haphazardly, spilling a few drops on the countertop table. Her name tag read Flo and Madison couldn’t stop the smile that was now plastered on her face. It reminded her of the times she would sit watching old re-runs of Mel’s Dinner with her dad as a kid. Hell, most of her friends had never heard of the show, but she loved watching with hi
m, enjoying his laughter at all the shenanigans the wait staff got into. After Flo took their order, hurrying off a lot faster than she came over, Madison realized her fingers were still intertwined with Rowan’s. She began to pull away when his grip gently tightened.

  “So, you must have been pretty close to your dad,” he said more as a statement than a question.

  “I was. He was more than my dad. He was my world; my best friend, my biggest fan. What about your parents? Do they live here?”

  “My dad does, though, I don’t see him much. My mom passed away a long time ago.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He gave her a smile that made her heart melt. She wanted to go deeper to find out truly who Rowan was, but in the middle of a restaurant was not the place for it. Besides, he didn’t seem as though he wanted to offer her too much more.

  Their food came much quicker than Madison anticipated and she was glad for the distraction. Sitting across from this man, trying to figure out what to say was more than nerve wracking. There was so much she wanted to ask him; wanted to find out about him. But not talking to him was more for the benefit of him not realizing what an idiot she could be. She didn’t want to scare him off.