North Oak 2- Yearling

by Ann Hunter

  Laura looked over her shoulder. "You'll see. Brooke taught you to canter yet?"

  "No."

  Laura grinned. "Well I guess there's no better time to learn."

  "Uhhh…"

  Laura put her heels to Thorne’s sides and urged him forward.

  Approved jigged and circled in anticipation as Alex held him back. "Wait!"

  Laura's words almost got lost on the breeze. "Just trust him!"

  Alex fought the gelding until her arms started getting sore and he dragged the reins through her fingers. She grabbed a clump of mane and pushed back against the crest of his withers to keep from falling forward as he rocked back and took off.

  A shock of adrenaline raced down her spine, and she couldn't tell if she was terrified or exhilarated, or both all at once. Alex eased into Approved's big, rolling stride. It was like being on a rocking horse, only much faster— and alive.

  She tipped her head back and laughed. "This is amazing!"

  Alex followed Laura far beyond the paddocks until the ground beneath them began to rise and fall in gentle knolls. They cantered into a forest of pines and cedars that bordered the last of the umber wood fences.

  Laura eased Thorne and dismounted, swinging his reins over a low branch so he wouldn't wander off. Alex slid off Approved, legs all jello-y from the ride and breathless to boot. She tied Approved next to Laura's horse and fell back into a carpet of tiny bluebells.

  Laura plopped down beside her, dropping her backpack near the trunk of a tree. "This is my favoritest place in the whole world."

  "Where even are we?"

  "Out by the high pasture. They don't use it very often, so it gets super lush, and it's quiet."

  These flowers. I think they're my new favorite color. Alex stared at a patch of blue sky between the tops of trees so green, she'd never thought to dream them. She was floating in a sea.

  "If you really listen, you'll hear a stream. It leads down to our bonfire barrel if you follow it."

  "We gonna make s'mores again soon?"

  "We got all summer to make s'mores. Y'just gotta forgive Brooke."

  Alex sighed. "Is that why brought me here?"

  Laura opened the backpack and tossed her an apple and water bottle from it. "Partly. Mainly I figured you could use some air. I thought, maybe, you might like a place of your own to hide in sometimes."

  "Really?" Alex rolled the apple between her hands.

  "Really. I come here to think."

  "You don't seem like the thinking type," Alex blurted. Her eyes darted to Laura who gazed back quizically. "Sorry."

  "Alex, why do you think I'm such a goof all the time?"

  "Cuz you're blonde."

  Laura shook her head with a forgiving smile. "It's because life is too short to stay mad at people. Or, in your case, mad at the world. Why carry all that pain and sorrow when you could just let it go and be happy?"

  "You make it sound like a choice."

  "Isn't it though? Look, I know what you're going to say. When has the world ever been kind to you?” Laura leaned toward her. “Now, Alex. It starts now."

  Alex bit into her apple so she wouldn't bite her tongue as words threatened to spill out. I should be grateful. I should be happy.

  She thought of Ashley and Promenade, how she had lost one and was going to lose the other. How could she find happiness when she lost anything she loved?

  Laura calmly plucked bluebells from their stems, piling them into a small mountain. "Dad says God puts certain people in our lives at certain times for certain reasons. I know you're not into the whole God scene, but I think he's right. Some people are meant to spend their lives with you. Others have only a moment. We learn from them all, so treasure each one."

  Alex swallowed the apple mush in her mouth, frowning at the way it had turned bitter to her taste. "When did you become less of an airhead?"

  Laura threw a bunch of bluebells at her. "I have my moments."

  WHISKEY WISDOM

  Alex sat across from Carol at the Showmans' kitchen table, arms folded across her chest.

  "I think we should start over," Carol said. She leaned forward and offered her hand. "Hi. I'm Carol Daves."

  Alex bit her tongue as dangerously snarky words threatened to pour out. Hillary had promised that this time if Alex were rude, she'd be grounded for a week.

  Carol waited a minute then slowly withdrew her hand. "Okay then. Why don't we get started."

  She opened a thick book with a bunch of numbers and symbols scrawled across the page and turned it toward Alex. "Can you read any of this?"

