No Biz Like Showbiz

by Julie Moffett

  “Okay, okay.” I heard her take a deep breath. “I’m gaining control.”

  “Well, do it quick, because I’m scheduled to go on four more dates tomorrow. It’s obvious I made a colossal mistake agreeing to star in this show. I need some help here. I can’t focus on what’s important—like finding the freaking hacker—because I’m all tied up with this television crap.”

  “You’re not really getting tied up. Right?”

  “Basia!”

  “Okay, okay.” She laughed again. “Oh, how I adore you. Finn okayed everything. I’m already at the airport. I’ll be there late tonight. My plane leaves in forty minutes.”

  “Thank goodness. Did Glinda get you a room at my hotel?”

  “She did. I’ll take a cab there. Don’t wait up for me.”

  “You’ll help me out on the set tomorrow?”

  “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  I hung up the phone, relieved she was on her way. Basia was my social compass, my guide in sticky situations. If anyone could get me through this disaster, she was the one. I could leave the social maneuvering to her, and I could concentrate on what I did best—hunting hackers.

  I took a shower while wrapped in a wet towel, which wasn’t easy, but I wasn’t taking any chances. At last, I went to bed exhausted. When the alarm woke me at nine o’clock the next morning, I rolled over in bed and called the hotel concierge.

  “Did Basia Kowalski check in last night?”

  “One moment, ma’am. Yes, she did.”

  “What’s her room number?”

  “I’m sorry I can’t give you her room number, but I can connect you to her room.”

  “Okay, please do that.”

  The phone rang six times before I heard Basia pick up. “Hello?”

  “Basia, you’re here.”

  “Lexi?” Her voice was thick with sleep. “Really? It can’t possibly be morning. I just went to sleep.”

  “It’s nine o’clock. What room are you in?”

  “Um...602. Look, I’m still jet lagged. I got to the hotel after one o’clock. Can you go to the studio by yourself and I’ll catch up with you later? I need at least another hour of sleep, some coffee and a long, hot shower.”

  “You can sleep even longer. I’ll have Tony pick you up in front of the hotel around one o’clock. I have to be at the studio around ten for a wardrobe fitting and makeup.”

  “It all sounds very exciting.”

  “Actually it’s been one of the worst experiences of my life. I don’t think Hollywood agrees with me.”

  She laughed. “We’ll change that. I’ll see you in a bit.”

  “Good. I really need you.”

  “Yes, you do. See you soon.”

  I hung up and rolled out of bed. I had told Tony yesterday I would walk this morning because the fresh air would make me feel better and I felt more comfortable about the trek. I would have rather swung from a trapeze over a tank of hungry sharks than suffer through a wardrobe fitting and makeup, but I’d made my bed and had to lie in it. So, I sucked it up and got myself ready for the day. I strolled to the studio, got waved in by Manny, the gate guard, and arrived at the studio promptly at ten.

  I swung by the IT room to check in with Kyle. He wasn’t in his office, so I stopped to chat with Noah. “Where’s Kyle?”

  “He’s in a meeting with Cartwright. We miss you in here. What’s it like in front of the camera?”

  “Truthfully? It sucks. I don’t get why so many people want this job.”

  He laughed. “What? You don’t like being a star?”

  “Not in the slightest. So, any news?”

  “Nope. Our cracker is silent.”

  I nodded. “Okay. Silent is good. He’s watching and waiting. So am I.”

  I left the IT room and headed for the dressing room. Ace, Rena and Mandy were sitting around talking. They stopped the second I walked in.

  I dropped my purse on the table next to my computer. “How are Gregg and Barnaby?”

  Rena approached me with a tape measure and started measuring my waist. “Both are alive and kicking. Gregg is back to his annoying self and Barnaby is spouting Repercussions quotes minus the sock puppet, but sporting two black eyes. He fractured his nose, so he’s also got a bandage across the bridge.”

  “Jeez. Who knew dating could be so dangerous? Well, what’s on the agenda for today?”

