Embracing My Submission

by Jenna Jacob

  “I trust you’ll be a perfect gentleman, Mika.” Flashing him a confident smile, I looked away just as my eyes reached the waistband of his gray boxer briefs. I tried to focus on the blankets because I knew if I looked at his crotch, I’d be drooling, begging, and pawing at him like a nymphomaniac.

  I needed to remain safely encased behind my imaginary walls. Big, thick, honkin’ walls. Walls that were hopefully sturdy enough to withstand the myriad of needful, sexually hungry emotions careening through my mind and body. As Mika eased beneath the covers, his torso twisted and he extinguished the bedside lamp.

  “Come lay against me, Julianna. You have more stitches on your right butt cheek than the left. Swing your right leg over my hip and maybe you’ll be comfortable enough to sleep.”

  Moving like a turtle, I eased into the position he’d suggested, amazed to discover it actually eased some of the throbbing. But the heat emanating from his crotch and burning my upper thigh was sweet agony. I swallowed a moan of delight and was set more ablaze as he slid his arm beneath my shoulders and eased my head onto his chiseled chest.

  “Wake me if you need anything in the night, okay?”

  “I will.” I nodded when what I really wanted to do was press my lips against his hard chest and grant him a tiny show of appreciation for his tender loving care.

  Right. Bullshit!

  I wanted to feel his warm skin against my lips and tongue to see if he tasted as sweet as he smelled. My lips twitched as I fought the desire. I wished the pain pills would kick in and make me fall asleep, or at the very least ease the temptation to molest him.

  “Mika?”

  “Yes?”

  “Talk to me. Tell me about yourself,” I asked tentatively.

  “There’s not much to tell,” he answered a bit too quickly.

  Was he nervous or had I crossed a line?

  “You’ve watched me at the club for God knows how long. You’ve seen me in every situation imaginable, good and bad. I know you’ve witnessed a lot of behavior I now wish you hadn’t. You know almost everything there is to know about me, but I don’t know anything about you.”

  “Jesus, Julianna. You’re unbelievably manipulative, but you already know that, don’t you?”

  A deviant little chuckle rose from my throat.

  “Yeah, just by the sound of that laugh, you’re well aware of every button you push.”

  I could tell he was shaking his head in the darkness of the room.

  “Where to start? Well, I’m thirty-one and I know you’re twenty-six. I retired from Wall Street and opened Genesis. My father’s family emigrated from Haiti to escape the oppressive poverty there and once in the US, my grandparents worked hard and grew prosperous—very prosperous. That was extremely difficult back then with segregation and all. They became US citizens and raised my father with a staunch work ethic, which he still has to this day. It’s served him well, and he is highly successful, thankfully, without the prejudice and stigma my grandparents had to endure.”

  “You’re proud of your family. I can hear it in your voice,” I sleepily mumbled.

  “Very much so. My mother was from Sweden. She had the palest alabaster skin and her eyes were blue as the sky. Her hair was glistening blonde, and it would catch the sunlight in such a way that she literally glowed.”

  I could feel the warmth and love he held for his mother in his voice. “So that explains your beautiful milk-chocolate skin and breathtaking amber eyes.” I whispered as my lids drooped, heavily.

  He softly cleared his throat and inhaled deeply. He captured my hand and pulled it up to his chest, cupping it tenderly beneath his. My eyes closed as the pain meds began working, and I began to drift off to sleep.

  But lying so romantically in his arms, I didn’t want to succumb to sleep. I didn’t want to miss a single moment curled up against his warm, steely body. I wanted to lie there all night as his deep voice echoed inside his massive chest, resonating in my ear.

  Time could have frozen then and there and I would have wished for nothing more the rest of my life. Being suspended for all eternity nuzzled upon his chest was pure heaven. I tried to force my eyes open, but they felt as if someone had sewn them shut.

  “I’m glad you found me,” I murmured. “Even though you told me you couldn’t.”

  “What?” Mika asked curiously.

  “My dreams,” I slurred. “You’ve been haunting me forever.”

