The Survivor and his Safe Place

by Rebecca James

  “He wasn’t at the clubhouse and hadn’t been there all night,” Isaac said reluctantly.

  “His phone went straight to voicemail when I called,” I said.

  “He just needs some time to think. I’m sure of it. If he’s as hardheaded as Dante, it might be a while, but he’ll call.”

  I shook my head because I didn’t think so. Axel was done with me.

  As soon as Isaac left, I locked the doors, rechecked them, rechecked them again, and went to the couch. I thought I’d never get back to sleep, but as soon as I lay down and pulled the afghan over me, I was out.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Axel

  When I left Caleb’s house, I couldn’t get the image of him screaming and backing away from me out of my head. I drove straight to the farm. I didn’t know why; I just had to get away. How could I think everything would be fine? That Caleb could go from being terrified every time he looked at me to feeling better in my presence than with anyone else? The truth was Terrance Jefferson and I were cut from the same fucking cloth, and Caleb knew that deep down in his subconscious. It had been selfish of me to cultivate a relationship with him when he was so sensitive to me.

  But I’d wanted him for so long, and I’d let myself hope, pushing my doubts to the back of my mind. Now I had to face the truth.

  I’d never done anything so difficult in my life as telling Caleb we needed to end things. I’d walked from room to room all night before he’d called, seeing all the places Caleb and I had made love, or laughed, or cried. Eventually, I went into my grandparents’ room and ranted at their dead souls for molding me into the loser I was.

  I was at my lowest when my phone rang and Caleb’s name flashed on the screen. I couldn’t ignore him or the truth anymore. When I told him I wasn’t what he needed, he sounded so torn up and lost, and hearing him say I didn’t want him because he was a “freak” broke my heart because that couldn’t be further from the truth. I wanted to go to him more than I wanted anything in my life, but I had to do what was best for him this time. He hung up on me, and I forced myself not to call him back.

  Soon after that, my phone died. I didn’t have a charger with me, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t need it. I knew Isaac and Dante would take care of Caleb. I tossed the phone on the counter and eventually fell asleep on the couch.

  When I woke it was around three in the afternoon. I rinsed out my mouth and was heading for the kitchen when I heard a motorcycle.

  “Fucking Dante,” I said, peering out the window. I opened the door.

  “How did you know where to find me?” I demanded when Dante reached the porch.

  “Where the fuck else would you go?” Dante asked, striding past me and looking around. “So this place is yours now?”

  “Yeah. I meant how did you know the address?” I shut the front door and followed Dante into the living room.

  “Rummaged through your stuff, how else? Why’d you disappear?” Dante sat down on the couch. “That was a long-ass ride.”

  “Nobody asked you to come out here.” I plopped down on the chair, and it creaked under my weight.

  “Somebody had to find you. Caleb’s all upset.”

  I shook my head.

  “He is, man. He snapped out of it, and the first person he wanted was you.”

  “You saw him. Deep down, he’s terrified of me. I was crazy to think it would change.”

  “What are you talking about? Would he fall asleep beside you if he were scared of you?”

  “He doesn’t know the real me,” I said.

  “Bullshit.”

  I shook my head. “It’s better this way. He called me earlier, and I told him we couldn’t be together.”

  “Oh, get off your high horse. The kid had an episode, for Christ’s sake. Remember those? You knew about them. Why the fuck did you run off like you did? You’re supposed to be the levelheaded one in the club.”

  I got up and started pacing the room. “I’m not good enough for him, Dante. Isaac was right. And I knew it, but I wanted Caleb so much I chose to ignore it.”

  “Isaac never said you weren’t good enough for Caleb. He said he was afraid of you getting hurt, and look what happened. He was right.”

  “Because Caleb’s subconscious knows he should be wary around me.”

  Dante leaned forward and pointed his finger at me. “You’re a moron.”

  “Want to say that again and see if you keep your pretty face?”

  “I could, and we would fight, but what I really want is for you to follow me back home.”

  “I’m staying here a while.” I got up and went into the kitchen, returning a moment later with two beers. I handed one to Dante.

  Dante knocked the bottle cap off on the side of the table.

  “Nice. Your fancy upbringing teach you that?” I copied him and put my feet up as I took a swig of beer.

  “You’re quite the jackass when you’re lovesick,” Dante said. “Cheers.” He tipped his bottle to me and drank. “And happy new year while we’re at it.” He let out a belch.

  I rolled my eyes and took a swig.

