The Survivor and his Safe Place

by Rebecca James

  My mouth fell open. “Really?” When I tried to picture Isaac in lace underwear, it actually wasn’t that difficult.

  Isaac nodded. “Dante loves it.”

  I cleared my throat, feeling a little better about the whole thing. “I want to be able to…to, uh, bottom. So, I thought I’d get something that would help with that. I mean, to help stretch me so it won’t hurt so much.”

  “Like a plug?” Isaac asked. “Or a dildo?”

  “Yeah. I’m not sure which, that’s why I need your help.” I risked a glance at Isaac, but from his expression, we could have been talking about a grocery list instead of things to put in my butt. I relaxed back into the seat. I was terrified to go to this shop that was strange and might be crowded, but I was more determined to not let my fears get in the way of the level of intimacy I desired to have with Axel.

  “I’m sure you can find what you need at the place I’m thinking of,” Isaac said. “It’s a little out of the way though. Will you be okay stopping for lunch while we’re out? I didn’t have breakfast, and I’m starved.”

  Going to a restaurant with Isaac wasn’t the same as going with Axel, but I said yes because I really wanted Isaac to see I was getting better, and I really wanted to go to the shop with him.

  The sandwich place was crowded, and I sat stiffly at a table while Isaac ordered for us at the counter. I could barely concentrate on eating but did my best. Keeping my back to the wall and my eyes on the door helped, but I was jumpy, looking toward the door every time the little bell jingled signaling someone coming in or out. Isaac either didn’t notice or didn’t want to embarrass me by letting me know he did.

  By the time we left and got to the sex store, my nerves were so frayed, I felt a strong wind could send me into a crying jag.

  Stupid. And here you were thinking you were getting better. Actually considering quitting therapy. I rubbed my arms and looked around the store. Its walls were filled with gadgets, most of which I didn’t recognize.

  Isaac took charge, immediately leading me over to a display of panties. I watched, fascinated, as he held up the silk and lace garments one by one for my inspection.

  “I need a new pair. What do you think?” He showed me a bright pink pair with a G-string in the back.

  “They’re pretty,” I said.

  Isaac placed them in my hand. “They feel unbelievably good on.”

  The material was silky. “I imagine they would.” I handed them back to him. “I don’t think they’re right for me, but on you, they’d look great.”

  “Okay. I’ll get them. Now for what you need.”

  Isaac led me to one of the displays on the wall. I blushed crimson when a cute male associate asked if we needed help and could have kissed Isaac for sending him away with the assurance we’d be fine. My eyes kept darting to the other customers in the shop, but they didn’t pay any attention to us.

  “Here are the plugs,” Isaac said, and I cringed at how loud his voice sounded. “If you start wearing these and graduate in size, you’ll be stretching yourself in preparation.” Isaac pointed to a variety of butt plugs hanging on the wall, and I tried to focus. Some had batteries and remote controls. Sizes went from fairly small to impossibly large. I couldn’t believe anyone would want to have something so huge in their ass. Since I’d never had more than my fingertip in my hole, I chose a very small size and a few graduated sizes, ending with one that still wasn’t as big as Axel’s cock but would hopefully make the day I took it less of a shock. There were a few awkward moments waiting in line while an older man bought a very large pacifier and a cock ring, and then Isaac and I paid for our purchases and left. Finally, I could breathe again.

  I couldn’t wait to get back home so I could shut myself away and recuperate. Plagued with fresh doubts about my recovery after the events of the afternoon, I chewed my nails to the quick while Isaac drove. Was I backsliding? Had Dana been right, and I’d pushed myself too much and now I was going to break? Was it stupid of me to think I could go to New Jersey with Axel? What if I freaked, and he had to take me home, missing his appointment with the attorney?

  When we turned off the county road onto the driveway, I let out a relieved breath and loosened my hands from the hard clench I’d been holding them in.

  “Looks like you have company,” Isaac said, and I experienced a moment of panic before spotting Axel’s bike parked in front of the shelter. Relief rushing over me in waves, I grabbed my packages, thanked Isaac, and practically ran inside, happy I’d given Axel a key to the house, as otherwise he might have left when he didn’t find me there. He’d known about my appointment, but Isaac and I had been out an extra two hours.

