Sacred Surrender

by Ava Riley

  “Nice morning for a run, isn’t it?”

  God, Rowan thought, what was he some kind of blubbering idiot who had no common sense. Nice morning for a run? Now, all of a sudden he sounded like the damn weather man. If he didn’t get his act together Madison was going to see him for the moron he portrayed himself to be. He never had any problems before talking to women. Now, when he needed his suaveness more than any other time in his life, it found its place tossed on the waves carried out to sea. Great, just what he needed.

  “It was a nice morning,” Madison said without hesitation.

  “I’m sorry, I just thought I’d run with you, but that’s cool if you don’t like having a running partner. I didn’t mean to bother you.” Great, first he forces himself on her in her home, and now he was doing the same thing cutting into her running time. Rowan really needed to chalk this up as a bad experience with her and move on.

  Madison abruptly stopped mid stride waiting for him to face her. “What are you talking about? You are the most confusing and frustrating person I have ever met,” she said shaking her head.

  “I’m confusing? How do you figure?” Rowan couldn’t wait to hear the explanation to slip past those luscious lips he had a hard time taking his eyes from.

  “Well, let’s see. First, you help me with my faucet, which wasn’t a big deal; it was a neighborly gesture, certainly. But then you bring over dinner, kiss me and then suddenly leave. You pass me on the beach a few moments ago without a word and now you want to be my running partner, but somehow think you are bothering me? That’s not confusing? What the hell and I thought the boys in Kansas were tough to figure out. They’d all be putty in my hands compared to you.”

  “First of all, as for a few moments ago, I was just in a zone and hadn’t noticed that it had been you who ran by. But clearly you see that once I did, I made an effort to talk to you. As for last night, yes, I kissed you then left, because you were so obvious, even a blind man could see that kissing me was the last thing you desired.”

  “Last thing I desired? And you know this because in the short time that we’ve spent together you’ve become an expert on all that is Madison?”

  “Wow, feisty little thing, aren’t you.”

  “Men,” she huffed as she turned on her heels, continuing on with her run.

  “Wait a minute,” Rowan grabbed her by the left arm, gently spinning her around to face him.

  Madison wanted to kick him in his perfectly muscled ass. He was the most confusing man she’d ever met and the most distracting. To top it off, he looked hot as hell right now and she wanted nothing more than to either finish her run, or throw him to the ground to have her way with him. The blue of the ocean had nothing on the unfathomable blue of his eyes. She desperately wanted to look away from him, but those piercing eyes held her captive.

  “Madison, I’d really like to kiss you.”

  “What?” She stuttered. Madison was surprised at the truthfulness of his words, but even more shocked at how her body automatically responded to them.

  “You know, my lips pressed against yours.”

  “I know what kissing is, you ass, but why would you want to kiss me? You don’t know anything about me.”

  Rowan couldn’t stop himself from laughing. She’d just called him an ass, yet was pretty sure she hadn’t even realized what slipped from those succulent lips.

  “You’re awfully concerned with knowing many details about a person before kissing them, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I am, as a matter of fact. I don’t just let anyone put their lips on me.”

  “Well, that’s good to know,” he said seductively. “It kind of burns me up to think of anyone other than me touching you.” And Rowan meant it. The thought of another man with his lips or hands on her, caused anger to shoot through his body. He didn’t have a right to feel that way, but he felt it all the same.

  Rowan grabbed her hand, pulling her down as he sat on the white sand beneath their feet.

  “Then, tell me something about you.”

  “Rowan, I really want to just finish my run.”

  “Not until you tell me something about yourself, anything.”

  “Really, there’s nothing that exciting about me,” Madison said as she pulled her hand from his, wrapping her arms around her knees as she brought them to her chest.

  “I find that hard to believe. A beautiful woman like yourself, has to have exciting things taking place in her life.”

  Madison turned her head away from him. He was either a smooth talker or blind as hell. This had been the second time in less than twenty-four hours he’d called her beautiful. She wasn’t a woman who belittled herself, but she knew she wasn’t beautiful. Since driving into California, she’d seen what beauty was.

  “Well, are you going to tell me something so I can kiss you?”

  She couldn’t think of one thing exciting enough that had taken place in her life that would make Rowan stop and say, ‘this is a woman I want to be with.’ She was afraid that once she started talking about her boring upbringing in Kansas, that he’d run in the opposite direction just as quickly has he’d come running up to her moments ago. Sure, to her there were exciting things that had taken place, but to anyone outside of Kansas she was certain they would just think she was crazy.

  “Fine,” she said. “One thing and then I’m on my way.”

  “Fine. Hit me with it.”

