Empire of the Space Cats (Amy Armstrong Book 2)

by Stephen Colegrove

  “I command you to open! I want my planet back!”

  “You’re still here?” asked the matronly voice of the ship. “How may I assist you?”

  “I’ve been trying to open this power dome for almost an hour! Do it for me.”

  “That course of action would not be recommended,” said the ship. “As you lack the necessary security clearance to access the power core.”

  “Who has clearance?”

  “Only Amy Armstrong, the captain.”

  Nistra slammed a green fist on the black dome. “Blast and double blast!”

  “Secondary advisement: I do not detect the appropriate equipment for removing and containing a Class-M planet held in micro-stasis. A shopping bag will not suffice.”

  Nistra sighed and stuffed the plastic bag into his trousers. “How about a cardboard box?”

  “That is also an insufficient container.”

  The sauropod nodded and paced around the large central dome, rubbing his clawed hands across the top of his head.

  “I have to leave the ship, but I don’t want the stupid human and her friends to abandon me. If only there were a small, critical component of that ship that I could take with me. A component that would keep the ship from leaving.”

  “You mean the keys?”

  A small door opened in the power dome and a silver arm shot out. A keychain with a fuzzy rabbit’s foot and a pair of glowing pink crystals dangled from the end. Nistra grabbed at the keychain, but the arm jerked back into the dome and the door clacked shut.

  “You lack the necessary security clearance to possess the keys,” said the ship.

  Nistra stamped his foot. “Curse you, egg-sucking ship!”

  The sauropod marched toward the exit hatch, his scaly fist raised to the ceiling.

  “It is decided. I will leave you, ship, to face the innumerable threats and disgusting smells of Cheezburger, the capital of those foul, evil cats who are the eternal bane of my people. I may not return, but if I do, this sauropod will return as your new captain! And, if not as your new captain, at least with some sort of devious scheme to trick you into thinking I’m the new captain!”

  Nistra gave a confident salute to the ceiling. The giant lizard marched out of the exit hatch and down the corridor.

  “Exit’s the other way,” said the ship.

  The sauropod turned on his heel and stamped the other direction.

  “I knew that!” he snarled.

  Chapter Seven

  An irregular grid of roads crossed Cheezburger, connecting the peaked, jade-tiled roofs of the suburbs with high-rise apartments and the steel and glass skyscrapers of downtown. As the corvette flew toward the center of the urban forest, every inch of land seemed covered in squarish concrete buildings, all four sides marked with flashing billboards and bright advertisements. Many of the flat-roofed structures were dotted with tennis courts and soccer fields of pale artificial grass. Like a chrome-plated snake in the sunshine, a river curved through the eastern districts of the city, passing under bridges of concrete, steel, and suspended wire, the variety of architectural designs showing how the city had changed over time. A blue haze covered the eastern horizon––possibly an ocean or a huge lake––and snow-frosted mountains lay in the west. A square of forest sat in the center of the skyscrapers; an oasis of nature surrounded on all sides by concrete and steel.

  Amy tapped on the window and pointed at the green square. “What’s that down there? Looks like Golden Gate Park.”

  “Or Hyde Park, for that matter,” said Philip, peering at the forest.

  Sooka Black glanced through the window. “I assume you mean the Imperial Palace and gardens.”

  Amy stared at the brown cat. “The whole thing? It’s a hundred acres, at least!”

  “You may rest confident. It is the ‘whole thing,’ as you say.”

  His paws on the window, Sunflower shook his head in awe. “I’ve only seen the Imperial Palace on television,” he whispered. “And I’m supposed to be the Emperor.”

  Amy smiled and leaned close to the cat. “I won’t tell anyone.”

  The Imperial corvette banked through the tall buildings and cruised over a walled moat that separated the perfectly squared-off forest from the packed streets of downtown. Tiny figures crossed the moat on graceful, half-moon bridges made from darkly stained wood. A chalk-white wall topped with black clay tiles guarded the inside of the moat, and square wooden towers with multiple tiers of black-tiled roofs stood at each corner. As the corvette glided toward a patch of concrete and collection of wooden buildings, several ponds and small streams flashed in the sunlight. Irregular strips of garden and flowering plants showed through the trees, the fit and flow of which seemed to follow the openings and lines of the forest, rather than forcing a design upon nature. A multi-story pagoda covered in golden tiles rose from the center of the gardens with a white diamond painted in the center of the roof. A line of tiny figures marched ant-like along a path connecting the pagoda to the landing area.

