Sacred Surrender

by Ava Riley

  “I don’t think hiding behind here is necessary,” he said desperately trying to keep the laughter from his voice.

  As childish as Madison felt, seeing the laughter in Rowan’s eyes and hearing it in his voice, made her embarrassment worth it. She’d never heard anything as mesmerizing as his laughter. It came from deep within his belly, lighting up his entire face. His laughter sucked her in and held her tight. She wanted to see and hear it more.

  “You’re beautiful, especially when your skin turns red like this,” Rowan gently reached up and brushed his knuckles against her right cheek.

  Bowing her head slightly, Madison didn’t know how to respond to that. Other than her father, no man had every used that descriptive for her; cute, great personality, funny, but never beautiful. Madison felt heat flare where Rowan touched her; then that same heat descended to places she didn’t know could actually burn. He leaned into her lifting her chin with his finger and terror encompassed her just as quickly as her embarrassment had. She had practically no experience kissing and she certainly didn’t want him to know that. If she thought she was embarrassed now, having this man find out that she didn’t know how to use the lips God gave her would send her spiraling. Not only that, but they’d just met and she didn’t even know anything about him. She pulled away slightly.

  “I can’t kiss you, Rowan,” heat flooding her entire body by his closeness.

  “Why not?” He wanted to kiss her; he’d not wanted anything so much in his whole life.

  “I don’t know anything about you. Hell, I don’t even know your last name,” she whispered.

  “Worth,” he exhaled as he breathed seductively against her ear. “My name is Rowan Alexander Worth. I’m a doctor in the emergency room at Long Beach Community Hospital. I have a sister, Tessa, who is marrying my best friend in a few months. I like surfing, camping and long runs on the beach. Is there more that you need to know before I kiss you?”

  “No,” she stuttered just before he placed his lips against hers.

  Chapter 4

  Rowan gently pressed his mouth to Madison’s, his tongue gliding along the seam of her lips, waiting for her to open to him. He continued until he realized that she’d not only gone as stiff as crusted old bread, but that her lips had not given into him in the least bit. He slid his hand down her bare arm; evidence of chills sprang up on her skin as his fingertips skimmed to her fingers. He brought his other hand to cup her cheek, his thumb gently brushing near her mouth. She made no movement, her lips still pressed closed. Rowan became conscious of this fact quickly and felt like an ass. The raging erection that showed up by the closeness to her quickly diminished. He thought there had been a connection between them, but apparently he was out of practice in reading what women wanted. Or maybe he just didn’t understand this woman. No one had ever responded to him the way Madison did. He couldn’t remember a time when a woman had denied him a simple kiss. He wasn’t being conceited, but it had never happened and now with a woman he wanted more than ever, he was being denied. He hastily pulled away from her and turned to the sink.

  “I’m sorry, Madison, I shouldn’t have…”

  Rowan couldn’t do it; he couldn’t bring himself to say he shouldn’t have kissed her. He wanted to kiss her and he wanted her to kiss him back, but she hadn’t. She’d just stood there stiff like his old surfboard stuck in the wet sand. She had no reaction to his lips being pressed to hers. Well, she had a reaction, just not the reaction he’d been aiming for. When he made the decision to kiss her, he envisioned her melting into him, begging him to throw her down between the boxes and ravage her body. The reaction he received was a blow to his ego and he felt as if he’d just been punched in the gut. What an idiot he’d been to make himself vulnerable again, to put himself out there only to be shot down.

  “Rowan?”

  Without a word, Rowan reached for the faucet, flipped up the handle and watched the water flow in a steady stream.

  “Looks like it’s fixed; no need to call a plumber after all. I guess I will be heading home now.”

  “Thank you; I appreciate the help and the dinner.”

  Damn it, what was Madison doing? This gorgeous man put his lips on her and she did nothing to reciprocate it. She wanted that, didn’t she? From the moment she laid eyes on him she’d wanted to touch him, she’d wanted him to touch her in a way a man touched a woman. Now, because of her insecurities, she’d missed her opportunity. What she wouldn’t give to push back the hands of time.

  “Not a problem. I’ll see you around.” Rowan turned from Madison and walked from the kitchen to the front door.

  Madison was on his heels just as quickly. “Rowan, wait. I want to explain about in there.” She awkwardly pointed back toward the kitchen.

  He let out a chuckle, “No need to explain. I stepped over the line and I apologize for it. If you need anything else fixed just let me know, you know where to find me,” he said with a wink and was out the door.

  Madison had no intention of saying that at all. Hell, she didn’t know how she was going to explain to him that she had no experience physically or otherwise with a man, but she hadn’t wanted their evening to end the way it did, either. Obviously, he knew exactly what to do with a woman. Just by the simple way he whispered in her ear, she knew damn well he would be too much for her. They’d had a pleasant little meal and although they didn’t talk much, just sitting there with him in her home seemed natural. Damn it, why did he have to go and ruin it by kissing her? On second thought, why did she have to ruin it by not kissing him back? She’d wanted to; she’d wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and lose herself to him. His lips soft against hers felt right, but she’d been too worried about scaring him off to let her instincts take over. The one thing she feared would happen, did. He walked out her door with only neighborly pleasantries.

