Beyond What is Given

by Rebecca Yarros

  My mouth dropped open. “You…you’re going to let me in?”

  She nodded. “Everyone makes mistakes, Ms. Fitzgerald. Not everyone has the integrity to admit them as you did. Just pay Charlotte your application fee on your way out, and I’ll take care of the rest.”

  I took in sweet, gulping breaths and laughed. “Thank you! Thank you so much!” I couldn’t contain my smile, or the tears that pricked in my eyes. Relief. Light, floating relief was all I could feel.

  She smiled. “This is why I’m here.”

  I batted away the silly tears and stood to shake her hand. “I swear I won’t make you regret it.” Grayson had been right. Accountability tasted bitter, but I was putting one foot in front of the other, gaining distance from the person I didn’t want to be. I was almost out of her office when she called me back.

  “Samantha?”

  I pivoted. Don’t take it back. Please, don’t take it back. “Yes?”

  “Would you do it again?” she asked, her head cocked to the side but her eyes soft.

  “Sleep with him?” I pictured Harrison, his smile, his hands, the way he’d made me feel like I was special, something worth risking his job over, and then the fallout. “No. Never.”

  She nodded. “I’m glad to hear it. One mistake doesn’t define your life.”

  She was right. He’d taken everything from me, and I’d stood there and let him, then run away when it had all fallen to pieces in front of me. Nothing had happened to him. He was still teaching, his record unblemished.

  My handprint had vanished from his face as if it had never happened, but my academic career had been executed.

  “But I’d sure hit him again. Only harder.”

  I swear I saw her smile as I left.

  Chapter Nine

  Grayson

  I parked my truck in the farthest spot from the door, hoping to avoid some asshole opening a door into it. I’d been back at Fort Rucker for all of forty-five minutes, long enough to drop my bag at the house and empty the contents into the washing machine.

  But now I was here because after four days of being surrounded by family, friends…and Grace, I still couldn’t get Sam out of my head. It shouldn’t have happened. My life here at Rucker never followed me home, the same as my world there stayed separate. It was the only way I could survive, locking the shit away so I could focus on my future. But she followed me there and didn’t even know it.

  The gym was fairly empty for a Tuesday night, only the regulars at the free weights and a couple local girls at the stair climber. Speaking of which…

  “Hey, Grayson,” Marjorie drawled as she swayed past me, her eyes running up my torso, a bottle of water in her hand as she headed for Carter, who was lifting in the corner. He was courting trouble there.

  I nodded to her and immediately searched the gym until Sam sailed through the office door, a clipboard in hand. Her shirt molded to her frame, and her shorts were definitely made by someone who was out to torture me. I wanted to peel them down. With my teeth. Then I’d lick back up her thighs—

  Damn. It was supposed to be better now that I’d seen Grace, remembered my responsibilities, but my brain ran away the minute Sam stepped into my sight. Something was changing in me that I couldn’t stop, like a cracked dam ready to explode and eviscerate everything that lay beneath it. Four days away from her and I was ready to crawl out of my skin to see her smile or hear her laugh. The parts of me that were waking up to her, craving Sam’s sunshine in the darkness were way overpowering the saner parts of my brain screaming for distance.

  My trip hadn’t built up my defenses, it had taken a chisel to the mortar.

  Sam handed a towel to one of the local guys and gave him a sweet smile as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. My stomach clenched as the guy reached out and touched her arm, and I took a step toward them.

  Sam retreated from his touch, still smiling, and it turned into stadium-worthy bright when she saw me. “Grayson!”

  She ran the ten feet or so that separated us and flew into my arms. I caught her easily, pulling her against me while her feet dangled off the floor. She hugged me, her grip strong as her vanilla scent overwhelmed me with an unearned sense of peace. Home.

  “Ooh, I’m so sorry.” She tried to pull back. “I just jumped right on you!”

  I held her tighter, my hand splaying wide along the small ridges of her spine. “I don’t mind.” She melted, resting her cheek along my neck. “How’s my kitchen?”

