Saving Our Hearts

by Velvet Reed

  Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Cole’s head shoot up to look at Bryan. A strange look clouds over his face then he glances at me quickly and I immediately know he has something on his mind.

  “Listen, guys. I’m going to take Cole here to get some fresh air. You don’t mind keeping an eye on things while we head out for a little bit?” I ask.

  With a quick glance at Cole and knowing that he hasn’t left the hospital since the accident, Bryan and Ashley are quick in their approval. “Absolutely. Go stretch your legs, son. We’ll find you if you’re needed.”

  I lean down to Ashley and whisper, “I’ll be back soon. Remember what I said earlier. You’ve got me.”

  She turns her head and meets my eyes, a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “Thank you,” she replies simply and I take the opportunity to place a chaste kiss her the lips, which elicits a little gasp of surprise at the public display of affection I just provided. Without looking back, I grab hold of Cole’s bicep and help him stand.

  “Come on, buddy. Let’s take a walk.” Moving in step together, Cole and I make our way to the elevators.

  We walk into the courtyard off the cafeteria, coffees in hand and find a table far away from anyone else and their inquisitive ears. Cole has taken a leave of absence and John is only doing minimal duties, though no one would expect any different from a family as tight knit as the Tierney’s. As much as I want to, I haven’t taken any time off, because honestly, it wouldn’t help anyone having me sit around waiting for news. At least if I’m working, I’m here at the hospital, and I can keep up to date on everything, while still checking in with Cole and everyone else.

  Cole’s sitting, fiddling with the lid of his coffee seemingly lost in thought. Knowing he has something on his mind, I interrupt him, “You want to tell me what that look was up there.”

  “I’m just thinking. Does that seem a little strange and convenient to you?” he asks.

  Not completely sure what he’s talking about, I have to ask. “Does what seem strange?”

  He continues playing with the lid of his coffee “It just seems weird to me that Gracie has her accident and then Troy has a family situation come up and he can’t work at the garage. I mean, I wouldn’t have even thought about it until Bryan said he didn’t even know he had family. It just seems off.”

  Astonished that this is where his head’s at, I respond, “What does it matter if Troy’s not at the garage? I don’t understand why that would be an issue here.”

  Cole shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “I don’t know, but thinking about what that cop said about the accident. The fact that Gracie and Troy used to be together, and now he’s not at work, it just seems like a big coincidence to me.”

  “What are you saying, Cole?”

  He looks up and stares straight into my eyes. “What if he did something to the Jeep? He works at the garage. I just know Gracie didn’t cause the accident. This wasn’t her fault. Now here she is, fighting for her life, while our son does as well.”

  Eyes wide in shock I reply, “You really think that? You think Troy would want to hurt Gracie. I mean, come on, Cole, that’s a pretty big accusation to make. It would also lead to criminal charges. Do you really think Troy would do something like that?”

  “Honestly, Sam, I don’t know the guy at all. We’ve never even really acknowledged each other, so I don’t know what he is or isn’t capable of.” He takes a final gulp of his coffee and throws the cup the few feet away into the trash can. He then stands to leave. “All I know is that when I find out who’s to blame, by the time I get through with them, they’re going to wish they were never born.”

  As he walks away from me, I try to wrap my head around what he said. I know he’s under a huge amount of stress, but the thought that Troy, one of Bryan’s own employees may have somehow acted maliciously against Gracie seems a little farfetched. I don’t hold back my sigh. It looks like I’m going to have to keep a closer watch over Cole and make sure he doesn’t do something he may later regret.

  Chapter 5

  Cole...

  Even broken, battered and bruised, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I knew before the accident I couldn’t live without her, but now in the aftermath, I know that if I were to lose Gracie, or our son, I’d be shattered beyond repair. When she wakes up and is on her way to a full recovery, I’m going to demand she officially becomes mine forever. No more of this crap about not having to get married just because of the baby. Gracie will be my wife. I will drag her gorgeous ass kicking and screaming down the aisle if I have to, but she will become Mrs. Grace Tierney. Teetering on the edge of a cliff where you have complete happiness or utter devastation in your midst, makes you cling on with everything you have in you to ensure your feet remain on solid ground. I’m clinging as if my own life depends on it.