  Mika stopped talking while his rhythmic breathing coaxed me deeper into the murky liquid depths of sleep. I vaguely remember him speaking my name, but I was too far gone to respond.

  “Vanessa. Dammit, Vanessa. I know you’ve sent her to me. I see you in every fucking thing about her. But she’s not you. Why are you doing this to me? It’s so hard to keep fighting. I’ve been fighting my desire for her for so fucking long. Why? Why can’t I close off these desperate feelings and be content to savor my memories of you? Why are you making it hurt so goddamn bad...still?”

  His words were like fringes of lace in a tunnel far away as he whispered a plea to the one he’d lost so long ago. The ache in his voice pierced my heart with a staggering pain. I tried to force myself to listen to him, to hold tight to the edges of darkness, but it swirled me down and sleep claimed me.

  ~*~

  I woke sprawled across a pillow, alone in my bed. Vanessa didn’t visit my dreams as I lay nestled in Mika’s arms. And while it was nice to have a real name for my mysterious dream woman, it unnerved me that she was more than just a dream. She was a ghost. A ghost matchmaker of sorts. Unfortunately, all her emissary tactics were for nothing. I didn’t need to be an armchair psychologist to understand that Mika would always look at me as a reflection of her. Sadly, it would be a painful reflection, a knife to the heart for all he once had and lost.

  Trying to clear the drug-induced haze glazing my mind, I rolled over. Burning pain enveloped my butt cheeks as I clenched my teeth and hissed in agony.

  “Son of a bitch, that hurts! I’d like to find that motherfucker and flay his ass open with that goddamn razor blade flogger,” I railed through clenched teeth.

  “Such language.” Mika tsked from the doorway, his hands fisted around a tray of food.

  “Ooops, I didn’t know you were um...standing there.” I blushed like a child who’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

  “No need to apologize. I feel the same way, but I’d like to do a lot more than simply slice the bastard’s ass open.” Mika’s confession was edged in anger as he placed the mountainous tray of food on the foot of the bed. “I’d like to put a bullet through his brain.”

  “Heavens, Mika. What have you done?” The plates were piled high with scrambled eggs, stacked strips of crispy bacon, and a tower of toast. “I can’t possibly eat all this.”

  “Well, I’d hope not,” Mika exclaimed in a shocked tone. “It’s for us to share.”

  “Oh. You scared me.” I laughed. “I was beginning to think both you and Drake had forced-feeding fetishes.” I winked with a mischievous grin.

  Mika laughed and shook his head. “Do you want me to help you sit up or would you rather lie on your belly and let me feed you?”

  “Damn it, what is it with you Doms? Do I honestly look that helpless? I can feed myself.” Okay so my words held a bit of a curt and indignant tone, but seriously, the thought of him sliding a spoon in and out of my mouth was far too erotic, too intimate.

  I didn’t want to start my day throbbing and wet. But it was too late. A barrage of sex charged thoughts flashed in my mind. How would I ever find the strength not to swirl my tongue around the utensil while dreaming it was his hot, hard cock? The same cock that twitched so gloriously against my thigh last night.

  “You are not going to feed me, Mika.”

  “Issuing orders now, are you?” He arched one brow and gave me a look of warning. “I think there’s a bit of a switch inside you, girl.”

  “I’m not a switch.” I huffed.

  “Mmmmm, so
you say.”

  “I’m just strong willed.”

  “That, my dear, is an understatement of biblical proportions.” He laughed with a wicked grin.

  I issued a heavy, exasperated sigh.

  “Okay, wrap your arms around my neck and hold tight,” he instructed as he leaned over and cradled my legs upon his solid, strong forearms. Turning my face against his marble-like chest, I closed my eyes and inhaled deep. Once again, I wished time would freeze. I could spend eternity encased in his powerful arms, cradled against his warm body and breathing in his masculine scent.

  Fluffing the pillows behind my back, he eased my bottom onto the bed. Panting as the burn seared, I clenched my eyes shut and rode the wave of pain.

  “Do you need some more pain meds?” Mika asked in a tender voice.

  “No. Please, no more pain meds. They make me feel foggy and out of control.”

  “Switch.” He smirked.