  “I burned it to the ground. I missed you!” She laughed, pulling back to beam that gorgeous smile at me. “And guess what?”

  “Guessing with you can be dangerous.” I raised an eyebrow and tightened my grip around her back to keep from gazing any farther south.

  “ESCC let me in! I went and talked to the guidance officer, and they’re letting me take classes. I know not all of them will transfer once I get back to the university level…” Her mouth fell a little, like a child who’d been told their artwork wasn’t nice enough to hang on the fridge.

  “That’s great, Sam. In fact, I think it’s amazing.” She’d faced her demons head-on and came out victorious.

  “Hey, Masters, you maybe want to put her down? Or were you thinking of benching her?” Carter called out with a laugh.

  Sam pressed her lips together and dropped her eyes. “Naw,” I called back. “I could, though, as small as you are.” I whispered the last part to her.

  Her eyes flew back to mine, wide and impossibly green, and I let her slide down my body, for once taking in every nuance of the way she fit against me, the press of her breasts against my chest to the way her fingers sparked my nerve endings to life as they trailed absently down my chest. Awareness sizzled between us. I’d flipped a switch from friends-only to whatever it was I was flirting with, and she knew it.

  I wasn’t sure I was even sorry.

  “I came by to tell you I was home. You get back to work; I’ll work out until you’re ready to head home.”

  “You don’t have to walk me out.” Her lips curved up, and her eyes darted back and forth between mine, like she was trying to figure out what was going on.

  Good luck figuring it out, because damn if I know.

  “I know.”

  She narrowed her eyes and shook her head with a perplexed smile. “Did you hit your head while you were home?”

  “Nope. Now get back to work before you get in trouble.”

  “Uh huh.” Sam left to head back to work, and I changed, then took up the station next to where Carter had set up.

  “Water,” Sam said as she set the bottle next to the bench. She gave me a shy smile and skipped back to the desk.

  I unabashedly watched her walk away.

  “What’s the deal there?” Carter asked.

  I turned my attention back to the weights, anxious to lose myself in the burn. “No deal, just watching out for her.”

  “Or just plain watching her.”

  My eyes shot up to his in clear warning.

  “Hey, I’m not judging. Sam is gorgeous, and funny, and…damn.” He took a long drink while he watched her lean across the counter to clean it.

  “What the hell would you know about Sam?” My fingers dug into the dumbbells.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Feeling touchy? I spent some time with her at the barbecue while you were home doing…whatever it is you do when you go home. She’s a firecracker.”

  My veins ran thick with something hot that tasted a lot like a jealousy I had no right to. “No. Just… No, Carter.”

  The West Point prick had the nerve to grin at me. “Oh, this is going to be fun. You scared you’ll be second choice this time?”

  “She is not a game.” I leveled him with a glare, and he leaned back.

  “Relax. I have no intentions of fighting over a girl ever again.” He sighed. “Ever.” He took another drink and eyed Sam. “Besides, she’s the first person I’ve seen get under your skin in the year I’ve known you, Masters, and that’s
saying something.” He looked back at me and waited for a response.

  “We’re not having a moment, Carter. This”—I motioned between us—“is not happening.”

  He shook his head and laughed. “Someone needs to warn her what an asshole you really are.”

  Grace’s face sprang to mind, not like I’d seen her this weekend but before it happened. Her smiles, laughs, the way she’d slide over in the Mustang to lay her head on my shoulder. Then…after. The way she’d looked through me when I’d held her…when she’d stopped seeing me.

  I took a deep breath and let the pain sweep across me, scalding a well-beaten path. I’d learned long ago that pushing it away only made it come back with a vengeance. Then I glanced over to where Sam leaned over a book with Avery and laughed at something. “Yeah, someone really should warn her.”

  If I were half the man I should have been, I would have.

  “Welcome to the AH-64 course. I’m Mr. Wolfton, and I’ll be your academics instructor.”

  The Wednesday morning light streamed through the windows, reflecting off the shiny surface of the tablet in front of me as the other pilots filed in. There were thirty of us in this class. Statistically speaking, that many of us wouldn’t graduate.

