Choices

by Sara Marion

  The day flew by as she spent it packing her office. It wasn’t until Link starting whining that she realized what time it was. Ryan should be closing the doors in about thirty minutes.

  “Alright, let’s go. Time to go home,” she closed the last box.

  By the time she got home, the sun had set. It was another missed opportunity to sit out on the porch. She enjoyed watching it. The colors it threw across the trees were so beautiful. She wished she could see it more often but she knew that would be even more of an impossibility when she starts back at the hospital. She still couldn’t believe that she was going back. Tomorrow was her last day at the gallery. She would have a couple days off before she officially reports to the hospital. Tomorrow she would be moving out of her office. The gate would be installed for Link and the new chapter in her life will begin.

  ***

  Paxton lifted the last box into her Q5. She still didn’t have the heart to trade it in as it was still her favorite car. Now it was packed full of boxes with things from her office. She went back upstairs and saw the two guys finish installing the gate for Link. Paxton had brought a few things here for Ryan. Extra Toys, food, dishes, anything Link would need. She also gave Ryan a spare key to the house in case he had to bring Link back for her. She was saddened that this was her last day at the gallery. It really hit her as she stared at the gate. The men stood and tested it. It worked. Inside Link was supervising them. She felt a tear escape her eye.

  This place had brought her out of her dark days. She spent a lot of time with the planning and grand opening of the place. Although it opened less than six months ago, it made her get up every day and it gave her new meaning to her life. It was her way of making up for Ella. She knew she couldn’t do it the rest of her life. She had done enough to honor her friend and now she had to get back on track herself. Although her love life still seemed to be in shambles, Paxton felt whole. She was moving back to be the person she used to be, but the improved, stronger version.

  “Hey,” Ryan’s voice sounded behind her.

  She turned and gave him a hug.

  “Stop that, you can come back anytime you want. I might even pay you,” he joked.

  She laughed releasing him, “I’m going to miss this. We have to get coffee and see each other at least once a week. Maybe mom, you and I can do like a family dinner or something.”

  “That would be wonderful,” he smiled.

  Paxton felt a little better. She was suddenly scared about the changes she was making. Was it the right move? Was she going to fail again?

  “Alright, let’s get out of here. I was waiting for them to finish so we can close the doors for the day.”

  Paxton smiled and went to gather Link. He was patiently waiting for her. Ryan escorted the two men out and Paxton met him in the lobby a few minutes later.

  “Okay, let’s close the doors together one last time.”

  She smiled and walked out so he can lock it up behind her. Link stayed by her feet as she waited for him.

  “I’m going to miss you Ryan. Thank you so much for all your help.”

  “Hey, no one is dying here. Enough with the doom and gloom! I will see you around, maybe we can have lunch sometime in your fancy cafeteria!”

  She laughed. He was right though. She’s beginning a new adventure. She should be happy but she wasn’t. She was still missing something. She knew that it was more of a someone than a something.

  TWENTY-THREE

  Paxton walked into the hospital and headed to the locker room where she was supposed to meet Jonathan. He walked her into the locker room where he showed her to her old locker there by Steve’s. She put on her white lab coat and noticed that it was a little big on her. She managed to keep some weight off that she lost in the institution. She put on a smile and met Jonathan out in the hallway where he started to take her through the required orientation. He told her of policies and emergency procedures. She got her new badge picture taken and updated ID to wear around the hospital. Jonathan then explained to her that it would be a few weeks before they would let her in the practice labs. She would be doing rounds, helping Steve with Post-Ops, doing triage in the ER when it was busy. He dropped her off in Steve’s office.

  “He should be here momentarily. I’m glad to have you back Dr. Andrews,” Jonathan winked. She smiled as he left.

  She looked around the room. She was now nervous that she was back in the saddle as they sad. “Baby steps,” she quietly said. Steve came waltzing in.

  “Good morning!” He was awfully cheerful.

  “Morning!”

