Love is a Four-Legged Word: The romantic comedy about canines, conception and fresh starts

by Michele Gorman

  Margaret drew herself up. She was nearly as tall as Arthur when she stood straight. ‘Oh, give it a rest, will you please, Arthur? Don’t act like you’ve got a Michelin star palate. You’ve been eating bloomin’ M&S ready meals for years and never knew the difference. All the food is from M&S and I think it’s delicious. If you could have done better, you should have stepped in and catered your own damn party.’

  Arthur seemed to notice all the people listening. ‘Well, isn’t that something? How about that, everyone?’ He shouted. ‘Margaret did this all on her own!’ He managed to make it sound both insincere and condescending. ‘I do wonder what she spent all the catering money on, though!’

  That raised a hearty laugh from most of the men in the room. None of the women cracked a smile, Scarlett noticed. Some looked openly hostile.

  Biscuit was drawn away from the Aga by her master’s shouts. She threaded her way towards Arthur, but must have become spooked in the process. The guests peeled away from her as she started to bark.

  Scarlett was just about to go to the dog when Margaret roared, ‘Biscuit, go lay down!’

  That not only silenced the dog, but the entire room.

  Biscuit slunk back to her bed.

  ‘You were wondering where the catering money went?’ she asked Arthur, making a big show of looking at the sparkling watch on her wrist. ‘I thought it was time for a change. So I bought myself a birthday present. Though I won’t be wearing it next weekend when I go to the spa I’ve booked myself.’

  ‘How much did you spend?’ he asked.

  ‘A lot. Because you know what, Arthur? I’m worth it. I see that now, even if you don’t. I love you, but things are going to change around here from now on.’

  Scarlett’s heart sank for her friend when Arthur shook his head. Of course he wouldn’t accept a complete change of rules after nearly thirty years of marriage. She looked at the way his jaw jutted forward and his eyes glinted. He wasn’t the kind of person to be told what to do.

  Unfortunately for him, neither was Margaret anymore.

  ‘Well, you seem to have a lot to say tonight.’

  Margaret didn’t answer. She continued to meet his eye.

  ‘I’ve got something to say, too.’

  She seemed to deflate a little. He’d better not say anything humiliating in front of all these people, Scarlett thought, or she’d give him a piece of her mind herself.

  He took her hands. ‘I’ve completely underestimated you, Margaret. You did all this. I’m afraid, in that case, I’ve been a bit of a knob. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.’

  Margaret smiled. ‘It’s all right, Arthur. You have been a bit of a knob, but I forgive you. Things are going to be different around here now, though.’

  ‘Really? Does that mean you’ll start cooking homemade food instead of M&S?’

  ‘Definitely not.’

  Arthur raised his glass. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for my amazing wife. May you grace the world for another fifty years with your warmth, kindness, humour and … well, I was going to say honesty, but I guess I’d better say ingenuity instead. Frankly, darling, I can’t imagine my life without you and I love you. Three cheers for Margaret!’

  ‘Hip hip.’

  ‘Hooray!’

  Finally, it really did feel like the celebration that Margaret deserved.

  Chapter 31

  When Scarlett made that crack about having other friends, she may as well have stuck Shannon in the heart with a chef’s knife. She deserved it, maybe. She was spending all her free time with Rufus. From Scarlett’s point of view, that must look like she was taking sides.

  And Shannon had to admit that she was taking sides, a bit. In all the years they’d been friends she’d never known Scarlett to be cruel. In fact, she’d say she was one of the kindest people she knew, building a business around helping dogs and their owners and taking Shannon on when she needed work. She was always going above and beyond for people. She’d even put her own feelings aside to go with Gemma to her scan. That couldn’t have been easy.

  Yet Scarlett was freezing Rufus out over something he couldn’t control. There he was having to deal with finding out he’d never father children, and she was rejecting him for it. It wasn’t fair.

  Rufus might be reluctant to call Scarlett out on that, but Shannon wasn’t. Her friend was hurting too much to let it go on.

  He answered his hotel room door in sweats and a faded grey tee shirt. ‘Am I interrupting anything?’

  ‘Just having some pizza,’ he said, waving a slice at her. ‘Are you hungry?’