  Madison stood a moment longer, blankly staring at the door Rowan just walked out of. She could stand there sulking about it, or she could chalk it up as another disappointment where the opposite sex was concerned. She wasn’t one for feeling sorry for herself, so she moved on quickly. Walking through the house, she checked all the windows, along with the front and back doors to make sure her little home was secured tight for the evening. Madison looked forward to spending the night in her own bed curled up under the covers in peaceful sleep. She just had one more task, then she’d be off to that dream land she so desperately needed. She walked into the bathroom, grabbed a light blue terry washcloth from the towel ring which hung just above her double sink vanity. She washed her face and neck for the last time today, before heading to the only room that didn’t overwhelm her with boxes. Her bed beckoned her to sprawl out on top of it, to accept the good night sleep that awaited her. Without haste, she threw on her black, holey sweat pants she’d bought before starting her college career, and a white tank top. Madison crawled into bed, savoring the feel of coziness, as she crept under the brown sheet and comforter. Her lids struggled to stay open, so she gave into the temptation of sleep.

  Morning reared its ugly head just a little too early for Madison. She peeled her eyes open after what seemed like only minutes of slumber, to see the sun peeking through the white blinds of her small bedroom window. After a restless night sleep, thanks to her neighbor whom she couldn’t relinquish from her thoughts, she wasn’t ready to face the day and all the errands that awaited her. She had so much to accomplish before she started work in less than two weeks. Her main project needed to be getting her house in order. She wouldn’t be able to keep her mind on work if her home was in disarray. Boxes needed to be emptied, a complete cleaning from baseboard to ceiling was in order and she had more shopping to do than she ever thought possible.

  Madison grudgingly rolled herself out of the four poster bed, sliding her feet into the white slippers with the pink ribbon atop each that had their place next to her bed. She loved the wood flooring throughout the small cottage house; it gave a welcoming feeling. On mornings like this, however, the c
hill in the air clung to the wood, causing a tinge of coldness making the slippers necessary. Her feet now snug and warm within the confines of her fluffy slippers, she was ready to start her day. Grabbing the dark blue terrycloth robe that had been her father’s, she made her way to the kitchen for coffee. The only things she’d taken the time to unpack when she first moved in were the coffee pot and the necessities to enjoy a cup of java first thing in the morning. Madison and mornings didn’t go well together, unless she had her coffee first. She picked up many quirks from her dad, this being one of them. Not a morning passed, when she lived at home, that she didn’t have coffee with him before starting the day. As a kid, before coffee was allowed, she’d drink her orange juice from a coffee cup, so she could be just like him. When high school was so difficult for her socially, those mornings got her through those awkward teenage years.

  While the coffee brewed, Madison took inventory of the small kitchen. Today would be the day she definitely conquered this room. She moved boxes around, placing them in order to their importance. As she began unpacking, the aroma of French Vanilla filled the room that someone actually deemed big enough to call a kitchen. While in college, her roommate would always give her a hard time for drinking foo-foo coffee, as she called it. Madison never did acquire a taste for any other coffee than flavored. She needed sweet and French Vanilla was her all-time favorite. By the time the coffee finished brewing, two small boxes of dish towels, tablecloths, and placemats were unpacked and put away. Before she left Kansas, her mother stocked her up on kitchen items, apparently believing a person could never have too much. She couldn’t turn her mother down, not once she saw the look of pure joy on her face when she handed her several bags with the contents stored in them. Although, she knew she wouldn’t be doing a lot of entertaining.

  An hour and three cups of coffee later, the kitchen was put in place to her liking. Too bad the rest of the house couldn’t be done as fast. Madison had a few more hours before she needed to run her errands, so she thought a run on the beach in the crisp morning breeze would break up the day nicely. She needed something to help her clear her mind of the events of yesterday still lingering in her memory and affecting her body.

  Madison pulled on a pair of gray running shorts and a blue tank top. She grabbed her silver running shoes with the pink swoosh on the side from the closet by the front door, as she headed out to the small porch. The wooden banner wrapping half way around the house was perfect. Yet another reason she bought this particular house. She loved having a porch. She couldn’t wait to spend mornings out in a rocking chair with a steaming cup of coffee in hand watching the sun rise or at night watching the sun set. The rocker would have to wait, however, at least until after she’d been working a while. All her money had gone into buying this house and getting herself out to California. First, she would have to replenish her savings then she could splurge on things that weren’t necessities.