  Alex pitched forward, looked at the page, then looked away with her lip tucked.

  "You can't read any of it?"

  Alex shook her head slowly.

  "Can you write?" Carol asked hesitantly.

  Alex looked at her. "I can write my name."

  "But you can't read."

  "Only a little."

  "Why can't you read?"

  Alex shrugged. "Never had much reason to."

  Carol tapped her forefinger against the table and cocked her head to one side like she was trying to work through something.

  Alex squirmed in her chair. "What are you looking at?"

  "This is elementary math. Stuff you should have learned in second and third grade, and you don't know any of it."

  "So?"

  "So I'm trying to figure out how to teach it to you."

  Alex crossed her feet on the tabletop. "It's dumb. Why do I need to learn it?"

  "Cuz your parents want you to go to school in the fall."

  Alex rolled her eyes. "Also dumb."

  Carol sighed. "Looks like I need to find a way to make you care too."

  "Good luck with that." Alex grunted a laugh.

  The corner of Carol's mouth lifted. Alex glared at her. "What are you smiling about?"

  Carol closed the book. "I like a challenge." She held up four fingers. "Alex, how many fingers is this?"

  Alex huffed. "Four."

  Carol lifted four more on her other hand. "How many together?"

  Alex raised an eyebrow. "…Eight."

  Carol drummed the book and grinned. "You just did math."

  "Still don't care," Alex muttered.

  Carol leaned forward as Alex looked away. "Oh, you're going to."

  After dinner, Alex collapsed onto the sofa in the den next to Cade. He smiled at her.

  "Hey, Sport."

  Alex leaned her head against the back of the couch and let out a long breath. "Smashed potatoes."

  "Excuse me?"

  She lifted her head and looked at him. "My brain feels like smashed potatoes."

  Cade muted the T.V. while a commercial played and turned a little to face her better. "How come?"

  "That Carol girl. She's got me doing…" Alex swallowed like something disgusting was in her mouth. "Math."

  "That's a good thing. Isn't it?"

  She leveled her gaze on him.

  Cade lifted his chin like she was about to take a swing at him. "Ah, I see."

  He turned back to the TV and unmuted it. A basketball game was on.

  "I'm not even sure I can remember our phone number anymore," Alex said. "We did so many numbers."

  "She was here for a few hours, wasn't she."

  Alex ran her hands through her hair and tried to focus on the game. The only other sport bigger than horse racing in Kentucky was Basketball, and Cade never missed a game. Alex didn't really understand it, but she liked the quiet in the room. Cade only really said anything when something mattered.

  When another commercial came on, Cade scooted forward on the couch. "I'm going to fix myself a sundae. You want anything?"

  Alex braced her elbows on her knees and rubbed her face tiredly. "Not to see fingers anymore."

  She listened to the soft bump of cupboards closing, a scrape of drawers opening, the pop of the freezer door as it swung free, silverware clinking gently against a bowl. She didn't look up until the weight of the co
uch cushion sank again beside her.

  Cade propped his feet up and dug into his ice cream. He passed her an extra spoon. "Just in case."

  Alex stared at it. When has the world ever been kind to you? Now, Alex. It starts now.

  "Hey, Sport," Cade said between bites. "If a man scores two points for every shot he sinks, what will the score be in four shots?"

  Alex groaned. "What's a cross between an elephant and a rhino?"

  Cade raised an eyebrow like that was not the response he was expecting.

  "Elephino," Alex said.

  Cade choked on his ice cream, and smacked his forehead, cringing. "Brain freeze!"

  Alex grinned and stole a bite of ice cream.

  When the pain passed, Cade wriggled his toes, shook his head as though to really make sure the freeze was over, with his eyes all wide, and grinned back at her. "Don't tell Hills that I think your swearing's funny. I'm not supposed to encourage it. We don't swear in this house, remember?"

  "Screw that," Alex replied.

  Cade harrumphed, “Yeah, screw that.” He gazed at another potentially brain freezing bite of ice cream. "You know what I love about basketball?"

  "Elephino," Alex said again.

  “Stop it,” Cade chortled.

  Alex sucked ice cream off her spoon with a devilish smile.

