A Penny for Your Thoughts

by Bess McBride

“Nothing,” she almost sobbed in her rising hysteria. “Nothing. I can’t offer anyone anything. I can’t help anyone.” Penny’s fingers ached where she gripped the phone.

  “That sounds about right. I’m glad we’re on the same page, Penny. I’m glad you’ve learned that lesson if nothing else.”

  “I have,” she whispered as she buried her face in her knees. “I have.” Images of Jerry’s face swam into view. Her stalker was right. She couldn’t help anyone!

  “Well, I think we’ve made real progress here tonight, Penny. I’ll call again soon!”

  The line went dead, and Penny stared at the small, but deadly, silver instrument in her hand, wishing she could just scream and scream into it until the man on the phone went deaf.

  She dropped the phone and jumped out of bed. Peeking into the darkened living room, she held her breath and listened intently for movement, berating herself as a gutless ninny. The caller was in Michigan...not here in her living room. She reminded herself repeatedly as she tiptoed to the front door to make sure it remained locked. Then she sped through the apartment flicking on every light in the living room, kitchen, and both bathrooms. She checked the lock on the sliding glass door and yanked the blinds shut before she raced back to her bedroom and jumped onto the bed, unwilling to let even her toes hang over the edge.

  She grabbed the hated phone and keyed in Matt’s number with a shaking finger, noting a missed call from him earlier in the evening. She cursed, realizing she’d left the phone in the apartment when she went for a walk with Cliff and had not looked at it upon her return.

  “Chief Williams.” His husky voice revealed she’d awakened him. She hoped he was alone. Even in the depths of her anxiety and fear, she desperately hoped that he slept alone.

  “Matt. It’s me, Penny.”

  “Penny, what is it?” His voice sharpened.

  “He called again. Even with the new number.” Penny began to wail. “What am I going to do?”

  “Did you lock the door?”

  “Yes,” she sobbed. “But he’s in Michigan. It’s still a Michigan number.”

  “That doesn’t mean anything. I’ll be right there.”

  She tried to pull herself together. “Matt, you don’t have to come over here. I didn’t mean to drag you out of bed. I’m safe, the door is locked.”

  “I’ll be right there.”

  He hung up, and Penny shut the phone. She pulled a pillow onto her lap and buried her face in it for a good cry, hating her weakness for calling Matt in the middle of the night over a phone call from a thousand miles away.

  Matt arrived within ten minutes, and Penny tiptoed to the door as she heard his knocking.

  “Penny, it’s me.” She pulled open the door and stepped back, allowing him to enter. She pulled her short cotton T-shirt nightgown down as she watched his eyes travel the length of her body and then turn toward the living room.

  Matt checked everything as he had once before. He opened the balcony door and stepped out. While she waited in the living room in silence, she craned her neck to watch him. He peered over the edge of the balcony and checked both sides, reaching around with a hand to the next balcony. Then he returned to the living room.

  He came toward her, and she dropped her eyes in a combination of shame, fear, anxiety, embarrassment and shyness. He came to a stop in front of her and opened his arms. Penny moved into his arms and hung onto him with all her might as he wrapped her in a familiar embrace.

  “I’m so scared, Matt,” she mumbled against his clean smelling T-shirt. She buried her face against his chest. “I’m sorry to call you in the middle of the night, I really am. If I’d given it any thought, I would have waited till morning. But I panicked.”

  “Shhh, I know, Penny. It’s okay. Call me anytime you want,” Matt whispered against her ear. He tightened his hold and caressed the back of her hair as they stood together.

  Penny nuzzled the side of his neck, his familiar scent still the same after so many years--a scent that once brought her indescribable pleasure by night and a sense of safety and comfort during the day. Against her will, she pressed against him, in some primal way hoping to find safety inside the shelter of his firm body.

  Matt lowered his head and captured her lips in a warm, sensual kiss that set her on her toes as she stretched to mold herself to his body. That she had never, ever stopped loving him only added to the glory of the moment. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. Matt responded and moved against her.

