I AM A GIRL CYOBORG PET
Page 38
'Is that Stampy Cat? As in YouTube Stampy Cat' I texted Rockwood.
"They are some of the CPU's avatar's, The real Stampy cat died leading a resistance counter charge in the battle for Barden Barden" said Rockwood quietly to me.19
"Pardon, Barden, Master?" I said. I was doing the Master slave thing, I didn't want to show him up in front of his friends plus I had this wild desire to see the day through.
"No Barden Barden" said Rockwood.
"Garden Barden? Athelu" I said the sound of the crowd beyond applauding Stampy was making it hard to hear.
"Barden Barden." said Rockwood.
"Theres a Barden so good they named it twice?.. Master," I said.4
"Barden Barden in Germany" said Rockwood.
"Pardon," I started "so it's not garden Barden but Barden Barden. Geee and they say German's don't have a sense of humour, Master."
"They do, or rather they did have quite an active standup comedy circuit." Rockwood continued sipping from his champaign glass (which I noticed I didn't get to have) "Now if you want to see a people with out a sense of humour you should look at the Icelanders"
"So your not of the opinion that Bjork isn't some pixey faced art project that all of Iceland foisted on the worlds music scene in some weird collective Icelandian joke. Master?" I said.1
"Sure" said Rockwood picking up another glass from a slave waitress.1
"What about stopping the world's air traffic via volcano which they quickly renamed Eyjafjallajökull so no one but an Icelander could actually pronounce it. Seriously you're telling me that a country which comes up with the names of volcanos by getting a cat to walk up and down a keyboard doesn't have a sense of humour? Sempai ."5
" I think that puts Icelandic humour into either non-existent or totally inscrutable region. I think they have just spent too long in the middle of the Atlantic, they need to get out more." said Rockwood.2
"Arrr.. yes master" I said inscrutably.
A young proud and well built man approached Rockwood and we shut up. My collar and the floor identified him as General Bitmarck. TIHS ! This is THE General Bitmarck.1
"Colin, good to see you! Sorry about the brain. Hope you got the card" said Rockwood hugging the general. The general was wearing a quasi military uniform behind him on a leash was a young girl with pale skin , who's fringe was so low you could hardly see her eyes.2
"Rockwood good to see you. Meet my new pet I call her Emo girl. Say hello Emo girl" said Colin/General Bitmarck.19
Emo girl looked to the floor and gave a very grudging, quiet and reluctant. "hello I guess".1
"Isn't she deliciously sulky?" said The General clearly pleased2
We were joined by Robot Overlord called Robby he had a transparent head full of moving machinery but no neck. He/it also had a pet slave girl on a leash. She looked equally depressed and it looked like her only job was to end each of her masters sentences with a disparaging "evil robot overlords tish".
"Yes I got the card Brooklyn, wonderfully poor crayon work, a tribute to human manufacture and the need for it's elimination " said Bitmarck.4
"If you like that kind of thing I guess... Master(s)" said Emo slave girl speaking with out permission.1
"evil robot overlords. tish" said reluctant robot slave girl critically.
Back at the podium the CPU/Stampy cat avatar was still in full swing.
"Lets have a look at what we have in our lovely garden" said the CPU on stage.
"Let the glorious parade of our invincible armies begin
A robot which was dangerous enough not to be argued with offered to take our leashes. Our collective Masters agreed and we were taken 'walkies'. This was fine they had all began speaking in binary, which too us could only be likened to listening to three old fashioned phone modems talking.2
"So What's your name?" asked Emo girl in a derisive way.
"err" I was thinking of calling my self Jenny but thought better of it so I said. "I'm just called #160A but my id is 5642"
"evil robot overlords tish" said reluctant robot slave girl critically.
Emo girl suddenly looked up and her eye's expanded wildly.
"WTF Your YCF girl? No way, your kidding right? " she said animatedly while smiling.
"Yeh that was me" I said.
