Undescribable

by Tessier, Shantel

I wake up some time later to the feel of hands trailing over my thighs and up over my ass on top of the covers. I start to roll over when his voice stops me.

  “No. Stay on your stomach.” He pulls the silk sheets slowly down my back and inhales sharply as my naked body is revealed to him. I feel a warm hand wrap around each ankle.

  “I want to fuck you, Angel. I want to fuck you in every way imaginable.” He says softly.

  My body shivers at his words. He lets go of my ankles, and I hear the rustle of clothing, then the sound of him walking to his tall dresser at the other end of the room.

  “I have a surprise for you, Angel.”

  I moan knowing that whatever it is, I am going to like it. I feel the foot of the bed dip, taking on his weight, and his hands come back down on my calves as they start their way upward over my butt.

  “Slade,” I sigh.

  “Do you have any idea what that does to me? When you say my name like that.” He straddles me. “Like you need me inside of you, owning you.” I feel his lips touch my back as he gives me feathery kisses up my spine. “I’m going to fuck you hard, Angel. I’m going to show you that you are mine so that you never forget.”

  I grip the sheets in both hands as he lays down, putting his weight on my back. “I’m going to fuck you from behind,” he whispers seductively in my ear as he pulls my hair back off the side of my face. “And I’m going to do it with your hands cuffed behind your back.” I gasp.

  We’ve used the cuffs before, but never behind my back. He chuckles at my gasp and it sounds wicked, sending a chill down my body.

  I flinch as he places his hands on top of mine. They are still clenching the sheets, hanging on for dear life. My heart is racing due to the fact he is going to be controlling my body from behind, and my sex throbs with the anticipation.

  He laces his fingers with mine and pulls them away from the sheets, guiding them behind my back. Once there, he holds them with one hand while the other grabs for the handcuffs.

  I close my eyes tight as I hear the metal clanking in his hand. Then I feel the cold metal against one wrist, then the other. He takes his time, and it is excruciatingly painful mentally, having him go this slow. I’m breathing heavy and trying to control my heart beat.

  I can’t help but try to pull my wrists apart once he is done.

  “They’re not going anywhere, baby,” he mumbles against the back of my neck. He places a hand on either side of my body, holding himself up as his body hovers over me. I can feel his hard erection against my back, and I need to feel him inside of me. I lift my butt up a bit and wiggle it against him, but it doesn’t help. He lays next to me, propped up on his elbow with his head resting in his hand. His other hand brushes all the hair off my face and on to my back as he stares at me.

  He takes his free hand and places it between my legs. “Spread your legs,” he commands softly. “More.”

  I have them as far apart as they will go in this position. My breathing is heavy, my legs spread eagle, my hands cuffed behind my back, and his hand resting on my sex.

  “Please.” I wiggle my hips, trying to get him to move his fingers.

  “Stay still.” He demands roughly. “You’re so beautiful...I just want to look at you for a minute.”

  “I need you.”

  “Do you?” he says, sounding unsure.

  “Yes...please.” I close my eyes to take a deep breath. When I open them, he’s smiling at me.

  “What do you want, Angel?” He lazily runs one finger up and down my fold.

  “I want you.” I continue to look in his eyes, pleading and begging for him to do something.

  “To what?” He lifts an eyebrow.

  “Show me,” I whisper.

  “Show you what?” he demands.

  “That I’m yours.”

  He smiles his victory smile as his eyes dance. “Yes you are, Angel. Mine.” he says as he easily places two fingers in me, working them in and out. “You’re already so wet for me, Angel.”

  “Yes.” I pull against the cold metal cuffs as his fingers pick up their pace. His fingers get more forceful, and I can’t help but lift my hips up off the bed.

  “That’s right, baby. Feel my fingers. Feel them inside you, controlling you. Owning you.”

  I know he’s trying to prove his point from our fight earlier, and I hate to admit that he’s winning. He continues to work them in and out as my pressure builds. I start panting as I tighten around his fingers and come undone, screaming his name.