  Suddenly, Penny found herself standing alone as Matt thrust her from him. She stared at him in shock, her mind and body primed for passion--a passion that had been thwarted and denied. She tried to twist away from him in humiliation, but he kept a gentle hold on her shoulders, and all she could do was drop her eyes to the floor. Penny heard him clear his throat.

  “I haven’t been thinking of much else besides making love to you, Penny, but I don’t think this is the right time. You’re scared, and I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

  “You wouldn’t be taking advantage, Matt,” she murmured in a small voice as she tugged on the hem of her short nightgown, once again self conscious.

  Matt lifted her chin forcing her to meet his eyes. “I’m trying hard to do the right thing here, Penny. This is going to happen. I’m pretty sure about that, but not right now. I’m willing to wait for the right time.”

  Penny’s shoulders slumped. “And this isn’t it?” She attempted a half smile, but the corner of her mouth quivered.

  Matt grinned and shook his dark head. “I’d rather wait until you haven’t run into my arms screaming in fear from a stalker. Now tell me about this phone call while I make some coffee for us.” He led Penny to a seat at the dining room table before moving into the kitchen. She watched him open and close cabinets and fill the coffee pot with water and grounds while she tried to relate the gist of the conversation. She had difficulty remembering her stalker’s exact words or even the meaning of his message since it made no sense to her.

  Matt brought two mugs of coffee to the table and sat down heavily opposite Penny. He looked so tired.

  “So, he got your new phone number. I wonder how he managed to do that. Have you given it to anyone?”

  Penny shook her head. “No one who would do something like this to me. I gave it to my mom and left a voice mail for Travis. I called work and gave it to the secretary in case they need to get hold of me, especially Tim. And I gave it to Patty at the police station.” She shrugged. “That’s about it.”

  Matt’s brows came together in a frown and he leaned forward. “There’s got to be something we’re missing, Penny. Does anything this guy says ring a bell with you? Something from the job? Maybe something in Michigan?”

  Penny shook her head. “I don’t know of anything, Matt. We don’t really have the kind of clients that might make threats like these. Mostly we see depressed and unhappy individuals and couples, but we don’t have anyone with a sociopathic or criminal history. At least not that I’m aware of.”

  She leaned her elbows on the table and dropped her head into her hands.

  “Tired?” Matt murmured.

  She raised her head and nodded with a faint smile. “Though not half as tired as you are, I’ll bet.”

  “I’m okay,” he said quietly. “Let’s assume then that he spoofed the phone number again. It still leads back to your counseling center. The caller knows Tim’s number and he knows the number at the center. He’s got to be a client or related to a client or even one of the therapists.”

  Penny’s eyes shot open. “Not one of the therapists! You can’t really be serious!”

  Matt leaned in closely. “Why not?”

  “Why would one of the therapists do something like this?”

  Matt shook his head and sat back in his chair once again. “Why does anyone do anything like this, Penny? Because they’re crazy.”

  Penny stared at Matt wide-eyed, images of Tim and Dave, the only two male t
herapists, flashing before her eyes. Her lips began to twitch, and she clamped a hand over her face, but she could not hold back a peal of nervous laughter.

  “I-I can’t...I can’t even imagine...” Her shoulders shook, and she wondered if she were losing her mind. There was nothing funny about this evening. “I can’t even see Tim or Dave... No, no.”

  Matt held up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. I’m just exploring the options. After all, the phone calls are coming from your counseling center...or at least someone wants you to think they are.”

  Penny dropped her face onto her hands as they rested on the table and waited for the bizarre laughter to subside. She raised her face and wiped at her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know you’re right, but I just couldn’t imagine those two making calls like that.”

  “Is there anything you’re not telling me, something that maybe you’ve forgotten?”

  Penny bit her lip and shook her head. She wanted to tell him about Cliff’s odd statement about hating her, but found herself leery of mentioning her walk with Cliff.

  Matt had said “this is going to happen.” Could that mean they would make love...or did it mean more? She was ready for anything he could offer...but she hoped it was love once again.

