Relative-ly Speaking

by Karen D. Badger

  Crystal ignored her father, but instead turned to her cousin. "You are such a rat," she vehemently spat into Tara's face.

  That was all Joe had to hear. "Well, that's proof enough for me. Let's go, Crystal. Starting right now, you are on a very short leash," he said, grabbing his daughter's hand and yanking her to her feet. "We'll be in the car," he said to the group as he dragged Crystal out the door.

  Amy turned to follow her husband and daughter, but was stopped by the sound of Cat's voice. "Amy, I know you've been up to something. Do me a favor and don't use me as you alibi again. I won't lie for you," Cat said. "Oh, and one more thing—you should take a close look at your own behavior and ask yourself if it might be rubbing off on your daughter. If you don't do something now to fix both her problem and yours, it will mean the end to everything you hold dear."

  Amy stared at Cat for long moments, contemplating what her younger sister had said, before turning wordlessly and heading out the door.

  "Just where do you think you're going, young lady?" Billie asked Tara as she noticed her trying to sneak out of the kitchen while her mothers were occupied with her aunt.

  Tara turned around guiltily. "To my room," she replied sheepishly.

  Folding her arms across her chest, Billie narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "We are not finished with you yet, Tara. What you and Crystal did today was seriously wrong," she scolded.

  "It's not my fault," Tara whined as she sat down once again. "Crystal made me do it."

  "She did no such thing," Cat interjected. "You have control over your own actions. You decided to smoke the pot. Crystal may have provided the means, but it was a conscious decision on your part to go along with her," Cat explained.

  Tara sat with her hands in her lap and chin resting on her chest.

  "So what do you think we should do about this?" Billie asked.

  The teenager looked up at her mothers, guilt and shame clouding her features. "Please don't ground me," she begged. "I promise not to do it again. It was gross anyway. It made me feel really horrible."

  "This can't go unpunished, Tara," Cat said as she paced back and forth, trying to come up with a punishment that fit the crime. Finally, she stopped and faced her daughter. "Look," she said, "your trip to South Carolina is a month away..."

  "Ma, please don't make me stay home," Tara exclaimed suddenly.

  "No, that's not what I had in mind," Cat replied quickly, calming her daughter's fears. "What I was going to say is that for the next four weekends, you will spend either Saturday or Sunday volunteering at the homeless shelter. Drugs and alcohol can be major contributors to homelessness. I think you need to see firsthand the affects of reckless drug abuse," she explained.

  Tara jumped to her feet, wincing as her weight came down on her sore ankle. "No way," she exclaimed.

  "Yes way," Billie responded, throwing her approval behind Cat's plan. "It's either that or four weekends of grounding. Your choice," she offered.

  "This isn't fair," Tara ranted. "I'm gonna punch Crystal's lights out," she threatened.

  "Just remember that Crystal is only part of the problem, Tara. You are not blameless here," Cat pointed out.

  Tara sat down again and angrily folded her arms across her chest, refusing to look at her mothers.

  "Well?" Billie asked, hands on her hips as she looked at her daughter.

  "I guess I don't have a choice, do I?" Tara mumbled, pouting sullenly.

  "No, you don't. Now, I think it might be a good idea if you wash that stench off your body and then spent some time in your room. I'll bring you an ice pack for that ankle as soon as I hear the shower stop," Cat said.

  Billie folded Cat in her arms as they watched their angry daughter hobble toward her room. "Hang in there, love. They're only teenagers for nine years," Billie chuckled.

  Cat looked at Billie, eyebrows etched high on her forehead. "Nine years?" she said incredulously. "Nine years times three kids, you mean. I swear Miss Clairol is going to make a fortune off me before Skylar turns twenty," she exclaimed.

  CHAPTER 21

  "Josie? darlin', could you fix this zipper? It appears to be stuck," Alex asked as she brushed the imaginary wrinkles from the front of her dress.

  "Anything for you, my love," Jo replied after first straightening her fedora. "Turn around here and let me see."

  Jo reached for the zipper and attempted to raise it into place. It soon became apparent that it was stuck fast on a piece of material caught in the teeth.