  He doesn’t remove his fingers inside of me. He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. I close my eyes.

  “Wake up, Angel. We’re not even close to finished yet,” he promises.

  I keep my eyes closed as he removes his fingers and gets up off the bed. I hear him undo the foil packet, then settle himself between my legs. “Lift your hips a bit.” I do and he grabs my hips, putting my butt up in the air. He pulls my body right up to his, and I feel him spread my lips wide then ram into me with one long hard rush.

  We always start out this way.

  And I love it.

  I scream out at his entrance as I bury my face down in the sheets. He pulls out slowly and reaches up, grabbing a handful of hair roughly, pulling my face to the side and out of the sheets.

  “Don’t hide your face in the sheets. I want to hear you scream, Angel.” I whimper. He tightens his hand in my hair and holds the side of my face against the sheets so that I can’t move it. I scream out in pleasure over and over as he continues to ram into me deeply while he pulls back slowly.

  “You like this, Angel.” It wasn’t a question. “I can tell you do. You’re so fucking wet,” he growls, keeping the slow pace as I continue to try to move my immobile body. I love how his body dominates mine.

  “So wet,” he repeats. His hand leaves my hip, and I yelp as it unexpectedly lands on my backside. “You like that, Angel?” He does it again, harder. I moan at the thrill it sends through me. I have never been spanked during sex before. “Yes, I knew you would.”

  He thrust into me, then pushes himself even further. He spreads his knees apart forcing mine further apart. I cry out as the new position allows me to take every long, thick inch of him. He stills inside of me and lays his body over mine, crushing my cuffed hands against my back. He pulls on my hair, lifting my head up off the sheets.

  “I want to hear it while my cock is inside of you.” His voice is demanding in my ear.

  I take a deep breath. My body feels as if it will tear in half. My hips are spread wider than I knew possible, and my back is arched at an uncomfortable position while he pulls my head back.

  “Say it, Angel.” He kisses up the side of my neck. “I need to hear you say it.” His voice sounds pained.

  “I’m yours,” I say breathless as I start to feel the burn in my muscles.

  “And?”

  I try to shake my head no, that I won’t say he owns me, but he pulls my neck back even further too where I can’t move it all. I whimper.

  “You know I do.” I can feel his cocky smile against my neck. He leans up off of me and pulls out, then thrusts back into me.

  “Slade!” I scream.

  “We both know it, Angel.” He repeats the movement.

  He’s right.

  “You own me,” I say breathlessly. It isn’t painful to say it, but it’s painful to know that I can’t deny it. It is the complete truth, and we both know it.

  “That’s my girl.” He sits back up and grabs a hold of my hip again, but doesn’t let go of my hair with the other.

  He thrusts into me over and over as I work with him, meeting him with each stroke. “Fuck, babe.” He comes right after I do, panting for breath and satisfied.

  I let my body fall to the mattress, trying to relax my stiff muscles. He doesn’t waste a second as he grabs for the key, undoes my cuffs, and lies next to me, pulling me against him. I wrap my arms around him as we lay together, our bodies slick with sweat. Neither one of us speak, and eventually our
breathing evens out as he lowers his eyes and falls asleep.

  I hear a phone ring and I open my eyes to see Slade staring at me.

  “Good afternoon, Angel.” He rubs the back of his hand on my cheek.

  “Good afternoon, baby,” I whisper.

  “I love it when you call me that.” A slow smile spreads across his face.

  “Baby,” I repeat.

  He chuckles, then leans over and kisses my forehead. “Go back to sleep, Angel. I didn’t mean for my phone to wake you.” He goes to get out of bed.

  “Who was it?” I roll over on my back and stretch out my body.

  “It was Micah. Wanting to know if I was okay.” He walks in to his closet.

  “Why wouldn’t you be?” I sit up, letting the sheet slide down my body to pool in my lap, thinking a round two sounds fantastic.

  “He figured you had slapped me again.” I laugh. He doesn’t.

  He comes out of the closet, giving me a serious look. “Slade, I was serious when I said I was tired of you trying to control everything I do.”