  Matt glanced at his watch and sighed. “Well, it’s late and there’s not much we can do tonight.” He glanced at his watch again and smiled. “Or rather this morning.”

  Penny nodded. She didn’t want him to go.

  “Listen, Penny, I think I should stay here the rest of the night. Who knows? Maybe he’ll call again, and I can take the call.”

  A shiver of delight ran up Penny’s spine. Had he read her mind? Did her face show how much she wanted him to stay?

  “So, if you have an extra blanket, I’ll take a spot here on the couch.” He nodded toward the living room. When he turned back toward her, his eyes flickered and he dropped his eyes on his coffee mug.

  Penny’s shiver of delight froze. The couch! After all these years, he wanted to sleep on the couch...again? A rush of pain and humiliation swept over her, and she found it hard to catch her breath. She locked her gaze on her own coffee cup.

  “Sure,” she ground out through clenched teeth. She jumped up restlessly, trotted into the bedroom, grabbed the blanket and dropped it on the couch.

  “Well, goodnight,” she murmured, hoping he couldn’t see how bright her face must have been.

  “Penny...” Matt rose and approached. He pulled her into his arms once again. Penny didn’t resist his beloved embrace, but she kept her arms at her sides and her body to herself. Matt pulled back and bent to look into her lowered face. His sweet smile showed affection, but his actions felt like rejection. Her mind was in a tizzy, and she didn’t know what to do. Accept the limits of what he was willing to offer and go to bed alone? Or resist his overtures of affection and go to bed alone. Either way, she would obviously not be spending the night in Matt’s arms.

  He kissed her gently on the forehead and set her from him.

  “Good night,” he smiled as he turned away to grab a throw pillow and spread out the blanket.

  Penny felt quite, quite certain at that moment that she looked like a frump. She’d offered him her body--maybe not in words, but in action--and he’d turned her down for vague reasons that seemed chivalrous but unfathomable at the moment. She hovered for a moment watching him settle onto the couch. Then she turned away with a sigh.

  “Good night, Matt.”

  She returned to her bedroom and closed the door quietly behind her. A trip to the bathroom mirror for some soul searching scrutiny of her face revealed more wrinkles than she’d once had, especially at the corners of her eyes. She looked pale and wan, the corners of her mouth drooped, and her normally curly brown hair dangled unbecomingly around her face. She looked like a scarecrow. No wonder Matt had turned her down. She turned off the lights and climbed back into bed.

  The phone’s green power light blinked menacingly in the dark, and she pulled open her nightstand drawer and stuffed it inside. She half hoped her persecutor would call so Matt could hear him.

  Penny stared at the ceiling and wondered if Matt still made love as he once did.

  It seemed like only moments had passed before Penny awakened to a metallic clanking sound emanating from outside her bedroom door. Light streamed in through the crack in her window, and she crawled out of bed to listen at the door. The sound continued. She pulled open the door and peered out into the living room. The couch was empty, the blanket folded, and Matt was in the kitchen, setting a pan on the stove. Several other pots and pans were strewn about the kitchen counter. The smell of fresh coffee tickled her nose. She emerged from the bedroom and moved toward the kitchen.

  Matt turned and saw her. His smile warmed her heart as it always did, and she stopped shyly. He really was the most extraordinarily handsome man she’d ever known...even if he lacked the high cheek bones or the cleft in his jaw of a male underwear model. His beautiful eyes and engaging smile made her sigh.

  “Good morning,” he said. “Coffee?”

  Penny nodded and took a mug of hot coffee from him.

  “Weren’t we drinking this just a few minutes ago?”

  “It seems like it,” he laughed. He turned to attack the now sizzling pan with a spatula as he made omelets--something he’d done long ago on Sunday mornings for Travis and her.

  She leaned against the wall at the entrance to the kitchen and watched him while he worked. His face sported a shadow of his beard...such a masculine feature. Tanned hands moved among the food with confident assurance. A warm feeling spread throughout her body. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d stared at a man with such pleasure. Perhaps the last time she saw him.

  “Can I help you with anything?” Penny asked.

  Matt glanced up at her with a quick smile before he veiled his hazel eyes.