  "Looks like the little bugger is attempting to take a bite out of your dress, Alex," Jo observed. "Let me try to unzip it a bit first. There, that did it," she added after freeing the captive material and successfully raising the zipper to its proper position at Alex's neckline. Before Alex had a chance to turn around again, Jo slipped her arms around her waist and pulled her close, allowing her hands to roam freely across Alex's abdomen as she pressed herself into the tall woman's back.

  "Josephine Wycliffe! My word, what are you doing?" Alex exclaimed, knowing full well what Jo was trying to do as heat rushed to her smiling face.

  "After fifty years, I would hope you'd know, Alex," Jo quipped dryly.

  It totally amazed Alex how even in her advanced years, Jo had the power to turn her insides to mush. Never once in their fifty years together had she ever regretted becoming committed to this woman. There had been times when she would have quite willingly strangled the aging historian, but never did she regret their relationship. Caitlain was right—Josephine most certainly did add color to their lives. She just couldn't imagine what it would have been like without her.

  Jo was in the process of driving Alex crazy with sensual caresses as Cat and Billie were waiting for them to join the picnic they had planned with their neighbor Jen and her family, and giving in to Jo's amorous advances was just not convenient.

  Alex grabbed Jo's hands, which were quite brazenly making their way across her breasts. Resisting the urge to encourage the roaming hands, she firmly pulled them away and turned herself around to look into her wife's smoldering green eyes.

  "Josie, dear heart, we are expected to join the family for a picnic. This is not a good time to…umph," Alex tried to say as Jo silenced her with an invasive kiss.

  "Oh, my," was all Alex could say when Jo finally released her. Fanning herself with one hand, and reaching for the edge of the dresser to steady her weak knees with the other, she looked at Jo, who was standing there, hands buried deep in her trouser pockets, bouncing up and down on her toes, a smug grin spread across her still pixie-like features.

  "I've still got it," Jo boasted as she stepped toward Alex and placed one more, gentle kiss on the end of her nose. Then, taking a step back, she offered her arm to the regal southern belle. "Well? Are you ready? We're holding up the party," she added, as if the delay was all Alex's doing.

  "Ms. Wycliffe, I swear you are gonna be the death of me," Alex responded breathlessly as she took Jo's arm, adding as they reached the bedroom door, "I sincerely hope you plan to finish what you started when we are properly alone?"

  Jo's chest puffed out with assured cockiness. "You're damned right I do, Ms. Spirakis. That, you can count on."

  "Oh, I am, Ms. Wycliffe. I am," Alex replied as they joined the family in the back yard.

  ***

  "Here they are, finally," Seth said as Alex and Jo stepped out of the house. "Now can we eat? I'm starved."

  All eyes turned to the back porch as the two elderly women approached the steps. As she watched them descend the steps, Billie whispered in Cat's ear, "That's a nice flush on Grams' face. I bet I know what took them so long."

  Cat grinned and turned to look at her wife. "I believe you're right, my love. If we're lucky, that will be us in another forty years," she replied.

  "Mrs. Charland, that you can count on," Billie replied, unknowingly imitating Josephine's words.

  "They look so cute together," observed Cat as Jo and Alex approached them. Alexandra walked daintily at Josephine's
side, her right hand slung possessively through Jo's arm as her left hand kept her flowing skirt in order, a large hat shading her creamy white features from the sun's rays. Jo walked by her side, her fedora tipped slightly to the right, back erect, head held high, leading the delicate flower attached to her arm safely to their destination.

  "I'm afraid the days of the delicate southern belle, and gallant southern gentleman are quickly coming to and end with these two," Billie added sadly as the two women finally reached them.

  "I'm sorry we're late," Alex began after a round of hugs. "Your grandmother here...well, let's just say she chooses the most inopportune times to misbehave,"

  Jo wiggled her eyebrows up and down at Billie as a knowing look passed between them.

  "Not a problem, Grams," Cat said as she took Alex arm and led her toward the array of chairs arranged under a large canopy. "We're still waiting for Jen to come back. She had to run a quick errand. As soon as she arrives, we'll begin."

