The Survivor and his Safe Place

by Rebecca James

  “No, I’m sorry.” Isaac looked like he was going to cry, and I had a sudden visual of Dante popping out the back door of their house, ready to beat me up. That didn’t happen though, thank God.

  “Of course you shouldn’t wait for happiness, and it’s not your fault Axel’s so hung up on you.”

  “Is he really?” I asked, unable to keep the hope out of my voice.

  Isaac nodded. “Oh, yeah. Head over heels.”

  “I really like him, too,” I said. “I know I was afraid of him at first, but that was before I got to know him.”

  “Okay. I’ll try to butt out, then. I’m trusting you to be good to him.”

  I grinned. “I will be.” Impulsively, I hugged Isaac and planted a big kiss on his cheek before walking the dogs back to the shelter, totally on cloud nine. Axel was, in Issac’s words, hung up on me, and soon he was going to spend the night again.

  I couldn’t wait.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Axel

  On my break, I’d told Blaze how being kicked out of my room was getting old, and how I was beginning to get a bad back from sleeping on the couch.

  Back behind the bar, I finished making a drink for a patron and turned back to Blaze, who sat at the bar waiting for Lake to finish changing out of his work clothes so they could go home. Blaze was frowning in thought, fingers toying absently with the label on his beer bottle.

  When our eyes met, he said, “I get your frustration with Hung, but other than build onto the clubhouse, I’m not sure what I can do.”

  “You could at least switch me out with someone else. Maybe Matteo.”

  “I think I’ll just tell Hung he can’t have his sexual exploits at the clubhouse,” Blaze said. “It’ll piss him off, but he’s brought it on himself.”

  I let out a breath. “Okay. But it’s also only fair that the rule goes for everybody.” I glanced at Blaze and laughed at the expression on his face. “Except you, Bossman. You and Lake live together, and you aren’t that loud, anyway.” I winked at him, earning a punch in the arm.

  “I haven’t technically gotten Lake to get rid of his apartment, but I’m working on it,” Blaze said just as Lake approached dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt rather than the skimpy uniform all the waiters at The Yellow Banana wore.

  “Are you two talking about me?” Lake wrapped his arms around Blaze’s shoulders from behind and kissed the MC leader’s neck. Blaze tugged him around to sit his lap.

  “I was just telling Axel I want you to get rid of your apartment. If you don’t, we’ll have to abide by the rules everyone else is going to as soon as I lay down the law—no bringing someone over to fuck.”

  Lake frowned. “Since when did this become a rule?”

  “Since Hung’s kicked me outta our room for the sixth straight night so he could go at it with somebody,” I answered for Blaze. “If it hasn’t been Mick, it’s been Mick’s sister. Or both of them.” I gave an exaggerated shudder and passed a customer a Corona, taking the bills he held out in return.

  Lake worked his lower lip with his teeth, one hand busy playing with the hair on the back of Blaze’s head.

  “I guess it only makes sense I get rid of my apartment. I’m never there.”

  Blaze let out a whoop and kissed Lake hard on the mouth. I laughed and shook my head. After that, things at the bar got real busy, and I lost track of them.

  Thank fuck it was Thursday because I couldn’t wait any longer to see Caleb. I drove out to Henry with only one thing in mind—okay, two: take a shower, and crawl into bed with my sweet, curly-haired guy.

  I wondered what we might get up to that night. Maybe nothing, and that would be okay. I didn’t have to have sex. I did, however, want to kiss and cuddle my boyfriend.

  God, you’re such a girl, I told myself with a grin as I pulled into the driveway.

  Caleb was waiting up for me, every light on in the house. Before I could knock, he opened the door and threw himself into my arms, kissing me until my toes curled in my boots. Legs locked around my waist, Caleb pushed his erection against my stomach. My cock filled.

  “I could get used to greetings like these,” I murmured into his mouth as I walked over the threshold and kicked the door closed behind me.

  “Lock it, please,” he reminded me before I could climb the stairs. I walked back to the door and let him turn the deadbolt, noticing he did it twice before returning his attention to my mouth. He’d done the same thing the first time I’d spent the night. I figured it had something to do with his anxiety.

