If I Loved You Less

by Tamsen Parker

  That was somewhat over the top, but it was far better than more being down in the dumps from Laurel. So Theo gathered her friend into a hug and assured her everything was good. They’d go to the party, and afterward they could go do something actually fun.

  After Laurel left to go work at Jasmine’s, Theo decided to close the shop early to grab some afternoon waves and drown out the nonsense of Brock’s invitation. Board in hand, and sign flipped to closed, she headed not straight out back, but farther down the beach for a change of scenery. As she was passing Queen’s, she heard low humming, then the dulcet tones of Kini’s voice drifting out the open window. Probably wouldn’t hurt to say hello and see if her friend had a spare piece of shortbread on hand for extra surfing energy. Theo leaned her board against the side of the bakery and slipped through the door.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The reception was a painful affair. It was at Brock’s hotel, and the place had been decked out like no party Theo had ever seen there. Everything dripped with flowers and crystal and sparkly shit. It was so overdone that if the party had been a steak, Theo would’ve cracked her teeth on it. Completely horrifying.

  And judging by her reactions, Stella Ashley had no idea how over-the-top her local guests thought her soiree was. She was bottle-blonde and dripping with as much bling as the ballroom. Which would’ve been fine, because Theo was a firm believer that everyone should wear what made them happy, except that Stella was clearly of the opinion that she was better than everyone else and could be a good influence on the rest of the town. That they were sorely in need of her help and her class.

  So much vomit.

  They’d survived this long without Stella Ashley, and they’d survive around her. No way would the people of Hanalei be bullied into high fashion and the latest trends. No one would ever describe the town as cosmopolitan, and that was okay. They liked the outdoors; they liked fresh, simple food; they liked the water and slippers. They were friendly to strangers—had to be since most of their livelihoods depended on outsiders—but wary, too.

  Worse than Stella’s tone-deaf attitude was that Brock didn’t seem to realize exactly how much his friends and guests were not a fan of his new bride. If anything, he was proudly parading her around, looking like he expected a big, fat congratulations on having married this woman, even from her and Laurel, who Theo’d stayed glued to all evening in hopes of making this experience as easy as possible on her friend.

  During the requisite introductions, they all had to shake hands with the horrid woman and listen to her trash their town as “quaint” and “rustic,” which Theo knew in snob translated to “small, dated hellhole in need of improvement.” Not to mention how she was so enthused about her father building a new resort nearby that would have all the latest amenities and attract a “better crowd.”

  Theo wanted to feel a smidgeon of sympathy for Brock for finding himself in the awkward position of being in a room with the woman he’d married, the woman he’d wanted to date, and the woman who’d wanted to date him…but she couldn’t locate even an iota of pity. Not one little bit.

  As soon as they could escape in a way even approaching polite, she took Laurel’s hand and dragged her over to the dessert spread. At least they’d done one thing right with this overblown and ridiculous party and that was the food, which was only because Brock’s hotel had long ago signed Queen’s to do all their pastries and wedding cakes. Kini had been busting her ass to get everything done over the past several days, but it had been so, so worth it.

  Scooping up as many of the tiny pineapple pastries, mini haupia-and-chocolate tarts, andagi, and matcha manju as would fit on her plate, Theo fumed to Laurel.

  “Can you believe her? The last thing this island needs is any more resorts. The traffic is bad enough with what we have already, and if it’s going to be as gaudy as she is, the place is going to be a total eyesore. Good thing we’ve got the height restrictions in place so at least the hideousness won’t be able to be seen for miles and miles, but she really is the worst. Does she think shitting on the place someone has lived happily their whole lives in favor of a cookie-cutter, gold-plated, McMansion version of a hotel is going to win her any friends here? I think not.”

  Laurel snuck a nervous glance out of the corner of her eye. “You’re not actually going to say that to anyone, are you?”

  Theo pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose and headed back to their table, which was festooned with such an enormous centerpiece she could hardly see anyone who wasn’t sitting right next to her. Thankfully, Laurel was. The only good thing about the ridiculous decorations was that they would hide exactly how much dessert she was having from her father’s ever-watchful eyes.