  “Well, I grew up in a small farming town in Kansas, so there wasn’t really much to do growing up. We did have this railroad track that ran through the middle of town and every Christmas Eve my family would go to the underpass and wait for the trains to come by. There were always about two or three that would pass through town within a time span of about three hours. We’d take signs with us that read Merry Christmas to hold up as the trains passed. I always felt bad for those guys because instead of being home with their families during the holidays, they were on those trains passing through towns they probably never even stopped in. My senior year in high school was the last time our family got together to do that, since I went off to college.”

  Rowan felt his chest swell. Not only was this woman before him beautiful on the outside, but what a heart of gold she had just revealed to him. Too many people were caught up in their own world, especially at Christmas time, yet she was more concerned with individuals she’d never even meet not being home with their families. He wanted to scoop her up, run back his house with her and do more than kiss her.

  “You are an amazing woman,” he said leaning in toward her, “Would it be okay for me to kiss you now?”

  “You still want to kiss me, even after that pathetic story?”

  “Pathetic story? Are you kidding me? If there were more people in the world today like you, it’d be a much better place.”

  Rowan leaned in for the kiss he’d dreamt about last night, as Madison’s eyes widen. Blood surged through his veins as the anticipation of her taste on his tongue flooded his mind. His pulse raced while her scent engulfed every aspect of his being. He slowly, gently reached up, cupping the side of her face with one hand. Leaning in for the kiss that he was sure to have a lasting effect on him, he heard her breath hitch. His heart smiled knowing that he affected her that way.

  “Rowan, wait,” she said on a murmur.

  “Madison, just let it happen,” His own breath coming in pants, he wanted nothing more in life right now than to have his mouth meshed with hers.

  “You don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. It’s just, well, I really need to get back to my run.”

  Madison bolted from her sitting position leaving Rowan dumbfounded. As quickly as she could, she sprinted up the beach to her small cottage home.

  Rowan had been left staring, astounded that she’d left him and without the kiss he’d been anticipating. He quickly rose, continuing on with his run, needing release more than ever.

  Chapter 5

  Madison was an imbecile. She’d known i
t her whole life, but the events of this morning and last night, for that fact, only sealed in stone that little detail about her. God, twice he had tried to kiss her; twice she acted like the virgin she was. Well, if she’d hoped before of having anything with him, she could just push that thought right out of that unstable mind of hers. No man would be crazy enough to try for a third time of rejection, no matter how unintentional it had been on her part. After her encounter with Rowan, she made her way home, showered as quickly as possible going about her day trying to put him out of her mind.

  What she thought would take days to accomplish, she finished in just hours. Her trip to the bank to set up her accounts, a stop by the post office for a change of address, shopping at the local retail store for miscellaneous items for the house, and a quick trip to the grocery store proved to be less time consuming than she anticipated. Her father had always told her to have all her paperwork in order, to be organized before engaging in any kind of business or running any errands. When she was younger, she thought it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard, but when she had registered for college, getting in and out of the admissions office quicker than any of her friends, she knew the man was a genius. She carried that advice with her daily and it proved many times over to save her unnecessary stress and grief.

  She pulled her blue Nissan Altima into the driveway that ran along side of the house. Shutting the engine off, popping the trunk, and sliding out of the driver’s seat she set to the task at hand; lugging all those bags into the house. The trunk was bursting with bag after bag of goodies. She probably overdid it, but she didn’t want to spend any more time at the store than she needed, nor did she want to make a trip back any time soon. Shopping was not one of her favorite past times, so, she avoided it at all costs. The worst things about shopping, other than spending money she could be saving, was the unpacking it all. Thank God she didn’t do this often. She weighed down both arms with plastic bag after plastic bag until she felt like she was carry sandbags in each arm, making her way up the steps.

  Rowan sat on his porch watching Madison as she pulled the contents from the trunk of her car. Just like a woman to run away from something that seemed a little scary only to go shopping. He never understood how spending money could make a person feel better. He’d thought about going over to help her when he saw that the bags had kept coming, then just as quickly squashed the thought. He was a man who knew what he wanted and he certainly wanted Madison, but he was also a man who wanted to keep what little pride he had left. Rejected once was bad enough, but when that rejection came a second time he realized desperation was becoming a routine and it didn’t look well on him at all. He also recognized he was seeing something that obviously she wasn’t. He needed to accept the fact that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him and move on. It took everything within him not to go help her out, though, when he saw her struggling with the bags.

  While Rowan sat watching Madison, he heard the familiar roar from Cade’s Kawasaki Ninja 250R motorcycle. The bike was a beautiful, slick, black machine with an engine that purred perfection. As much as Rowan liked it, he would never own such a thing. He’d seen entirely too many motorcycle accident victims come through the emergency room, many of them had been riding without helmets. Those poor fools either didn’t survive the crash, or had such severe brain damage, that had they been conscious enough would’ve wished they hadn’t. He honestly didn’t wish to be in the same situation.