  For the time being, Madison sat on the steps that lead down to the walkway and began to put her shoes on. With her head down, she concentrated on tying each shoe while listening to the peaceful sound of the waves hitting the shore. She was definitely going to enjoy living here. Since signing the contract on the house months ago, she’d been looking forward to her first run on the beach. Her runs back home consisted of dirt roads or the school track. This run she was going to enjoy to the fullest. Kansas had nothing on California. Her neighbor proved that to be true. She couldn’t get her mind off of Rowan, or how his lips felt pressed against her mouth. She couldn’t stop thinking of how much of an idiot she had been by not kissing him back either. He’s gorgeous, helpful, and considerate and she proved not only to herself, but also to him that she was the homely hick from Kansas. He probably hadn’t even given her a second thought while she wasted precious sleep thinking of him. Yes, she definitely needed a run to take her thoughts away from him.

  Rowan woke before his alarm even sounded. The first time in what seemed like a lifetime that he was actually looking forward to facing the day or that he had woken before he was required to. He’d had a hard time falling asleep last night; he couldn’t get the taste of Madison off his lips. Every time he started to drift off to peaceful slumber, her face was there occupying his thoughts. Those full lips tasting like honey dew, her hazel eyes sparkling, especially when she smiled. She didn’t wear makeup; she didn’t need to. She was perfect just the way she was. He liked that she didn’t wear makeup, and loved that she felt comfortable in her own skin. At least it seemed that way, until he pressed his lips to hers. He’d been with other women since Erin, but they were never anything more than a good time at the bar or a one night stand. Something about Madison told him one night wouldn’t be enough for either of them. She had an unworldliness about her, that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He really knew nothing about her, other than she lived alone. Something inside her drew him and he couldn’t fight it no matter how hard he tried. Her eyes spoke volumes about the person within, or at least the person he thought he saw in her. Honest, trustworthy, caring, all the things he was looking for in a woman.

  Snap out of it, Rowan. You are not looking for a woman, this one or any other. She will only break your heart.

  Rowan really needed to listen to his head because, honestly, his heart would only cause him more problems than he was willing to take on. As a beautiful woman, Madison could rip his heart from his chest and stomp on it at the drop of a hat without a second thought. His problem, however, lay in that he couldn’t get her out of his head. She’d been the last thing on his mind when he fell asleep and the first thing on his mind when he woke up this morning.

  Rowan didn’t like the idea that Madison still lived out of boxes. As far as he could tell, she didn’t have any food in her house, either. After his morning run, he would grab her some breakfast. He certainly couldn’t let her miss breakfast; it wouldn’t be the neighborly thing to do. At least, that’s what he convinced himself of.

  He threw on an old pair of ragged black sweat pants that had holes in the knees and a white t-shirt along with his old running shoes from college. Even after all these years with so many new shoes, they were still his favorite and most comfortable. He’d been looking forward to a nice peaceful run, which was rare for him these days. With it being still so early in the morning, not many people would be out, giving him the beach pretty much to himself. Running this time of day on the beach, freed his mind of all the worries and hassles that life and his job in the emergency room threw his way. The E.R. was such a fast paced work environment, that the stress piled on top of itself as the days passed. Running allowed him to release himself of that stress and start fresh each day. If he missed a day of running he felt it not just in his mind, but in his body as well, so he made it a point to run daily.

  Rowan stepped out on his porch, took in a deep breath, and without thought glanced over to Madison’s place. Realizing, deep down in his innermost being that he hoped to at least see her silhouette through a window. Just something to indicate she was up; not that he would wander over to her place so early in the morning, but just the thought of her being awake stirred something in his chest. A surge hit him, like the rising and subsiding of the waves playing on the ocean, filling his body like nothing he’d ever experienced. He shook his head in disbelief of what he was allowing himself to feel and think. He shouldn’t allow himself such thoughts, especially after what happened or didn’t happen last night. Running along the shoreline would definitely be a good activity to relieve the storm raging inside his core. He vaulted off the porch, not bothering with the steps and bolted down the walkway that led him to the sandy beach nearby. The morning breeze cut through his short sandy blonde hair, the ocean spray rested on his darkened skin, and the wet sand beneath his feet gave way to each stride he took. Lost in thoughts of nothingness, he kept his mind clear of anything other than running; paying close attention to his strides and his breathing. He learned this technique while in medical school, it had been the only way he c
ould clear his mind before a big exam or his boards. If he’d ever needed his mind cleared, now was the time. Completely focused on not thinking of anything other than running, he hadn’t even noticed the other runner coming towards him. Without thought, he nodded as he passed her, keeping his strides constant. Then a gust of wind, as if it made its way from the depths of the sea, encompassed his body, stopping him mid stride. Madison. Somehow he knew her scent, his conscious had held tight to her fragrance from last night. He’d just passed her without a word, with a glance that spoke volumes of his inattentiveness. He quickly turned around to see her backside running in the opposite direction. What a fine backside it was at that. Clad in a pair of gray shorts, her calf muscles called out his name with each long measured stride she took. He felt a stirring beneath the sweatpants he wore and he wanted nothing more than to be running next to her. A run on the beach with her wouldn’t be such torture. He quickly caught up with her, keeping pace alongside her.

  “Good morning Madison,” he said in a soft low voice.

  “Good morning Rowan” She wasn’t too eager to speak to him, so she kept up her pace.