  “No, I think I’ve got it under control. You can just stand there. It’s nice being with-- Cooking for someone.”

  Penny took a deep breath and dropped her eyes to his hands once again. She remembered the feel of his hands against her face--the roughened skin from his side job in carpentry while he attended school. She couldn’t forget the passion those hands had once elicited from her body--a complete surprise from the fairly reserved, quiet man who stood before her.

  With a decided weakening in her knees, Penny stumbled over to the nearby dining table and dropped into a seat. She needed to keep something between Matt and her...something to hide the intimate effect his nearness had on her. He gave her a quick curious glance from where he stood at the stove.

  “Tired?” he asked.

  “Oh, no, just...ummm... Okay, yes, tired, I guess,” she finished with a half smile. She certainly wasn’t about to tell him she couldn’t keep her eyes off him.

  Matt dished food onto plates and set a dish in front of Penny. He fixed a plate for himself and sat down at the table. Penny took a bite of the omelet. The fluffy egg and cheese melted in her mouth.

  “Oh, Matt. This is delicious! Just the way I remembered.” She turned to him and caught his quick lopsided grin.

  “I hoped you hadn’t forgotten.”

  “I never did,” she murmured. “I never would.” She popped another tasty morsel in her mouth.

  “I wasn’t even sure I could remember how to make them.”

  She twisted her head toward him. “What? Are you saying you haven’t made these omelets since...?” How did one describe the end of love? Since we broke up? Too trite. Since I left? Too much guilt. Since we were in love? Had she ever fallen out of love with him?

  His cheeks bronzed and he dropped his eyes. He took a bite of food. “No, I haven’t.”

  “Not even when you were...married?”

  Matt grimaced. “She didn’t eat breakfast. Wasn’t her thing.”

  “Oh geez, she didn’t know what she was missing.” She grinned and finished off her food.

  She waited whi
le Matt finished his meal, and she took their plates to the kitchen to rinse them off before throwing them in the dishwasher. Matt followed her into the small area.

  “More coffee?” he murmured.

  “Sure.”

  On his way to the coffee pot near the sink, Matt passed behind Penny who bent over to put the last plate in the dishwasher. The small area between the dishwasher and island left little room for two people, and he bumped into her. Hyper alert, Penny jumped up with a start and swung around, losing her balance. Matt tried to step back, but he bumped into the opposite counter. He grabbed her around the waist with both hands to prevent her from falling. She regained her balance and stared down at his hands.

  “Thanks,” she whispered, her eyes locked on the front button of his shirt. Her voice shook as she realized that he hadn’t let go. Her eyes flew up to meet his softened gaze as he searched her face. She tried to veil her eyes again, but he bent his head and kissed her with warm, tentative lips. Penny put her hands against his chest and pushed against him for a confused millisecond, but Matt slid his hands behind her back, and he pulled her to him in a tight embrace. She closed her eyes and fell under the spell of his kiss...the ardent kiss of a man who rarely showed passion outside of the bedroom.

  Matt raised his head and looked at her.

  “It was a long night,” he said in a husky voice. “I’m not as strong as I thought.”

  Penny’s bemused head lolled for a moment, and he raised a hand to support her neck. He scanned her face, and Penny knew what he asked. It was likely he would never actually say the words. She nodded silently, and he smiled and bent his head to kiss her again. He began to walk her backwards toward the bedroom. She buried her face in his neck and hung onto him, afraid he would change his mind, afraid she would panic and change her mind if she gave it any thought, afraid he had changed so much he might only want her for one insane moment and then let her leave once again. She squeezed her eyes shut and hung onto his safe and familiar body and wondered if he’d become a stranger.

  Matt moved through the open door of the bedroom and brought her down on her large, unmade bed. She opened her eyes to look at the man she’d dreamed of for years, the man who’d elicited sensual, erotic dreams during long, dark, lonely nights, but she found herself inexplicably shy...as if a stranger hovered above her. She opened her arms to bring him near so she didn’t have to meet his eyes. He lowered himself to her.