"Hay Null-and-void quick get me a picture with this girl!!! me me ! smile!" said Emo girl her smile reached from ear to ear.3
Null and void ( i.e reluctant robot slave girl ) rushed forward said "click" out loud. Her collar flashed.
so that was how you took a 'picture' with your collar. They swapped over.
"OMG. I can't believe I get to meet you in the flesh. You know my entire performance is based on rumours of your performance." said Emo.
"Your performance..." I started.
"Yes and I was trained by the best. I had a workshop with Villaria's pet No-not-me. She was entirely self taught by copying replays of Villaria's Seval's slave streams of you. Wow it's such an honour to be with you now. It took me hours of practice to get the words and delivery down right" said Emo girl.1
"What words?" I said.
"What words. What words! *The* words " Emo girl tilted her head "I can't believe you're willing to talk about the packing of 4 billion people. What kind of monster are you? Master""
Emo girl's accent changed and she delivered the voice with a huge amount of emotion and anger. Then she stopped and smiled again.
Null-and-void applauded "that was terrific, let me try" she said " I can't believe you're willing to talk about the packing of 4 billion people. What kind of monster are you? Master" it was almost exactly the same.
Null-and-void's voice matched Emo girl's, is this how I sounded to other people? It was really nasal.
"Wow that was really good who did you study with?" said Emo girl to Null-and-void.
"Oh I was taught by 8373. She had the advantage of having met just-read-the-instructions" said Null-and-void.
"just-read-the-instructions and I go way back and 8373 and I were class mates, its a small world!" said Emo girl excitedly.
"Really that's fantastic! How have we never met before" said null-and-void hugging Emo girl.1
"So hang on, your all trying to be like me?" I said.
"Well I wound't go as far as that. I like to say I'm trying to be No-not-me and she's trying to be you" said Emo girl animatedly.
"I'm surprised you said that" started Null-and-void "If No-not-me taught us anything it's to be our selves. We all bring something new to the part, we're not trying to be clones we are trying to give the idea life. What am I saying we should be talking to you"
"Yes what am I saying! Can we hear your version - the original?" said Emo girl to me.
"My version" I said.
"Do the line, do the line" said Null-and-void.
"err I can't believe you're willing to talk about the packing of 4 billion people. What kind of monster are you? Master" I said.
They both paused.
"That was it?" said Emo girl slightly disappointedly. "but you didn't get the pause right or anything"
"Pause what pause" I said.
"The WTF I forgot to add Master at the end pause." said Emo girl and Null-and-void together.
"That's like basic. How do you expect to be a truculent pet with out it?" said Emo girl.
At this point I felt like punching her. I'm being criticised for not being enough like my self. They have turned being me in an industry and I was horrified this is what I've inspired.
"You know they announced you can soon buy truculent pets direct from odalisque at home" said Null-and-void to Emo girl.
"Really? That really commercialises the whole thing. It will devalue the work we put in" said Emo girl talkatively.
"HEY COME AN LOOK AT THIS" said a message from Master.1
"Sorry girls, duty calls" I said getting my leash back.
"Quick say it for us," said Emo girl.
"Say what?"
"YCF, please please. I've seen it a million times on you tube but never in the flesh" Null-and-void said
"You cyborg fuck" I said and immediately saw the look of disappointment on their faces. Not good enough huh?
I could hear them whispering as I walked off.
"That was such an honour to meet her" said one as I got further away.
"Yeh I learnt so much from that but they say never meet your hero" said the other
"You would have thought she would have got the pause right" said one.
"Would she have passed the final exam with that delivery?" I heard. They had exams in being me? What had the world come to.
"No way" said the other. I would have flunked being me, the ultimate indignity.