  "I love that I can come in here after a long day and just yell at the TV."

  They watched together momentarily. The referee blew his whistle. Cade grabbed Alex's spoon and threw it at the TV. "That wasn't a foul you jerk-off!"

  He glanced at Alex. "Like that."

  "Why?"

  "When the world's weighing down on you and you just want to punch someone, it's better to let it out than keep it in. So you find a non-violent way of doing it."

  He yelled at the TV again, "You stinkin' louse. Who taught you to ref?"

  "You threw my spoon."

  "What?"

  "My spoon. You were violent to my spoon."

  Cade licked his lips and lifted his shoulders sheepishly. "Sorry." He scuttled across the floor and retrieved it for her.

  Alex frowned. "It's fuzzy."

  "So's the opposing team's center guard." He threw his own spoon into the dish and it clattered around. "Aw c'mon you bing bong!"

  "I prefer jackoffalophagus," Alex said sideways to him.

  Cade smiled. "Oh, that's original. Mind if I?"

  "Go ahead." Alex folded her arms behind her head and leaned back against the couch cushions.

  When one of the players pounded into another, knocking him to the ground, Cade bellowed, "Jackoffa—" he kept his eyes locked on the screen, but leaned toward Alex. "What was the rest?"

  "Lophagus."

  "Yeah, you…What Alex said."

  "Yeah. That's what she said… I said." Alex smirked. “What?”

  Cade rose from the couch when halftime hit. "More ice cream?"

  Alex closed her eyes and smiled. "We're going to need alot more."

  ***

  "Alex, are you ready to go?" Laura called from downstairs.

  "Where are we going again?" Alex called back from her room.

  "Uh… just for a walk."

  Alex didn't really want to go, but the last time she followed Laura good things happened. Yet a pit in Alex's stomach told her there was something attached to Laura's hesitancy.

  A flutter of anxiety batted around Alex's ribs. I hate surprises.

  She took a deep breath and went down stairs, stopping at the bottom to pull her chucks on.

  Laura was dressed casually in flats with a breezy blouse and leggings, like they really were just going for a walk. Normally she dressed up for school— or worse, Alex thought— for Johnathan North. She had been officially seeing him for two weeks now.

  Alex passed through the front door and looked around. Tiny sun fuzzies swirled through the thick air, glinting in the light. May was almost over. The warmth of the evening was enough to tell anyone that summer was on its way.

  They stood on the stoop together, gazing at the sunset. A blurry gradient of pink, gold, and orange.

  "It's perfect," Laura said softly.

  "I suppose you're going to give me some lecture about peace or something."

  Laura trotted down the stairs. "Nope. Just a walk. We don't even have to talk."

  Alex hopped off the porch and fell in step beside her. She couldn't remember taking time to just admire North Oak's scenery. She'd always been running away or trying to hide.

  She listened to birds tweeting and nestling down in the tree tops for the night, a slow tick tick tick of huge sprinklers watering the vast pastures, and horses faintly whinnying for their supper from barns in the distance.

  Gravel crunched beneath the girls' shoes as they walked together wordlessly. Was this peace?

  Alex paused right in the middle of the lane to take in the quietness. She turned her head and thought she saw Ashley for one brief moment beside her, felt her skin against her hand. A different kind of ache set into Alex. The kind that wished it could be like this all the time.

  Ashley faded away and the angry, sleeping dragon inside Alex reminded her not to get attached to this idyllic life at North Oak. Because nothing lasts forever.

  "Hey, Al."

  Alex looked over her shoulder. Laura waited for her.

  "You comin'?"

  Alex kicked at a couple of rocks, leaving the moment behind. She sauntered up to Laura to rejoin her, staring at their feet as they walked.

  What would North Oak be like without Promenade? Weren't there other horses she could bond with? He never seemed very interested in her unless she had treats for him. And if everything went well, Venus Galaxies would have a new little foal to help look after next spring. Would life really be so terrible without Promenade? She couldn’t imagine life without him.

  She looked up when Laura landed a knock on someone's door. It was a small home not far from the training track. "Where are we?"

  Laura grinned mischieviously at her. "You'll see."