  Rena measured the circumference of my neck. “First we have to decide what you are going to wear this evening, hence the tape measure.”

  Rena turned me around and measured the length from my hip to my foot.

  I dutifully turned to the right and then the left when Rena snapped her fingers. “Ace, who am I so-called dating today?”

  “Well, there’s been a bit of a change of plan seeing as how things went down yesterday. Cartwright decided to have a group date, figuring there was safety in numbers.”

  “I knew this whole dating thing was a bad idea from the start.”

  Ace stepped up beside me. “No one is blaming you. It’s just a precaution. Call it a friendly recommendation from the studio lawyers.”

  “Jeez.”

  “Anyway, this group date will be a cocktail party. Then, at some point during the evening, you’ll have one-on-one time with each of the remaining four contestants. The good news is no hot tubs are involved.”

  “That is good news. Especially as I had it written into my contract.”

  He smiled. “You drive a hard bargain.”

  I sat down in the makeup chair, my cranky side rearing its ugly head. “So, what dumb thing do I have to wear to this shindig tonight?”

  Rena held several swaths of material against my skin. “The ‘shindig’ is a classy cocktail party. The ‘dumb thing’ you are required wear would be a dress. Something simple, yet elegant.”

  “I don’t want low cut, slits or anything that might result in a wardrobe malfunction. The heels in the shoes have to be low. I can’t manage all that fashion stress, plus think of something to say at the same time.”

  Rena slid the tape measure under my armpits and across my chest. “Okay. I’ll try my very best to figure something out within the parameters of your concerns.”

  I pressed my hand to my forehead. “Crap. I know I sound like a jerk, Rena. I’m sorry. I’m nervous and cranky.”

  She patted my cheek. “I know and I understand. It’s okay.”

  I sighed. “Thanks. I appreciate it, even if I still feel like a jerk.”

  Rena left and Ace consulted his clipboard. “You are scheduled to arrive at the guy’s mansion via limo. There you will meet with Truman, Eldrick, Ray and Anson. You’ll all be in a group in the beginning and then you’ll split off for some private one on one.”

  “Why does it have to be private?”

  “Well, it won’t be that private. We’ll all be there watching, okay? I’ll have a whiteboard and I’ll provide some cues if you need them.”

  That made me feel better. “Okay.”

  “What’s with the limo thing? Can’t we just take Tony’s car?”

  “The limo adds dramatic appeal, so, no, we can’t use Tony’s car.”

  “Seems ostentatious to me.”

  “Let the pros handle how you get to the cocktail party. You just worry about the guys.”

  “I am worried about the guys. Look what happened to the last two.”

  “Point taken, believe me. However, I’m sure you’ll manage. You’ll mingle for forty minutes to an hour with the guys as a group.”

  “An hour?” I pursed my lips. “Define mingle.”

  “Small talk. Chit chat. Bullshit. Whatever.”

  I started to hyperventilate. “I hate that.”

  “You did ju
st fine yesterday.”

  “In what universe would that be considered fine? One ended up with a broken nose, and the other was stunned and twitching on the floor.”

  “Yes, and as a result, new precautions are in place for tonight. There will be additional security staff on hand, as well as a doctor and a nurse. What could possibly happen?”

  “I’m not usually superstitious, but in this case, I wish you wouldn’t jinx things by saying that.”

  Ace grinned and put his hand on my shoulder. “Relax, Lexi. Just be yourself. Things will work themselves out.”

  “Promises, promises.”

  “I do promise. Look, just ask the guys questions about themselves. Try to get to know them more than just superficially. Dig a little and try to get a feel for what makes them tick. If you feel safer, steer the conversation to topics with which you are familiar.”

  I brightened. “You mean we can talk computers and technology?”

  “To a certain extent. Just remember the purpose of all of this is to get the guys comfortable with an average girl. If they yammer on for ten minutes about a microchip, they’re going to start losing her, not to mention the audience. So, ask them a little about themselves and their work to loosen them up. Touch briefly on their passions and even their fears. You’ll find most people don’t mind talking about themselves.”