  “So, want to go roam and check on patients with me?”

  “Well, you are kinda stuck with me, so let’s go.”

  They both walked out of the office and walked by the office next to his. “I hear that this will be your office,” he leaned over and said quietly. Paxton smiled. She was really coming back to this crazy world.

  Walking the hallways seemed surreal, seeing the patients, reading charts, everything was surreal. Paxton felt like she was dreaming and at any moment she would wake up from it. Paxton took in the hospital smells and sounds that surrounded her. It was a comforting. She knew it sounded crazy, but it was like the smell and sounds of a garage for some people, the smell of a new book for avid readers, the smell of fresh air and the quiet for country folks that just got back from the city. It was home.

  Paxton took a couple charts for Steve’s patients and went with him to examine. She felt more like a secretary today than a doctor but she was grateful to be eased back in. Some of Steve’s patients would probably be transferred to her soon enough anyways. She noticed that he definitely kept his plate full and piled high. With the hospital being short one surgeon, no doubt everyone’s plates were full. Paxton felt a little guilty in that moment. She must have caused a lot of stress on her colleagues.

  “Hey where’s your head at?” Steve asked.

  “Hmm? Oh sorry. I was just thinking how busy everyone must have been since I had my breakdown.”

  “That’s the past. Let it go. Get your head in the game.” Steve gave her a serious look. Paxton nodded and they headed into another patient’s room.

  They checked on all his patient’s before his first scheduled surgery. She stood behind him observing. It was great scrubbing in again. She forgot how soothing it was to her nerves. How much it helped her focus on things. She watched as he continued working on the liver of a patient. Later he was going in to remove a dead area of the intestines on one of his patients. She wanted to watch as she never done that type of surgery before. It was simple and straightforward but it just never came across her desk.

  The rest of the day she spent shadowing him and offering opinions when he asked. She felt like she was an intern again. Paxton knew it would only be a couple weeks or so before she could get her hands dirty so to speak. She also knew that once these days passed, there would be times when she longed for them again. So she would keep her mouth shut and do what was asked of her.

  When she got home, Ryan pulled in right behind her. Link bounded out of his car and headed towards her. She smiled even though she was in no mood for chit-chat. “Hey you,” she said towards Ryan. She squatted down and gave some love to Link. He pranced about before heading over to the tree line to do his business.

  “How was your day?”

  “Good, I’m exhausted. I forgot what it was like to be on my feet all day, no office work.”

  “That’s good. Listen, I won’t keep you. I was just going to tuck him in his crate. Want to have dinner this weekend? I talked to your Mom about it. She was thinking maybe Saturday night?”

  “Yeah, sounds good. Oh and I don’t go in until nine tomorrow. I will drop off Link at the gallery.”

  “Sounds good. Now go get rest, doctor’s orders,” he joked.

  “Yeah, I would think the real doctor here will agree,” she laughed.

  “See ya,” he turned and got back in his car.

  She called for Link and they
went inside. Her phone beeped.

  Duke: Hope you had a good first day.

  Paxton: Thanks, I did. Great to be back.

  Duke: I know Ella would be happy for you too.

  Paxton: Wanna go out on Sat? I have Sun/Mon off.

  Duke: Sure, see you then.

  Paxton: K :)

  Paxton smiled down at her phone. Maybe Duke had worked whatever his problem was out. That seemed like a normal conversation between them. She threw her phone on the bed and continued to the bathroom. She was ready for a hot shower. The steam would help relax her tired muscles. She then figured she would climb into bed with her new book Susie got her. She needed some good romance in her life. Duke was still distant but at least they were talking. Jack on the other hand, remained silent. Almost a complete month of silence.

