Saving Our Hearts
Page 4
Surprised by this, I furrow my brow in confusion. “Why would he need a soft toy? He’s only five days old,” I question.
Nurse Walters smiles. “It’s something we encourage parents to do as a comfort for the baby. I suggest you get something small and then rub it against his mom, perhaps even let her sleep with it for the night. That way her scent is transferred to the toy and when we put it inside the incubator with the baby, he’ll get use to her scent. Some parents also use it to put beside the baby and take photos as a record of their growth. I’ve seen some amazing pictures of teenage kids with their toys. Anyway, it’s just a suggestion.”
“That’s a fantastic idea,” I reply. “I’ll organize it tomorrow.” I go to leave but turn back again. “Thank you. For everything.”
“It’s my pleasure.” She smiles and goes back to her work.
I make my way back to Gracie, happy for the first time in days. I know they both have a long way to go, but right now, with renewed hope and determination, I’m floating on cloud nine.
Chapter 6
Grace...
Images flash through my mind creating confusion and chaos in my foggy head. Cars and buildings speeding past; my foot pumping the brake vigorously; red traffic signals; vehicles bearing down on me. Darkness. Cole’s face; an unfamiliar doctor; Cole’s tears.
With the faces, there are words. Accident. Ventilator. Trauma. Baby. Boy. Fighting. NICU. Love.
Emotions and sensations are swirling and colliding within me. Then pain... oh, the pain and I’m choking. Panic! God, there’s something down my throat. I open my eyes to bright lights, blinking in my momentary blindness. The squeezing of my hand and then Cole’s slightly blurry face comes into view brings me a little reassurance. “I’m here, Gracie. You have a tube in your throat, remember? Keep calm, baby,” his voice soothes.
I move my eyes to another face. “Good morning, Grace. I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Doctor White. You’ve done remarkably well over night breathing more on your own, so I’m going to go ahead and remove the tube now.” I vaguely recall his face from the flashes and know I’m in safe hands.
The next few minutes involve Doctor White and two nurses fixing machines, moving equipment and then finally the unbelievably uncomfortable experience of the breathing tube being removed from my throat. I take in a gasp of air when it’s gone and the rawness in my throat feels like I swallowed glass. The doctor continues making his checks, asking me questions that I assume are supposed to check my memory and brain function. He tells me it will be difficult to talk properly straight away and I shouldn’t force it. I nod in acknowledgement and he tells me he’ll come back shortly to go through my other injuries and treatments. When he finally leaves the room with the nurses right behind him, I can finally turn my head and seek out the gorgeous blue eyes that have held me captive from the first time I saw them.
Cole smiles at me, his look conveying so much love I can feel it down deep in my soul. “There’s my beautiful girl,” he says and I smile right back him. “God, I’ve missed that smile, baby,” he says as he leans down. Knowing his intention, I quickly lick my dry, slightly cracked lips right before he places a soft, tender kiss to my mouth. “God, I’ve missed those lips,” he chuckles as he pulls away.
I try to speak but nothing comes out, my mouth is as dry as the Sahara Desert. “Here,” Cole says after leaning over to the portable trolley and picks up a plastic cup with a straw. “The nurse bought in some water not long before you woke up.” Bringing the straw up to my lips, he guides it into place and I slowly take my first sip of water in goodness knows how many days. It burns and soothes at the same time. “Just little sips to start with, okay?” I nod in approval, but I know there’s no chance I’ll be guzzling anything down anytime soon.
When he places the cup back on the trolley, I try to speak again. Apart from Cole being here, there’s only one thing on my mind right now. “Baby,” I slowly whisper, and wow, who knew that uttering one little word could cause so much pain. Cole sees me wince in discomfort.
“I’ll talk okay. He’s beautiful, Gracie. Perfect. Do you remember anything I told you last night?”