  It’s been five days and I am determined to keep watch over both the love of my life and my son. The war of wanting to be in both the NICU and the ICU at the same time is impossible to overcome. I’m beyond thankful that both our families are constantly here taking turns and helping me watch over both Gracie and my son. I can’t stay with my little man during the nights, but the hospital board bent the rules, allowing me to stay with Gracie. It makes me realize that if I wasn’t a hospital employee and if my father didn’t have the standing he has with the board, I wouldn’t be getting this kind of special treatment. How agonizing it must be for the families of regular patients who have to leave their loved ones alone only to be allowed access during the specified visiting hours. I’d surely go insane if I had to endure that.

  Everyone else has gone home for the night, and as the ventilator continues to breathe for Gracie, ensuring her body receives the oxygen it needs, I think about how incredibly lucky she is to be alive. Both her arm and leg are broken on her left side, along with a broken rib that punctured her lung. She had some swelling on her brain from the contusion to her head, but the last CT scan taken just this morning showed that the swelling had begun to subside. The CT scan they also took on her lungs this morning showed a big improvement and they’ve begun to wean her off the ventilator and the sedation she’s been under. Meaning that Gracie could wake up anytime now. As much as I want to be beside our son, I hate the thought of not being here if she does.

  Holding her good hand in a mine, I make slow, lazy circles with my thumb. “Come back to me, Sweet Cheeks. Show me those gorgeous eyes of yours.” I reach up as single tear trickles down my cheek and smooth her hair back. I then gently run my fingers across her forehead without applying any pressure over the bandage. “I need you, Gracie. Our little man needs you and I’m becoming irritated like everyone else about him not having a name, but I won’t do it without you. Come back to us and meet our son. He needs us, Gracie. He needs his daddy and his mommy.”

  I continue holding her hand and lay my weary head down on my forearm resting on her bed. The lack of sleep in the previous days weighs heavily on my eyelids. As I’m just beginning to dose, I startle, certain I felt a slight movement in the hand holding Gracie’s. Sitting up straight, I watch anxiously, hoping and praying that my exhaustion hasn’t caused me to start hallucinating. As the seconds tick by, my hope starts to fade. “Come on, Sweet Cheeks,” I plead and then it happens again, just the slightest twitch of her fingers.

  “Gracie,” I desperately breathe. “Gracie.”

  Her eyes begin to flutter but the excitement of her coming to doesn’t prevent me from realizing that when she is fully awake, she’s going to fight the ventilator and panic when awareness of her surroundings sets in. Hitting the call button for the nurse’s station, I just hold her hand in mine in a display of comfort and support. Not a minute passes before a nurse enters the room. “She’s waking up,” I inform her without preamble. “Her hand has been twitching and she’s trying to open her eyes.”

  Walking over, the nurse checks the monitors and then turns to Gracie. She watches her and Gracie’s eyes again begin
to flutter rapidly. “I’ll get Doctor White,” she says, hastily going to the door and calling out to someone else.

  It’s in that second that Gracie opens her eyes fully. The sheer panic and terror in their depths has my heart hammering against my chest. “It’s okay, Gracie. It’s okay. Try and stay calm.” My words do nothing to curb the growing fear that overcomes her face.

  The nurse rushes back in with Doctor White and another nurse in tow, just as Gracie’s breathing and heart rates skyrocket sending all the alarms on the machines attached to her into ear-piercing impatience. Gracie thrashes her head fighting the tube in her throat and she lets go of my hand struggling with all her might. “Grace, we need you to try and calm down. You have a tube in your throat to help you breathe,” Doctor White tells her, but her eyes are still wide, the anxiety growing as tears seep from the corners.

