Everything
Page 3
I didn’t blame him. If I’d been in his position, I probably would have done the same thing...maybe. When the school found out I was pregnant and asked me to leave, I went rushing back to his office in tears, my last feeble attempt to appeal to his humanity. He’d held me close until I stopped crying, but he hadn’t changed his mind. He hadn’t dropped to his knee and proposed like I was dreaming he would, claiming me and my baby as his own.
With my tail between my legs and my heart in pieces, I’d fled back to LA, Morgan, and my irate father, while Stefan had gone on to do who knows what. Morgan and Dad were the only people who knew he was my teacher and even then, they still thought he’d taught me dance. I’d kept his secret safe this whole time, and I’m not even sure why.
I couldn’t help wondering if he was bedding another student on that green couch of his. My gut clenched, the idea making my vision fuzzy.
His biggest mistake was sleeping with someone he wasn’t in love with; mine was giving my heart to someone who didn’t feel the same way.
He’d never once tried to contact me after that hideous day. He had no idea he was the father of a little girl named Angelia. She had no ties to him. I’d put father unknown on the birth certificate and given her my last name. If Angel needed to find out later, I’d tell her the truth, but the idea scared me senseless. I couldn’t think of anything worse than telling her “Daddy” wanted nothing to do with her. How did I sell the story without making myself out to be a senseless slut? How was I supposed to encourage her to follow her dreams, and make her believe that anything could happen, when I’d torn mine up and thrown them to the wind?
I absentmindedly ran my fingers through her blonde fuzz.
Some days I couldn’t believe I’d actually had the courage to keep her. If I’d given her up for adoption like my original plan, I’d be back in Tucson, Arizona, reaching for my star-studded future.
Angel dropped her teether.
I bent to collect it up, wiping it on my sweater and hoping the five-second rule applied in a grocery store. I pursed my lips as I hesitantly gave it back to her, but I knew she’d throw a complete fit if I took it away.
It went straight back in her mouth, drool coating it quickly.
My nose wrinkled again.
“Babies are gross.” I stuck out my tongue.
She replied with a heart-stopping smile, her eyes dancing with adulation. I kissed her head and pushed the shopping cart forward. She was adorable, but she was also six months old and she would be depending on me for the rest of forever. That’s what it felt like anyway.
I glanced over my shoulder as I left the aisle, spotting the row of condom packets. I couldn’t imagine ever buying one of those again. I was a single mother; who would ever want me now?
Chapter Five
Leo
The water was still, out on the pond. Flies buzzed around our heads, reminding us that summer was looming and they’d soon be a bloody pain in the arse.
“Piss off,” Kev grumbled, flicking his hand in front of his face, the standard Aussie wave.
“Come on, mate, they’re just like flirting with ya.” I grinned.
“Yeah, well, I’m gunna keep playing hard to get. I’m married, you little black beasts!” he yelled at the insects, making the boat rock.
“Whoa, calm down.” I flung out my arms to steady us, trying not to let go of my fishing rod in the process.
My older brother settled, apart from his foot that kept tapping.
“It’s my time off, mate. I get harassed relentlessly at home by four of my own little beasts. I don’t need the flies adding to it.”
“Aw, come on, your kids are amazing.”
“Uncles are supposed to say that.” His voice was dry, but he was hampering a grin. He was a great dad...and was becoming a great farmer, too.
I had to razz him, though; it was a younger brother’s duty.
“Farm life not suiting you, aye?”
He grinned. “It suits me just fine.”
We both chuckled and then fell into our comfortable “fishing time” silence. I closed my eyes, soaking in the hot rays and breathing in the scent. Kev’s little farm was more of a lifestyle block than anything. Having suffered a heart attack over a year ago, my big brother decided to change more than just his diet.
Getting a phone call that the guy I’d worshipped since before I could walk was being rushed to hospital in cardiac arrest had terrified me. It had rocked the whole family pretty bad. Kev was built like a brick shit-house, a bloody unshakeable force. A guy like him didn’t have heart failure...and his wife, Deb, was determined he’d never have it again.
She’d made him quit his high-powered, work a billion hours a week job, and they’d moved an hour out of the Sydney suburbs. It must have cost a frickin’ bomb, but they did it anyway...and it was doing them good. A few cows, goats, and a small flock of sheep—they were making it work.
“So, how’d it go the other day?” Kev looked over at me.
“Yeah, yeah, smooth as expected.” I jiggled my line, hoping for a nibble. “She’s getting married again.”
“No shit?”
“Yeah, Brent Hancock. Remember him?”
“I remember his older sister.” Kev gave me a sly smile.
I chuckled.
“They were a nice family, the Hancocks.”
“Yep.” I cut the word short.
“Mum must be going mental.”
“Yeah, she’s on the rampage at the moment.”
“You know you’ve got to ignore her, right?”
“She makes it bloody hard.”
“For you in particular.” Kev slapped me on the shoulder. “You were her golden boy. She had your life mapped out for you the second you sat down at the piano, you little Mozart.”
I sighed, knowing he was right. I’d acquiesced to all of it, so eager to please, desperate for her pride.