  He knew Cade drove Tessa around on it; she loved anything dangerous, and it absolutely pissed him off. Rowan made a point every time he saw them, to give his opinions on owning a motorcycle along with the dangers of it, while they just let his words roll off their backs like water off a duck. Of course, neither of them listened; they were both stubborn as hell. Sure enough, as they pulled up he spotted Tessa on the back of the black bike with her arms wrapped loosely around Cade’s waist. At least she had the common sense to wear a helmet.

  “Let it go, brother,” she said sliding from the bike, pulling off her helmet. Tessa knew before Rowan said a word that he’d rail her along with Cade for being on the bike.

  “Cade, why must you bring my sister over on that thing? You know how much I hate even you riding it.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m a big girl and can make my own decisions. I wouldn’t even be on the thing if you would answer your damn phone. I’ve been calling for over an hour.”

  “Oh, I guess I left it inside,” he said as if it were a common occurrence.

  He may be on vacation, but he always kept his phone with him in case the hospital needed to get in touch with him. Since he began working in the E.R., it was the first time he’d not had it on him. He had no intentions of telling her how he’d inadvertently left it inside when he came out to watch Madison, either. Even as he spoke to Tessa, he couldn’t take his eyes from the woman. Damn, but she consumed him.

  Tessa glanced from Rowan to the spot of his attention, then a smile drifted across her face. So, this was the cause of the trance she found her brother in. He hadn’t even stood and hugged her, which happened never in her life.

  “What’s her name?” Tessa’s voice brought him out of his daze.

  Rowan stood, making his way up the steps leading to the front door. He was not about to engage in a conversation about Madison with his sister.

  “Well, seems like I need to introduce myself to the new neighbor, since you are going to be rude about it.”

  It took Rowan a total of two long strides to reach Tessa, grab her around the waist, turning them both back to his home. He handed her off like a rag doll to Cade then walked back to the top stair. He knew she was ready to give him a piece of her mind, but he really didn’t give two shits what she thought at the moment.

  “Baby, I don’t think you want to mess with him right now,” Cade whispered in her ear.

  Glaring up at him, “Well, I’ll be damned if he thinks he’s getting away with that.”

  “Tess, seriously, let it go,” Rowan gritted out.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Look, I’ve tried to talk with her, she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, so drop it.”

  “Well, what’s wrong with her?”

  Rowan just glared at her. That was Tessa, always ready to place the blame on someone other than him. He didn’t have a clue as to why Madison kept brushing him off, so he didn’t have an answer to that question. Maybe, if he hadn’t kissed her last night things would be different. Maybe, if he hadn’t made an ass of himself on the beach earlier he’d be helping her unload her car, making plans for a romantic dinner. But, no, he was sitting here dwelling on what could have been, before what could have been even started.

  When are you ever going to learn, Rowan, women in your life just spells trouble?

  Rowan felt Tessa and Cade close behind him as he passed through the living room to the open kitchen. He loved the layout of his home; it had been one of the reasons he bought the thing when he started making decent money out of medical school. The openness made the small rooms seem so much bigger. He’d remodeled each room to fit his tastes with the kitchen being his favorite. When he bought the place, the cabinets were a stark white, the countertops covered in Formica, and the flooring yellow linoleum. He started fresh by gutting the entire kitchen. He was amazed to see what a new coat of paint could do to a room. Sort of a brown coated his walls now, the clerk at the paint store called the color wicker. It went quite well with the oak cabinets he installed himself. He had tile laid down, and black granite countertops installed before he replaced all the appliances with stainless steel ones. Everything sat perfectly, just the way he liked it.

  “Do either of you want something to drink?” He asked as he opened the refrigerator, pulling out a gallon of orange juice.

  Both Tessa and Cade just shook their heads as they kept their eyes glued to him as if they were waiting for him to break down. Rowan just wanted them out. He loved them both, but he wanted
to be alone to wallow in his pity. He knew it wasn’t very becoming, but he wanted it all the same. When they both took a seat at the oak kitchen table, he knew he’d be entertaining them for a while.

  Before Rowan could get another word out, the doorbell rang. The old saying saved by bell had a whole new meaning for him. He didn’t want to have a confrontation with Tessa about how he needed to get out and blah, blah, blah. She’d been driving him batty the last few months about going out to The Launchpad, where he and Cade would frequent before the two of them started dating, but honestly, he had no desire to. Walking to the front door, he realized how pathetic he’d become. At what point in his life had he decided to become such an asshat? He really let Erin work him over and unless he wanted to be miserable his whole life, he needed to pull his head out of his ass. Maybe, he would go hang out sometime this week. He was on vacation and didn’t have any responsibilities, so what the hell. The nurses from the hospital usually hung out there after work. Maybe, he would just get lucky and bring one back home. He needed to relieve the tension that had built up since leaving Madison’s last night along with the added tension from this morning which only made matters worse.