  She stepped out of the shower and wrapped her towel around her. She wrapped her hair in its own towel and padded over to the bed. Link could now roam free at night in her bedroom. She laid down and grabbed her phone. She noticed it was getting low on battery and plugged it in. She set it on the end table and stared at it some more. She wanted to talk to Jack. She suddenly wanted to see if he would respond or if he was really done with her. She wanted to talk to him about her first day back at the hospital. She picked up her phone to text him hoping she would get a response. She hoped that Jack wasn’t done with her although he had every right to be at the moment. She wouldn’t know until she talked to him. She was being juvenile since the morning she snuck out of his bed.

  Paxton: Hi

  She waited for a response. She looked at her clock and it would be about nine-thirty in New York. He should be up.

  Paxton: I’m sorry

  She waited again. Surely he would respond. She waited and watch five minutes tick by. No response.

  “Guess I deserve that one Jack.” She set her phone back on the end table and grabbed her book.

  Paxton must have fallen asleep reading as her phone startled her. It was her alarm. Morning seemed to have come quickly. She didn’t feel rested at all and she knew it would be a trying day at the hospital. She shut off the alarm and checked her messages. Nothing came in. Only an email about the daily deal on kindle. Paxton felt slightly disappointed. She looked over and saw that Link was sitting there waiting. She groaned a little, stretched her tight muscles and let out a yawn. She would definitely need coffee.

  She went about her morning routine and headed out to the gallery to drop off Link. She said a quick hello to Ryan and Madeline. Link sat beside Madeline. Paxton offered to take him up to her old office but Ryan said he would let Link sit with Madeline as long as he behaved. He apparently did well with it yesterday, he was like another greeter/receptionist for the gallery. Paxton then said her goodbyes and head towards the hospital.

  Paxton arrived at the hospital and headed towards her office on the surgical floor. She wasn’t paying attention when she ran into Jonathan. She apologized for her absent-mindedness and he stated that she could start moving things into her new office by Steve’s. They finished it late last night and her furniture for it came in this morning. She thanked him and walked towards her office. She wasn’t sure what she thought about having her office back at the hospital. Technically when she left, her new office was Steve’s old office. Either way, it was hers now and she would need to bring her things in. She felt like she was officially back at the hospital now. Her life was falling back into place.

  “Hey you. Look at your fancy-schmancy office,” Steve broke into her thoughts.

  “Yeah, I just have to decorate now. It’s not the same as my old one but this one will work,” Paxton winked at him. Steve laughed. It was like old times again. It really was except she was just missing Jack. She glanced at her phone. Still no response from him. She needed to stop thinking about it. “Ready? The sooner we start, the sooner this day will be over.”

  “Already tired of the job?” He nudged her arm as she passed him heading out of the office.

  “No, I just don’t like being idle in a hospital full of sick people. We have lives to save! Let’s go save them,” she smiled and held her imaginary sword in the air.

  “Let’s go then,” he laughed. “Some things never change. You are still gung-ho about everything. Right down to your impeccably strong sword you carry around.”

  “This is me, getting back to me and it feels great,” she smiled. She really did feel great. Her personal love-life could wait. She will deal with Jack when she could. At least Duke was talking to her. It was a small step but maybe Jack moved on and that would allow her to do just the same. New York was probably a mistake, even though it didn’t feel like it.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  Paxton awoke to the sounds of rain. The winter so far had been mild but there was a chill in the air. Maybe today they would actually get snow. She was thankful she got this weekend off, as she laid there in the bed not wanting to move. Jonathan knew it would be hard being at the hospital today. Today, Ella has been gone for two years. Paxton was not going to dwell on the surgery and the what-ifs today, she told herself. Today would be about celebrating Ella. Paxton had to keep it together but truthfully, her heart was aching for her best friend. Her heart was breaking for the little one that never took his first breath. It was also breaking because she knew Duke wasn’t grieving everyone he lost that day.

