Everything

by Melissa Pearl

  In retrospect, I should have kept the teacher part to myself, but I figured a half-truth might be easier to go with.

  I don’t even know why I was trying to protect him. When I’d first mentioned to my sister, Morgan, how gorgeous he was, she knew nothing about him, so I guided her toward the idea of dance, a totally separate department, and kept my passion for my singing teacher completely hidden, even before he gave into temptation and bedded one of his students.

  It was just easier. At least I thought it was. Every time I said dance class, I actually meant singing, and it seemed to work somehow...until the day I couldn’t hide anymore.

  Chapter Two

  Jody

  I paused outside Angel’s door, resting my head against the dark wood and preparing myself for a fussy afternoon. I couldn’t blame her, really. My little six-month-old was teething and absolutely miserable, which in turn made me absolutely miserable. I felt like I’d tried everything over the past week, but nothing really comforted her. It was just something she had to live through. I understood that feeling all too well.

  A fresh wave of tears formed as my fingers wrapped around the doorknob. I turned twenty last month; I shouldn’t have to open the door to a crying daughter. Looking at my watch, I cringed. This time last year, I would have been opening the door to a small music studio which housed recording equipment, a baby grand, a bright green couch...and the man I was never supposed to love.

  “Hey.” Stefan’s smile was soft as he greeted me.

  I blushed, shutting the door behind me and tucking a large blonde curl behind my ear. I leaned against the door, gazing at him. It’d been three days since we’d done it backstage, and it was the first time I’d seen him since then.

  He placed the sheet music he was holding onto the stand and approached me, his eyes flickering to the upturned blinds on the outer window. He’d always been a private person, didn’t like prying eyes during lessons. I’d liked it, too. It meant I could give him my “I love you” eyes the whole lesson and no one else would know.

  “How are you?” His voice was husky.

  Mine shook. “I’m good.”

  “I wanted to call and check on you, but I couldn’t dial your number, because I...shouldn’t.”

  My gut clenched. Here it came, the “it was a mistake” speech. I clenched my jaw and kept my eyes averted, but he wouldn’t let me look away.

  Gently taking my chin, he turned me to face him. His head tipped to the side, his chocolate eyes filling with a tenderness I’d never seen before. Running his index finger softly down my cheek, he pressed his thumb against my lower lip and whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t want to hamper the moment, I guess.”

  “You let me...be your first.” He swallowed, his lips tipping into a soft smile.

  “Because I love you.” It was liberating to utter the words, even though I knew they could have him running for the hills.

  But they didn’t.

  They made him grin.

  “If I’d known...” He shook his head.

  “What difference would it have made?”

  His smile grew as he brushed the hair off my shoulder and lightly kissed my neck. “I would have taken it slow, forced myself not to get lost in the frenzied passion you stir within me.”

  Was he seriously saying this stuff to me?

  I made him frenzied with passion?

  Holy heckles! My grin was instantaneous.

  “I would have delicately kissed every inch of your body,” he murmured against my skin, melting my insides and sending my heart on a sprinting race. “I would have taken my time and shown you how amazing it can be.”

  “It was amazing,” I lied, clutching his shoulders.

  “It can be better.” He reached behind me and locked the door before leaning back with a sparkling smile. “Let me show you.” With a little wink, he turned and pressed play on his stereo. My voice filled the room, playing last week’s recording of “Thank You For The Music.”

  I giggled, but the sound was swept away by a hot kiss.

  With slow, tender hands, Stefan undressed me, his lips never leaving my skin. He stroked and teased me until my first real orgasm bloomed through my body, rocketing down my legs and making my eyes snap open. I gasped, the pleasure racing through me highly addictive.

  I squeezed the back of his neck, arching my hips toward him. “I need you inside me now.”

  He chuckled, pausing to pull out a condom. Ripping it open, he rolled it on and gave me a sheepish smile. “Better safe than sorry, right?”

  If he’d known it was already too late, he probably never would have touched me that day or any other singing lesson after that.

  Angel’s cries increased with fervor. I pushed open the door, putting on my happy face and pretending the memories didn’t rock me.

  I leaned against the bars of her crib and gazed down at her. Her tiny arms and legs were flailing and her cheeks were bright red...but damn, she was the cutest thing on the planet. In spite of my angst and growing animosity toward my lifestyle, I couldn’t trade my little girl for anything.

  “Hello, my angel.” I smiled down at her.

  Her pitiful wail paused momentarily as she looked at my face, her bright blue eyes taking me in before she opened her mouth and cried even harder.

  “Okay, okay.” I picked her up, lavishing her weight in my arms as I pressed her against me. I breathed in her sweet scent and reminded myself why I’d kept her. Kissing the blonde down on the top of her head, I held her close and hummed “You’ll Be In My Heart” from Tarzan. It was our song, and I meant each word as my humming changed to lyrics. Angel nuzzled into my neck, rubbing her wet cheeks against my skin, and all I could cling to was the hope that one day I’d stop wishing for things that would never come true, and pining for the man who had broken my heart.