  When I walked in, Axel set down the paperback he’d been reading and stood from the couch. He smiled and opened his arms, and I hurried to him, sighing as he wrapped me in his warmth.

  “Hey.” Axel squeezed me tightly, and I swore I could feel every tight muscle untwist and every jangled nerve settle.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  My cheek against his chest, I murmured truthfully, “I am now.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Axel

  I’d felt out of place standing in the fancy attorney’s office, but Thomas Jacobs had been kind and helpful and the whole process had taken no longer than twenty minutes. Then Caleb and I were on our way to the farm. Caleb had waited for me in the car while I’d taken care of business with Jacobs, and when I’d returned, he’d handed me a cold soda from the cooler in the back and asked me how things had gone.

  “All I had to do was sign some stuff and get the key,” I said.

  “You didn’t already have one?” Caleb asked, and I just shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about how the day I’d left at eighteen I had never planned to have anything to do with my grandparents or that farm again, not to mention the fact my grandparents wouldn’t have welcomed me back.

  It was jolting to find the place looking exactly as it had the last time I’d seen it, but I shouldn’t have been surprised; my grandfather had always liked things a certain way, and my grandmother had never contradicted him about anything. I’d learned that lesson early, and even if I hadn’t, her mantra “Russell’s word is law in this house” had reminded me just about every day.

  It looked like the guy who’d been watching the farm had done well with the upkeep. From the outside at least, the place appeared well cared for.

  “Wow,” Caleb said, looking around the land. “It’s beautiful, Axel.”

  The small farmhouse and its red barn stood before the fall colors of Hellman’s Ridge. I had to admit, the way the sun shone on the treetops really did make a pretty picture. I just couldn’t believe it was all mine. What the hell was I going to do with it?

  “Oh, look!” Caleb started walking toward the pasture where a brown gelding trotted up to the fence, softly nickering in greeting. I strolled after Caleb, enjoying his enthusiasm as he made friends with the animal. Two more horses stood grazing in the pasture, ears pricked forward and tails raised. After checking us out, they returned to eating grass.

  “Aren’t you a handsome boy,” Caleb cooed to the gelding, petting the horse’s neck and forelock with long, tender strokes of his delicate fingers. He’d left Duke with Isaac, claiming to want to focus all his attention on me, so I was glad there were animals at the farm to help calm him if needed.

  My eyes moved past the horses to the faded red barn.

  “Be right back,” I said, and lifted the lock on the gate, letting myself inside the pasture.

  Like the outside, the inside of the barn was exactly as I remembered it. The scent of hay, my grandfather’s tools displayed over the workbench, the pile of thick blankets neatly stacked in the corner. Looking around, I let the memories wash over me—a few good, but most of them bad—until the uncomfortable feeling that had gripped my stomach the moment I’d pulled up out front disappeared like a bad smell chased away on a fresh wind. Close to fifteen years had gone by since the days just the sound of
my grandfather’s voice could turn my guts to water. He’d been a big, imposing man who’d expected unquestioned obedience from me as well as from the men who occasionally worked for him. He threw his weight around and used his height and strength to bully people. I’d had no choice but to let him do it to me back then, but I was a different person now. A frightening man in my own right. A little uncomfortable at the thought, I stood in the dimness of the barn only a moment or two longer before walking back out into the sunlit pasture.

  The sound of tires on gravel had Caleb scrambling over the rails of the fence and hurrying to my side before I could fully register what was happening. Wrapping my arm around his shoulders, I watched the two horses in the pasture trot to the fence to join the third, blowing and snorting in happy anticipation.

  The blue pickup rolled to a stop and a man climbed out, putting a hand over his eyes to block the bright sun.

  “Must be the caretaker,” I told Caleb and lifted my hand in greeting.

  The guy smiled and waved back, pausing to pat the horses and deliver treats from his pocket. Caleb seemed to relax at that.