  She looked over at the furry, sleeping form next to her. She didn’t want to move and actually get the day started. The rain seemed to make her lazy like every other human being on the planet. She just wanted to stay in bed and sleep although currently sleep was eluding her. Paxton hoped the sounds of the rain would lull her back to sleep, but that was not the case. After about another ten minutes or so, she was getting up to use the restroom and shower for the day. Link stayed lazily in bed until she was done. After she got dressed, he jumped off the bed, stretched and was ready to begin his day as well.

  Paxton headed down and fixed her latest favorite breakfast, a ham and cheese omelet and a few small blueberry pancakes. She poured herself a glass of milk and even threw some plain pancakes in Link’s bowl. She knew some people were against feeding their dog table scraps but she would hate to eat the same boring thing every day. She sat at the table while Link happily ate from his dish. She was thankful he hadn’t picked up begging yet, he ate when she ate. A knock on the door, brought both Link and herself out of their quiet reverie.

  She walked towards the door, unsure of who it would be. She opened it to find her mother, “Hey Mom, come in. Get out of the rain.”

  “Thank you dear.”

  “I was just eating breakfast, what’s going on?”

  “Nothing. I just couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to be by myself today. I thought maybe you would be up.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  Paxton was thankful that she and her mother were working out their issues. They seemed to be getting back to where they used to be before Ella’s passing. Her mother showing up here today, showed Paxton that she was trying and they had to be in a better place now if they were wanting to see each other on this solemn day. She led Jenny into the kitchen. Her mother poured a cup of coffee and joined Paxton while she finished eating.

  “Here, let me clean the dishes,” Jenny offered.

  “No, Mom. You didn’t even eat besides it’s not much.”

  “Paxton Avery, you hand me that plate right now.” Paxton flinched. She hated when her mother treated her like a child and used that tone. She reluctantly handed over her plate.

  “Thanks, Mom. I appreciate it.”

  Her mother set away to do the small amount of dishes she made while cooking breakfast. Paxton took Link outside to do his business and sat on the porch. Although it was raining, it was nice sitting out there getting fresh air. Her mother joined her outside, handing Paxton a cup of tea. She sat her coffee down and sat down in the other rocking chair, covering herself with a blanket.

  “So how is work going?”

  “Good. It
’s great being back at the hospital. A lot of the staff has changed but some of the nurses and surgeons I worked with are still there.”

  “When do you start surgeries again?”

  “Soon, I hope. I am kinda nervous about getting back into it.”

  “You’ll be great. You’re my shining star and I am so proud of you,” Jenny smiled. Paxton returned her smile.

  They fell into silence and watched Link run around under the canopies of the trees. He was undoubtedly getting soaked but he was having a good time. The rain started turning into sleet. Link came bounding up to the porch and sat between Paxton and Jenny. Paxton looked down at him and shook her head.

  She took another drink of her tea. It was nice being able to sit with her mother. She wished she could open up about Jack and Duke to her. Maybe her mother could give her some advice but Paxton knew it was still a semi-sore subject. Her mother could only talk about it in sessions. Times like this when they were visiting each other was a different story. Paxton didn’t want to upset the balance.

  “I was thinking maybe we could go see Ella together today before we go to dinner with Ryan,” her mother stared out into the woods a moment longer before looking over at Paxton.

  “Yeah that would be great. I think that it would be good for us to go together. We haven’t gone together since the day we buried her.”

  “Yes, it would be good.” Her mother stopped and stared again out in the woods. Paxton had the feeling that she wanted to say something else but she couldn’t phrase it.

  “Something wrong Mom?” Paxton finally asked.

  Jenny smiled at her, “No, I am here with you now and that’s all that matters.”

  Paxton sat back in her chair and rocked a bit. She sipped on her tea. There was something in her mother’s eyes, saying there was more she was wanting to say but chose to keep quiet for a bit longer.

  “I’m sorry,” Jenny said after a few moments.

  Paxton turned to face her mother, “For what?”

  “Being a bad mother. It wasn’t fair for me to lash out at you after Ella passed. It wasn’t right for me to put her before you and let my grief put a wedge between us.”