I couldn't believe they were looking down on me from not being like me enough. Not like I've set the bar of being me that high. It's like being the real Elvis in an Elvis impersonator contest and coming fifth. And in-what-world is ending every sentence with 'robot overlords tish', like being me?3
I held my hand out and looked at my fingernails. No I wasn't getting early onset vain. My collar had told me to get them done that morning and when I pulled my fingers out they had some weird polish on. The machines had made me wear some strange stuff, but this was possibly the weirdest. The first thing I had noticed was that the nails was slowly changing colour. Then Rockwood had taken my hand in his ( swoon swoon ) said something then suddenly I saw this small animated figure jump from fingernail to fingernail. I then realised that they were in fact painted in a polish which set to form tiny screens on my stiletto nails.
While I had practised piano the nails that changed colour to indicate which piano key to hit next. When I had asked my collar to find something my fingernails had animated and arrow on them to indicate where I should move my hand. As far as I could tell what would had left them in a default mode which would match what ever colour that damnable emotion sensing earring had. #DEC had told me that the polish was ridiculously expensive and far too valuable to use on a slave. If it was up to her I would spend hours in a torture machine if I had chipped a nail. Somehow I got the feeling that this expensive nail varnish was really intended for wealthy cyborgetts like Villeria and Zola.6
My fingernails directed me towards Rockwood who was standing by him self, leaning on the balcony watching at the waves of marching robots below.
"What's up Boss" I said copying something one of the other truculent pets had said to her robot Master.3
"I'm just watching the march past. Robots do it so well. It's so easy for them yet when human armies did it it was a real achievement do you think they really wanted robots but just didn't have any available?" said Rockwood.
"Look look zombie pigs zombie pigs run" shouted Stampy from the microphones interrupting our conversation.2
"See our glorious armies of hunter killers fresh from the ruins of New Delhi. Salute the brave troop of invincible night-death rooting out the enemy everywhere
"hey I told you about me why don't you tell me why you hate mathematicians" said Rockwood champagne glass in hand.
"I prefer not to talk about anything that happened pre-factory" I said using the standard slave get out clause.
"Why don't you just imagine I've got a pain inducing collar around your neck and you have to do what I tell you to" said Rockwood.4
"Like anybody likes doing mathematics at school" I said.8
"I did" said Rockwood looking at me. It was kind of weird I knew full well the guy was just a huge nerd. okay he had the body of Superman. Sometimes when he walked around room 404 with his shirt off, I just had to shield my eyes just to stop my ovaries from exploding**, but in the end he was still a nerd.20
"Can I say I was just groped by a mathmagician, when I was younger" I said.5
What would pause for second.
"You wouldn't want Barry to go on an aeroplane ride would you?" said Rockwood.1
I blanked for second. Yes Rockwood could probably do all that detective work and find out where my grope master was in less than a second. Suddenly compared to what personal slaves were expected to put up to that seemed really minor in comparison. Did I really want his blood on my hands?
"No, thank you master. If you used a plane on everyone who done me wrong you've run out of aircraft" I said.4
"True, but it would been interesting project. Still I'm glad it was Barry. You see Barry wasn't a mathematician he was simply a numerologist. Mathematics isn't about numbers any more than afforest is about soil, one grows on the other. But they're not the same. Soil is just dry mud, a forest can be beautiful"5
We were both leaning side-by-side against the concrete. Looking over the army marching across us. I could smell the champagne on his breath. For a Scott he really couldn't take his drink.
"we are so high up those robots look like ants" I said looking down.
"Actually those robots are ants, we have entire divisions of swarm robots" said Rockwood.2
"What are those huge tube weapons Master?" I said changing the subject.
"Apparently someone took the phrase 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people' seriously. " Rockwood informed me "So those cannons fire shells made of members of the national rifle association at the enemy. Pretty hopeless if you ask me" 10
He leaned closer to me. I could feel he was thinking about kissing me. Clearly I was under his psychic control because I felt myself moving closer to him.
"hi big Jenny" said a voice from behind me. We split apart faster than Lana Turner from a new husband.4
I looked down to see the little girl from the party. I could feel the stream of 'fuck fuck fuck' coming from Rockwood's brain with out the aid of any technology. I looked over to the platform to see Stampy in full swing. She must have noticed me doing the double take. She must also have known, I knew she was also the CPU, the leader of the unfree world.