  I move closer to her head as the doctor and nurses try to get things under control, one nurse attending to the machines while the other tries to keep Gracie from moving too much. With adrenaline coursing through her, Gracie has no idea of her other injuries or the fact that she could cause herself further damage struggling the way she is. “Sweet Cheeks, please, you need to keep calm. Don’t fight the tube, Gracie. I know you’re scared. I know you don’t know what’s happening but please, please try to relax. Just keep your eyes on me, baby. Just keep looking at me. I’ve got you and I won’t let you go.” I squeeze her hand again to convey my words.

  Slowly, she begins to calm and her eyes roam the room, moving from my face to Doctor White, then the nurse. Confusion starts to replace the fear as she takes in everything around her. “Don’t try to talk, Grace,” Doctor White instructs. “You’re in the hospital. You were in a serious car accident and we had to put you on a ventilator and under sedation. The good news is that you’re doing well; however, due to the trauma to your lung we will have to keep you on the ventilator until tomorrow morning. If we’re confident then you are breathing on your own normally, we’ll remove the tube. I know it’s uncomfortable so we’ll keep you under a light sedation to help relax you. It’s imperative you don’t fight the breathing tube, Grace. Blink your eyes if you understand what I’m saying?”

  Gracie stares anxiously at the doctor then slowly but deliberately blinks her eyes, causing a few more tears to escape. She squeezes my hand and I move straight into her line of sight. “Hey, there, beautiful. Welcome back,” I say with a smile and place a kiss on her head, then gently wipe the stray tears. The relief coursing through me is astounding and my pulse is racing, but in a good way. She’s awake, my Gracie’s awake! I stay quiet and continue to watch as Doctor White examines Gracie, methodically checking her vitals and documenting everything on her chart.

  “So everything’s looking good. As I said, we’ll keep you under a light sedation throughout the night and I’ll be back in the morning to take you off the ventilator if all goes well,” Doctor White tells us. He turns to the nurses giving a few final instructions then bids us both goodnight and leaves. The nurses complete a few more tasks and leave the room as well.

  I take a moment to stare at the beautiful eyes trained on me. “You scared the life out of me, you know. I’ve never known fear like that. I think I’ve aged ten years in the last five days.” I chuckle to lighten the mood, but at the mention of five days Gracie’s eyes widen again and the heart monitor increases in beeps. “Shhhhh, shhhhh. It’s okay. They’ve had you sedated, Sweet Cheeks. You were badly injured in the accident, but you’re going to be fine.”

  I know she isn’t going to be conscious for much longer so I’m not sure if I should mention our son or not, but when Gracie let’s go of my hand and slowly moves it toward her stomach, my indecision is answered for me when her heart rate speeds again when she discovers her pregnant belly missing. I quickly snatch up her hand and lean over the side of her bed. “We have a son, Gracie. We have a beautiful little boy,” I tell her and let my own tears escape, a mirror image of the ones trailing down her face. “He’s small, but he’s fighting. He’s just the most perfect little thing you’ve ever seen in your life.” I can’t help the bright smile that the thought of our son evokes. “He’s got quite a bit of dark hair like mine, but his tiny little lips and nose are all yours. He’s in the NICU and the nurses and doctors are giving him the best care they can. During the day, he’s never alone. I’ve been going back and forth between the two of you. When I’m with you, my parents or your dad and Ashley are with him and vice versa.”

  Gracie closes her eyes as if in relief that our son constantly has someone to watch over him. It takes her quite a while to open her eyes again and I know she needs to rest so I tell her one more thing before the medication takes over. “I love you, Gracie Rivers. I love you more than you will ever know and I’m going to love you for eternity.”

  As she slips into sedated slumber I realize I have some phone calls to make. I pull her hand to my lips and place a kiss on her palm. “I’ll be right back, baby,” I tell her even though I know she won’t hear me.

  Hearing a strong man like Bryan Rivers cry over the phone was quite an emotional experience. The news that Gracie was awake and seemed to have normal mental capabilities was met with silence, then garbled sobs and reverent praises of “Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.” The strain of the accident on me was huge, so I can only imagine that the strain on Bryan, who has already lost his wife, would be tremendous. He assured me he would tell Charlie and he would be at the hospital first thing in the morning.