I shake my head no. I remember some words but it’s all too foggy. I want to know everything about my baby boy. I want to hold and make sure he’s okay. I want to see what he looks like. I want him to know how much his mommy loves him. I want to know that he’s actually here and alive because the sudden realization that I don’t have any memories of his birth and I never will hits me hard. I was pregnant and now I’m not and I haven’t seen any proof that my child is actually real. A strangled sob takes me by surprise and the only way I know that it came from me is the burning sensation making its way down my throat.
“Hey. Hey. He’s okay, Sweet Cheeks. He’s fighting. He takes after his mommy like that,” Cole soothes me. The gentle strokes he makes through my hair calming me some.
“Tell me,” I rasp out.
“I can do better than that,” Cole says smiling and reaching into his pocket at the same time. It gives me a chance to take in his face. He looks exhausted with his hair mussed up and a touch of darkness under his eyes. I doubt he’s slept much at all since I’ve been in here. He fiddles with his phone for a few seconds and the most beautiful and amazing sight in the world is in front of me.
Dark hair and tiny features, his skin slightly wrinkled. He’s small but he’s breathtaking. A monitor starts beeping in the background and I’m sure it’s because my heart just swelled with a love so immense and is beating that much faster at the sight of my son. I can’t hold back the tears of happiness intermingled with tears of fear as I take in the tubes and wires attached to him. He’s our miracle. A miracle because we actually made him and a miracle because he’s still here with us even after such a traumatic entrance into the world.
“He’s amazing, isn’t he?” Cole says and I nod in agreement. “He’s ours, Gracie. He’s really ours.” I meet Cole’s gaze and the reverence shining in his eyes is a sight I expect to remember forever. He kisses me again before chuckling, “Everyone’s going crazy because I refused to name him without you. So what do you think, mommy? What are we going to name our little man?”
I think back to our discussions over baby names. There were two boys’ names we both liked but as I look again at the photo of our son, I think Cole’s favorite is most fitting. “Cooper,” I smile. Cole’s mouth splits into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
“Cooper Tierney. I love it,” he agrees.
I try to take a deep breath before I say, “I want to see him.”
The discomfort and pain I’ve been trying to ignore makes itself known at that moment as I try and move to get more comfortable. “I’ll call the nurse and see about some pain meds for you,” Cole says, seeing my features contort in pain.
“I want to see him,” I repeat with a huge effort.
“You won’t be able to see him for a while longer, Sweet Cheeks. You’ve got injuries that are going to prevent you from doing a lot of things by yourself for quite a while. You’re going to be in pain and you aren’t going to be able to exert yourself until your lungs get stronger,” he informs me. I can see how much it saddens him that I can’t see our son yet. Knowing he has to worry about and deal with both mine and the baby’s conditions makes my heart hurt for him.
“How bad?” I know I’m in pain and I obviously have a broken arm, but I’m alive. Did I really get hurt that badly?
Cole understands straight away what I’m talking about. “I’m sure you can feel your left arm and leg are broken. Which means you’ll be in a wheelchair to get around. You have two broken ribs; one punctured your lung, which is part of the reason why you were on the ventilator to help you breathe. Lots of cuts and bruises, the worst to your head. You must have hit your head pretty damn hard because you had swelling on your brain. That’s the other reason you were on the ventilator and sedated. You were unconscious for five days, baby. The worst five days of my life.”
Cole’s eyebrows furrow in concern. “What, not at all?” he asks.
Shaking my head, he waits patiently for my labored reply, “It was fine at first.” Breathe. “But then I couldn’t stop.” Breathe. “I tried the handbrake too, but it didn’t work either.” My breathing is ragged and my heart rate increases as I recall pumping the foot brake and then yanking on the handbrake to no avail.
“Okay, Sweet Cheeks, slow your breathing down. We’ll find out what went wrong with the car. I promise. But for now, let’s be thankful you survived and so did Cooper.”
“I love you, Cole,” I whisper, needing him to hear those words.
We sit in comfortable silence for a while, Cole holding my good hand and expressing his love for me too, when another voice grabs my attention. “Look who finally came back to us,” Sam says as he makes his way to my bedside and places a kiss on my cheek.