  “No.” She took a bite of the pineapple pastry, the crispy, buttery layers practically melting on her tongue while the sweet pineapple filling squished out over her teeth and provided a slightly tart contrast. Ono, as always. Even the egg wash that made the top of the confection shiny and glossy added another dimension of perfection, and having helped Kini make these, Theo knew what a giant pain in the ass all the layers were. Totally worth it, and she’d tell her how good they were. “I will, however, complain to you. Honestly, the way she was talking about Kini like they were BFFs made me crazy.”

  Laurel nodded in agreement, but mostly she seemed occupied with chowing down on a mizu manju. Of course, it wouldn’t be as irritating to her as it was to Theo because she hadn’t arrived all that long ago. But at least when she had, she hadn’t tried to change the entire town. She’d tried to fit into what was already here, and Theo appreciated her all the more for it.

  After she and Laurel had danced a few times to be polite, Theo was ready to go home and Laurel was, too. First, though, after all that champagne, Theo needed to use the bathroom. Feeling a bit buzzed, she weaved her way to the sinks to wash her hands, and who should come out of the next stall but Stella. Her white dress glittered so hard under the lights in the bathroom that it made Theo’s eyeballs hurt. She’d never met a more obnoxious bride.

  Theo smiled tightly as Stella sidled up to the sink next to her, washed her hands, and then proceeded to fix her already perfect hair and makeup.

  “Don’t you think everyone’s having the best time, Theo? I know you all aren’t used to parties like this, but don’t worry, they will be a regular feature if I have anything to say about it. Especially after Daddy builds his new resort. Obviously Brock’s hotel is the nicest on the island, but wait until he’s managing one of Daddy’s resorts. It’ll be the absolute best.”

  Theo and Stella obviously had very different definitions of “best,” but Theo smiled around clenched teeth and resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. She should get a medal for this performance.

  “Most of the people here are a bit…uncouth, but I’m so glad that you’re here and that delightful Jessica. Don’t you just love her? I could rave about her all night.”

  Theo had noticed earlier that Stella had been bending Jessica’s ear for an abnormally long time, but hadn’t thought too much of it. Until now, when she felt guilt nipping at her heels. Jessica wasn’t her favorite, but surely she didn’t deserve the attentions of the new Mrs. Ashley.

  “She’s great.”

  “You and I should really make an effort with her. I know she’s had to leave school to help out with Beatrice until she’s back on her feet, and I feel so bad. I mean, having to take a leave from her graduate program to come back here?” Stella took a break from reapplying her lipstick and shuddered theatrically. “She must feel so useless and thrown away. Not that it’s the best program in her field—I hope she’ll let me talk to Daddy because he knows someone at Yale who could probably get her into their PhD program, which is so much better than Madison’s.”

  If Theo ground her teeth any harder, she was going to need some serious dental work, and she hated going to the dentist more than almost anything in the world, so she excused herself as politely and quickly as she could to find Laurel and say her goodbyes
for the evening.

  Back in the ballroom, which looked like a disco ball had thrown up all over it, Theo sought out Laurel so they could escape, but before she could drag Laurel away, she ran into Charlotte and Kini, who she’d meant to say goodbye to anyhow. Now was as good a time as any. When she approached, she found them to be talking about Jessica.

  “She’s been spending a lot of time with Stella and Brock. They came into the shop on Tuesday to have lunch, Thursday they had breakfast, yesterday Stella and Jessica came in for a latte and a snack.”

  Charlotte nodded. “I saw them walking around the shops yesterday and having pizza on Wednesday. Jessica must have been with her every day this week.”

  For reals? Jessica wasn’t her bestie by any stretch of the imagination, but Theo’d always thought she had better taste than Stella. Or, at least, quieter taste. Jessica was shy and bookish whereas Brock’s new wife was like a steamroller made of diamonds that sprayed glitter confetti as it went.

  “Bea said something about her thesis advisor calling because she needed her help on a paper, but Jessica refused to go back, even though Bea told her it was fine. Bea chalked it up to her being that dutiful of a niece, but I don’t know.”