  I started toward the fence, and Caleb held back only a second before moving with me.

  I felt Caleb’s hand clutching my shirt above my belt as I reached to shake the stranger’s hand. “Axel Bryant. And this is Caleb Sullivan.”

  If the man was bothered by my arm around Caleb’s shoulder, he didn’t show it. He looked to be in his mid-forties with short, sandy-colored hair and a few day’s scruff on his face.

  “Nice to meet you,” he said. “I’m Devon Lawrence. I live down the road and own these horses. I’m guessing you’re Rose Bryant’s grandson?” At my nod, he added, “Sorry for your loss. I got a call from the lawyer saying you’d be around this afternoon, and since I had to see to the horses anyway, hoped I’d save you a trip.”

  “I guess you know, then, that my grandmother left me the farm. I was going to get in touch with you; I’m hoping you’ll be willing to continue as caretaker until I can figure out what I wanna do,” I said. “The place looks really good, by the way. You’ve taken great care of it.”

  “Thinking of selling?” Lawrence asked.

  I glanced around the property. “To tell the truth, I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do. I didn’t expect this at all.”

  “Well, as far as I’m concerned, I’m perfectly fine with how things are. I only ask for a heads up if you decide to sell, so I can make other arrangements for these three.” He gestured to the horses. One of them nosed his shoulder.

  “They’re beautiful,” Caleb said.

  Lawrence smiled. “Aren’t they? It’s been great having a place to house them. All three were impulse buys, rescues I had to scramble to get lodging for at Summerstock Stables. The price was unreal, so when I heard about this place needing a caretaker, I jumped at it. It’s been the perfect solution for the last five years.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t be messing that up anytime soon,” I said, and Lawrence looked relieved.

  We talked for a few more minutes, and then Caleb and I left the guy to see to his horses.

  As we walked to the farmhouse, I withdrew the key from my pocket. It felt cold in my hand as I unlocked the front door.

  “I can’t wait to see the inside,” Caleb said, and I smiled. Having him with me had made this a much different trip than it would have been without him.

  I’d had the utilities turned on a few days prior, so when I flipped the light switch, the hall lit up. It smelled like the place had been aired out recently, although sheets still covered the furniture. The house didn’t hold the same bad memories for me as the barn did, but I didn’t feel any bittersweet nostalgia being there, either. Caleb wandered around, peering in doorways while I remained standing in the hall.

  “It’s a nice house,” he said when he returned.

  I nodded, feeling out of sorts.

  Caleb looked at me with concern and lightly touched my arm. “Are you hungry? Should we get the cooler from the car?”

  I pulled myself out of my funk. “Sure. That sounds good.”

  Once we had brought the food in and cleaned off the kitchen table, we sat down to eat.

  “I guess having a farm doesn’t really fit into your lifestyle,” Caleb said.

  “Not really, but it might be a nice place to visit sometimes.” I was happy I’d said it when Caleb’s face lit up. “You like being out in the country? I could see you liked the horses.”

  Caleb nodded, sucking mustard off his knuckle.

  “We had a place upstate when I was growing up. My dad sold it when I was around twelve. I loved it. There was a creek with a rope my brother and I used to swing on, and some nights we’d camp out under the stars.” His face dimmed as shadows flitted across it.

  “I bet you miss them,” I said, then could’ve kicked myself when tears filled his eyes, turning the irises the color of wet asphalt.

  “I do. So much.”

  I stood and drew him out of the chair and into my arms, kissing him sweetly until his body went lax.

  “I never want you to be sad,” I whispered against his lips, and he wrapped his arms tightly around my neck and clung to me, turning the kiss hard and deep until I thought my cock was going to explode in my jeans.

  When we finally pulled apart, Caleb tugged at my hand. “Let’s go lie down.”

  Sounded like a great idea to me. I followed him down the hall. When he started to go into the master bedroom, I pulled him away.

  “Not in there.”

  I led him to a guest room. I removed the bedspread from the double bed and tossed it into a corner.