  I raised my chin in challenge and narrowed my eyes. Suddenly his hand was gripping my hair. He gave it a subtle tug. I gasped and shuddered as bolts of erotic splendor zapped my core.

  “You need to remember your place, girl, even in circumstances as dire as this.” A lurid and all too sensual smile spread upon his inviting lips.

  As he released my hair, my eyes were drawn to the straining bulge beneath his jeans.

  “Oh yes, pet, make no mistake. You make me want many things.” Looking into my eyes with an animalistic hunger, his jaw clenched. “Let’s eat.”

  Yes! Let’s eat, indeed. He could unzip those damn jeans and let me feast on him. I licked my lips and imagined how delicious he would taste. I felt my face blaze as powerful, deviant thoughts danced in my brain.

  “Food, slut. Let’s eat food.” Mika chuckled as if he could read my mind.

  I groaned low and nodded as he placed the tray upon my lap then sat on the bed next to me.

  He took a big bite of eggs and washed it down with a sip of coffee. I watched as his throat worked, wondering if the column of his neck was soft and warm like his hands. Watching me from the corner of his eye, he set down his mug and turned to me.

  “Are you always so sexually needy, girl?”

  “I think it’s the pain meds,” I lied, struggling to contain the urge to trace my fingers over his rugged jawline. I closed my eyes and attempted to reign in my zinging hormones. When I opened them up, I realized I was no longer wearing his shirt. I was naked.

  “Ummm, where’s my shirt?” I asked in confusion.

  “Observant much?” He laughed with a twinkle in his eyes. “You’re just now realizing you’re naked?”

  “It’s the pain meds. I’m foggy,” I protested. “Where is my shirt?”

  “Hmmm, you don’t remember?”

  I shook my head and stared at him, wondering what the hell had happened last night.

  “Well, pet, you tore it from your body in a fit of unbridled lust right before you molested me,” he said with a straight face.

  “I what?” I choked as my eyes flew open wide.

  His deep, erotic laughter filled the room as I sat dumbfounded, wracking my brain for any flicker of memory that involved sex. There was nothing, not the slightest inkling. The only thing I could remember was the hazed recollection of his plea to Vanessa.

  “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

  “Oh, I am Julianna. It’s so much fun.” He grinned like an impish schoolboy.

  “And you Doms call us subs brats.” I huffed in mock disgust. “Seriously, where’s my shirt. I know I didn’t rip it off in some hot torrid sex session. Trust me, I’d definitely remember that!”

  His mischievous grin faded to a reassuring smile of compassion.

  “You got sick in the night. I think the pain meds were too harsh on your stomach. I was able to get the trash can to you in time, but you did get a bit on you. So I...”

  “Oh, God,” I wailed in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. I don’t remember any of that.”

  “Shhh, it’s alright.” His hand was gentle as he caressed my face. “You’re not the first sub I’ve helped through a night of illness.”

  “Then you need to start hanging out with some different subs.” I sighed, embarrassed that Mika helped as I tossed my cookies. And why didn’t I remember any of it? No, that settled it. I wasn’t taking any more pain meds.

  “I know exactly what I need,” he murmured under his breath as he slammed me with a serious and sensual expression. Hunger blazed in his golden eyes. “I need you to eat your breakfast.”

  Unnerved at the thick, sexual tension filling the room, I nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

  My body hummed in voracious and insatiable emotions as I began eating with gusto, suddenly overcome with ravenous needs. Ravenous for food. Ravenous for sex. Ravenous to be filled with something unknown. A hollow emptiness deep inside my soul screamed to be complete.

  Setting my glass of juice on the tray, I realized Mika was watching me. He wore a somewhat startled expression.

  “What?”

  “You polished off more than I expected you to. Have you been starving yourself?”

  “Oh.” I swallowed and blinked at the nearly empty plates on the tray. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pig out like that.”

  “No need to be sorry. I like women who don’t eat like a bird.”

  “Well, you don’t get thighs like this from eating celery.”

  “Your thighs are gorgeous, girl. Don’t ever degrade yourself again,” he warned with an arch of his brows. “Do you want more? There are some eggs left I can scramble if you’re still hungry.”