  Theo couldn’t help but join in the speculation. Kini was right. Wanting to help Bea couldn’t be a good enough reason for Jessica to be sticking around. Bea’s cast was coming off next week, and she’d be in a boot for a couple of weeks after that, but other people could help out in the meantime. Jessica could totally go back to school and not feel any guilt.

  “She must have some reason we don’t know about for sticking around. But why is she spending so much time with Stella and Brock? They’re the worst.”

  Charlotte shot Theo a chiding look. “At least they’re closer to her own age. Bea is a really nice woman, but you can’t tell me you’d want to spend weeks on end with her, can you? You should think about what Jessica’s alternatives are before you judge her choices.”

  “So true,” said Kini, raising an eyebrow in Theo’s direction that made her flush. And not in a nice way, but in a self-conscious squirmy kind of way she didn’t like at all, even if a smile accompanied it. “Maybe if she had anyone else to hang out with, she would make different choices, but as things stand…”

  Theo’s stomach curdled, and she didn’t think it was from too much champagne and sweets.

  “Also, Bea is probably accepting invitations on Jessica’s behalf. You know she must be quite pleased to see Jessica so in demand.”

  Kini and her sense-making. Could she be wrong, just once? Probably better not because the earth would come to an end. But still it would be nice if she didn’t have to be right all the time. This, however, was an excellent opening to prove to Charlotte exactly how wrong she was about Kini having a thing for Jessica.

  “Yes, probably. Although you, yourself, could hang out with Jessica. You seem to like her a lot.”

  Kini’s brows bunched momentarily as she shrugged. “I do, but I don’t think she’d want to spend much more time with me than she already does. We’re not exactly peers, and what would we have to talk about? She’s a scientist and I’m a baker, and I think she thinks of me more as her aunt’s friend than hers.”

  That was a poor excuse if she’d ever heard one. “You might be surprised, though, how much you and Jessica have in common. And how you might find her, um, of interest. Romantically.”

  There was a swift elbow to her ribs from Charlotte’s direction that nearly made Theo cough, but she was too transfixed on Kini’s face, hoping for any clue. It may have been from the sip of hot tea she took from the cup cradled in her hands, or Theo could have been imagining it altogether, but she could’ve sworn that Kini’s smooth brown cheeks pinked a bit.

  “No, I don’t think so. Jessica’s a great girl, and you’re right that maybe I should make an effort to spend more time with her if only to give her an alternative to the Ashleys. But I don’t think I could ever really picture myself with her romantically. First, I don’t know if she even likes women. Second, she seems intent on going back to school, and when she gets her PhD, she’s not going to be able to get the kind of job she wants here. She’ll be in Honolulu, if not farther. The only place I’ve ever wanted to be is here. She’s also very reserved. Which I don’t mean in the negative way you likely would—” Another side-eye at Theo, which did more funny things to her stomach she couldn’t totally explain. “—but I’ve always thought if I were to be in a relationship with someone, they’d need to be more outgoing than I am. Sunnier, more optimistic, a person who isn’t shy of making their feelings known. And Jessica’s not that girl.”

  Kini drained the rest of her tea and then eyed the porcelain as if she were surprised it was empty. “I’m going to get more. Anyone want anything?”

  Charlotte and Theo both demurred, and when Kini was safely out of hearing distance, Theo poked a finger at Charlotte. “Aha! See? Kini so does not have a crush on Jessica. At all. So there. You can take your abysmal matchmaking ideas and go elsewhere. Or better yet nowhere, because you’re terrible at this.”

  Charlotte’s forehead wrinkled as her brows bowed, and she shook her head. “I don’t know. I think perhaps the baker doth protest too much. Kini seems so occupied with not being attracted to Jessica that I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually is and is fighting it tooth and nail because she thinks it would be inappropriate. Ow, don’t hit me with your bag.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  It was two unbearable weeks of enduring Mrs. Ashley. Even if he wasn’t going to marry Laurel, why did he have to marry that woman? Stella was awful. At least Laurel had managed to dig herself out of her funk some. Not that she didn’t occasionally look longingly at Brock if they were out together, but he wasn’t foremost in her thoughts anymore. Or if he was, she was damn good at hiding it, which as far as Theo was concerned was just as good.