  “Haven’t seen you wear that in a while.” Dante said after a moment. He pointed to the skull in my earlobe.

  “Found it at the bottom of my gear bag,” I said.

  “And you’re wearing a wife beater. What happened to the flannel?”

  “Shut the fuck up.”

  Dante shook his head. “What’s next, you gonna shave your head again? You’re a real piece of work.”

  “Same to ya.” I finished my beer.

  “Listen man. You and I grew up on two different sides of the fence. We clash. But we’re also brothers, and you once set my head straight. You told me how full of myself I was and how I was hurting Isaac. Well, I’m here to return the favor. Seeing Caleb react that way to you was hard, I get it. It hurt. I hurt for you. So you ran. But he’s over it, and he needs you.”

  I leaned my head back and stared at the far wall. “He may think he needs me, but he doesn’t. He’ll be better off without me in the long run.” I turned my head to look at Dante. “Think about it. What do I really have to offer him?”

  Dante’s deep blue eyes softened. “You’re a great guy, Axel. Everyone thinks so.”

  I just shook my head. “Go on back home. Leave me in peace. I need some time. I’m gonna take a few days off and stay here.”

  In answer, Dante took off his boots and stretched out on the couch. “I think I’ll stay, if that’s all right with you.”

  “And if it isn’t?”

  Dante winked at me. “Tough shit.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Caleb

  I was swimming beneath the waters of a dark, cold pond, ears full and body weighted down. I moved my arms and legs, trying to make it to the air I knew was somewhere above me. A whining noise and a wet nose against my neck got me there. I broke surface.

  Gasping, I sat up in bed, listening hard.

  Downstairs a couple of the dogs barked and then fell quiet.

  “Hey, Duke,” I said, scratching behind the Great Dane’s ears. His tail thumped on the bed, but then his ears pricked up and he growled. Before I could fully comprehend it, a noise downstairs had me stiffening in alarm. Was Isaac down there? I held my breath. Snatching my cell phone from the table, I looked at the time. Nearly two a.m. I didn’t have any calls or texts. I listened again, thinking maybe what I’d heard was Sable, my black cat. When I heard definite footsteps, I froze in fear. Duke growled again, and the hair on my arms stood up. It took longer than it should to find Isaac’s number and hit call.

  “Caleb? You ‘kay?” Isaac’s voice was groggy with sleep, and my heart flew to my throat at the verification that he was not the one in my house.

  “Someone’s here,” I whispered hoarsely just as the sound of glass shattering downstairs made me jolt, and Duke jumped off the bed. “Shit! Here boy, c’mere.” With Duke safely beside me again, I whispered into the phone, “They broke something!”<
br />
  “Someone’s in your house? Sit tight, I’m calling the police.” Isaac disconnected, and I stared at the phone.

  Oh God, it’s happening all over again.

  All this time I’d consoled myself during the long, sleepless nights, telling myself something like that couldn’t happen twice in one lifetime. But someone was definitely downstairs. No one had a key to the house except for Isaac, Dante, and…Axel. Hope rising in my chest, I jumped out of bed and went to the window, but no motorcycle or other vehicle sat in the driveway.

  Another noise from downstairs made me swing around, heart in overdrive. I considered my choices. I could hide, or I could fight.

  I glanced at the window.

  Or I could run. A trellis ran down the side of the house—I could probably successfully climb down. Hadn’t I thought about it a million times when I’d lain awake imagining what I’d do if there was an intruder? But what about Duke? And why had the dogs downstairs suddenly gone quiet?

  Faint talking drifted through the floor. There was more than one. I couldn’t take on two intruders by myself, even if I had a weapon, which I didn’t, other than the hickory baseball bat I kept under my bed. I reached for it and felt better with its weight gripped in my hands, but I still didn’t know what to do. How long would it take for the police to get there? Had Isaac even had time to call them yet? Minutes and seconds seemed the same.

  I moved toward the door and listened.

  “Think he’s upstairs?” a male voice said from the foyer.

  “Probably asleep. Let’s just get the stuff and go. Take it all.” Another male voice.

  “Where’s his big dog?”

  “I dunno, wanna wait and find out? Come on. I’m feeling itchy. There’s gotta be something worthwhile in here. Take it all.”

  I clutched the baseball bat. I recognized those voices. Brad and Jerry, the guys from the other side of the woods. They’d broken into my house. The glass breaking had probably been Hugh’s medicine cabinets, which meant they were after drugs.

  I looked at Duke. “Come on, boy,” I coaxed quietly, and opening the closet door, I slid inside, motioning for Duke to go in there with me.

