Love is a Four-Legged Word: The romantic comedy about canines, conception and fresh starts

by Michele Gorman

  ‘You can see why, though. Not that I’m defending him! He says I’ve bruised his sternum.’

  ‘He deserved a kick in the head,’ Scarlett said. Shannon had been right. He’d betrayed them both with the same words. She must be wondering what he’s thinking, too.

  They stood looking at each other as the dogs tried to get their attention.

  ‘How will we get past this, Scarlett? I mean with Rufus. What do we do to make it all right?’

  ‘I wish I knew. It’s not just about what happened. It’s everything. I’ve got a lot to think about. I’m sorry, but you can’t help me do that.’

  Shannon nodded. ‘I’m here when you’re ready, okay? Whenever you’re ready.’

  ‘Yeah, okay, thanks.’ A sudden thought stopped her from closing the door. ‘It’s not really you, you know.’

  ‘I know. I love you, too.’ Shannon turned, waving over her shoulder, and let herself out through the little front gate.

  She hadn’t been entirely truthful with Shannon. The Family Fothergill weren’t just coming to try her veggie spaghetti.

  Gemma arrived after her parents, with chew toys for the dogs. ‘You always spoil them,’ Scarlett said.

  ‘That’s because I love them, don’t I? Don’t I?’ She crouched down to wriggling dog level. ‘Who’s a good dog?’

  ‘I wouldn’t get so–’

  Ginger jumped just high enough to catch Gemma in the mouth with her tongue.

  ‘–close when you’re talking. That’s one of their favourite tricks.’

  ‘That’s disgusting.’ She rinsed her mouth out in the sink.

  Scarlett shrugged. ‘They’re dogs. Thanks for coming, it hasn’t been a good few days.’

  Worried looks shot between her dad and Felicia and Julia.

  ‘Let’s go into the living room,’ she said, grabbing a bottle of wine and the glasses.

  Dad was right. It felt odd not to be in their house, surrounded by walls of bookshelves, when she was with her family. They all sat quietly amidst the scene change.

  ‘I talked to Shannon and Rufus,’ she finally said.

  Gemma gasped, but her parents just looked confused at her reaction. ‘Rufus’s fertility isn’t the only problem,’ she explained, hoping it got easier once more people knew. ‘We’ve been having issues in bed, too.’

  Her dad’s eyes darted between the wall and the door, looking for a chance to escape this information, while the women nodded their understanding.

  ‘And then we… didn’t have trouble,’ she said. ‘But it seems the reason for that was Shannon. He said her name at, erm, a pivotal moment.’

  ‘Oh, he didn’t!’ Felicia exclaimed.

  ‘What a twat,’ said her father. ‘But they’re not?’

  ‘No, I’m sure they’re not,’ Scarlett said. ‘You know she’s been his best mate since they were in school. He claims it’s because he’s relaxed with her and it sort of transferred over when he was relaxed with me.’ She slugged back her wine. ‘Which hasn’t happened often lately.’

  ‘Wow, that’s a lot to have to deal with,’ Julia said. ‘On top of everything else.’

  ‘At least you’ve got us to talk to about it,’ Gemma said with a wink. She knew full well how cringy it was talking to their parents. ‘It’s lucky you’ve got your family.’

  ‘But that’s just it!’ Scarlett said. ‘This is exactly what I’ll never be able to do! I can’t have my own family. No daughter will ever be embarrassed by me or hate me when she’s a teenager or pretend she doesn’t know how the ink stain got on my red leather jacket or the empty bottle of gin got under the car seat. I can’t have what you’ve all got!’

  They were all quiet for a moment.

  ‘I wasn’t crazy about the ink on my jacket,’ Felicia finally said. ‘But my darling, you can have those things if you want them.’

  Scarlett knew what she was saying. Technically, nothing stopped her from using a sperm donor or adopting a child. Nothing except the loss of her husband.

  But what kind of life were they supposed to have together if they did make it through this? She knew herself. She’d resent him. Things got rocky enough when they were trying together for a baby, and they were on the same side then. There was no way they’d make it as opponents.

  For the first time she was thinking the unthinkable. She definitely knew she wanted a baby. Rufus definitely knew he didn’t want help from an adoption agency or a sperm donor. He couldn’t father a child and she couldn’t fertilise her own eggs.