  “First rule in my class is to turn off your cell phones. I hear it go off, and you owe two dozen donuts the next morning. No exceptions, because it’s rude to distract your classmates”—he smiled, his graying eyebrows shooting up—“and because I really like donuts. You’ll all note that you have tablets in front of you that will serve as your pubs.”

  “Hey, Masters,” Jagger whispered next to me.

  I slid my eyes sideways at him.

  “This”—he pointed to the power switch—“turns it on. You know, in case you wanted to have a prayer of beating me for top of the class.” He finished with a cocky grin.

  “Funny, I remember kicking your ass in Primary,” I remarked without taking my eyes off the instructor.

  Jagger laughed under his breath. “It’s a new ballgame.”

  I swallowed. I needed to be top of the Order of Merit List for two reasons. The first was to get top choice of duty stations after we graduated. Fort Bragg was only five hours away from home. I could make the drive every weekend instead of the once or twice I made it home a month right now. What the hell was I going to do if I got stuck all the way across the country, somewhere like Lewis, or worse, Korea?

  But what was my life going to look like if I succeeded and wound up at Bragg?

  A sour taste filled my mouth. I washed it away with the Powerade I’d brought to class and tuned back in to the instructor. I wrote down the dates he listed, trying hard not to think about the second reason I needed to graduate at the top of the OML—so no one would look too closely at me.

  But I could do this. I just had to study my ass off and use the gym to keep my brain focused. No distractions. No extras. I made it through Primary, and I could make it through the Apache course as long as I worked twice as hard as every other pilot here.

  “As you know, on Friday you’ll take your first 5&9 test. If you don’t pass, it will also be your last.” He leveled us all with the I’m-not-fucking-around glare. “You. Will. Pass.”

  “Good thing Gandalf isn’t teaching,” Jagger muttered. “You shall not pass!”

  “Shut up, or trade seats,” I answered. “Unless you’re going to let me borrow that uncanny memory of yours.”

  He raised his eyebrows at me. “Someone’s on her cycle.”

  The instructor made it easy to ignore him.

  “Once your academics are over this week, and your 5&9 test is perfect, you’ll head to the flight line on Monday to meet your instructor pilots.”

  He walked us through our tablets and the general course requirements. Now death-by-Powerpoint was handheld, but it cut down on the amount of writing I needed to do, so I was all for it. My brain fumbled a few times, but I fought through it.

  By two p.m. I felt like mush, trying to store the incredible amount of information that had been dumped on me.

  “We’re going to end our day early here”—Thank God—“but there’s one last thing.” Fuck. “Turn to the man next to you and introduce yourself.”

  I turned to Jagger, who had his hand thrust forward. “Nice to meet you, I’m Jagger Bateman.”

  “Very funny.” I shook his hand.

  “Everyone acquainted?” Mr. Wolfton asked. We all mumbled our assent, even though we hadn’t looked around much. “Good. You just met your stick buddy for the rest of the class.”

  “Sweet!” Jagger fist-pumped.

  Fuck. My. Life. If there was one person I’d look like shit next to academically, it was Mr. Photographic Memory. I could outfly him with my eyes shut, I wasn’t blind to that, but I couldn’t compete with him on any written exam.

  “You don’t look nearly as enthused as you should be.” Jagger grinned.

  “Yay,” I responded with jazz hands.

  “Hey, this is way better than getting paired with Carter. That guy would knock his fucking West Point ring on the damn cyclic if he could.”

  “I’ll give you that one,” I answered. Carter was growing on me, but that didn’t mean I wanted the guy as my stick buddy. It had been bad enough having him as my class leader when we had the same date-of-rank.

  This was a solid plan. Study. Fly. Work out. Focus.

  “Come on up and write down your stick buddies on this list so I can get a record, and then you’ll be dismissed. See you bright and early tomorrow.”

  The class rumbled to life, packing up for the day and shuffling to form a line at his desk.