  “This group is not most people.”

  “That’s okay. They’re still men. Just go with it.”

  “I guess I can do that.”

  “That’s the spirit.”

  Ace’s phone rang and he left the room to take a call. I told Mandy I was heading over to the IT room for a while.

  She looked up from whatever she was mixing in a small white bottle. “Be back in an hour and a half tops. Your dress should be ready by then and I’ll be finished mixing the makeup.”

  I eyed the bottle with mistrust. “Why the heck do you have to mix makeup?”

  “Why does one computer chip work better than the other?”

  “Are you telling me to mind my own business?”

  “You are smart.”

  “Very funny. Alright, I won’t ask again.”

  “Good plan.”

  I strolled into the IT room and my blood pressure immediately dropped. This was where I belonged—among computers, cables and the anonymity of cyberspace. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath of the overly cool air. This was my home, my Zen.

  Noah slapped me on the back. “She’s back, the star of the decade.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Not amused.”

  He laughed. “I just heard you took out two of the contestants. That’s one way of eliminating them.”

  “Very funny. They’re both alive and kicking.”

  Carlos came over, then perched on a corner of one of the desks. “The gossip mill is going wild.”

  Melinda giggled. “Did you really stun one of the contestants?”

  “I didn’t stun or knock out anyone. Forget about the gossip mill. What’s happening on the IT front?”

  Noah shrugged. “Still nothing.”

  Carlos nodded. “Yeah, it’s dead. It’s almost a letdown.”

  Melinda nodded. “I bet he’s waiting to see what happens.”

  I pursed my lips. “Quiet is good. Once I get the filming over tonight, I can be back in the IT room for the next few days while they cut and edit the clips together. It can’t come a moment too soon.”

  “Don’t worry, we’ve got it covered on this end. I bet you’ll knock them out tonight. Literally and physically.” Carlos bent over and howled with laughter. “Damn, I’m good.”

  Noah gave Carlos a high five. “Funny, dude. I can’t believe I actually know a movie star. Can I have your autograph, Lexi?”

  “Get real.” I looked around the room. “Where’s Kyle?”

  “Dentist, I think. He’s out until three o’clock or so.”

  “Okay. Well, I’m just going to take a quick look around the network and then I have to return to my dressing room to get ready for tonight.”

  Melinda’s eyes shined. “Tonight? What’s on the agenda?”

  I sighed. “A fancy shindig. Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  It literally took hours to get the makeup on, my hair styled and the dress fitted just right. Thank goodness Basia arrived just as I reached my exasperation point or I might have lost it completely. She interceded on my behalf several times, including defending my reluctance to wear a lot of jewelry and dangly earrings. I truly might have lost it at the dangly earrings if not for Basia.

  She also hit it off immediately with Ace and was able to talk to Mandy and Rena in a language involving fashion terms and makeup that was beyond my comprehension. It was more than a relief to have her handle that part of the work. It gave me much needed time and peace to sit back and let my mind drift to places it needed to be in terms of catching the hacker.

  When I was dressed and gussied to everyone’s satisfaction, the gang stood in a circle to take a critical look at me. I’m pretty sure I’d never felt so self-conscious.

  After a minute when no one said anything, I spread my hands in exasperation. “What? Is it that bad?”

  Basia shook her head, her hand covering her mouth. “No. Not at all. Lexi, you are lovely. Rena and Mandy have created a goddess. You look stunning.”

  Ace nodded. “Basia is right. They nailed it. Each one of your assets is on full display in that dress. Long legs, small waist, pretty hair and eyes. Girl, you are one sexy lady.”

  I looked down at the tight-fitting blue sparkly dress. I didn’t feel sexy. I felt like Lexi. The shoes were a bit too high for my taste and the front cut was a little daring, but it would have been worse with the extra jewelry and dangly earrings. I could live with it.