“Hey, Sam,” I smile.
“Hey, darlin’. You scared the life out of all of us.”
I nod and ask Cole for some more water.
“You know I may not ever have you as my patient again after all the stress you put me through,” he smirks.
I look between Cole and Sam not understanding what he means. “I don’t understand.”
Cole clears his throat so my attention returns to him. “We were both in the ER when you came in. Everything went crazy and so did I.” His cheeks actually tinge pink. “Anyway, Sam had to perform an emergency C-section to get Cooper out safe.”
“Like I said, you scared the life out of us,” Sam chuckles.
“Thank you, Sam,” I say with as much gratitude as I can muster. What they’re really saying is that Sam saved Cooper. This man is the reason my son is alive.
“Soooo, my godson’s name is Cooper.” His face lights up as he says it. “Cole here has been keeping us all hanging to find out his name. I was going to take matters into my hands soon. It was driving me crazy calling him godson all the time.” He chuckles again.
I can tell Sam loves Cooper already, and so without consulting Cole, I make a decision that I hope he will be okay with. “It’s actually Cooper Samuel Tierney,” I announce.
I keep looking at Sam as I say it so I don’t know how Cole reacts, but the look on Sam’s face is priceless. “W-what?” he stutters.
Now I glance at Cole and he nods in agreement. “You heard her,” he says. “You’re godson’s name is Cooper Samuel Tierney. Who better to be named after than the person who brought him into the world?” Relief washes through me that Cole is in agreement with Cooper’s middle name. I know Sam doesn’t do emotions well; he showed us that when we asked him to be a godfather. I’m hoping that this goes a little way to showing how thankful we are for everything he did for Cooper, throughout the pregnancy and the delivery, and how much we love him and what he means to us.
Sam shakes his head in disbelief. “Wow. That’s really incredible.”
We chat for a few more minutes about Cooper and then Sam leaves to do his rounds with a huge smile on his face and the promise that he’ll visit me later in the day. “You never cease to amaze me, Gracie,” Cole says.
“You don’t mind?” I ask sheepishly.
“Not at all. I couldn’t be prouder than to have our son named after Sam.”
“Good,” I smile.
“Grace...” Cole and I both turn our heads as another voice breaks through the air. My name is said like a prayer, with reverence and relief. It’s a voice I’ve known all my life and one I have depended on. It’s my dad.
“Daddy,” I rasp, and when it comes out he’s at my bedside straight away. I notice the glisten in the corners of his eyes and can only imagine how my state of unconsciousness and injuries have bought back memories of losing my mom for him. I hate he’s gone through that.
He bends down and places a kiss on my cheek. It’s really the only spot anyone can kiss me. Then with a slight shake of his head, he whispers, “You scared the life out of me, Sweet Pea. Don’t ever do anything like that again.”
“I’ll try not to, Daddy,” I promise.
Cole stands from his chair beside my bed. “Morning, Bryan,” he greets my dad, who has only had his attention on me since he walked.
“Morning, son,” Dad replies.
“Listen, I’m going to let you guys have some time together and go check on Cooper. I won’t be long, baby.” He squeezes my hand and kisses my lips. “Don’t go anywhere, okay?” he smirks.
“Not very likely, babe.” I roll my eyes at him, gaining a genuine smile in return.
“Cooper?” Dad asks.
“Yes, sir. Cooper Samuel Tierney,” Cole replies with so much pride in his expression.
“It’s a fine name. A name worthy of my grandson,” Dad tells us and I know he loves it and his grandson already.
After Cole leaves the room, my dad takes the now empty chair and my hand. He stares at me for a minute and then clears his throat. “Do you need anything, Sweet Pea?”
“Some water would be great.”
He looks around and spots the cup Cole left on the trolley, and then holds it up for me to drink. I know he’s stalling and has something to say. “Thanks, Daddy,” I say when I’m finished. He returns the cup and just looks at me again.