  Seeing that the grandmothers were finally present, Seth and Stevie ran over to where Cat had seated Alexandra. "Ma, we're really starving. Can we eat now?" Seth asked.

  "Honey, Jen isn't back yet," Cat replied.

  "Ah come on. We're really, really, really starved. Aren't we Stevie?" Seth begged.

  "Yeah, we're really hungry too," added Tara, mirrored by a vigorously nodding Karissa.

  Cat looked over to Billie and Jo who were both tending the grill.

  "Billie, honey, is there enough cooked to get the kids started?" she called out.

  Billie took inventory of the items on her grill. "Yep, I think so."

  The kids jumped up and down cheering at the news.

  "Whoa, wait a minute," Cat said. "The salads are still in the house. You'll need to fetch them, along with the paper plates, napkins and utensils. Okay?"

  "No problem," Seth replied as the four older children ran into the house to collect the rest of the food.

  "Grams, I'd better go after them to make sure they get everything. Will you be all right alone?" Cat asked Alex who was sitting quite comfortably in the shade, sipping a glass of ice tea.

  "Well of course, Caitlain. I'm quite content here. Go on and see to the young-uns," Alex replied, shooing her granddaughter away.

  Just as Cat reached the back porch, Jen and Fred finally arrived, accompanied by an elderly gentleman. "Jen, you're here. Good. The kids are driving me crazy wanting to eat," Cat exclaimed.

  "You mean there's still food left?" Jen asked incredulously. "I figured those eating machines of ours would have cleaned us out by now," she joked. "Sorry we're so late. Pops wasn't quite ready," she added. Reaching out for the hand of the gentleman beside her, she pulled him over. "Pops, this is Cat Charland," Jen said, making the introductions.

  "It's so nice to meet you," Cat replied, not really wanting to call the man, Pops.

  "Chester," said the older man as he extended his hand. "But please, call me Chet," he added warmly.

  "Well, Chet, welcome to our home. I hope you're hungry. We have a ton of food," Cat replied.

  "Ravenous," Chet exclaimed.

  "Great. Ah, Jen, would you mind introducing Chet to the others while I make sure the food is ready?" Cat asked.

  "No problem," Jen replied taking her father by the hand and leading him into the yard.

  "Cat, where do you want the beer?" Fred asked, coming around the back of the car carrying a large cooler as his wife led his father-in-law away.

  "Hi, Fred," Cat said, placing a kiss on her friend's cheek. "Put it over there by the garage. Billie and Grandma Jo are manning the grill if you want to keep them company," she added.

  Fred looked over to where Billie and Jo were struggling to keep the smoking grill from getting out of control. "You're actually letting Billie cook?" Fred asked, aghast.

  "Well, she's got to learn sometime," Cat replied, laughingly.

  "Yeah, but I'd prefer it not to be when I have to eat it," Fred replied through barely controlled laughter.

  "Well, you could always give her a hand," Cat suggested.

  Fred looked at her as if she were speaking a foreign language. "You do want to be able to eat it, right?" he said dryly. "I don't know who's a worse cook—me or Billie. Either way, we're all doomed."

  Cat just shook her head and chuckled as she made her way into the house.

  ***

  "It's so nice to meet you, Chet," Billie said as she firmly shook the older man's hand. "I'm glad you could join us."

  "Thank you for the invitation," he said, retrieving his hand and clasping both of them behind his back. "My Jen has told me so much about you and Cat. To be honest, I was a little unsure about your friendship at first. No offense intended, you understand, but when she explained to me that you were responsible for saving the lives of my grandchildren and son-in-law in that fire several years back, well, how could I object? Over the years, it has become apparent that she has really come to care for you and your family. That is a good thing. Never having had brothers or sisters, she missed that kind of closeness. Anyway, thank you for being there for her over the years," he concluded.

  Billie, a little taken back at first by his subtle intonations, decided that she liked this man.

  "And this is Cat's grandmother, Josephine Wycliffe. Josephine, this is my father, Chet," Jen interjected as she turned his attention to Billie's grill-mate.