  So which was she supposed to give up? Her marriage or her motherhood?

  Staying busy seemed to help keep her whirring mind from driving her nuts. Just about. No wonder some people became workaholics. The more she immersed herself in the dogs, the less space she had for her own life. That suited her.

  Still, she was probably doing marginally better than Max. He rang her most days with excuses. He still hadn’t booked the vet and had cancelled their sessions rather than face Scarlett in person.

  Charlie kept turning up with Naomi, though, and worked as if his love life depended on it.

  ‘Let’s start with another test today for Barkley, okay?’ she said once they’d dropped their bags. ‘I bet he’ll pass with flying colours.’

  She carefully extracted her advanced training secret weapon from her bag.

  Barkley glued his eyes to the aluminium foil as she unwrapped it. Dog treats? Leftover sandwich? Was it even edible? It didn’t matter – could he get it into his mouth?

  Chicken! It’s chicken!

  Everybody, the lady’s got chicken! He looked from Charlie to Hiccup.

  Hiccup wasn’t as impressed with the big reveal.

  ‘Now we’ll see what Barkley is really made of,’ said Scarlett as she tossed chunks of boiled chicken around the room. Barkley whined at the end of his lead.

  ‘It’s like passing his Master’s dissertation,’ Charlie said.

  ‘More like his PhD,’ said Naomi. ‘Good luck, Barkley!’ She squatted down to pet Hiccup while Charlie got into position at one end of the long room.

  The treats were strewn near the edges of the room, which left a corridor down the middle. ‘First I want you to try to get from one end to the other without Barkley getting any of the chicken. Remember your leave-it command.’

  They crept at a snail’s pace with Barkley on a short lead. His hind legs quivered. Tiny whines floated up to the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. Scarlett could hear Charlie murmuring ‘Leave it’ under his breath.

  But Barkley kept his eyes trained on Charlie’s face. He wanted that chicken very badly, but now he knew how to ask for it. After an age they got to the doorway.

  ‘Well done!’ Scarlett whooped. ‘Good boy, Barkley!’

  ‘Good boy, Charlie!’ Naomi said. ‘That’s some seriously impressive training.’

  Charlie couldn’t look more pleased with himself. He reached down to give Barkley’s ears a good scratch. ‘You are a champion, Barkley.’

  Barkley graciously accepted his praise although champions deserve chicken…

  ‘Now walk him back and this time, go close enough to the chicken for him to get it. But make him sit first. Think of it as his victory lap. He gets all the chicken!’

  Barkley executed a perfect request every time.

  ‘He’s passed,’ Scarlett said. ‘With flying colours. Congratulations to you both. I know it was a lot of work, and I’m really proud of you. I think he’s ready to jog in the park now, don’t you?’

  ‘I might even go tomorrow before work,’ Charlie said.

  Scarlett thought back to the dog she’d first met. She hardly recognised that obsessive Labrador who’d licked linoleum, chewed window casings and snaffled down fag packets. Just look at him now. She’d really miss the goofy Labrador after classes ended next week. She wondered if Charlie might grant her visitation rights.

  ‘Now that we know Barkley has changed his habits,’ she told Naomi and Charlie, ‘if you’d like, we can spend your
last few classes socialising the dogs? That way hopefully they’ll be able to live together.’

  Scarlett realised what she’d just said when Charlie’s eyes widened. She glanced at Naomi’s hand. No ring yet. ‘The sale for your mum’s house is still going through, right? So at some point you’ll need a place to live. That’s all I mean.’

  She was only making it worse. She’d make a terrible spy.

  Charlie seemed to relax a little. ‘The sale should go through at the end of the month. I can stay with Max then.’

  ‘Though if Hiccup can really improve,’ Naomi said shyly, ‘maybe you can stay with me.’

  ‘Honestly, Scarlett,’ said Charlie, unable to control his grin. ‘Let’s work on Hiccup, okay?’

  Scarlett was already a step ahead of them. She threw squeaky toys all over the floor and instructed Naomi and Charlie to stand together to throw the toys to the dogs. ‘Throw them away from the other dog for now. We don’t want fights over the toys, we just want the dogs to get used to each other being in the same space while they’re relaxed and having fun.’ In theory, Hiccup should be enjoying herself so much that she wouldn’t mind Charlie’s proximity to her mistress.

