by Amber Garza
Edgar ran in the grass, barking at insects and butterflies. I tossed him the ball and he went running after it. Kyler came outside, a smile on his face. His arm came around my shoulders, his fingers caressing the soft skin on my upper arm. I turned to him, allowing his lips to press against my forehead. When Edgar trotted back to us with the ball in his teeth, Kyler laughed.
“You like this game, huh?”
Edgar barked in response. Kyler’s arm slipped from my shoulders as he bent down to yank the ball out of Edgar’s mouth. He chucked the ball far across the property and then turned to me with a wink. “That should keep him busy awhile.” His head titled to mine, and I lifted my face to his.
Shaking my head, I forced my thoughts back to the present. Why was I thinking about him? God, I was hopeless. Scrambling off the bed, I clicked off the TV and headed back outside. If I couldn’t score meth in this godforsaken town, I could at least get drunk. That should quiet the memories. At least for a little while. I’d need something stronger to block them out for good. I remembered seeing a liquor store down the street, so I walked in the direction of it.
When I reached the liquor store, my stomach knotted. A group of young men stood outside smoking cigarettes. They had scraggly hair and yellow teeth. My senses went on high alert when one of them glanced in my direction. His bloodshot eyes told me that he’d been drinking all day. They didn’t look like druggies, which disappointed me a little. At least then they might be of some use to me. But they appeared to be run of the mill drunks.
“Hey there, pretty lady,” one of them slurred.
I lifted my chin, and my hair fell away from face, exposing my scars and swishing down my back.
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath.
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Spoke a little too soon, asswipe.
Narrowing my eyes, I maneuvered around them. Before I could reach the front door I heard one of them laugh.
“Looks like the damn elephant man’s sister.”
The rest of them guffawed at his brilliant joke. Forcing down a biting remark, I shoved the glass door open and stepped inside the liquor store. In an hour I’d be too shitfaced to care what a bunch of losers thought about me anyway. In fact, I was hoping I’d be too shitfaced to care about anything at all.
When I returned to the motel, the sun was starting to go down. A deep salmon color splashed across the sky, streaking it in vibrant color. The clouds seemed to come alive, lined in rich purples and pinks. I flicked on the wall switch, keeping the curtains closed and the door locked. Then I sat down on the bed and unscrewed the cap off the giant bottle of vodka I’d bought. Not even bothering with cups, I tossed my head back sucking it down straight from the bottle. The strong liquid burned my mouth as it slid down my tongue and throat. But I didn’t care. I welcomed the pain. Desired it even. At this point it was the only thing that would comfort me.
Guzzling the vodka I waited for it to work its magic. I waited for the numbness to take over. I waited for the alcohol to swim through my veins until my head was fuzzy and I couldn’t think straight. As my vision blurred and my head felt like it was filled with cotton, I set the vodka down on the nightstand. Finally. Fumbling around on the bed, I located the remote control. Sitting back, I aimed it at the TV and pressed the power button. A mindless sitcom came to life on the screen. I had no idea what was happening, but the canned laughter and loud conversation was a welcome distraction from the deafening silence. Dropping the remote, I stared at the TV. My fingers mindlessly traced the pattern on the bedspread. When I rolled my hand over, I caught sight of the faint scar from when I cut my hand trying to cut that damn avocado. Closing my eyes, I could feel Kyler’s fingertips as they feathered over my skin. I could feel his heart pounding against my back, his breath on my face.
Dammit, why couldn’t I stop thinking about him?
I snatched the bottle of vodka up and took another long pull. My whole body warmed as the alcohol pumped through my veins. When I glanced back at the TV, a different show was on. I recognized it as one Heath used to watch. Working hard to keep my eyes from closing, I stared at the screen trying to decipher what the characters were saying. But they sounded so far away like I was in a tunnel. One of the guys had blond hair, and every once in awhile his face morphed into Kyler’s. Groaning in frustration, I turned the TV off. The room was silent, and I felt it like a physical thing.
What the hell was I going to do?