  He stepped aside to let her into the dimly lit room. The TV was on with the sound down and there were clothes strewn across the chair and piled on the floor in the corner. A towel hung over the bathroom door.

  ‘I like what you’ve done with the place.’

  ‘I wasn’t expecting company,’ he said, picking up a beer bottle from the bedside table and smoothing the bedcover.

  ‘Drinking alone?’ Her tone was teasing despite the seriousness of the question. ‘Don’t they clean in here every day?’

  ‘Yeah, they clean around my stuff. Pizza?’ He offered her the box.

  She tore off a slice. ‘Mmm, extra grease. Planning to end it all by having a heart attack?’

  The joke fell flat. ‘Did you see Scarlett when you went over today?’ she tried.

  ‘No, she wasn’t there. Have you seen her?’

  Shannon shook her head. ‘We haven’t even talked properly. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? We should go over. That’s what I’m thinking.’

  Rufus glanced away. ‘She won’t talk to me.’

  ‘She can’t ignore us if we’re standing in front of her.’ She hoped that was true. ‘Come on, Rufus. This has to stop, don’t you think? Are you supposed to live in a hotel forever?’

  He shook his head. ‘I guess I’ll eventually get a flat.’

  The way he said it broke her heart. ‘You won’t have to do that. We just need to get you two talking again. Come on, come with me. We’ll go together. Moral support.’

  She could see him weighing up the proposition. ‘Change into something decent first, though. Come on. You know you need to talk to her.’

  He must have wanted convincing. They made their way to his house as Shannon tried to calm herself. What if Scarlett was horrible to them? What were they supposed to do if she slammed the door in their faces? Or phoned the police? She’d definitely cry if that happened. She might get angry, too. Who did Scarlett think she was, exactly, to punish Rufus for something he couldn’t help? And punishing Shannon for it, too? She had a lot of nerve, actually.

  ‘Will you use your key?’ she asked as they walked up the path to the door.

  He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t feel right. That’s fucked up.’

  It felt like progress when Scarlett answered the bell. She could see through the window that they were out there. ‘You’ve brought reinforcements.’

  ‘Hello to you too,’ Shannon snapped.

  ‘Sorry, hello,’ she answered.

  ‘Can we come in?’

  ‘I can’t legally stop you.’ She walked back into the house and through to the living room.

  ‘Get your coat. It’s chilly in here,’ Shannon whispered.

  ‘I’ve had my coat on for weeks,’ he murmured back as they followed Scarlett.

  Shannon wished they’d worked out who was going to say what, because sitting there staring at each other was getting uncomfortable. They could only fuss over Fred and Ginger for so long. Her eyes found Rufus’s. Say something, she urged. But he seemed to have lost his voice.

  She really saw herself as the backup act for Rufus’s show, but he seemed to expect her to headline on the main stage.

  The hardest part about the last few weeks wasn’t that Scarlett wouldn’t talk to her or that Rufus was so upset. It wasn’t even the way she felt pulled in opposite directions by her friendships. The thing she couldn’t get her head around was that
they were in this situation at all. A few months ago she’d have bet everything she had that nothing could make Scarlett and Rufus stop talking to each other. It was as if completely new personalities had emerged from her best friends, as incomparable as a butterfly is to the caterpillar it was before. Only these emerging personalities were far uglier. And to think they’d been lurking there inside her friends all along. How can someone who you’ve trusted with your most intimate secrets and feelings turn so cold? It scared her to think that love could work like that. Maybe she was better off without it.

  Rufus was still mute, leaving Shannon to fill the silence. ‘So, erm, Scarlett, I thought you and Rufus should talk.’

  Scarlett sat back and crossed her arms. ‘I don’t think so.’

  She thought fast. ‘Well, will you at least talk to me?’ She took Scarlett’s shrug as a yes. ‘I know you’ve been through a lot lately. Both of you have. And that’s been really hard, but, Scarlett, you and Rufus are in this together. I can’t imagine two people who are more committed to each other than you. I’ve known him since we were seven and I can tell you that you are the love of his life.’

  Scarlett snorted.

  She stared at Rufus, willing him to speak up. Surely she wasn’t going to have to do all the work. ‘Hello, Rufus! Now would be a good time to say something.’