“You’ve got to get out, mate.”
“I’m trying to. There’s a little granny flat I might be able to rent near school.”
“Mate, you need to move out of the bloody country to get away from her complaints.”
“It’s the circles she’s in. People do not get divorced. I’ve embarrassed her.”
“Who gives a shit! It’s your life. You can do what the hell you want with it. You and Gerry were sucking each other dry.”
My line sat dead in the water, feeling much like my insides.
“Leo, you’re turning twenty-seven in two days. You’re still living at home with two judgmental parents, miserable as hell. What’s your plan?”
I scoffed. “I don’t have one, Kev.”
He cuffed me on the back of the head. I lurched in my seat and told him to F-off.
His chuckle wasn’t hindered by my vicious glare but thankfully died down when I turned away from him.
“What do you want out of life, little brother?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Come on, use your brain. You’ve always gone along with what everyone else wanted, but this is your chance. Nothing is holding you here. You can go and be whatever the hell you want.”
I nibbled my bottom lip.
“If you could have any dream come true, what would it be?” Kev flicked me on the arm with his hand. “Come on, what?”
I cleared my throat and threw a quick glance at him, rubbing my finger under my nose.
“You’ll think it’s dumb.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“Well, you know that Christmas production I did for church last year?”
“Yeah, yeah, that was awesome. The kids loved it.”
“Me, too; more than I thought I would. I felt alive and passionate throughout that whole thing. I mean, I love teaching, don’t get me wrong; it’s a great gig. But writing music, directing the cast and seeing my stuff come together on a stage, that was...” I shook my head. “Pure magic.”
“Then that’s what you should do. Quit your job and become a composer.”
“He’ll be the youngest person to ever be in that position in the history of the school.” Kev put on a voice, badly imitating my mother. “It’s one of the most prestigious high schools in Sydney, you know.” He ended with an eye-roll, his tongue dangling out of his mouth in disgust.
Mum used that damn line all the time.
My grin was lopsided and fleeting. “She stopped hating me for my failed marriage long enough to actually give me a smile, Kev. It’s the first time she’s properly spoken to me since I left Gerry.”
“Would you forget about her, you whiny little mummy’s boy.”
I flipped him the bird.
Kev chuckled, lightly punching my arm before turning to me with a serious gaze. “Leo, tell me your ultimate dream, mate. Don’t think about anyone but you, no restrictions, nothing. Just pretend I’m a genie and tell me what you’d wish for.”
My grin was sheepish when I finally admitted, “Genie, I wish to see a Leo Sinclair musical on a Broadway stage.”
My older brother went still for a minute, his eyes slowly lighting with a look of pride. His lips rose with a smile. “Then go and take it.”
I threw him a cynical glance. “It’s not like I can just ring up a producer and say ‘hey, I’m talented, take my musical and then pour a shitload of money into it and help me bring it to life’.”
“Why not?”
“Because, stuff like that doesn’t happen.”
“Not unless you try to make it happen.”
I shrugged, digging my thumbnail into the padding of the fishing pole. “I get to direct the high school plays at St. Regis, that’s good enough for now. I just wish I had more time to write my own stuff. Maybe if I worked my arse off over the summer break I could put something together and—”
“Oh, would you shut the fuck up.” Kev shook his head. “You said Broadway, and I don’t care how prestigious your bloody high school is, it’s not what you ultimately want. Why settle?”
“Kev, how the hell am I supposed to get what I want?”
“Well, you could start by writing a musical and then I don’t know, send them a demo.”
“It’s not that easy. You need connections, you can’t just send in your stuff.”
“Well, you’ve got one, mate!”
My brow bunched tight as I turned to look at him.
“Uncle Bobby.”
Our godfather and my dad’s best friend from decades ago.
“You really think he’d help me?”
“Well, for a start, he’s American and Broadway is in America.”
“Yeah, I know where Broadway is.”
“So, move your arse over there and start selling your songs.”
“I don’t know if Bobby can get me in.”
“Aw, come on, mate. The guy takes his morning swims in greenbacks. He’s got more connections than anyone else I know. He’ll get you into the States, and he’ll get your stuff in front of the right eyes.”
A thrill raced through me as I let my imagination loose. It was like opening a trap door with rusty hinges, but as the idea crept out of the narrow space, a hopeful smile bloomed on my lips.
“Do you think I should?”
“Leo, do us all a favor and stop living the life everyone else wants you to. Chase your dreams. Even if they never come true, at least you tried, and that’s got to count for something. Dreams are fuel for the soul. Don’t be scared. Dream a little crazy.” He shrugged. “It might come true.”
I sang the first line of “Dream A Little Crazy” by the indie band Architecture in Helsinki.
Kev chuckled. “Always got a song for everything. That’s our Leo.” He patted me on the shoulder.
I shrugged, trying to hide the surge of emotion racing through me. Could I do it? Could I seriously step way out of my comfort zone and finally take charge of my own life?
The idea was so liberating I wanted to whoop a war cry.
“Broadway, here I come,” I whispered under my breath, my lips stretching into the widest smile I think I’d ever made.