I didn’t have enough money to live off for very long. Even in my drunken stupor I knew that. Maybe heading out on my own was a dumb idea. It wasn’t like I could make it on my own. That was clear now. I needed someone to take care of me. I was weak and damaged. All my life I wondered what type of woman I was. Now I knew. Even without him in my life, I was nothing but a weakling. Someone to be preyed upon. I don’t know why I ever thought I could be someone different.
Defeated, I slid off the bed. Walking forward slowly, as if I was making my way to the guillotine, I reached out to the phone in my room. Picking it up, I dialed the familiar numbers. The numbers I never thought I’d ever dial again.
TWENTY-FOUR
“Hello,” he spoke gruffly into the phone.
His voice sent shivers down my spine. I clutched the phone tightly in my hand. “H-hi.”
“Jade?”
“Yeah, Heath. It’s me.”
“Shit, Jade. Where the hell are you?”
His question sobered me up. I envisioned his long dark hair, his black eyes, his thin lips, his scrawny arms, and his fingers that were yellowed from cigarettes. Why did I call him?
“Jade, goddamn it, tell me where you are!” His tone was harsh.
“Tell me now!” His hands came at me, grabbing at my flesh, pinching my skin. “Tell me where you went.” Every place he touched me stung like bee stings or pricks from a sharp needle.
“I-I’m sorry. I’ll never leave again. I promise.”
“You better not.” Heath looked at me with disgust. “And if you do, don’t bother coming back.”
I would take the advice he gave me long ago. I wouldn’t return. Not now. Not ever. I knew what would happen if I did. Maybe I had no clue where to go or what to do, but this wasn’t the answer. Without responding to him, I slammed down the phone. It stung my palm as it hit the receiver.
I almost made the biggest mistake of my life. God, I was so messed up.
Running my fingers through my hair, I flung myself back down on the bed. The room spun around me, and I squeezed my eyes shut to make it stop. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew this wasn’t the time to make any rash decisions. Breathing in deeply through my nose to ward off the nausea that was threatening to overtake me, I forced myself to try to get some sleep. After what seemed like forever, the spinning subsided and I drifted off.
My ass didn’t wake up until after noon. Even then I had to pry my face off the pillow, my head pounding and my stomach rolling. How much had I drank? Glancing at the half empty bottle of vodka, my stomach lurched. Sweat beaded along my upper lip and my mouth filled with moisture. Stumbling out of bed, I hurried into the bathroom and dropped to my knees in front of the toilet. I didn’t even have time to lift the seat before liquid shot from my mouth. I puked until every ounce of alcohol I’d downed was expelled from my stomach. There was no food in it. Only liquid. It reminded me of my drug days.
Did I eat at all yesterday? I couldn’t remember.
When I hoisted myself back up, I took in my reflection and cringed. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any uglier, I was proven wrong. My eyes were bloodshot, ringed in black circles, my lips were so chapped they were cracking, and my hair was a tangled mess. A bitter chuckle escaped from my mouth when I realized that I looked like I belonged with that group of scumbags outside the liquor store yesterday.
I turned on the shower and shed my dirty clothes. After cleaning up, I would go grab something to eat and then come back and hole up in here until my hangover subsided. Stepping into the hot water,
I savored the feel of it as it cascaded down my back, spraying against my cold flesh. I unwrapped the small soap sitting in the dish. It smelled like old lady, like something I’d never use. But I couldn’t afford to be picky. I lathered the soap all over my body, imagining I was washing off all traces of Kyler. I wish it were that simple.
After showering and getting ready, I headed back toward the liquor store. When I got there, I picked up a couple bags of chip, a hot dog and a bottle of water. Then on second thought, I grabbed a soda, one more hot dog, and bag of chocolate donuts. The last thing I wanted was to endure the stares of every patron at the diner next door to the motel. I needed to get enough food to last me until I left. That way I wouldn’t have to leave my room. Man, I was turning into Kyler.
As I paid for my food, I wondered why I couldn’t get my mind off of him. I hadn’t even known him that long, and yet he consumed my thoughts. How had he managed to weasel his way into my heart so quickly? Usually I was so guarded.