  The door swung open and Brooke peeked out.

  "Happy birthday!" Laura hollered.

  Alex turned quickly to make a dash for it, but Laura grabbed her t-shirt sleeve and yanked her back over. "Look I brought you a present."

  Alex scowled at her. She couldn't trust anybody.

  Laura very motherly pointed her finger and tapped it against Alex's nose. "Now look. It's killing me to see my two favorite people fighting like this. And if I die tonight, I will die happy, because gosh darnit you're gonna make nice with each other. And this will be the end of it."

  Alex glanced at Brooke. "Happy birthday," she grumbled.

  Laura patted Alex on the head. "Good monkey."

  Brooke opened the door wider. "Thank you. Please come in."

  Laura kept hold of Alex's sleeve as though the monkey might lash out and throw poo at any moment. Brooke shut the door behind them when they got inside.

  "Pizza's already here. I figured we could watch a movie," Brooke said.

  "Ooh, which one?" Laura asked as she firmly sat Alex down on the couch in the living room. "Secretariat? Seabiscuit? Black Stallion?"

  "Phar Lap," Brooke answered.

  Laura groaned. "We always watch Phar Lap. It's like you're obsessed with the movie. I'm pretty sure you have all the lines memorized."

  "It's my favorite and my birthday."

  "Alex's never done the pizza and movie thing before, why don't— "

  "Phar Lap's fine," Alex muttered.

  Brooke held up the movie case. "Phar Lap it is."

  She got the movie going and brought plates of pizza to the girls before wiggling in between them. Alex tried not to let her discomfort show and kept her eyes trained on the screen as an ugly chestnut horse was hoisted on to a steam ship.

  She didn't think she'd like it at first, but she couldn't help but be drawn in by the faith the trainer had in the horse, how he pushed the colt over the edge of mountainous sand dunes. And the love that Ph
ar Lap's groom had for the horse, only to be under constant threat because of the colt's fantastic talent.

  When she realized she was tearing up, Alex set her plate beside her on the couch and snuck out. She leaned against the house outside, wiping away tears with the back of her wrist.

  Stars twinkled above, and an orchestra of crickets sang their song. The door opened and closed softly behind Alex.

  "You okay?" Brooke asked.

  "I'm fine," Alex said, her trembling voice betraying her. Could she not even trust herself? She kicked the wall with her heel.

  Brooke leaned against the wall behind them as well, remaining quiet for a while. She folded her arms and cleared her voice. "You're not really mad at me for what happened between us, are you?"

  Alex's fingers dug into the wall. She tipped her head back.

  Brooke turned onto her shoulder to face her. "It isn't about Promenade at all. I saw you in there getting all misty-eyed over Tommy losing Phar Lap. That's not like you. In fact, I think I've figured you out."

  Alex's breath hitched. She bit her lip.

  "You haven't grieved yet, have you? You won't let yourself grieve."

  "I don't know what you're talking about," Alex growled.

  "It's not about Promenade being sold. It's about losing him. How did I not see it before?" Brooke reached out to touch Alex's elbow sympathetically, but Alex pulled away.

  "I bet you feel like you're losing Promenade just like you lost Ashley."

  "Please don't ever say her name."

  Brooke rapped her fingers on her folded arms. She pressed on. "You say you're okay, but you're not okay… and that's okay."

  Alex couldn't hold back the tear that slipped down her face. I'm not okay.

  She swallowed hard, willing her voice to remain steady, but it didn't. "I feel like if I'm not happy I won't seem grateful." She pinned her eyes on Brooke. "You people are all so damn happy."

  Brooke shook her head. "People seem to think there's this time limit on grieving. Like it's been a year and you should be over it. Well that doesn't hold true, does it? North’s sister Angie has been gone how long now? And I still don’t think he can totally pull himself together. And that's okay. So you take as long as you need.”

  They watched a star streak across the sky, breathed in the perfume of horse and earth carried on the balmy breeze. Brooke cleared her throat. “What happened to you is probably the worst thing that could happen to anybody. It's not meant to magically go away, or even feel better after a while. You'll always hurt. You'll always miss her. That will never change. You know what changes?”