  And, after a few dicey back-and-forths, maybe-he-woulds and maybe-he-couldn’ts, Austin had come back, and they’d managed to snag Jasmine’s restaurant to throw their dance party. Which was why she and Laurel were primping in front of her mirror. They’d maybe taken the disco theme too far, but could there really be such a thing? She thought not.

  Also, how often did one really have an excuse to wear fashion from the seventies? Not nearly enough. Laurel looked banging in the bell-bottomed and bell-sleeved jumpsuit they’d found while digging through the back of the thrift shop and was currently trying to curl the ends of her bob so they’d flip out instead of in like they did naturally.

  Theo had already spent an hour straightening the shit out of her usual unruly waves and had finally gotten her locks stick-straight. Who knew her hair had grown down to her waist? It wasn’t often she wore it down—up in a messy bun was far more practical for riding waves and working at the shop—and she never went to the trouble to iron it out like this.

  She’d been shimmying into her own thrift shop find and finally managed to get the damn thing over her hips. She wasn’t quite sure why hot pants overalls had been a thing, but she was really freaking glad now. Except for the whole getting into them thing, that was a pain. But her ass looked amazeballs, and the brown suede knee-high boots completed the look to perfection. The burnt orange of the overalls and the top that was striped in Halloween colors weren’t the most flattering with her coloring, but people riffling through musty bins at the thrift shop couldn’t be choosers.

  When Laurel was finished applying her mascara with more care than Theo had probably done anything in her whole life, Theo gave her hip a bump. “Are you ready to boogie?”

  Which of course led to them striking disco poses in the mirror and laughing at themselves until Theo caught a glimpse of her watch. “Oh, shit. We’ve got to run so we can help Austin finish setting up. This is going to be totally groovy.”

  The party had been the talk of the town since it had been announced, and it wasn’t exactly like they kept stuff invite-only. Especially because even if you did issue actual invit
ations, people assumed it included all of their cousins and their other relatives anyway. The island was not big, and the whole place was basically a game of six degrees of separation, except compressed into probably three degrees. Hanalei even more so.

  When they got to Jasmine’s, there were already disco balls and strobe lights set up and turned on, making the place look like it belonged in an old after-school special, probably about the dangers of weed. If only there were some electric floor lights that would blink in different colors as people formed a soul train… Okay maybe she’d watched Saturday Night Fever one too many times in preparation for this.

  Apparently someone else had too. In the crowd of helpers, she found Austin, who was clad head to toe in a plaid leisure suit. To be horrified or impressed? It was a legit question, and as she got closer, Theo had to be impressed because, unlike her and Laurel, Austin had clearly not gone diving in the back bins of the nearest thrift shop, but had spent serious time, money, or both finding his ridiculous outfit. Not to mention that, when they got very close, he struck a pose, doing his best John Travolta.

  Theo couldn’t help but squeal and clap her hands. It was nice to have a partner in crime who was as into this as she was. Yes, Laurel was great, but she wasn’t exactly a planning mastermind. Theo’s father had fretted and wrung his hands about fire codes and permits and what kind of nourishment would be provided—he didn’t want her passing out with all that dancing; was she sure the heels of her boots weren’t too high? Charlotte was great and would be coming later, but Jim was her BFF now. And Kini…well, Kini had always been pretty indifferent about dancing, unless it was hula, which she took very seriously. Like she took pretty much everything else.

  Austin put his arms around her in a bear hug strong enough to lift her off the ground and spin her around, and Theo couldn’t help the little whoop that spilled out of her mouth. It was fun, really fun. But if she were actually in love with Austin, wouldn’t she feel exhilaration from more than the flying motion? Wouldn’t there be a clench of excitement in her belly or a tingling down her spine at how close he was holding her? How her breasts were pressed against his chest and how, if she wanted to, she could easily wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him?