  Chapter Three

  Leo

  I broke her heart. I was willing to take full blame for that. I never should have asked Gerry to marry me. I never should have promised her something I couldn’t give.

  “Mr. Sinclair, if you could please sign here and here, and at the bottom of the next page, as well.” The lawyer’s voice was quiet yet matter-of-fact.

  I understood his need to keep emotion out of the proceedings. I wished I could do the same.

  My throat was so clogged I could barely breathe.

  My mother was going to hate me for the rest of eternity.

  “How can you just give in, Leo? Marriage isn’t supposed to be easy. You make it work!”

  I flicked a quick glance at Gerry. Her glossy nails tapped on the wood as she watched me, her nervous little tic that I used to find adorable. I cleared my throat and squeezed the pen between my fingers, scribbling my name where I was supposed to and sliding the divorce papers across the table.

  She gave me a short, tight smile as I handed her the pen and then signed her name next to mine.

  She’d swept me off my feet when we first meet. The older woman. Haha—only by a few years, but my mates sure hassled me about it. Her stunning sophistication, her confidence. She felt so out of my league. All the guys had been drawn to her, but she’d chosen me. We got on great at first and everyone kept telling me what a perfect match we were.

  “You and Gerry, aye?” My brother would nudge me with his elbow. “Nice, mate.”

  “You two are so gorgeous together,” my mother would swoon. “What kind of ring are you going to buy her?”

  “So when do you think you’ll pop the question?” my boss would ask.

  “Go for an outdoor wedding, mate, you won’t regret it.” Dad would wink at Mum.

  They all chipped away at me, pressuring me from all sides until the golden boy caved and asked his first serious girlfriend for her hand. It had been magical, euphoric—

  “Done.” Gerry laid the pen on top of the papers and looked at me.

  It was over.

  She was no l
onger Mrs. Geraldine Sinclair.

  “I’ll get these papers finalized as soon as possible. It should only take a few days. Thank you for both being so amicable. It has made the division of assets so much easier.”

  We both nodded, both gave him strained smiles, our expressions nearly identical. Thank the Lord we hadn’t owned property together...or had kids! I cringed just thinking about how much worse this could have been.

  “If you have any questions, please give me a call.” The lawyer nodded at us both.

  With that, we thanked him and stood from our seats. I held the door for Gerry, and we walked to the lift in silence. Sliding my hands into my pockets, I waited in the awkward quietness, wondering if Gerry would ever talk to me again.

  We’d been separated for twelve months and ten days. Australian law required that we had to be separated for a year before we could get a divorce. As soon as the anniversary loomed large, Gerry started the proceedings so we could fast-track it through and have the divorce finalized as soon as possible.

  She never really told me why she was in such a hurry, but I went with it. I’d totally failed her; I was happy to go along with whatever she wanted.

  The lift doors dinged open and we stepped inside.

  “I’m getting married.” Her voice was soft when she pressed the button for the ground floor, but I felt like she’d just hollered the words at me.

  I pressed my lips together, holding in my initial shock.

  With a slow swallow, I squinted at the muted metal in front of me and nodded. “Wow, ah, congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?”

  “Brent Hancock.”

  “Brent!” Shit, I knew that guy. We’d been in youth group together. My eyebrows rose of their own accord. “You didn’t waste your time, did ya?” I mumbled.

  “Excuse me?” She whipped around to face me.

  I cleared my throat, my brows bunching together as I tried to avoid eye contact.

  “You left our marriage long before you walked out that door, Leo.”

  “Yeah, yeah, fair enough.” I didn’t want to get into an argument. She was right. I’d started pulling away before the honeymoon was even over.

  We’d tried to make it work. It was an honest effort, but how did you make something work that was never meant to be in the first place?

  Gerry would turn thirty next month. She’d wasted one year of her life dating me, two married to me and one getting over me. She had every right to move on and start the family she was craving...the family I refused to give her.

  The lift doors opened, and we stepped out into the glass-walled entranceway.

  “When it’s right, you just know it. There’s no hesitation, it’s easy.” Gerry gave me a soft smile. “That’s how it is for me and Brent. I have no reservations at all about marrying him.”

  Unlike me. I could hear her unspoken words. Both of us went into our marriage with blinders on, but deep down, we knew.

  I nodded. “Brent’s a top guy. I’m happy for you, Gerry.”

  “Really?” Her dry voice and arching eyebrows made me grin.

  “I’m serious. You deserve it.” I patted her shoulder. “I want you to find your happy, and if Brent can do that for you, then...great.” I forced a smile.

  Her expression crumpled with sympathy. “Oh, Leo.” She rose toward me and kissed my cheek. “You’re like a little lost soul.” She rested her hand on my face, running her nails lightly through my stubble. “I hope you find your way. I hope you...” She dropped her hand with a sigh. “I hope you can figure out what it is you really need.”

  Chapter Four

  Jody

  “Okay, what else do I need?” I mumbled the words as my eyes scanned down the list.

  Angel replied with a small burp that made me grin.

  “Thanks for your help.”