  He slumped into the sofa. ‘What do you want me to say? She knows she’s the most important person in the world to me. I’ve told her. It doesn’t seem to matter. Nothing I do or say is good enough for her.’

  A flash of anger knocked Shannon off balance. Wasn’t it bad enough for him to hear that his swimmers weren’t even making it into the pool? Now he had to put up with his own wife betting against him. ‘Scarlett, is this really something you can’t get over? For his sake? I know it must be a shock, but really, you’ve got other options.’

  ‘What?!’ Scarlett exploded. ‘What other options have I got, Shannon?’

  ‘There aren’t other options,’ Rufus said.

  But Shannon cut him off. ‘Sperm donation, for one thing. Or adoption. If you want a baby, there are ways for you two to have one.’

  ‘I don’t believe what I’m hearing!’ Scarlett said, getting to her feet.

  Shannon stood up, too. ‘Don’t be angry! I’m just saying that I think you and Rufus really love each other, so find a way to have a baby together.’ What did Rufus mean there weren’t other options? She’d just thought of two right off the bat.

  ‘You haven’t told her, have you?’ Scarlett’s question was for Rufus.

  ‘This was a bad idea,’ he said, getting to his feet, too.

  ‘She doesn’t know! Tell her, Rufus.’ Scarlett crossed her arms again. ‘Go on, tell her why you’re at the Travelodge.’

  ‘Stop taunting him!’ Shannon cried. ‘I don’t want to hear you bashing Rufus just because he can’t give you a child. You’re being really insensitive, Scarlett… no. No. You’re being a bitch.’

  Scarlett’s mouth dropped open. ‘Maybe I am,’ she said. ‘But I think you should hear the full story before you decide. Rufus? Don’t make me say it. Please.’

  He rubbed his stubble. ‘Shannon, Scarlett’s right, you shouldn’t blame her. This is all because I said something stupid.’ He hesitated. ‘Jesus, this is hard. Okay. It meant absolutely nothing, but I accidentally said someone else’s name when we were in bed together. I swear it didn’t mean anything! Even so, suffice to say it’s really hurt Scarlett. Obviously. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her if she’ll let me.’ His look pleaded with Scarlett, but she didn’t seem moved.

  As Shannon looked back and forth between her friends, her heart started to squeeze as she imagined what Scarlett must be going through. On top of all those months thinking she was at fault for not getting pregnant. And Rufus acting like he’d lost interest in her.

  ‘You said– While you were…?’ Well, that was just perfect. ‘Have you been cheating, Rufus?’

  He laughed, which seemed a little inappropriate given the circumstances. ‘Of course I didn’t. God, of course not.’

  ‘Well, then, who is it? Whose name did you say?’

  Was it Roxy the Rocket? She hadn’t got her way with his body so she’d insinuated herself into his mind instead. No wonder Scarlett was mad at Shannon. She’d introduced them.

  ‘Tell her, Rufus,’ Scarlett said.

  He stared at the floor, the wall, anywhere but the women. ‘I said your name.’

  It was Shannon’s turn to gawp. ‘You did what?’

  ‘He said your name, Shannon,’ Scarlett said bitterly, ‘just as he orgasmed. “Oh my god, Shannon” was the direct quote.’

  Shannon’s reflexes were lightning-quick. She punched Rufus so hard in the chest that he fell back on to the sofa. ‘You absolute bloody arsehole!’ she screamed at him. Saying another woman’s name to his wife in bed? How could he do such a thing to her best friend? ‘Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt Scarlett? Don’t– just don’t,’ she said when he opened his mouth to defend himself. ‘You don’t know. I’m sorry, but you haven’t got a clue what that feels like, what it does to your self-esteem when you’re already feeling insecure. Rufus, how could you?’

  And how dare he say her name while he’s having sex?! ‘And you’ve dragged me into this!’

  Oh, blimey. He couldn’t think of her in that way, after all their years together, could he? No, he couldn’t. This was the guy who thought nothing of scratching his balls in a full hand-down-the-pants assault in front of her. There was no romance between them.

