Whores for Gloria

by William T. Vollmann

  5

  Code Six

  The next morning Jimmy was feeling troubled in his mind despite the happiness of the river, because there was something funny about fucking Melissa's memories instead of her cunt and then too he didn't know what to do with the memories that hadn't been made into Gloria's like the one about going to movies and sitting by herself in the darkness eating popcorn which couldn't really be Gloria's because he wasn't in it and anyhow could the memories ever be Gloria's and would she keep accepting them and what if the wrong one contaminated her like Melissa's German shepherd who kept barking and whimpering in Jimmy's nightmares (and he heard Melissa crying also when the dog got too big and her parents had to give him away and Melissa's mother said now stop that or I'll give you something to cry about and the dog kept running away from his new owners and coming back and scratching at the front door whining in the night and Jimmy woke up and was sure he heard the dog sobbing underneath the bed and he actually got up and turned on the light before he realized that it was just the whore downstairs with a customer and he sat blinking on his mattress and shaking his head and scratching at the insect bites on his legs and thinking: Christ I sure am glad I didn't give that dog to Gloria because even she wouldn't have been strong enough to keep it from being taken away howling and howling so sadly!) and Jimmy sat wondering what to do, James, what to do, so when it was midmorning and the alleys were hot and stinking he set out to see his old friend Code Six, who lived on Sixth Street.

  The whole world was sleepy and crabby. The Vietnamese grocers rolled up their steel shutters with a slam and sat behind their cash registers, heads in hands, and an early bird whore stood on the corner yawning and scratching; for everyone who mattered these bright hours were but a wait until the shutters clicked up behind the eyelids of Spider the Pimp and his broad whore-wife they called the Hog, and Phyllis and Regina and Jimmy who grunted oof oof at the spot of beer-hurt at the back of his neck like an inner boil which could never be excised but he was very patient. Before he'd walked two blocks, the sunlight had begun to hurt his eyes and forehead so he stopped at a pay phone and called Gloria, not that he had anything new to say but it was easy like Melissa's brown tit slopping out of the striped blouse, Melissa turning her neck to tauten it, and then after he'd kissed the receiver goodbye, trying not to smell the breath of previous callers, he lingered as if he'd forgotten to do something when the truth was only that he was shy about his errand like a pom-pom girl who's never even had her cherry popped; Jesus James he said to himself you're putting on such a bad show anybody who paid is gonna want his money back! because he had gotten out of the habit of asking anyone save Gloria for advice but in this matter . . .—and of course it would hardly do to ask Gloria; that would be like asking her what surprise he should get her for Christmas, so he walked more and more slowly and took a roundabout way of sidewalks and alleys, nodding at everyone he saw.—No one nodded back.

  Now let's calculate it fine, thought Jimmy to himself. What am I going to tell him exactly? Do I need to tell about how it first came to me in the clinic when I thought that maybe Nicole gave me some disease? No, that's not his business. I don't want that thing about disease getting around. I'd better not say anything about that.

  But I do have to tell him what's happened since it came to me. About her. He knows her. It won't be bad.

  I don't know why it seems so bad all of the sudden. It's not like he and I keep secrets from each other.

  He plodded past the massage parlor on Larkin and turned the corner where a rusty Lincoln sat beside the street wall watching him through its shattered windshield. The car had been abandoned months ago and was not really good for much except fucking in which many people had done or else the gende lycanthropy of transvestites who ducked in to adjust a new wig and pat makeup on under the guidance of the mirror on the sun visor in the passenger side; no one had smashed that yet. The black whores from Oakland also used it sometimes to change hair and dresses one two three times a night when they or their pimps robbed tricks. Jimmy had never paid much attention to the Lincoln until Code Six found a full bottle of Thunderbird in a paper bag, right beside the bumper.—Now it kind of gives me a feeling that Larkin Street is Larkin Street, said Code Six.—After that, Jimmy had a good feeling whenever he saw it. He laughed inside himself and kicked the sagging tires.—That was a good thing you did for my friend, he said.

  He ambled past the junk shops, the gilded eagle shops, the shops that sold toys which would break right away, the ripoff hardware stores that sold flimsy locks for too much, the boarded up shops in whose doorways leaned ironing boards and broken bicycles, Jimmy thinking, Lord I am rolling along. It was very hot. On the sidewalk, a shitty kleenex did not stir. He saw Spider the Pimp and said top of the morning! but Spider just spat. He passed a sign that said HELP WANTED and said yeah, right but then he remembered and stroked the blue-grey stubble on his chin and said hmm. With both of us working, thought Jimmy excitedly, and her so quick at learning everything, we'll be able to buy that house so soon that Code Six's head'll spin and we'll give him the spare room if he promises to clean himself up and every day I'll come down to the Tenderloin and give money to my friends who right now are sleeping like invisible stars all around us.

  Yeah right.

  Gloria? What can I do to make you happy, Gloria? You're not crying anymore, are you? Gloria?

  Well, I was feeling good for a minute there.