  “Hey! We’re landing in a park!” said Betsy. “Are we going to play there?”

  “If you wish,” said Sooka Black. “This is the Imperial residence, where you will be staying.”

  “No way! Too expensive,” said the terrier. “We can stay in a cat motel. They always have free breakfast.”

  “Please do not concern yourselves with money. We are honored to serve the guests of the Emperor in any way possible, and have spared no expense.”

  Betsy stared at the cat. “Does that mean ‘yes’ free breakfast or ‘no’ free breakfast?”

  “Remuneration will not be required for any meal,” said Sooka Black. Noticing that the terrier continued to stare, the cat cleared his throat. “Yes––free breakfast.”

  Betsy jumped and spread his legs. “Yee-haw! I always thought you cats were a bunch of stuck-up smarty pants with bad attitudes. But maybe that was just Sunflower, and everyone on Tau Ceti is really cool. This Emperor sounds like a swell cat, and I’m going to say thanks when I meet him.”

  Sunflower took a deep breath and sighed. “Somebody tell him.”

  Nick climbed out of Philip’s pocket and buzzed through the air to Betsy.

  “Sunflower IS the Emperor, you dink!”

  “What? No, he’s sitting right there. Hi Sunnie! Why is he shaking his head? Now he’s giving me the secret sign to shut up. Now he’s giving me the secret sign that means all dogs are stupid and can’t understand secret signs. That’s not true!”

  Amy cleared her throat. “Nick is right. Sunflower is the Emperor of Tau Ceti.”

  “Really? That’s weird,” said the terrier. “He never said anything about it to me before, and I know all of his secrets. He even told me about that sorority party his junior year, and he’s not supposed to tell anyone about that.”

  “Quiet, Betsy!” hissed Sunflower. “Let sleeping dogs lie, if you know what I mean.”

  “What? I always tell the truth! So anyway, at this party Sunflower and all these female cats–”

  “Is there a dungeon around here?” Sunflower asked. “A tree to chain him to? Throw him into a puddle and I’ll be happy.”

  Philip rubbed the brown-and-white fur on Betsy’s back. “Let’s focus on the present, Betsy, and at the present time, Sunflower is the Emperor.”

  “Period,” said Amy. “End of discussion. Moving forward with our lives.”

  Betsy jumped down from the couch. “Cool! Does that mean I can be emperor, too? I want to yell at people and make them do stuff.”

  Sunflower rolled his eyes. “I’ll put you in charge of the royal latrines.”

  “Cool! Wait––what’s a latrine?”

  “A closet full of rainbows and unicorns and bunny rabbits.”

  “Awesome!”

  The entire room shook and the windows vibrated as the corvette touched down. Through the windows, the concrete landing pad was surrounded by dark wooden buildings and thick evergreen trees.

  Sooka Black climbed out o
f his safety straps. “We’ve arrived. Please allow me to escort Your Excellency and honored guests to the palace.”

  Outside the airlock a solid formation of white, shorthaired cats stood on all fours holding their tails straight up. The first two rows wore shiny black helmets that reminded Amy of samurai armor. All wore collars of twisted black and white cloth with a golden gem as a pendant.

  Amy moved a few steps from the airlock and looked back at the glossy black hull of the corvette. At the bulbous front end of the craft, she recognized the windows of the observation deck. A faint buzz like a swarm of bumblebees came from behind her, and she turned back to the formation of cats.

  “Aaa-tan-SYON! Forward LEFT!”

  Paws swished across the concrete. The block of cats split into a pair of columns that faced each other, leaving room to walk between.

  The buzzing grew in volume. A dozen white drones appeared over the tops of the evergreen trees and flew down to the landing pad. Shaped like half-domes with four horizontal propellers, the formation of drones split to the left and right and hovered behind the two columns of cats. A fanfare of music began to play from speakers on the flat bottom of each drone.