  Her eyes sought Scarlett’s. She couldn’t think she had anything to do with what happened. She’d never even contemplated Rufus as a living, breathing male, even when her bed had seen less action than Mother Theresa’s and the prospect of getting a snog from a man was on par with the chances of Katie Price winning the Booker Prize. Rufus was just Rufus. She didn’t even like thinking that he had a penis. To her, he was a Ken doll, smoothly asexual.

  ‘I feel ill just thinking about this,’ she said to Rufus. ‘Scarlett, I’m so sorry this happened. You know it means nothing though, right?’

  ‘Does it?’ Scarlett said. ‘I’m not so sure. As long as you’re in his head, where does that leave me?’

  ‘But I don’t want to be in his head.’

  ‘That makes two of us, but here we are.’

  Chapter 32

  Scarlett sobbed again all over Fred and Ginger after Rufus left with Shannon. Not that they’d had a choice about leaving. She’d kicked them out. There wasn’t anything more to say and besides, she couldn’t stand the look of pity in Shannon’s eyes. Oh, the poor wronged wife, it said, I’m sorry your husband prefers me!

  They weren’t just angry tears though, or humiliated ones. She remembered the feeling that enveloped her as she heard the door click shut behind them. Hello, old nemesis. Here to remind me that I’ll never have children? Once again her motherhood was out of her hands, but the thing she hated most was that it was in Rufus’s hands. And he was strangling it.

  She woke knowing she’d have to start measuring out her future in terms of the activity she could use to fill each day. Otherwise she’d go nuts. The puppies had graduated, but she still had dog classes in London today and tomorrow, then her sessions with Charlie and Naomi tomorrow night. Which left tonight yawning in front of her.

  She rang her dad’s mobile. ‘Can you and Felicia come for dinner tonight? Around seven?’

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing more than usual, why?’

  ‘Because the last time we came to yours for dinner I think Nick Clegg was in the coalition.’

  ‘New government, new dinner,’ she said. ‘So you can come?’

  ‘Yep, sure, only do me a favour? Have something nice and fattening for pudding. Felicia’s not letting me eat any sweets, but she won’t hurt your feelings.’

  ‘Sure, Dad.’ She had to end the call as she choked up. Her Dad might not appreciate Felic
ia’s restrictions, but Scarlett saw them for what they were: little I Love Yous.

  Julia answered her phone just as Scarlett got to the veg shop. ‘I’m having Dad and Felicia round for dinner tonight,’ she said. ‘I’m about to text Gemma. Can you come, too?’ She threw a couple of red peppers into her basket along with a head of broccoli. ‘It’s just pasta.’ She was no star chef, but with enough Parmesan cheese her attempts usually turned out okay.

  ‘I’ve got a brainstorming meeting at five that I can’t move,’ Julia said, ‘but I could be on the train back by six-thirty.’

  ‘That’s fine. Come from the train… You can bring your friend if you want.’ Good thing her mum couldn’t see the blush creeping up her face.

  Julia laughed. ‘My friend? I remember saying that to you when you were a teenager. No, thank you. I’ll be on my own, if that’s all right.’

  ‘Will we ever get to meet him?’

  ‘Maybe. I can bring pudding?’

  ‘Dad’s asked for something decadent. Felicia’s not letting him eat sweets again.’

  ‘Well, I’m not going to be the one to go against Felicia’s wishes.’

  Those two never broke ranks, especially against her dad. ‘Come on, Mum, let the poor man live a little. A slice of cake won’t kill him.’

  She was just putting a tray of vegetables into the oven to roast when the doorbell sent the dogs hurling towards the front door. Wonders would never cease: her family was early.

  Oh. Not her family.

  ‘Scarlett, I know you can see me,’ Shannon said through the window. ‘We need to talk.’

  ‘Now’s not good for me,’ Scarlett answered through the closed door. ‘I’m having people over for dinner.’

  ‘Two minutes, that’s all.’

  She wrenched open the door. ‘You don’t need to be Rufus’s mouthpiece, you know. He can speak for himself.’

  Shannon smirked. ‘We both know how good he’s been at that so far.’

  The ghost of a smile twitched at Scarlett’s lips. ‘I can’t believe he didn’t tell you what really happened.’