  ‘Charlie, just be sure not to move quickly towards Naomi, okay? That’ll put Hiccup on the alert and we want to keep her calm and happy while you two are near each other.’

  It didn’t take long for Hiccup to forget her guard duties. She tore after the squeaky toy and when she got it in her mouth, she flung her head back and forth, shaking the life out of the plastic hamburger. But her high-pitched growls were playful.

  Barkley still gave her a wide berth, chasing down his own plastic prey.

  Naomi and Charlie got closer and closer. Tentatively, Naomi reached out for his hand. As their fingers clasped, both kept their eyes on Hiccup. There was a tense moment when the dog looked back at them, joined together, and dropped her toy. But when Naomi threw another, she tore off after it.

  Unfortunately, it bounced awkwardly. Barkley had been aiming at another toy when he caught the new option from the corner of his eye.

  He went for the toy.

  Hiccup went for him.

  The bite was savage and fast and caught Barkley right in the muzzle. He yelped in surprise and probably not a little bit of pain.

  ‘Hiccup, no!’ screamed Naomi as Charlie went to his dog.

  Hiccup scooted away from Naomi’s clutches with her ears back. ‘Is Barkley hurt?’

  Charlie was rubbing his hands over his dog’s face. ‘There’s blood. I think she just got his lip.’

  Scarlett knelt down to see how serious the bite was. ‘I don’t think he’ll need stitches, but he’ll need to see the vet to have that cleaned out. Naomi, have you got control of Hiccup?’

  Naomi nodded, wiping her eyes with one hand and holding the dog’s collar with the other. ‘I’m so sorry, Charlie.’

  Charlie smiled at his girlfriend. ‘It was an accident.’

  ‘No, actually, it wasn’t,’ Scarlett said. ‘I really don’t like using restraints on dogs, but we can’t have Barkley in danger while you work on changing Hiccup’s habits. So I think it’s best to get her a muzzle. She’ll need to wear it whenever she’s around other dogs or people. Once you retrain her not to be aggressive she won’t need it, but just to be safe, I think she does now. I’m really sorry. I misjudged it. I thought we were past the biting stage.’

  ‘I understand,’ Naomi said. ‘I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I’m sorry!’ She called to Charlie, who was still on the opposite side of the room.

  Scarlett walked over to where Naomi was standing with Hiccup. ‘I’ll hold her.’ She clipped on her lead. ‘You and Charlie take Barkley outside for a few minutes. You’ll all feel better.’

  Hiccup whined as she watched them leave.

  ‘You’ve got to give them a break, Hiccup, seriously.’ She rubbed the dog’s little ears. ‘As if life isn’t hard enough.’

  Chapter 33

  Shannon was sick of feeling weepy. She was sick of having her emotions buffeted by the winds of everyone else’s drama. Too much of the last few months felt out of her control and she was, well, to belabour a point: she was sick of it.

  Yet she couldn’t just walk away and leave Rufus and Scarlett to sort themselves out, because the sad fact was: they were all she had. If she lost them, she’d lose everything.

  So she had a plan to take control. Starting with Rufus. That utter knob.

  ‘Let’s meet,’ she said when he answered his mobile.

  ‘I was just about to go for a run,’ he said.

  ‘Fine. I’ll come with you. We need to talk.’

  ‘You? Run? You’re joking, right?’

  ‘Piss off,’ she said. ‘I’ll meet you in your lobby in twenty minutes.’

  She just needed to find something in her wardrobe that was vaguely sporty.

  ‘I didn’t realise you were a serious runner,’ he said when he saw her. ‘Is that your official training gear?’

  She glanced down at her pink Converse high-tops, purple tights and red velour romper. She had a baggy purple cardigan buttoned up over the romper so he couldn’t see that it was strapless, but she had to admit she was no Mo Farah. ‘I like to be colourful when I exercise.’

  ‘Uh-huh. Let’s go, and remember: you invited yourself along.’

  She regretted that within about a hundred metres of the Travelodge.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked as he jogged easily along the pavement.