  “Oh, no thank you. I’m stuffed.” I smiled and patted my slightly distended stomach. “Thank you for breakfast, Mika. It was delicious.”

  “You’re welcome, girl.”

  “Do you mind helping me get out of bed? I need to use the ladies’ room,” I asked, feeling my face flush with embarrassment.

  “Not one bit in the world.”

  Before I knew what was happening, Mika lifted me from the bed and walked straight into the bathroom.

  “Put me down!” I demanded without thinking.

  “I will, Mistress Bossy-Britches, just as soon as I get you to the toilet.” He grinned.

  A low, menacing growl erupted from the back of my throat, hoping to intimidate him into setting me down. I only accomplished making him laugh.

  “Don’t drop me in your jovial fit, pal.” I warned in sarcasm.

  “Yee of little faith.” He winked and then his expression turned sober as he looked into my eyes. “I would never let you fall, girl. Never.”

  A ripple of hope fluttered in my stomach. His decadent mouth was so close. It would be so easy to lean in, and for just one moment, one glorious, magical moment, press my lips against his. I wanted to surround myself with the heat of his body, his full sensual mouth, and his rugged, alluring scent.

  I absorbed everything about him. He moved effortlessly, and I could feel the tight muscles of his arms and chest ripple beneath my skin. An internal war raged as I longed to slide my tongue over his bare chest.

  “How do you want to do this?” he asked, breaking me from my lust-induced trance.

  The immediate visual of me bent over the sink and Mika pounding his ample cock into my pussy sent a swirl of smart-assed responses firing through my brain. Don’t you dare say it, I warned myself.

  “Alone,” I mumbled.

  Shaking his head, he lowered me to my feet then walked out of the room. The stitches tugged and strained as I carefully eased my backside toward the toilet seat. When I lowered myself onto the hard wooden seat, the pain was so brutal I cried out.

  In the blink of an eye, Mika appeared.

  “Dammit, Julianna.” He clutched my waist and lifted me off the ground.

  He held me suspended over the toilet as I clutched his forearms. Tears filled my eyes.

  “Do you always have to be so damn stubborn?”

  “What the hell do yo
u think you’re doing?”

  “Holding you here while you urinate.”

  “Oh no. Oh hell no!”

  “Will you shut up and piss for God’s sake?” His eyes flickered with a golden fire.

  “Oh good God in heaven, I can’t. It’s too embarrassing.”

  “Girl. For the love of...Piss.” He barked in command.

  I growled in defiance then did as he ordered and emptied my bladder.

  Suspending me with one arm, he reached for the toilet paper with his other hand. Gathering a fistful of paper, he began to reach between my legs.

  “Mika. No.” I panicked.

  “What now?” He huffed in exasperation.

  “Don’t wipe me.”

  “Why not?”

  Closing my eyes, I exhaled a deep breath. “Because I’ll come,” I confessed in embarrassment.

  It felt as if all the oxygen had left the room.

  The silence was deafening.

  “Julianna, look at me,” he whispered.

  I raised my head and was seized by his sympathetic amber eyes as he leaned in and slanted his mouth over mine. I froze for the two seconds it took my brain to process he was kissing me, then I relaxed and melted in his arms.

  As his mouth demanded more, I yielded. I poured every ounce of passion I’d ever felt into this one sensual, heart-stopping, life-altering kiss.

  A low growl rumbled deep in his chest as his lurid tongue plunged into my mouth, seeming consumed to learn every dip and crevice. I whimpered and clutched my fingers into his shoulders, attempting to mesh him deep inside.

  Mika stood and eased me down his sculpted body until my feet met the floor. Framing my face with his warm, strong hands, he slanted his mouth and kissed me again with a demanding, volatile force.

  As if impossible, this kiss became more passionate, heightened in intensity. He tasted as sweet as cotton candy, and if this was only a temporary carnival ride, I had every intention of thoroughly enjoying every thrilling second. I hungrily pressed against his body and was ecstatic when his hands slid down my arms, pinning my wrists to my hips.