  I took the stairs slowly, pausing midway to lean against the wall and kiss the life out of my gorgeous guy. Wearing only a pair of sleep pants, he was incredibly tempting.

  Although I didn’t want to take my hands off him for a minute, I desperately wanted to wash off the day. “Can I use your shower?” I asked.

  “Of course.” Caleb dropped his feet to the floor, and I immediately missed the warmth of him. He got me a towel from the linen closet, and I set about taking the fastest shower of my life, not even pausing to stroke the hard-on sticking out from my body like a pole. When I stepped out of the stall, I felt a million time better. I wrapped the towel around my waist and paused by the bedroom door, mouth going dry at the sight of Caleb in bed waiting for me.

  “I left my backpack by the front door,” I said, gesturing helplessly toward the stairs as my eyes ate up Caleb’s bare shoulders and chest. I could just see the top curve of his ass before the bed linens covered him.

  “You don’t need it.” Caleb flipped back the blanket.

  My eyes ate up the sight of his naked body before I raised them to meet his gaze. “You sure?”

  He nodded, and I dropped my towel and crawled in beside him.

  God, the feel of his warm skin next to mine was pure heaven. It had been years since I’d had an intimate relationship, and even then, it hadn’t been with someone I felt for the way I felt for Caleb. There was nobody like this man. I pulled him close, aligning our bodies, and kissed him until he was soft and pliant in my arms.

  “We don’t have to do anything,” I said, reluctantly pulling away.

  He laid his hand against my cheek. “I told you—I want to. But I don’t have a lot of experience. I hope that doesn’t disappoint you.”

  “Nothing about you could disappoint me,” I said honestly. “How much experience do you have?”

  “Just a little fooling around in high school.”

  “No penetration?” I asked.

  He shook his head. His hand running all over my chest was distracting. My cock was so damn hard.

  “We don’t have to do that at all, you know.”

  Caleb started to protest, but I wrapped my hand around our cocks, pressing them together in a delicious slide of skin and muscle, and gently tugged upward. Caleb gasped, eyes fluttering shut. He was so beautiful.

  “Do that again,” he whispered, and I repeated the action, a tingling starting up at the base of my spine.

  “Again,” Caleb whispered, leaning his head back and baring his throat, and with a surge of lust, I latched onto it with my mouth, sucking and nibbling upward while continuing to jack us off with urgent twists of my wrist.

  A whine started in the back of Caleb’s throat, and he began pushing into my hand. Coupled with the taste of his skin, that was all it took to send me over the edge. Thankfully Caleb followed right after, or I might have been embarrassed at how fast it had happened for me.

  “God.” Caleb breathed into my neck. As he relaxed, he ran his palm over my arm, up and down, until I slid into sleep.

  ****

  When I awoke in the morning, the other side of the bed was empty. I could hear the dogs downstairs, their nails skittering over the hardwood floors. I sat up and scratched my chest and stomach, wincing at the dried cum caught in the hairs. My backpack sat by the door, Caleb obviously having brought it up to me. Normally a light sleeper, I was surprised I hadn’t woken when he’d gotten out of bed. I’d blame it on my
double shifts catching up to me, only I’d done the same the last time I’d spent the night. I had to admit it was the comfortable bed and Caleb’s presence that had me sleeping so well.

  A trip to the bathroom, and I was cleaned, dressed, with teeth and hair brushed. Just as I had the time before, I found Caleb downstairs with coffee made. The dogs were in their crates eating breakfast.

  Caleb’s smile when he saw me brightened his eyes, and I couldn’t help pulling him close and kissing him.

  “I had fun last night,” he said, wrapping his arms around my neck. I rubbed our noses together like a lovesick fool, but I didn’t care. I was a lovesick fool. Holding Caleb close, I could feel his erection jabbing the top of my thigh, and my own cock took notice.

  “Me, too,” I said, and kissed him again.

  “I want to do more,” he said.

  “Let’s take it slow.” Lord knew I wanted to be inside him, but I could wait.