Walking back to the motel, I found myself pondering his connection to me. It baffled me that he knew the details about the day I burned my face. There were only two people there, and he wasn’t one of them. I was one hundred percent sure of that fact. And I wasn’t the kind of girl to keep a diary or anything like that, so it’s not like he could have snooped to find out.
When I reached my room, I shoved the door open and slipped inside. With trembling fingers, I locked it securely. Only one more night of safety, then it was back on the streets. I couldn’t worry anymore about Kyler and his damn book. Finding out the truth about him wouldn’t help my situation. The truth wasn’t going to put a roof over my head or food in my belly. My top priority had to be finding a job and a place to stay.
Panic rose in me, and I almost buckled from the impossibility of making this work. But I shoved it down. I couldn’t allow myself to feel defeated. I had to stay strong.
Plunking down on the bed, I popped open the bag of chips and bit into one. It crunched loudly against my teeth. My stomach soured, but I kept chewing. As much as I hated the idea of food right now, I knew that I needed it. Food and water were the only things that would kick this damn hangover.
The rest of my afternoon was spent snacking and watching crappy television. I was now reminded of why Kyler was smart to stick to reading. At this point I was convinced that TV was nothing but mindless drivel. Nothing compared to the books I’d read at Kyler’s. I cursed myself for not taking a few off his shelf. It’s not like he ever would’ve noticed. He had a million. Now I had nothing to read.
Well, except for The Yellow String, but I didn’t think I could bring myself to read it again. It reminded me too much of Kyler, and he was precisely the person I didn’t want to think about. Even though it was a losing battle, since he was at the forefront of all my thoughts lately.
I reached into my backpack, fishing for my Chapstick. Kyler’s scent wafted from inside, and my fingertips brushed over the book. As I swiped the Chapstick over my lips, memories flooded me.
Kyler reached out, his knuckles grazing my cheek. His lips swept over mine, softly, lightly. The pad of his thumb caressed the skin on my face as his lips applied more pressure, commanding my attention. Fluttering my eyelids closed, I responded to him, allowing my lips to meld to his as if we were sewn together. As if we were extensions of one another, and we didn’t know where one started and the other began. I held him tightly never wanting to let go.
A rapping on the door brought me back to the present. I stiffened, my heart picking up speed. Who would be here? Housekeeping, maybe?
I glanced around the room. No, the bed had been made while I was out getting food, and there were fresh towels in the bathroom.
Biting my lip, I waited quietly for the person to leave. Most likely they were at the wrong place anyway. When the knocking resumed, I felt it through my entire body. Pretty soon my heart was pounding in sync with it. I wanted to shout, to ask who it was, but then thought better of it. What if it was a bunch of guys? I didn’t want them to know I was alone in here.
If only I had a peephole. Shouldn’t the door have one?
After several minutes the knocking was still going, and my nerves were frayed. Who would be this persistent? This didn’t seem like a person who was at the wrong place. It was like this person was desperate to see me. My heart stopped. Like the person couldn’t get me out of their thoughts.
Kyler.
It had to be him. He was the only person I knew in town anyway. And it probably wasn’t that hard to find me. The town was fairly small. I took deliberate steps forward until I reached the door. My palm pressed against it, and I imagined Kyler on the other side. The idea made my heart swell. I shouldn’t have wanted to see him. In fact, he should have been the last person on earth I wanted to see. But still, deep down, I knew I cared for him.
But he lied to me. He knew more than he should.
I drew my hand back. Shaking my head, I moved away from the door. No, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t see him again. Not after what I found out.
“Dammit, Jade, I know you’re in there! Open the door!”
I reeled back from the strength of his words, and my breath caught in my throat. Shit. How did he find me? My gaze landed on the phone, my stomach plummeting to the ground. Why the hell had I called Heath? Booze was not my friend. My whole body shaking, I rounded up my things and shoved them into my backpack. Then I raced into the bathroom and pried open the window. I attempted to shove my body through, but it was too small. Bringing my hands up to my lips, I gnawed on my fingernails, biting them to the quick.