  My mom cried and called for my dad who took control of the conversation as my own tears of relief began to fall again as I listened to the voices of the two people who have always comforted and supported me unconditionally. My tears turned to a smile when I heard April in the background whooping for joy at the news. This phone call had ended with both of my parents telling me fervently that they loved me, a sentiment I returned without hesitation.

  I left Sam a message on his phone knowing he’d probably be asleep. He would without doubt be in here first thing in morning checking on Gracie and his godson before he starts his rounds.

  My call to Ashley may have resulted in permanent hearing damaged as she screamed in delight and cried uncontrollably. The love Ashley and Gracie have for each other is incredible. It took forever to get Ashley to calm down and hang up the phone, but finally she did, although not without telling me to watch over Gracie tonight so she could see her tomorrow, obviously still fearful she somehow wouldn’t be here or awake before she saw her.

  I had one more thing I needed to do before I returned to Gracie’s bedside and resumed my nightly vigil. “Can I just see him for two minutes?” I ask the nurse in charge of the NICU. A middle-aged woman, Regina Walters, who has the kindest eyes I’ve ever encountered, took in the look on my face and with a smile that made the wrinkles around her eyes crinkle; she gave a slight nod of her head.

  “How’s mom doing downstairs?” she asks.

  I produce a blinding smile when I inform her, “She woke up. Things are looking good, but we’ll have to wait until the morning for more news. I just wanted to let him know.”

  Patting my arm, a bright smile lit her features. “That really is incredible news, Doctor Tierney. I’ve had you all in my prayers.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

  I go through the usual routine required before entering the NICU, of hand washing and putting on a hospital gown. When I step up to his incubator and gaze down at him, the urge to reach out and touch him, to hold him becomes unbearable. The doctors haven’t allowed me to do that yet; he’s been too weak and fragile. As if reading my mind, Nurse Walters says, “I have some more good news for you.” I look at her expectantly. “Doctor Bailey told us after his rounds tonight that you would be able to touch him. Not for too long and you can’t rub his skin because it’s too sensitive, but you can touch him and let him know you’re here.”

  “Seriously?” I ask.

  “Seriously,” she confirms with a big sm
ile. “I know you’re a doctor but like I said, be gentle and don’t rub, just touch.”

  Cautiously, I reach in the incubator, my hands huge compared the size of his little body. With slow, careful movements, my finger is but millimeters from his tiny frame and I make the decision to touch his hand, just as I was holding Gracie’s up stairs. The moment the connection is made, my little finger in his palm, my son curls his hand into a grip and he holds on. I gasp and begin crying at his instinctive reflex. No words can describe the magnitude of this moment, or the wave of emotions that engulf me.

  I’m riveted to the spot holding my son’s hand, knowing that as my father has with me, I will love him unconditionally. I will stand by this little person through thick and thin. I will protect him and support him, teach him and cherish him with every part of my being. I will pick him up when he falls and carry him on my shoulders in glory when he stands tall. He’s my son, and for that, I will always be eternally grateful.

  “Mommy woke up, little man. I told her all about you and I could see the love shining in her eyes. So, you need to keep fighting too, okay, so she can come down here and hold your hand just like Daddy’s doing right now.” He stretches his little fingers out and curls them around mine again. “I’m going to let you get some sleep, but I’ll be back tomorrow to tell you more about mommy and how she’s doing.”

  I glance at Nurse Walters and know it’s time to let go. “I love you, little man. You have sweets dreams.” Then gently removing my finger from his grasp, I kiss my other hand and place it on the incubator sending it to him.

  I walk out of the NICU and as I’m rounding the desk, I hear Nurse Walters call my name, so I stop and turn back. “I didn’t mention it before, but now you’ve been cleared to touch him, I think it would be a great idea if you got your baby a soft toy.”