  Caleb groaned. “I’m sick of taking everything slow. That’s been my life for the past few years. I’m ready to lose my virginity.”

  I raised a brow. “Right now?” I smiled at the slightly panicked look on his face. “See? You aren’t so ready. We’ll work up to it.” I let go of him. “You should have gotten me out of bed. I could’ve helped with the dogs.”

  “I didn’t want to wake you. I’ve already seen to the ones in the kennel. Sit and have some coffee while I finish up in the cat room.”

  I considered insisting on helping, but I wasn’t sure I could stomach the smell of cat shit before my first cup of coffee. So I sat in the kitchen and sipped from my cup until Caleb returned.

  “What do you want to do today?” I asked.

  Caleb shrugged. “I let the bigger dogs out into the kennel run. It’s a gorgeous day. I haven’t walked Duke yet, just Gypsy and Roxy.”

  I finished my coffee and stood. “Let’s walk him, then.”

  Caleb was right: the day really was gorgeous. Autumn was in full swing, turning the trees gold, red, and orange. I noticed the maple in the front had already shed a good deal of its leaves, which had been raked into piles.

  “We can bag those when we get back,” I said as Caleb and I set out with Duke.

  Caleb paused to let Duke do his business and looked out over the tranquil water of the lake. The ducks had flown South, and the lake didn’t seem like the same place without them.

  We met Isaac and Dante out front as Dante dismounted his bike.

  “Fucking early class,” Dante said before patting Duke on the head. He looked at me. “I didn’t know you were here.”

  “Now you do,” I said simply.

  Isaac smiled. “You two had breakfast yet? I made pancakes.”

  We weren’t going to pass that up, so we followed Dante and Isaac inside, letting Duke loose to play with Butch, Angel, and Banjo, Isaac and Dante’s dogs. Marmalade, Isaac’s big orange cat, sat on the back of the sofa, watching the dogs’ antics with disinterest.

  As we ate, talking casually with our friends, I couldn’t help but notice the change in Caleb. He was so much more relaxed lately than I’d ever seen him before. There was no doubt his new therapist was working wonders with him. Caleb’s comment that the therapist had told him he needed to slow things down concerned me. Made me examine whether or not I might be putting any pressure on Caleb. But honestly, it was Caleb who was chomping at the bit. I wanted to give him everything he wanted and needed, but I couldn’t shake the fear I’d hurt him somehow.

  My phone rang as we were finishing up, and I excused myself to answer it. As Isaac’s cockatiel, Fred, was squawking loudly, I continued from the living room out the front door before answering.

  “Mr. Bryant?” a male voice said when I picked up.

  “Speaking.”

  “Hello, this is Theodore Jacobs. I’m a probate attorney in Windrixville and administrator under the will of Rose Bryant.”

  I grunted and took a seat on one of the front porch chairs.

  Jacobs continued, “Mrs. Bryant’s wishes were pretty straightforward. The farm in Glaston County and the small savings that remain after paying the costs of her cremation go to her only living relative, which would be you, Mr. Bryant.”

  I sucked in a breath. “What? But…she has a sister in Washington state. I thought—”

  “Her only sister, a Miss Wilhelmina Brooks, died last year after a long illness,” Jacobs said. “I’m going to need you to come to my office to sign some papers. Could you perhaps make it a week from next Wednesday around three? That will be October 8th.”

  Stunned, I agreed and got the address from him before disconnecting.

  “Everything okay?” Caleb’s voice startled me, and I turned to look up at him where he stood on the porch behind me. I hadn’t heard him come outside.

  “Yeah, just some unexpected news.” I never in a million years expected my grandmother to leave anything to me, least of all the family farm. I swallowed. “My…uh…my grandmother died recently.”

  Caleb’s expression immediately turned sympathetic. “God, I’m so sorry, Axel.”

  I shook my head. “It’s okay. We weren’t close.” At all. “That was her lawyer on the phone. I need to go to Windrixville—that’s in New Jersey—in a couple weeks to sign some papers.” I stood. “Let’s go tell Dante and Isaac goodbye.”