  Caleb was already kicking off his shoes, so I did the same and we lay down on the bed facing each other. Immediately, we fused our mouths together again, sucking and licking like we both couldn’t get enough. I knew I couldn’t. Caleb both tasted and felt so good, I wanted to eat him alive.

  “God, you look hot in flannel,” Caleb panted, fingers scrabbling at the buttons of my shirt. His lips were slick and swollen from my kisses, and that made me want to kiss him some more.

  “I feel like a douche in it,” I said, and Caleb laughed. I’d borrowed the shirt from Skitz, not wanting to wear my regular T-shirt and leather jacket to meet the lawyer.

  Caleb spread his hands over my bare chest.

  “No way. I love it.” He lowered his lips to the piercing in my left nipple, tonguing it before sucking the nub and steel into his mouth, causing me to hiss and arch my back. He unbuttoned my jeans and slid the zipper down. God, I was hard. I managed to wriggle out of them and kick them off. Caleb grinned when he saw my socks.

  “Puppies!”

  I kissed the smile from his face and pulled off my socks, tossing them across the room.

  “Now you,” I said, and Caleb scrambled to get his clothes on the floor. When he got down to his underwear, he looked at me shyly.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. Was I moving too fast? “We don’t have to do anything—”

  Caleb placed a finger on my lips. “No, that’s not it at all. I want to, believe me.” He looked at me with lust-filled eyes. “I’m a little embarrassed.” He took a deep breath and shoved his shorts down.

  Eyes taking in his cock, standing stiff and hard, the tip wet against his flat stomach, I couldn’t see the problem. He was beautiful. Why would he be embarrassed? Besides, I’d seen his cock before. My mouth watered every time I looked at him, naked or fully clothed.

  Slowly, Caleb turned over so his back was to me.

  Confused but very turned on, I could only stare for a moment. Then Caleb surprised me again by reaching back and pulling open the cheeks of his ass, revealing the flat bottom of a black butt plug.

  “I’ve been stretching myself out,” Caleb explained, a blush crawling up his face as he peered at me over his shoulder. “This is the second size up.”

  “You’ve been…” I trailed off, and Caleb flipped back over, looking earnestly into my face.

  �
��I want you inside me, Axel. I didn’t have time to stretch myself more, but I know I’ll be okay. Please say you want to.”

  I was speechless. I stared at his precious face a few moments before pulling my wits around me and cupping his cheek with my left hand.

  “Are you sure? I mean, we have all the time in the world. I was gonna rim you.”

  Caleb’s eyes grew wide, and his cock twitched against my stomach.

  Lowering my voice an octave, I asked, “Would you like that? Like me to lick and suck your sweet hole?”

  He swallowed and nodded.

  I gazed down his long, lithe body before nudging his legs open and gently slipping the plug out of his hole, watching the way the rim clung to it before finally letting go.

  I settled between Caleb’s legs, and, spreading his cheeks wide, began kissing my way up one soft thigh until I reached his taint. I licked it with the flat of my tongue and heard Caleb’s breathing pick up. I glanced up over his tight balls and erection to find him on his elbows, peering down at me with lips parted and eyes wide and gleaming in his flushed face.

  My groin tightened, and I set my sights on turning him inside out.

  Placing each of my hands palm up under his round ass cheeks, I licked my way upward until my mouth reached his pucker. The first taste of him made my dick twitch, and I had to fight to rein myself in. I’d never intentionally hurt this man, but God, how I wanted to sink into him and fuck him raw. Caleb had always been enthusiastic when it came to fooling around, but I wanted to go slow with him, not only because I didn’t want him to feel any discomfort, but also I wanted to show him how much he meant to me. Rimming had been the only new thing I’d planned to introduce to our activities this trip, but that had been before I knew Caleb had bought butt plugs to stretch himself. If he really wanted to go all the way, I wasn’t going to deny him.

  For the moment, I concentrated on licking and nibbling until Caleb was squirming on the bed, panting my name in a way that made me pause and press my forehead against his warm thigh until I got myself together enough not to come on the spot. Then I resumed, teasing him until he begged in broken whispers for me to fuck him.