The Survivor and his Safe Place
Page 22
I couldn’t stop the tears gathering in my eyes, making Caleb’s face swim before me. “I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
The look he gave me was full of pain. “I don’t want us to break up. I want to be with you. But I can’t be afraid that every time I have an episode you’re going to blame yourself.”
“That was me wearing that ski mask,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, and you had no idea it would be a trigger.” He touched my chest. “You would never purposely hurt me.”
I looked at the floor. “I’m an intimidating guy, and I’ve always liked that. I realized recently how much like my grandfather I was, and I don’t want to be anything like that son of a bitch.”
“So work on it,” Caleb said softly. “That’s all any of us can do.”
He went to the door and double and triple checked the locks before heading to the kitchen to do the same thing to the back door. I followed, and when we walked past the dog room, I saw the broken glass from the cabinet all over the floor. God, how scary that sound must have been to Caleb.
In the room where the dogs’ crates were, we stood watching them sleep. Before Hugh had left, he’d told us the dogs had been drugged but should be okay.
“I thought they’d hurt them,” Caleb said.
“I’m glad they only made them sleep,” I said. “I was at the farm when Isaac called Dante. He’d come to talk some sense into me. We hurried back here as fast as we could, but it still took too fucking long. God, I was so worried about you.”
“Why did you go to the farm?” Caleb asked.
“I needed to think.”
“About whether you wanted to be with a freak like me. And you’d decided you didn’t.”
“God, Caleb, no.” I wrapped my arms around him, but he remained stiff, refusing to hug me back. I didn’t blame him for his anger.
“I want to be with you more than anything, baby,” I said into his neck. “I don’t think you’re a freak. I was just hurt because you were so scared of me, and I thought breaking things off with you was the right thing to do. I was wrong.”
Caleb leaned into me a little. “I’m never afraid of you when I’m not lost in a flashback.”
“Okay,” I said. We would need to have a long conversation later, but for now there was only one thing I wanted to say to him. “Caleb, I should have told you this long ago.”
At Caleb’s worried look, I smiled. “I love you. I’m in love with you. Deeply. Utterly. Completely.” I kissed his nose.
That evidently hadn’t been what Caleb had thought I was going to say, for his eyes widened with shock. “You…you are?”
I nodded. “I think I have been from the first day I saw you. I never thought we could be together, and then we were…and when you wouldn’t let me touch you after I’d scared you with the mask, it all came crashing down on me. I’m really sorry.”
Caleb sucked in a breath. “You can stop saying that now. And I love you too.” He stood on his toes and kissed me. I kissed him back, wanting nothing more than to feel him in my arms, whole and safe, forever.
I was terrified to hope again, but I wasn’t going to run this time. God, if something had happened to Caleb, I would never have forgiven myself for leaving like I had.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Axel
“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…Happy New Year!”
Everyone kissed, threw confetti, and clinked glasses.
A month late, but nobody cared.
Hugh didn’t have the same date with him as last time, and Cane had decided to grace us with his presence, but everything else was much the same, down to the streamers which, at Caleb’s insistence, had never been taken down from the original party.
Caleb had been adamant that he wanted a repeat, so we’d all agreed to come over again, this time with a special twist. Just before the countdown, Dante and Isaac said their vows in front of Cupcake, who’d been officially ordained by the almighty internet so she could marry them.
“Congratulations!” I gave Dante a heartfelt hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek that he immediately wiped off, although he was grinning from ear to ear.
“Thanks, man.”
He and Isaac both wore white suits, and Caleb had braided baby’s breath into Isaac’s long hair.
“You two look gorgeous together,” I said, pulling Caleb to my side. He lay his head on my shoulder.
“You two look pretty gorgeous together yourselves,” Isaac said.
“Great party,” Blaze said, walking over with Lake, glasses of champagne in their hands.
“Thanks.” Caleb grinned at them.
“It’s going to be hard to top next year,” Lake said.
“Yeah, we might have to do another wedding.” I winked at Caleb, who blushed a deep red but looked pleased.
I wasn’t kidding. I’d love nothing more than to marry Caleb, but first we both had a lot of work to do. Caleb had decided to start therapy again, stating he had been wrong to have ditched it so soon, and I was working on finding the self I really wanted to be. My identity had somehow gotten lost over the years, morphing from the kid who’d slunk around the farm, avoiding the angry presence of his grandfather, to the beefed up biker I was today who used intimidation to feel important. Caleb had suggested I begin seeing his therapist, and I was planning on making an appointment the following week.
After the break in, I’d gone to Blaze and told him I didn’t want to have any part in threatening Kilbourne. I was done doing that kind of thing. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Blaze had said he understood and respected my decision, or that he’d chewed me a new one when I’d admitted to having been afraid of disappointing him.
I looked around the room at my club family. I didn’t know what the hell was up with Hung lately, only that he wasn’t himself. As I was moving in with Caleb next week, Tony was getting the dubious honor of being Hung’s new roommate. At least Blaze’s crack down on Hung’s sex life inside the clubhouse should save Tony some sleep. I needed to find out what was wrong with Hung, Tony, and Cane. I promised myself I would do that as soon as possible. Tony had been a brother first, but that didn’t mean Cane’s feelings weren’t important. And since Tony had returned, it was becoming increasingly obvious that Cane was hurting.
As always, Matteo was a lone wolf at the gathering. Skitz and Tease had their partners of the month with them, but I could already tell the two didn’t have staying power. There had been talk lately of a possible new member to the club, but I hadn’t gotten the low down on that yet, busy as I’d been the past month making things right with Caleb.
The Hedonists were my family, but Caleb was my family too, now that I’d made a commitment to stick with him. Turning to the man I loved, I tilted Caleb’s chin and kissed him gently on the mouth, enjoying the way his lips automatically parted, and his tongue met mine.
As Blaze always said, family stuck together, and nothing was going to pull me away from Caleb again. Not even my own insecurities and twisted sense of honor. He wanted me in his life, and as far as I was concerned, I was his from there on out.
THE END
Thank you for reading The Survivor and his Safe Place, the fourth book in my Hedonist MC series. Please check out my other works, including The River Wolf Pack series, which includes hot wolf shifters, m-preg, and a bit of political intrigue between humans and werewolves.
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About the Author
Rebecca James majored in English literature. She is
married and has three children. She loves animals, books, and family.
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My Books
CONTEMPORARY
The Hedonist MC series
The Ballerino and the Biker
The Pet Stylist and the Playboy
The Brat and the Bossman
The Survivor and his Safe Place
PARANORMAL
The River Wolf Pack series
First Omega
Second Alpha
Third Mate
The Angel Hills series
Omega Arrival
Ripples of Threat
The Cascade City Pack series
An New Beginning
Breaking the Bonds
SCI-FANTASY
The Wolves of Daos 5
Teresias Bound
OMEGAVERSE
The Alpha’s Forbidden Omega