  When we were on our way with Duke again, I told Caleb what the lawyer had said.

  “You own a farm? Really? That’s so cool! You said you grew up there, right?”

  I nodded. Despite my upbringing, I had loved the countryside. But I’d left it so long ago, it seemed like another life.

  I’d never seen Caleb so excited. He bounced on the balls of his feet. “Are you going to go see it while you’re there? Do you think I could go with you?”

  A man who lived up the road from my grandparents took care of the farm in exchange for being allowed to keep his horses there. I knew I needed to talk to him as well as check things out. I wasn’t looking forward to it at all, but seeing how much Caleb wanted to go, how could I say no?

  “Of course,” I told him, and he stopped walking to throw his arms around me, dropping Duke’s leash in the grass. Duke simply sat down and waited.

  “I haven’t been out of the city since I was little.” He bounced some more, and I hoisted him into my arms. Hands under his thighs, I kissed him, the sun warming our shoulders and the breeze ruffling through our hair.

  At that moment, with Caleb, I suddenly felt like I could do anything, even conquer a past long buried.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Caleb

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Dana asked.

  We’d already been through that horrific night of the home invasion, this time in excruciating detail. It wasn’t enough that I’d gone through the events several times already—this time she’d wanted to know how I’d felt and exactly what I’d seen. What memories fueled my nightmares and kept me awake sometimes until dawn. But that was only when Axel wasn’t with me. When I slept in his arms, he kept all the demons at bay. I’d just told Dana about the impending trip to Windrixville.

  “Yes,” I said. “I’m doing so much better—I told you last time.” I’d managed to go to a restaurant again with Axel, and we’d even sat in a booth inside that time. Axel always knew what to do to make me feel better. He’d made sure we got a table by a window, and with the busy street in view, I’d been okay. I was feeling better and better, and I wasn’t going to let Dana or anyone else tell me I wasn’t. I’d been thinking about stopping therapy soon. Dredging up the memories, although admittedly helpful at first, was beginning to bring me down. I always left her office a trembling mess, the scab having been ripped off and my wound exposed to open air.

  “I know that, Caleb. You’ve made wonderful progress. I just want you to think about how it will be leaving everything that’s familiar to you and going where there’s no safe place to return to if something upsets you.”

  “Axel’s my safe place,” I
said firmly. “Besides, the drive is only a couple of hours, and we’re only going to the farm Axel inherited.” I didn’t tell her we’d be spending the night there. She didn’t have to know every single little thing I did. I’d been thinking a lot about Axel. Since I’d known him, he’d never pushed or pressured me—just patiently waited in the wings until I was ready to do whatever it was I needed to do, and recently I’d come to the realization that having him by my side gave me the sense of security I needed to put myself back out there. And while I was a little worried about the trip, my fears had nothing to do with him.

  “All right. You’re the best judge of what you can and can’t do,” Dana said. “You have my number if you need me. Have a nice time.”

  I smiled at her. “I will. See you next week.”

  I left the office building, stepping out into warm sunshine. A chilly breeze rustled the leaves on the trees lining the street. I spotted Isaac’s car and headed that way.

  “Do you mind if we make a quick stop?” I asked him when I’d buckled in. Axel and I had done a lot of heavy petting the last couple of weeks, and although he was holding back, afraid of hurting me, I was ready for more.

  Isaac looked surprised, but he only said, “Sure, where?”

  I licked my lips. “I want to go somewhere to buy a few things. A…er…shop for, uh, sex stuff.” I felt my face heating up.

  Isaac didn’t blink an eye, though, so I continued, “Do you know of any place like that? I’d just order online, but I could use your help.”

  Isaac eased the car into traffic. “Yeah, I know of one. What kind of things do you want to get?” When I didn’t answer right away, Isaac looked at me. “Hey, no need to be embarrassed. We all buy stuff like that.”

  “You do?” I asked, feeling stupid.

  Isaac nodded, a sly smile lifting the corners of his mouth. “In fact, I’ve been known to enjoy wearing a lacy pair of underwear now and then.”