  Betsy wagged his tail. “Awesome!”

  A white cat with a gold star on his helmet walked up to Sooka Black and Sunflower with careful, measured steps. The cat bowed low to the ground and touched his chin to his paws.

  “Welcome home, Glorious Emperor of the Flowering Pear Dynasty. Welcome home, Lord of the Northern Star and Wearer of the Red Diamond.”

  “How’s it going?” said Sunflower.

  Sooka Black whispered hastily in his ear.

  “Sorry,” said Sunflower. “Greetings, Imperial Commander Francine, Defender of the Palace and Wielder of the Golden Blade.”

  The white cat backed up, keeping his head low and facing Sunflower, and took his place in the column of cats to the left.

  Sooka Black waved a paw forward. “Please, Your Excellency.”

  “Everybody’s waiting for me? Okay, whatever,” said Sunflower, and ambled between the columns of white cats.

  Betsy jumped at Amy and put his paws on her leg. “Can I have one of those helmets? Please please please?”

  “Hey!” Amy pushed the dog away. “Don’t rip my futuristic space pantyhose! Just keep your mouth shut for a few minutes and we’ll see.”

  Betsy nodded excitedly. “Mmm hmm mmm.”

  “Mouth shut means no sound.”

  The terrier dropped his head and followed Amy and Philip. The pair of teenagers trailed behind Sunflower and Sooka Black. Nick buzzed overhead, keeping a watchful eye on the flying drones blaring their triumphal music.

  The white cats bowed as Sunflower approached. After all of the guests had passed they formed a column and followed at the rear, each cat marching on all fours to the music.

  Sooka Black guided them along a path of gray stones that curved through a forest of what looked like maple and pine trees, across carefully trimmed lawns, and along the edge of a pond covered with water lilies, the petals of the flowers spread open and bright pink. A pavilion of lacquered wood stood in the center of the pond, and a line of irregular stepping-stones seemed to be the only way to reach it. The upper floors of skyscrapers loomed over the trees, but apart from that no sights or sounds of a modern city reached the palace grounds––no honking horns, rumble of traffic, or thunder of jet engines crossing the clear sky. Bright yellow birds chirped and hopped on the manicured lawns, dragonflies buzzed over the ponds, and a bird or strange insect droned breem, breem, breem from the trees. Every twenty meters, faint curls of smoke rose from bronze pedestals, adding a thick floral scent to the air.

  Philip took a deep breath and sighed. “Quite refreshing.”

  Amy shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought the future would be, you know, more future-y.”

  “As someone who has lived in the future for two years––specifically, Nick’s apartment––I’m happy to have less of it, thank you very much.”

  Nick buzzed above Philip, her tiny hands on the waist of her white dress.

  “Hey! You aren’t complaining again, are you? Because one of the things I really don’t like is complaining!”

  “He is! He is!” barked Betsy. “I mean, Hmm mmm. Hmm mmm!”

  Philip bowed to the tiny flying woman. “Quite the contrary. I’m very appreciative of the fact that you saved me from certain death. I’m simply observing that this is a very pleasant garden, with very clean, fresh air. Air that doesn’t smell like stale Hostess Sno Balls.”

  Nick crossed her tiny arms and continued to hover in front of Philip.

  “Complaining!”

  “She’s right,” said Amy. “It is a little bit.”

  Philip smiled. “Now that you mention it, I love Sno Balls.”

  “Great,” said Nick. “Ooo! A bird!”

  The blonde-haired sprite turned a somersault and zipped across the pond.

  Amy watched her fly and twirl into the distance. “She’s not going to eat the poor thing, is she?”

  Betsy giggled and trotted after Sunflower. “Don’t be silly! Birds aren’t junk food. Wait––unless it’s a chocolate bird!”

  “Thanks, but we’re not in the Land of Dairy Queen.”

  “The worst that could happen is Nick will ask the bird too many awkward questions, and return as fast as she left,” said Philip. “Shall we?”

  The teenager offered his arm to Amy, and the pair walked together, eventually catching up to Sunflower and Sooka Black. The two cats were sitting in the middle of the brick path.