  “I know.”

  He puts his head down and sighs. “It’s just….” He runs a hand through his hair, sighing.

  “You can tell me, baby”

  He takes in a deep breath. “It’s just that I feel like you don’t need me. Fuck, I sound like a girl.” He laughs at himself. “It’s just that I’m supposed to protect you and take care of all the heavy stuff. I should have been the one you called. I want you to call me for help, no matter what time it is, or how little the problem is. Any other girl would have called her boyfriend.”

  “Come here.” I scoot over so he can get in bed. I lay down and he lies next to me as I pull the sheets up to our necks. “I do need you, all the time.” I rub a foot up and down his leg as he smiles. “But what I don’t need is a father. This relationship will never work if you try bossing me around.” He nods his head as his hand comes up to cup my breast. I moan as his mouth finds mine.

  He rolls on top of me as he pulls away from my mouth, trailing kisses down my neck to my chest. He removes his hand as his mouth replaces it, causing me to cry out as his mouth closes over my nipple. I lift my chest up to him and wrap my hands around him, scraping my nails down his back. He pulls away and pins my hands down on either side of my head, sending shocks through my body.

  His blue eyes look into mine. “Tell me.” He’s breathing just as heavy as I am. I know what he wants to hear.

  “I need you.” I lean my head up to try to kiss him, but he pulls back.

  “Again.’’

  “I need you. Slade. Please.” I lift my hips up to him. I can feel his hard erection just sitting between my legs. God, I can’t get enough of him! I was never like this with Jax. We had sex three times a week, max. I could have sex with Slade three times a day and it still wouldn’t be enough.

  He lets go of my wrists and I push him off of me and on to his back. I start to kiss my way down his hard sculptured chest as he tangles his hands in my hair.

  “Fuck, I love when you put your lips on me.” He arches his body up as I kiss my way down his happy trail. I take his hard length in my hand, my fingers not even touching he’s so big.

  “I need you,” I whisper. My tongue darts out and I lick up the length of him as he moans with pleasure. “I need to taste you,” I take him in my mouth.

  “Fuck!”

  I look up the length of his body. His head is back, his eyes are closed, and his chest is rising and falling fast. I pull away just a bit as I continue to watch him. “I need you inside of me.” I take him in my mouth again.

  “Angel,” he pants as his hands in my hair start controlling my mouth. “God. I can’t get over how good your mouth feels.” He pumps his hips as I continue to suck on him. “Hot...wet...”

  I continue to pleasure him until he comes. I lick my lips as I sit up, then crawl and straddle his hips. I lean over as I spread my hands wide over his smooth chest. My hair falls over the side of my face onto his chest.

  “I need you to trust me, Slade.” He opens his eyes to look at me. “I need you to trust my judgment. I need you to trust me that I know what I can and can’t do.”

  He raises his hands and brushes my hair to the side as he places his hands on my face. “I know what you just did.” A slow and sexy smile spreads across his face. “And although it felt amazing, it’s not going to work.”

  My face hardens. “Slade,” I say, rather annoyed.

  “Look, it’s not that I don’t trust your judgment, or that you can’t take care of yourself. The fact is, I want to take care of you.” He throws his head back, closing his eyes and makes a sound of frustration.

  “It’s not your job—”

  I squeal as he picks me up and lays me down next to him with our faces inches apart.

  He runs his thumb back and forth over my bottom lip. “You have had to take care of yourself since your dad passed. I know you can do it and that you’re strong, but can’t you put enough trust in me and allow me to take care of you now?”

  I feel my throat start to close up. “I can’t do that,” I whisper.

  “Why not?” His brows furrow.

  I can’t pretend anymore. I need to tell him what I’m feeling, no matter how much it hurts us. “Because I’m afraid.”

  “Of what, Angel?” He runs his hands through my hair.