Chapter Six
Jody
I wished I could just get away from it all and start over some days. I was so tired I actually felt numb. After seven long weeks, Angel’s teeth had finally come through, four little biters that could do damage if you weren’t fast enough. But now she had a cold...and the whole damn house knew about it.
She’d been up most of the night, which meant I’d been up most of the night, and I was taking the term living dead to a whole new level. I thumped down the stairs, desperate for some caffeine before Angel woke and I’d have to deal with her again. I wasn’t wearing my watch, but I was guessing the time was somewhere around eight-ish? Damn, I must have only scored about three hours sleep the night before.
“Please nap well today, Angel,” I mumbled as I stepped toward the kitchen.
“So, what did you say?” Dad’s voice was tight and I immediately flinched, even though he wasn’t talking to me. It’d been tight a lot lately, putting me on edge every time I was around him. I paused outside the kitchen, not wanting to reveal myself.
“No, of course.” Morgan’s reply was terse.
“You can’t keep doing that. He’ll stop asking.”
My older sister sighed. “We love each other. We don’t need to be married.”
“Hey, stop lying to yourself. His filming schedule has just picked up again, hasn’t it? Huh?”
There was a pause while I assumed Morgan nodded. I pressed my hand against the wall, forcing myself not to peek in for a look. The second they spotted me, this conversation would end and I wanted to know why they were bickering about Morgan’s relationship with her super-hot boyfriend, Sean Jaxon.
“Do you know how I know?”
“Dad...”
“You’ve been grumpy. When Sean was on vacation over the Christmas break, you were bubbly and happy and no one could have wiped that smile off your face.”
“I don’t want to have this conversation.”
“Tough luck, sugar. We’re having it. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You are dating a very busy actor. His filming schedule during the week is insane, and unless you move your butt in with him, you’ll never get to see him.”
“It works, Dad.”
“For how long? How many proposals do you think he has in him? Why do you think he keeps asking?” Dad filled Morgan’s silence with the answer everybody (and I literally mean that) already knew. “Sean Jaxon is in love with you and he wants to make a life with you. He wants you to live with him so he can see you for more than a few hours every Sunday!”
“I know that!” Morgan’s voice shot into the air. “But how I am supposed to say yes right now! The timing’s not exactly perfect.”
“So, what, you’re gonna wait until your niece is eighteen?”
I flinched. Angel? She wasn’t saying yes to Sean because of Angel? That was insane!
“Jody needs me right now,” Morgan mumbled.
“She’ll be fine.” Dad punched out the words.
“Oh, come on, now who’s lying?”
I bit down hard on my lip, trying to avert the sting of her comment.
“You guys barely talk to each other. How would you function if I wasn’t here? Who would look after everything? Who’d cook? Clean? Do the laundry?”
“We all pitch in.”
“Only when I tell you to. I write the grocery list each week, I separate the colors and the whites, I make a weekly meal plan! I cook dinners you can freeze!” Tears burned as I listened to Morgan’s voice rise. “That’s how it works. You bring in the money, Jody looks after the baby, and I do everything else. And until that changes, I can’t move out.”
My ears rang with her words, my throat thickening into a tight tube that made it hard to swallow.
Dad’s sigh was deep and heavy, reflecting the achin
g thump in my heart. “You’ve sacrificed so much to look after Jody and me. When’s that going to stop? You can’t give us the rest of your life. I don’t want you losing out again. I can’t imagine you getting over a guy like Sean.” The way he mumbled the last line made me think of Mom...and the fact my dad had never really gotten over her, even after she walked out on us, forcing Morgan to become the mother of the family.
I bit my lip, hating that I understood that loyal stupidity.
Damn Stefan and those chocolate eyes of his.
“He’s not going to break up with me, Dad. He understands. Family first, remember?”
“Sean is your family now, too.”
I could picture Morgan fighting for the right words, probably throwing Dad a tight smile. “I have a late class at the dance studio tonight. Dinner is defrosting in the sink. All you guys have to do is heat it. Jody’s probably not going to be up for much after her night with Angel, so don’t get her to do the laundry or anything, I’ll sort that out when I get home.”
Dad humphed.
“I appreciate your concern, Dad. I love that you care so much about me.”
I heard a rustling. Morgan was no doubt wrapping Dad in a hug.
I missed his hugs. He was like a big, cuddly bear, and he used to squeeze me extra tight, singing “You Are My Sunshine,” the Ray Charles version...always the Ray Charles version. The grin brought on by my cherished memory quickly faded. He’d barely smiled at me since I’d moved back home, and he never called me ‘sunshine’ anymore.
“I just hate that you’re in this position. One mistake and it’s affecting all of us.”
His words were like fists to my chest. I knew exactly which mistake he was referring to, one he refused to actually talk to me about. No, instead he burned the errors of my ways into me with his disappointed gazes and frowning lips, his heaving sighs and muttered greetings. His little superstar, set for Broadway, got knocked up by her teacher and screwed up everything...and he was never going to let me forget it.
I sniffed at my tears, lurching for the stairwell. Screw the coffee. I just needed to get the hell out of the house.