  She gave me a gummy smile, a long string of drool hanging off her lower lip. I wrinkled my nose and swiped it away with my finger, quickly rubbing it on my jeans.

  So gross! Never thought I’d be okay with that, but parenthood changes things.

  I paused the shopping cart next to the shelves of diapers and hunted out the cheapest, yet not completely useless, brand Morgan had discovered a couple of weeks ago. My older sister was so much better at shopping than I was. If I could have my way, I’d buy the best of everything, screw the money, but she made me stop and think all the time.

  “Where do you think this money comes from, Jody? You can’t spend whatever you want. We made a budget for a reason!”

  I rolled my eyes. I’d been forced to give in, because I was the only member of the household not actually earning anything. I cringed just thinking about it, but there was no way I was putting Angel into daycare while I went and worked at a grocery store. Once again, Morgan worked the numbers, and we figured out I’d be spending eighty percent of my income on childcare. Since I wasn’t qualified for anything, I really had no other option but stay-at-home mom, which I was okay with...most days.

  I rubbed the fluff on Angel’s head as she kicked her legs. With a little squeal, she demanded I get moving. I found the diapers and threw them in. The song on the radio caught my ear, and I grinned at my daughter.

  “This is your song, cupcake.” I joined in with Richard Marx, singing “Angelia” with him while Angel watched me wide-eyed, kicking her legs again before getting bored and chomping down on her plastic teether.

  The song was lifting my spirits as I wove the shopping cart into the next aisle, but my high was stolen by two girls who looked to be my age.

  They stood in front of the condoms, giggling over which packet to buy.

  “I can’t believe it’s happening tonight.” one of them squealed.

  “Ray is so freaking hot. You’re so incredibly lucky!”

  “He’ll be my perfect first time.” Her cheeks flushed pink.

  I wanted to plant my hand on my hip and say, Really? Are you sure about this guy? Are you sure you love him? Because it should be a mutual thing, you know. If you don’t think he feels the same way, cross your legs, honey, and walk away.

  She caught me staring at her, her eyes darting to Angel before catching mine again. I tried to stand tall against the silent judgment and noticed her reach for a second packet.

  “Just to be safe,” she muttered as she glided past me.

  I tried to ignore their snickers. Angel was so obviously my daughter with her blue eyes and blonde fuzz, her little button nose that would grow to look just like mine. As handsome as Stefan was, I was kind of glad she didn’t resemble him very much. At least every time I looked at her, I wasn’t reminded of his rejection...well, almost every time.

  “Jody, honey, what’s wrong?” He sat me down on that green couch. The one we’d turned into a love bed almost every time I came in here, but not lately. I just couldn’t do it.

  “You can’t keep saying everything’s fine. Your singing’s off. You’ve lost your shine. We haven’t slept together in nearly three weeks. You keep fobbing me off with excuses.” He ran his hand gently up my arm. “I need the truth.”

  “I don’t think you want to hear it.”

  He frowned, making his face look sharp and unfamiliar.

  “Stefan, I’m pregnant.”

  His fingers left my arm in a flash; he practically fell off the couch as he lurched away from me. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, how far? I mean when did this happen? We’re always so careful.”

  “Not the first time.”

  His skin paled, making him look sick. He closed his eyes, running a hand through his light brown hair. “Shit. This can’t be happening.”

  I swallowed, hating his reaction. “What are we going to do?”

  “We?” He jerked to look at me.

  My face crumpled with a frown. “Yes, we.”

  “Um, yeah, we, um...Jody, honey, I don’t—I can’t—This...” His chuckle was hollow and breathy. “I’m your teacher. I’m not supposed to be sleeping with you.�
�

  “But you did.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “And it was wrong and we should probably stop.”

  My lips parted, my chest so tight I couldn’t speak.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I can’t get fired over this. It could destroy my career, everything I’m working toward.”

  “But what am I supposed to do?”

  He shrugged. “You could, you know, get rid of it.” He winced. “Then when it’s done, you could come back, and it would be like nothing has changed.”

  “Except you wouldn’t want to sleep with me anymore.” My voice was sharp.

  He cringed, his face buckling as he shuffled back to my side. “Jody, that’s not true. I’ve loved our time together.”

  “Just not me.”

  “What?”

  “You don’t love me.”

  “I do.” He nodded, reaching for my hand.

  I snatched it away before he could get a proper grasp. “No, you don’t.”

  It took all my strength to stand from the couch and walk for the door.

  “Jody, please.”

  I paused, my hand on the doorknob. When he didn’t say anything, I slowly turned back to face him. I don’t know what my blue gaze was doing, but guilt crested over Stefan’s expression before he licked his lower lip and glanced at the floor.

  “Just don’t do anything rash. You need to think this through, Jody. Really consider all your options.”

  “What the hell do you think I’ve been doing!” I threw my hands wide.

  “Have you told anyone?” His voice hitched. “I mean—”

  “No.” I cut him off before the ugly look of fear on his face marred my memory of him. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

  The relief washing over his face nearly killed me. I bolted from the room before my body broke down like it wanted to and I turned into a weeping puddle on the floor.