  “That is correct, sire,” said Sooka Black. “The palace and gardens were designed and build in the Fourth Dynasty by Emperor Scoodeloo, after the destruction of the previous residence.” The brown cat waved a paw at a high slope in the forest. “That ridge is the overgrown wall of the original palace.”

  Sunflower shook his head. “Wow! You should totally clear it out and build a tennis court.”

  “A good idea, Your Highness,” said Sooka Black. “Even though a modern recreational facility would clash with the Imperial philosophy of harmony with nature, I support your idea.”

  Amy cleared her throat. “The Emperor has been away for so long that everything seems new to him.”

  “Quite understandable. The subjects of His Excellency are absolutely overjoyed at his return.”

  “I got that impression,” said Sunflower. “Half the cats in the city must have been at the spaceport. I haven’t seen crowds that big since the Diet Jurg protests.”

  “Our happiness at your return knows no bounds, sire.”

  The small group left the pond and strolled under the shade of broad-limbed trees, the troop of white cats marching silently at the rear. They passed another wooden pavilion nestled under trees next to a low hill, and yet another in a clearing a few minutes later.

  “I’m quite unfamiliar with Tau Ceti and hope you don’t mind me asking,” said Philip. “But how does one become Emperor? I don’t think Sunflower’s parents were royalty.”

  “An Imperial lottery is held after the passing of the previous regent,” said Sooka Black. “The winner may choose a lifetime supply of fish, or a lifetime as Emperor of all cats.”

  “Wouldn’t the Emperor get as much fish as he wants?”

  Sooka Black nodded. “True, but we had to weed out the stupid winners somehow.”

  Amy stopped and leaned against a tall maple tree. “We should have called a taxi. Did you plan on landing as far as possible from the palace, or was it an accident?”

  Sooka Black turned. “Pardon? Do you need assistance?”

  “Amy was joking,” said Philip. “But how much further is it?”

  “My deepest apologies. It is only a short distance, honored guests.”

  The party approached a ten-meter gate constructed from a pair of massive, red-painted logs with three vertical planks linking them at the top. As they passed through the red gate, both Sooka Black and Sunflower stopped. The cats b
owed, clapped their paws together, and continued walking.

  “Is that a prayer?” asked Amy.

  “Nothing as silly as that,” said Sunflower. “It’s to scare away evil spirits.”

  Sooka Black nodded. “Passing through the gate is a cleansing process; a gesture to show that we leave behind the foulness of modern life.”

  Amy clapped and bowed. “Hai-keeba or whatever. And that foul smell is Betsy, not me. I took a shower.”

  Philip bowed. “As did I.”

  “I already had my bath for the week,” said Betsy. “Sunflower sprayed me with a can of soda.”

  “I don’t know what planet you’re from––”

  “Kapetyn. It was the first planet colonized by dogs!”

  Amy rolled her eyes. “Even there, I’m sure soda doesn’t count as a bath.”

  “You haven’t been to Kapetyn,” said Sunflower.

  The brick path through the forest widened to a four-lane boulevard covered in white gravel. Another tall wooden gate loomed ahead, requiring another round of bowing and clapping as the cats, dogs, and humans passed beneath the massive logs. The gravel-lined path turned ninety degrees to the right, and the thick forest opened to a plaza surrounded by plain yellow buildings covered in tiles of the same color. A golden, multi-story pagoda rose into the clear sky, its large doors perfectly aligned with the last gate. The drones stopped playing their processional music and buzzed away into the trees.

  Philip pointed at the pagoda. “I’ve read several books on the Orient, and that looks just like a temple.”

  “Could be a palace,” said Amy.

  Sooka Black bowed his head. “Both honored guests are correct.”

  The brown cat led them to a stone basin, the edges lined with wooden cups on short sticks. The cat pushed down on a lever attached to a spout and poured clear water into one of the cups. He gave this to Sunflower, who dumped the cold liquid over his head and yelped.

  Amy covered her mouth and giggled. “A cat pouring water over himself? What’s next? Flying pigs?”

  “Ha ha,” sneered Sunflower. “It’s not just water. It’s holy water, blessed by the Imperial high priest of Saint Mittens.”