"Like you never have two windows open on your laptop at the same time." She explained a little out of character. "is this Mr Bitey?" Jenny said looking at Rockwood.
"Yes this is Lord Rockwood meet Little Jenny" I said getting down on my knee to be at her same level. I thought it was fitting it was both what a kind adult and human slave would do
"He's tall isn't he? I can see why you like him" said little Jenny.
Rockwood got down to his knees as well. This part of the podium was behind a wall and slightly secluded. I noticed Valeria drifting round a corner then shooting back to spy on us.
"I wish I was a priest then I could marry you right here. Like captains can do that can't they? Oh that reminds me mummy sent me over to tell you that the what were they called... the quadratic alliance are being really difficult and don't want to play. She wondered if you could go and talk to them." said Jenny.1
"At once your majesty," said Rockwood getting up.
Little Jenny looked up at him. "I'm not playing Princess at the moment. I thought I could be ship's captain or something . See you later Mr Bitey" she said.8
I got a text from Rockwood 'if she offers you a sleep over then she is talking about making you a cyborg'.11
"Mummy and daddy said you were in a car crash. Are you OK? " said little Jenny to me.2
"A friend of mine got hurt but I'm okay." I said.
"I hope Kayla gets better soon" said Jenny. I liked the way that her infinite knowledge crept in every so often through the disguise. "have you kissed him?" she continued.1
"Yes" I said.
"Did you like it?" said little Jenny tilting her head slightly. It was so hard not to believe this wasn't a real girl.
"Do you promise not to tell him?" I said. I think she liked it when I played along with the act.1
"Me ? Tell him I never tell him anything." said Little Jenny.4
"Yeh I noticed" I said.
"He did use a lot of blood. It was like when you did that maths test and got no questions right when you 11. You were over thinking it, you thought
it have to be more difficult to be smarter. He's just the same. I think being smart is about making things easier not more difficult don't you?" she said.4
"How did you know about my maths test?" I asked. It was a dark shameful point to my past.
"You told me once." said Little Jenny. "I was thinking would you like to come over to my place to have a sleepover? We could play I need to reorganise my room you could help."8
"Possibly, have you asked your mummy and daddy?" I said. The idea of being like Zola or Villeria to drink the blood of humans just to carry on thinking seemed unnatural. I wondered at how little they cared for people. Did becoming the cyborg make you evil or was it hairdressing?6
"No I guess I should," said little Jenny thoughtfully.
"How about you come over to have a sleep over at our house?" I said.2
"That would be nice." said Jenny smiling "I'm not sure daddy would let me go out what with all these people's houses falling down. Did you hear that Colin's new house fell down?"7
"I heard" I said.1
"I wish I could have seen it. He was really mad. Is Villeria looking at us? Do you think she will tells Zola?" said Jenny.
I realised that this extended conversation between a slave and the ruler of the world would cause upsets.2
Suddenly an invisible door opened and a whole school full of little Jennys emerged. They're all dressed the same, all identical. They all began running up to the slaves of the owners. They handed over little party bags.1
"Thank you for coming to our party." they all said in unison. They all curtsied turned round and ran back into the half height door, giggling and whispering as they went.4
"You should call yourselves Brookny. See you later big Jenny" said little Jenny waving then running off to join the others.19
"See you" I said.
"Look pretty drones" she said pointing.
I looked up to see the sky full of drones all different shapes and sizes flying information over head. When I looked back she had gone.1
"I am tired this has completely worn me out. If you have enjoyed the show don't forget to like us on Facebook or leave a comment. This is the end of this video here everybody I hope you all enjoyed it. I just want to end by saying thank you all very much for watching. I will see you all later. byeeeeeeeeee" said Stampy-long-nose on the platform waving.3