Deciding to fill the silence, I share with him something crazy. “I had a dream about Mom.”
His eyes go wide in shock. He definitely wasn’t expecting those words to leave my mouth. “While you were unconscious?”
“Yeah, but it didn’t actually feel like a dream. I mean, I know this sounds crazy but I felt like she was here and talking to me. I know I didn’t say anything back, but I can remember her saying that it’s not my time and that I have to fight because my baby needed me,” I confess.
Dad’s elbow is leaning on the side of my bed, the hand not holding mine covering his mouth, his eyes conveying his sadness. “I have no doubt your mom was watching over you, Sweet Pea, and her grandbaby too. She loved you something fierce. You know I’m not a very religious man. I lost my faith when I watched my wife slowly fade away and be taken from me. But I prayed, Gracie. I prayed so damn hard that they wouldn’t take you too.” Tears spill over and trickle down his rugged face, as he bears his fears and grief. “I honestly don’t think I could have survived losing you too. So I prayed to your mom and to God to bring you back to me.”
“I’m here, Daddy,” I rasp as tears escape me too. He reaches for my face and wipes away my tears as he’s done for most of my life. Choked up, he simply nods in recognition that I’m here and I’m going to be okay. Trying to lighten the mood and the heaviness that has set over us, I change the subject. “So I hear you’ve met your grandson.”
My dad’s face lights up at my words and the tears in his eyes make them sparkle. “He’s a good looking boy, Gracie. Did Cole tell you he has his hair color? I can’t believe how much he has. He doesn’t get that from you because you were as bald as a bowling ball.” He chuckles and I’m relieved to see the anguish of minutes before replaced with mirth as he tells me all about my son, his first-born grandson.
Chapter 7
Cole...
Gracie’s been awake for a day now and she’s anxious to go meet our son. The doctors wanted to keep her in the ICU yesterday to monitor her progress after coming off the ventilator, and now that she’s doing fine, she’s being transferred to a private room on a ward. My family, Charlie, and Ashley all came in throughout the day yesterday as well, eager to see that she was in fact awake and doing well. Given that she was in ICU, the number of visitors was restricted, so I was never in there while the others were¸ but I could see that all the talk about Cooper was getting her down. She’s the only one who hasn’t seen him in perso
n and I’m worried that her state of mind, depression, is not something I want her to have to deal with on top of her other injuries. So, after getting the approval from Doctor White, I’m surprising her this morning and taking her to meet the little man who grew in her belly for seven months.
“What’s with the extra bright smile?” she asks as I return to her bedside. I know that my smile is huge because of what I’m about to tell her.
“Well, I just spoke to Doctor White and he’s having you transferred out of here into another room.”
“That’s good I guess,” she says without much enthusiasm at all. “I wish I could have a shower. It’s humiliating having people you don’t know give you a sponge bath.”
“Damn, I missed the sponge bath,” I quip, trying to lighten her mood.
“Funny, Cole,” she retorts, clearly unamused with my banter.
“Well, since you’re all clean and don’t smell any more, how about I take you to your new room and get you settled.”
“Yep, let’s go find some other nurses who will no doubt get to see me in all my glory,” she gripes. Wow. I really hope my surprise perks her up.
We wait for an orderly and nurse to come in and assist getting Gracie into a wheel chair. There’s really nothing else to take with us because there’s no flowers allowed in ICU and Gracie has no personal items with her. That will be another surprise for her when we get to the room because mom is bringing in toiletries, pajamas and clothes for her.
As we get Gracie out of bed, I can see her wincing. It’s the first time she’s moved this much in almost a week. Her muscles are no doubt stiff and weak from lack of use, and combined with the broken leg, arm and ribs, and the caesarean, I can only imagine how sore she is. “Do you need any pain relief?” I ask.
She shakes her head no, as she tries to get more comfortable in the wheelchair. “It’s not too bad, just really uncomfortable.”