  ‘I’m fine… how far do you usually go?’ She squeezed the last of the words out between breaths as she hoiked up her romper.

  ‘Only around three miles.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s my usual distance, too.’ Her chest was catching fire.

  ‘So you wanted to talk?’ He couldn’t keep the grin off his face. ‘Go ahead, I’m listening.’

  ‘You’re trying to kill me.’

  He slowed to a walk. ‘Nah, I’d feel bad if you actually had a heart attack. Nice effort, though.’ He checked his watch. ‘Nearly four minutes.’

  ‘That marathon is going to be a piece of cake,’ she wheezed.

  She shrugged off her embarrassment when he put his arm round her shoulder. Somehow they’d have to get past his unfortunate Freudian slip. ‘What’s up? I’m guessing it’s about me and Scarlett?’

  ‘Cleverly deduced, Mr Watson.’ Her pulse pounded in her ears. She really should try doing some exercise one day. ‘You and Scarlett have to start talking again. Don’t shake your head at me. I’ve been thinking about this and… it’s pissing me off, to be honest, because you know the answer, Rufus. So you'd better get over your ego or you’re going to lose the best thing in your life.’

  He rubbed the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit. ‘I know. I know! But it’s not that easy, Shannon. Don’t you think I’d have done it already if I could?’

  ‘You can’t keep Scarlett from being a mother. It isn’t fair.’

  He spun round to face her. ‘Don’t talk to me about fair! Jesus! What’s not fair is that I can’t give a child to the woman I love more than anything in the world. It’s not fair that loads of guys knock up women they don’t even like. That’s what’s not fucking fair.’

  It was her turn to hug Rufus. He stood immobile with his hands at his sides, but she squeezed him anyway. ‘I know. I know it all sucks and the answer isn’t easy. But you’ve got to try to get over this hurdle. There are other ways to be a parent.’

  There was no humour in his laugh. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. What you’re asking me to do. I don’t want someone else’s child, Shannon. I want mine. Scarlett might be able to overlook that it’s not mine. She’d still get what she wants. Especially if she used a sperm donor. It’d be hers. But it wouldn’t be mine.’

  Tears filled Shannon’s eyes. ‘You’ll love that child as much as if she was your own. You have to trust me, Rufus, you will.’

  ‘But what if I don’t?’

  ‘Honestl
y? Then you divorce Scarlett and leave the child.’

  ‘Wow, that’s brutal.’

  ‘It’s as brutal as you saying you won’t love a child because it’s not genetically yours. What about the fact that it could be Scarlett’s genetically? Would that be enough for you to bestow your love? Maybe you could just give her half the love,’ she sneered. ‘Is that fair?’

  ‘I’m not talking about bestowing or withholding love, Shannon.’

  ‘Aren’t you? You seem ready to put conditions on what you’re willing to give a child. You’ll love it if it’s biologically yours. That’s shitty.’

  ‘I can’t help how I feel. Why are you attacking me?’

  ‘Because I’m adopted, you fucking twat, so actually I do know what I’m talking about. And I also know that my parents love me more than anything in the world. So I know it’s possible. You’re the one talking in hypotheticals, not me. I’ve lived in an adopted family, but if you don’t want to do it, then that’s your choice. Just don’t make it sound like it’s unnatural to love a child if your sperm didn’t create it. What’s unnatural is your refusal to see that love isn’t always about biology.’

  He frowned at her. ‘All this time we’ve been friends, best friends, and you never told me you were adopted?’

  ‘You’re missing the point, Rufus! And why would I tell you? Have you ever told me that you’re a biological son to your parents? No, because it’s not relevant.’

  ‘That’s different. That’s normal.’ His hands went to his chest when he saw her expression. ‘Don’t punch me again.’

  But his words leeched the strength from her. ‘Being adopted is normal. What world do you live in?’

  ‘Come on, you know I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just more unusual to be adopted than not. That seems like something you’d have talked to me about at some point, like maybe when you found out.’

  He actually had the nerve to look hurt.

  ‘I’ve always known, Rufus. My parents told me from the start. My adoption isn’t a secret, but I also don’t feel like I have to justify to anyone why my parents love me. They just do. I’m no different than any other kid whose parents love her.’