  He crossed Market Street and passed the Vietnamese restaurant in front of which old Richard saluted him with a crutch saying hey Jimmy nice day ain't it? and Jimmy said can't complain and ducked between two piss-stained buildings where he knew his friend would be. Behind the dumpster, Code Six sat with crossed legs scratching and muttering inside the shelter of his overcoat, which was where he lived. He was big and fat and had yellow teeth and his body odor was so strong that at night you could practically find him in an alley by smell. He wore a jacket that might have been brown or green; if you brushed up against it brown stuff or green stuff smeared off on you.

  Code Six had been a straight sucker until he got to Nam. He and Jimmy had served together in 1968, right before the Tet thing happened and the boys started coming home in flag-wrapped boxes. Once Code Six and Jimmy got their discharges they used to watch television together at Code Six's house on Florida Street because every time they turned on the television they saw the generals sauntering up out of the helicopter together with their hands in their pockets, while their aides walked respectfully behind and Code Six said Jesus remember when we saw him?, and the generals did not do anything as crude as smiling at the cameras or slapping each other's shoulders because they were already as comfortable with everything as old men in summer sitting on the front porch and Code Six said man that's some fuckin' generals there, James! and Jimmy said yeah I'm gonna open you up another beer; so, hands swinging, the generals strode up to their MEN, turning their heads briskly from side to side whenever they spoke so that they could look into every soldier's eyes—and Code Six watched the screen with eyes shining and said let's stay busy fightin' to preserve this goddamn land, and keep this fuckin' flag up high! and Jimmy said oh fuck the flag; —thank you! said Code Six sarcastically; you say fuck the flag; I say stop fuckin' with me! and Jimmy said pass me another beer.

  Code Six and Jimmy were not and never had been cadets immaculate in long white sweeps of uniform; they were the troops silhouetted black against the blue sea, the troops leaping down from the landing craft into the hot sea, running toward the beach, the soldiers running through a burned-out place where pale faces prayed over the dead bodies that kept coming back inside plastic bags inside caskets inside flags in a truck with everyone saluting; will you look at those new Hueys! shouted Code Six and of course there were helicopters spinning, making the grass whirl, and soldiers leaped out so quickly and the side-doors slid shut again and the helicopters rose and the grass rose again;—oh, there are some soldiers, thought Code Six as he watched, soldiers like Jimmy and I
were, fighting the fucking GOOKS and SLANTS and SLOPES, soldiers trotting single file across a smoking field; and from the air the television showed fire blossoming tighdy in NVA towns and in great puffy random mushrooms in the jungle as the soldiers slammed huge rounds into the big bucking gun and smoke rose like mist, but it was all silent; it was a rule of Code Six's in those days to keep the volume turned to zero because certain sounds from Nam gave him nightmares and certain things the generals said made him mad (but nowadays people are always getting outraged by something, as letters to the editor show) and Jimmy didn't care whether the world was loud or silent, so they sat on the couch in Code Six's place in perfect contentment and Code Six's wife said I don't know why you two always watch that stuff I mean you've done your bit haven't you and Code Six said don't you tell me what to fucking watch you bitch what the fuck do you care so Code Six's wife slammed the bedroom door and started crying so Jimmy said can we turn the volume up now pal and Code Six said no fucking way so Jimmy said pass me another beer and leaned back on the couch trying not to listen to Code Six's wife-sobbing behind the bedroom door and therefore watching with ever increasing attention the soldiers leaning back in the tall grass, firing their assault rifles soundlessly, then running back to the safety of the helicopter when it came, each soldier helping his comrade in. In a field, soldiers rose as slowly as bomb-smoke from their hiding places. The low squat helicopters ranged through the sky in swarms, with their tails up behind them, as if they were dragonflies. Long orange lines came shooting down, illuminating a village (and watching from the open bay of the plane, the television showed the puffs and trails of bullets). The long lean bombs went swimming slowly downward like fish, until they came to the towns and became orange flowers. In the jungle there were no marks except roads and craters.—The television also showed the big eggheaded politicians, who were as energetic as the generals but whose energy turned more toward friendliness than theirs. They were always shaking hands (the family present, the wife's little hand taken protectively in two of the politician's great ones); they were always kissing little girls after being sworn in.

  So Jimmy and Code Six went back a long way. Fucking A!

  Code Six didn't have his television, his couch, his wife, or his house on Florida Street anymore. Jimmy came down with a fifth of Night Train for him because Code Six drank port now; it was a cheaper drunk than beer.

  Now there's my fuckin' soldier! cried Code Six in delight, whapping Jimmy on the back as they stood between the trash cans where the police couldn't see and Jimmy took a pull on a Budweiser in a paper bag and Code Six opened his Night Train and gulped it, and Jimmy said now Code Six I want your input on something and Code Six said man don't bother me with input and that catshit like some beady-eyed chaplain because I see snakes and I see dragons and Jimmy said sober up and Code Six said I'm as sober as you ya stupid drunk and the only advice or input I have to give you is empty your bowels before combat check your M-16 for jams and kill all the fuckin' slopes!

  Jimmy said listen bud I want your input about Gloria.