  Mandy had fixed my hair. She’d smoothed it out and sprayed something on it that made it feel super soft and smell really good. Every time I moved, it swung around with me. I’d revolted against curlers, but Basia had convinced me to permit her to use something called a flat iron to smooth it out. Once they assured me I wasn’t going to have Shirley Temple hair, I’d agreed to it.

  Ace informed me that I’d have to ride to the guys’ mansion alone in the limo.

  “Why can’t you ride with me?”

  Ace spread his hands. “The cameramen will be waiting for you to arrive. It’s a big part of the show. Stone will greet you and help you out of the car.”

  “Ugh. Why him?”

  “Because he’s the host of the show.” Ace clipped my microphone discreetly to the corner of my dress, turned it on, and gave me a kiss on the check. “Play nice and knock ’em dead.” He stopped and gave me a serious look. “You know I didn’t mean that literally, right?”

  I smiled. “Ha ha.”

  When it was time to go, everyone walked me to the limo. I felt abandoned going it alone, but Basia reminded me that they’d all be there waiting for me as soon as I arrived. Seeing as how I didn’t have another choice, I settled in for the ride.

  The limo pulled up into the circular driveway. Tonight the place was ablaze with lights. Stone was waiting for me and opened the door to the limo. He made a big deal of helping me out of the car and then tucked my arm in his. I didn’t feel comfortable with him. He seemed more plastic than real with his perfect tan, perfect hair and perfect white teeth. Tony kind of looked like him with his surfer boy good looks, but Tony actually had a personality. Stone seemed made of plastic. He was stiff and almost creepy with all his perfection.

  “You look absolutely gorgeous,” he said loudly, even though he’d hardly given me a cursory glance.

  It was definite bullshit, but I wasn’t always the best judge of people, so I tried to be friendly. “Your eye looks bett
er.”

  “It’s the makeup. Smile.” He grinned and turned his head, probably to give the cameras his best side, as we walked past.

  I tried to smile, too, but it wasn’t genuine. I was pretty sure everyone could tell I just wanted to throw up. How long could I hide in the bathroom and get away with it?

  Stone walked me into the mansion where the guys were herded into the dining room and the adjacent living room. The dining room table was loaded with fancy hors d’oeuvres and deserts. A chandelier dripping with crystals that sparkled and dazzled in the dual lights of the mansion and the cameras hung over the table. A fire roared in the fireplace and the mantle was ablaze with a dozen or more candles and vases of fresh flowers. To the right, behind an open bar, a bartender stood at attention in a crisp white suit and red tie. The living room had a couple of couches and chairs. But the main feature was the elaborate French doors that led out to the patio. Tonight they were open, and I could see a swimming pool filled with floating candles.

  Eldrick and Anson stood together in the dining room, while Ray and Truman sat on the couches in the living room. Everyone, with the exception of Ray, looked miserable in the stiff tuxedos.

  Eldrick waved. “Hey, Lexi. Looking good tonight.”

  I disengaged from Stone and walked over to them.

  “Hi, Eldrick. Hey, Anson.” I gave them both a fist bump.

  Eldrick leaned forward, lowered his voice. “So is it true you punched Barnaby and stunned Gregg?”

  “What?”

  “It’s okay if you did. Was it a tough love kind of thing? You know, manning them up and all.”

  “Wow. No. Just stop here.” I made a time-out motion. “Let me be clear that I did not, in any way, punch or stun anyone. Barnaby tripped and fell into a table, and Gregg stunned himself with a stun gun he swiped from my purse.”

  Anson fidgeted. “Well, you’re not going to accidentally brain me or something tonight, are you? After all, the odds of physically disabling both of your dates within a few hours are statistically significant. So you can understand why I might be just a tad bit nervous.”

  “I’m not going to brain you, Anson. You either, Eldrick.”

  “That’s good to know.” He sighed in relief. “I thought it was a bit harsh even for you.”