  “Of us. If I let go...” I swallow. “Where will I be when this is over. I’ll be a wreck and—”

  “I don’t want this to end.” He leans up on an elbow “I know you have feelings for me, and I know you are trying to figure those feelings out, and that’s okay. I will give you all the time you need. I will prove to you that I want this. Us. I will wait for you, Angel, because you are worth waiting for. No matter how long the wait is, I will be right here with you, for you.”

  I don’t think I can breathe. I love him, I know that. The question is, should I? I look up in those blue eyes and I can see he’s telling the truth. Holly was right; he does love me. I look away from him and look to the ceiling.

  “Angel?” I know he’s worried. I can tell by his voice, but I can’t look at him. Those eyes will make me say something that I may end up regretting in the end.

  I sit up. The room is spinning and my body feels rigid. I need some time. I just need a few moments without him. I haven’t spent one day without him in over a week. Maybe some time away will be good for us.

  I get out of bed and he doesn’t follow me. He continues to lay there, giving me my space. I go to the closet, get dressed, and throw my stuff in my bag, then go to get my stuff out of the bathroom.

  I walk out of the bathroom to see him standing by his bed with a sad look on his face. I feel awful and my heart is breaking. I just need to realize what my feelings mean to me. It took me a long time to fall for Jax, I have fallen head over heels for Slade very quickly, and that thought terrifies me.

  I take a deep breath and walk over to him. “It’s not over. I just need some time to think, just time to be alone.”

  He reaches down and grabs my free hand, lifting it to his mouth and giving it a soft kiss. “Okay, Angel. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” He drops my hand and pushes a piece of hair behind my ear.

  I turn around and walk out of his room as a tear slides down my face.

  What in the hell am I doing?

  Why do I feel so torn?

  Why can’t I let him take care of me?

  I know the answer to that. If I give up everything to him, I will have to start all over when he leaves me. I will be that same weak girl lying on the floor of her bedroom dorm crying. Crying for someone to want her, crying for someone to need her. I don’t want to go back there. Slade would take my heart, and I would never get it back. I would be a shell of a person without him.

  I walk in my house and go straight to my room. I get undressed and pull his shirt out of my closet and lay in bed. I’m exhausted. I need some rest and some time to clear my head.

  I let
the tears fall on to my pillow. Isn’t love supposed to happen and you live happily ever after?

  I close my eyes and all I see is his soft face, telling me he will wait. I don’t want him to have to wait for me.

  With a shaky breath, I close my eyes tighter and drift off to sleep.

  What the fuck was I thinking? When I woke up and she wasn’t here, I thought something serious had happened to her. Then, when I found out she was okay but hadn’t called me, I freaked. I know I shouldn’t have yelled at her, or cussed her out in Larry’s parking lot. She didn’t deserve that.

  I had sat in my office after she told me she was tired and was going to go to sleep, thinking how awful I had been and how I needed to apologize. Then, when I walked in my room to tell her I was sorry, I saw her sleeping on her stomach and I needed her. I needed to feel her under me. I needed to be balls deep inside of her. I needed to feel in control again. And let’s face it, sex is the only place she doesn’t mind giving me all control. And it was fucking amazing! I had cuddled up with her and fell asleep, thinking everything was great again. I had planned on apologizing for everything after our nap, but I opened my mouth, and fucked things up all over again.

  I run a hand through my hair and sit down on the side of the bed. How could this have happened? I thought letting her know how I felt would be a good thing. That it would reassure her of how much I love her. How could I have been so wrong? Once again, she tensed up and closed off. I can’t figure out if it’s her past that’s holding her back, or mine.

  I lay back on the bed. I have never felt this confused. I have never been in a situation where I couldn’t figure out a solution. Then again, I don’t have much experience in the relationship department.

  Is this what a broken heart feels like? Like your heart is being ripped out of your chest, and you can’t breathe without it hurting?

  I wish she would open up and tell me what I can do to fix it. She told me she was afraid of where she would be when this ended. She obviously thinks that I don’t love her that much.

  My phone rings, interrupting my thoughts. The display tells me it’s Josh, so I hold it until it quits ringing, then put it on silent and lay it back down.