  “You cool with this stick buddy thing?” Jagger asked from behind me. “I don’t want it awkward at home.”

  “Don’t worry, dear,” I answered. “I’ll still put out.”

  “Holy shit, did you just make a joke?” Jagger looked at his watch, which cost more than my car, not that he’d flaunt it. “Let’s mark the moment in time where it was discovered that Grayson Masters has a sense of humor.”

  I shook my head at him. “The stick buddy thing is good. You’ll push me.”

  “You mean pull your ass.”

  “You’re a cocky prick for someone who landed ninth in the class.” The line shifted forward.

  “Yeah, well, Paisley’s heart is in tip-top shape, so I think we’ll avoid that situation in the future.”

  “Oh, you have excuses.” Only two guys in front of us and we’d be to the desk. “But seriously. I need to nail this, Jagger. I can’t afford to fail anything, or to be distracted. Just studying, flying, and gym time.”

  “What about lasagna? You wouldn’t take that away, would you?”

  A corner of my mouth lifted. “Food is life.”

  “And Sam?” He lowered his voice.

  My head swung around to look at him. All the joking was gone from his eyes, leaving a serious big-brother face I recognized only because of Mia and Parker.

  “What about Sam?” My muscles tensed even though my heart jumped. Damn, I reacted to her name like a prissy rom-com movie. I checked my stomach. Thank God those weren’t butterflies. Just hunger pangs.

  He snorted. “Don’t think I don’t recognize the way you guys look at each other. You two could probably power the fucking house from the electrical vibe you put out the minute you’re in the same room.”

  “Next?” Mr. Wolfton called, sparing me from responding to a question that I didn’t have the answer to.

  “Second Lieutenants Grayson Masters and Jagger Bateman.”

  “So much better than Carter,” Jagger whispered behind me.

  He scribbled our names down on the running list and then looked up with a smile. “Ah, Lieutenant Masters. I have here that you graduated from the Citadel.”

  My forehead puckered. “Yes, sir. I did.” In the top one percent of my class, thank you.

  “Good. I’ve been informed that you’re the class leader.”

  No. No. No. Hell, no. “Sir?”


  He handed me a manila folder. “Here’s the class roster. Split them into platoons and get me back the phone roster by tomorrow.”

  My hand froze on the folder.

  “Is there a problem?” he asked, his eyebrows raised in question. Jagger elbowed me in the back.

  Hell, yes, there’s a problem. I didn’t have time for this. “No, sir. No problem. Thank you for the opportunity.”

  I took the folder and met Jagger outside. The heat blasted us in the face as we put our covers on and headed for my truck. “What are you thinking?” Jagger asked, climbing into the passenger side as I cranked the ignition and then the air.

  “Now I miss Carter.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, well, the guy has his uses.”

  I put the truck into drive and headed for home, my mind fumbling to grasp the concept of taking on the extra duties of class leader and still keep my grades up.

  “Don’t stress. You’re not going to fail.”

  “Am I that transparent?” My grip tightened on the wheel.

  “You’re stressed.”

  We turned into Enterprise. “Yeah, well, this isn’t as easy for me. That doesn’t mean I won’t work twice as hard to get it.”

  “We’ll study, starting tonight. Whenever I’m free, I’ll help.” He laid out a detailed study plan as we pulled into our neighborhood, still going on about the merits of taping flash cards to the cabinets as I parked in the driveway next to Sam’s cabriolet. “We’ll minimize your distractions and get you into second place.”

  “Second place, my ass,” I joked with him. If Jagger was on his A game, I’d be lucky to come in second.

  I opened the door, and before I could close it, I caught the scent of vanilla…home. “Come here.” Sam raced up behind me, her eyes wide as she grabbed my hand in her tiny one and pulled me into the kitchen.

  “What the hell?” I asked. “Are you okay? Is your mom okay? Do you need me to kill someone?” The questions fired out of my mouth as I thought them, my filter dropped with my bag in the entry hall.

  “What? I’m fine, it’s not me.”