  Oh, said Code Six mildly. That's different. We all know how you feel about that. He licked the rim of the bottle and set it gendy down between two trash cans. That was good, he said. Thank you.

  Listen, Jimmy said, I told you how I'm always dreaming about her so she won't leave off bothering my sleep and thinking how to be true to her and being aware of how happy she always is.

  So get laid or jerk off, said Code Six. What do you need advice for?

  Well, said Jimmy, I'm looking for her and I've got to find her and I'm using those whores to help me but is it right? I feel so confused in my mind about it. Do you hear what I'm saying? and Code Six said no and Jimmy said you hear what I'm saying and Code Six raged and said stop talking like a fuckin' slant with all your Chinaman's circumlutions say what you mean and mean what you say, so Jimmy took a deep breath and hanging his head a little bit explained exacdy what he was doing and planned to do with the whores and Code Six laughed and said oh purple hearts of purple Jesus and Code Six said oh shit and Code Six said OK, some advice actually comes to mind right now. But you gotta keep it to yourself, Jimmy, because I can't get involved. I mean, I have a habit to support. Am I clear?—Yeah, Jimmy said.

  Well, said Code Six, if the cops get wind you're obligated not to use my name, or nothin' like that.

  I promise, said Jimmy.

  See, that's a fuckin' guy here, man! cried Code Six admiringly. A good reporter, he don't give up his sources!

  Don't reveal nothin', agreed Jimmy.

  Code Six cackled: He'd sit in goddamn jail till . . . till that old-ass buildin' there fell down in the street!

  And crumbled, Jimmy shouted, opening another beer.

  And fucked everything up before he . . .

  At the very least, Jimmy said.

  OK, said Code Six. I tell you my advice. —Oh, shit, here comes those dragons again. I never would've believed I'd see dragons. Not that they're dragons really; that's just what I call 'em. Jimmy, you think you kin buy me another jug? No? OK. I tell you my advice anyway.

  Shoot, said Jimmy.

  You want my advice? said Code Six.

  Jimmy said let's have it, fella.

  Well, said Code Six, my advice is go ahead and use those bitches and take everything you need from 'em make their hair Gloria's hair if that's what you gotta do make their eyes Gloria's eyes an' feel free to cut their motherfucking cunts out!

  6

  The Coral Sea

  At the Coral Sea bar on Turk Street the men were drunk and friendly and said where you from and Jimmy said from here and one guy said he was from New Mexico and Jimmy said say fella do you know where Cuba, New Mexico is? and the man said sure do and Jimmy said my ex-wife and I took a train ride through New Mexico once on the way to Louisiana and I remember we stopped there yes I think was Cuba and bought some Indian jewelry you know that turquoise and silver stuff—of course that was over twenty years ago now. —The guy said you don't look that old, but on the other hand I look older than I am so I guess that makes up for it.

  On his way out a drunk said look at this! and Jimmy saw a military patch on the drunk's shoulder and the drunk cried Eighty-Second Airborne! and Jimmy laughed and punched the guy on the shoulder, right on the patch, and they both shook hands.

  The Queen of the Tenderloin

  On Jones Street Jimmy met a lovely black whore who stood smiling at him and fixing her hair and he could just imagine ripping her panties off and spreading the cheeks of her ass and giving it to her right up the butt and he said to her wow you are so beautiful you are the Queen of the Tenderloin and the whore said big deal that means I'm the Queen of Nothing and Jimmy laughed and laughed and said yep you whores always have all the answers.

  Gloria

  Then Jimmy remembered his purpose and he went down to the Nitecap on Hyde and O'Farrell, seeing across the street Melissa waiting with slender legs drawn very close together and high heels shining as white as new ice on the sidewalk which was stained with giant figures like something pouncing on something, and Melissa had drawn her arms in and was looking back over her shoulder at him with her lips parted, her lower lip parted, her teeth as white as her high heels, and her eyes were like mirrors in which he could see his affection so needfully reflected as she stood waiting with that eternal backward look, the darkness at the bottom of the hill ahead of her. Jimmy nodded at her and said without saying it Gloria thanks you. And I love you. It was and always will be a beautiful train ride. And he went around the block and came back to the Nitecap and sighted on a black whore who wore big dark sunglasses and he knew that she would cross the street to meet him, that she would be sweet and serious with him and he wondered so does that make her desperate? does it? she'll probably say to me she can't pay her rent for tonight unless she gets just forty more dollars, but is that being desperate if it happens to her every night or is she used to it like I'm used to it? Anyhow he thought it's time to see that loveliest thing in
the world, the VAGINAL RAINBOW, the glory of cunt, cunt, cunt . . . and her name was Dinah and he picked her up, semi-hard, and she took him to her hotel on Mason Street and Dinah was so happy when Jimmy got out his money. Dinah's pimp Jack was there, and he took the forty and went out saying enjoy yourself my friend and live long and prosper and then Jimmy said to himself doing what I am about to do I do for Gloria out of love for Gloria out of belief in Gloria, and Dinah said are you praying and Jimmy said oh baby hurry up and spread your legs and let me get in you.