  A warm smile spread across Chet's features. "Ah, finally, someone closer to my own age," he replied as he extended his hand to Josephine. "It's nice to meet you, Josephine Wycliffe."

  "Likewise," Josephine replied. "Call me Jo. So, what brings you here, Chet?" she asked.

  "An invitation out of the blue," Chet replied. "I received a phone call from my daughter here, asking me to visit for a while. Although, in her defense, she has asked me several times in the past, but I was unable to due to my business commitments," he added.

  "Really? What type of business are you in?" Jo asked, clearly making small talk.

  "I was a museum curator until I retired last year," he replied, causing Jo's ears to perk up.

  "A museum curator? Well, it seems like our careers are somewhat related, Chet. I am an historian; at least I was, until I, too, retired a few years ago. I'm looking forward to comparing notes with you," Jo explained.

  "Well, we'll have plenty of time for that. Pops will be here for a few weeks," Jen said smiling. "Oh, where are my manners? I haven't completed the introductions yet. Come on Pops, there's someone else I'd like you to meet," she said. Pulling him away from Billie and Jo, Jen led him in the direction of Alex who was still fanning herself in the shade of the canopy.

  Jo frowned as she watched Jen pull the older gentleman away from the grill.

  "Something wrong?" Billie asked coyly, seeing the look on Jo's face.

  "I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "Something doesn't feel right about this. Don't know what it is though," she thought out loud.

  "Well, I'm sure it's just your imagination," Billie assured her grandmother. "Here, hold the plate while I rescue these burgers from an early grave," she added as she scooped the charred pieces of meat from the grill and stacked them on the plate.

  ***

  "Pops, I'd like you to meet Ms. Alexandra Spirakis, Billie's grandmother," Jen said as she pulled her father to a stop in front of Alex.

  Chet couldn't believe his eyes. There before him, was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Even sitting, it was obvious that she was tall and slim, with long dark hair peppered with gray. When Alex looked up at him and removed her sun glasses, he was almost floored by the intense color of her sky-blue eyes. Bending over at the waist, he reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of it, his eyes never leaving hers.

  "I am honored to make your acquaintance Ms. Spirakis," he said formally. "Let me introduce myself. Chester McAllister. My friends call me Chet."

  Alex was quite taken aback with this gentleman's formal manner. After fifty years with Jo,
she was used to blunt, abrupt and quite informal introductions. This gentleman was like a breath of fresh air. Sitting tall in her seat, she tilted her head back, squared her shoulders and shook his hand daintily.

  "The pleasure is all mine, kind sir," she said, smiling brightly through her thick southern drawl. "Our chauffeur at the plantation is also named, Chet. Your name should be easy to remember."

  "Ah, do you mind if I excuse myself for a moment? It seems that things are getting a little out of hand on the grill," Jen interrupted, seeing the smoke billowing from the barbecue.

  "Not at all dear," Alex said. "Actually, I'm a bit surprised that Billie and Josephine are doing the cooking," she exclaimed, a bit of laughter tingeing her voice as they watched Jen run to the rescue.

  Chet listened carefully to the sound of Alex's voice as she spoke to Jen. "Do you mind if I ask where you are from, dear lady? I can't help but notice your accent," he inquired.

  Alex motioned to the chair beside her. "Please, have a seat, Chet. Of course I don't mind. I am from Charleston, South Carolina. My family has been well established in that region for many generations," she explained.

  "South Carolina. Well, that certainly explains why it sounds so familiar. You see, I am originally from Atlanta, Georgia. I grew up there as a child before my parents relocated our family to the New York area," Chet explained.

  "So you're a fellow southerner, are you?" Alex exclaimed happily. "I should have guessed that very fact, based on your good manners, fine sir," she added.

  "Could I ask what brings you to this part of the country, Ms. Spirakis?" Chet asked politely.

  "Oh please, call me Alex," she replied, touching the back of his hand lightly. "And what brings me here…well, actually, what brings us here, Josie and I, that is…is the wedding of our grandchildren," Alex explained.

  Chet was a bit confused at the inclusion of Jo in Alex's travel plans. "I don't understand," he said. "How is it that you know Josephine?"