The insistent pounding on the door was driving me insane. Didn’t he get the hint? I was never opening that door. There was no way I was letting him in.
There was a loud bang and the windows rattled. I jerked backward, my elbow hitting the bathroom counter. It was my funny bone, and I winced at the pain that shot through my arm. When the bang happened again, my body went hot. Heath was going to break in. I slammed the bathroom door shut and went to lock it, but the lock didn’t work. Besides, it was a stupid move anyway. Did I want to be caged up in the bathroom with nowhere to go? I fought to keep my breathing open. Where were the other people? Didn’t I have any neighbors?
I wasn’t sure if I did. Truthfully, I hadn’t seen anyone else since I’d arrived. Apparently a rundown motel in Red Blossom is not a popular spot in the middle of a work week. I guess that meant the prostitutes in this town had classier taste than the ones in mine.
The minute I stepped out of the tiny bathroom the door shot open, swinging violently from its hinges. My heart was beating faster than ever. So fast I thought I might be having an actual heart attack. Heath sauntered into the room, his black eyes searing into mine.
“There you are.” Anger radiated off him.
I stood my ground, not wanting to cower. Not wanting to go down without a fight. “W-what are you doing here? I left you. I-I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
“I don’t want to be with you anymore either.” Heath curled up his nose as if he’d caught a whiff of BO. “Shit, I counted it as a blessing when your deformed ass took off.” His large black boots stomped across the carpet, coming closer.
“Th-then why are you here?”
Heath glanced over his shoulder. “He made me.”
Without even looking, I knew who was there. Of course Heath would never come after me. I didn’t know why I was even worried about that. My fear was directed at the wrong person. I should’ve known better. He was the one I needed to fear. It had always been him.
He stepped into the room. “Hello, Jade.”
I stared at the man who had caused me more pain than anyone in the world. The man who had beat me, slapped me, kicked me, raped me, and burned my face. Swallowing hard, I attempted to quell the fear that ran through me at seeing him again. “Hi, Dad.”
TWENTY-FIVE
He staggered into the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I looked between he and Heath, and then m
y gaze flicked to the door as I calculated my chances of bypassing them both and getting out of here. Honestly, it didn’t look too good. I licked my dry lips and sucked in a breath.
“How did you find me?” I was hoping it wasn’t my dumbass move that brought them here.
Dad laughed, but it wasn’t a nice sound like when Kyler did it. No, this sounded scratchy and irritating. “You called my boy Heath here. Wasn’t hard to track you down after that.” So it was my dumbass move. Dad clamped his hand on Heath’s shoulder. Heath glared at me like this was all my fault. Freaking coward. He never could stand up to my dad.
“He’d been looking for you,” Heath explained. “He wasn’t very happy when he showed up at our apartment and you weren’t there.”
“So this is where you’ve been staying, huh?” Dad slid his arm off of Heath and stormed in my direction. He moved so swiftly I couldn’t move out of his way. His hand circled my wrist, his face nearing mine. Rank breath swept over my face, clogging my nostrils and mouth. It smelled like my childhood, it smelled like fear. “This is what you chose over me?”
I shook my head. “No. Of course I wasn’t trying to leave you. I was trying to get away from him.” Reaching out, I pointed at Heath. Let him take the fall for once.
Heath’s face paled, but Dad didn’t even look at him. His gaze was trained on me. “But you didn’t come home.”
Home. Over the years ‘home’ had become a dirty word. It curled my stomach, making me ill. On the end table at my dad’s house there was one lone picture of my mom. It was the only proof that I ever had one. I used to hate her. Hate that she took off when I was a baby, leaving me alone with this monster. But now I sort of understood her need to get away from him. I didn’t hate her anymore. I envied her. She’d been successful. She’d gotten away.
“You took off, and now Daddy’s gonna have to punish you.” His fingers tightened around my wrist, until my entire arm went numb. My gaze found Heath’s. If I had been hoping for some sympathy, I didn’t get it. In fact, he looked kind of bored by the whole thing. He crossed his arms over his chest, sighing loudly and glaring at me like he blamed me for taking him away from his riveting plans back home.