  As soon as I entered the dark closet, it was like going back in time. Trembling, I listened to Brad and Jerry ransacking the downstairs but in my mind I saw the huge form of Terrance Johnson, bald head covered in tattoos. I seized up when I heard footsteps on the stairs. Duke’s growl and subsequent lick to my face brought me to the present. Mouth pressed to Duke’s ear, I said, “Shh, boy, quiet” over and over again. Where the fuck were the police? As the footsteps climbed slowly to the upper floor, I clutched my dog and tried to keep terror at bay, but as images from the past began to seep in again, I knew it was a losing battle.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Axel

  I was rudely awakened from a deep sleep by Gilbert O’Sullivan crooning about being alone again.

  Groaning, I sat up in the cramped chair. The fire had gone out, and the room was chilly. I had forgotten to turn the heat on.

  “Hey, moron.” I nudged Dante with my foot. “Either your phone’s ringing, or we’re at a bad ‘70’s concert.”

  “Hey, I like that song,” Dante grumbled, turning over and swiping up his cell phone from the floor. “I forgot to call Isaac before I went to sleep.” Dante rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands before calling his boyfriend.

  “Hey babe,” he said into the phone seconds later.

  I was alarmed when Dante’s eyes shot to mine and his face turned pale. “Okay, babe. You wait for them, you hear me? Don’t you go down there by yourself. It’ll take a couple of hours, but we’re coming.”

  “What’s going on?” I asked, already pulling on my boots. Dante grabbed our jackets. “Dante?”

  “Something’s happened. Isaac’s called the police.”

  “No shit, something’s happened. What the hell’s happened?” I thought of Caleb and how upset he’d been on the phone. Oh, God. I froze, ice in my veins.

  Dante grabbed my shoulders. “Don’t panic, okay? We’ve got a long ride ahead of us and have to keep our heads straight. Isaac said there was an intruder on the property, and he’s called the cops. Come on.” He handed me my jacket and pulled his on.

  As we locked up and ran to our bikes in the darkness, I said, “Why did you tell Isaac not to go down there? Where’s down there?”

  Dante glanced at me as he straddled his Panhead and donned his helmet.

  “Someone broke into Caleb’s house.”

  ****

  I’d never driven so fast. Dante kept up with me, and we rode in tandem on the dark highway which was thankfully nearly clear of vehicles at that time of night. All I could think about was Caleb alone at home and someone breaking in.

  Again.

  Fuck, it was the kid’s worst fear. How fucking unfair was that? He had to be terrified, and I wasn’t there with him. I was supposed to protect him. I was his goddamn safe place, and I wasn’t there. What if they hurt him? Thinking that way turned my guts to water, so I concentrated on keeping my eyes on the road. It was the longest couple of hours of my life.

  When we finally made it back, there were two police cars in front of the shelter, their blue, red, and white lights flashing eerily through the trees, but it was the ambulance that struck real fear in my heart. Dante was off his bike seconds before I was, and we both ran for the front door.

  “Hey, where do you think you’re going?” A couple uniforms stopped us in our tracks.

  “I’m Dante Durham. I live here,” Dante said much more calmly than I felt. “My fiancé, Isaac Paul, owns the place and called you guys. This is my friend Axel. His boyfriend lives in this house.”

  Fiancé? What the fuck? I filed that away for later and followed Dante into the house.

  “What happened? Where’s Isaac?” Dante demanded of the police officer coming out of the living room to meet us.

  “Break in. Two guys went for the drugs in the cabinet down the hall. If Isaac’s the guy with the long hair, he’s upstairs trying to get his friend to come out and talk. He’s been in the closet since we got here.”

  Dante started for the steps, then turned back to me. “You coming?” Then his eyes snapped on Hugh walking in from the kitchen. “What’re you doing here?”

  “The police called me when Isaac told them it was my meds in the cabinet. They caught the guys—those two bozos who moved into Deirdre’s old house. Evidently, they’d scoped out the place and learned there were drugs on the premises.”

  “Is Caleb really okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah, just scared. I tried to talk to him, but he’s gone somewhere in his head. We didn’t want to force him out of there.”

  “You’re his boyfriend?” the cop asked. “Think you can get him out? We need his statement.”

  I looked at the stairs.

  “Ax? Come on!” Dante waved me over, but I still hesitated.

  “I’ll make it worse,” I said.

  “Of course you won’t.” Dante was halfway up the stairs. “Ax, man, Caleb needs you!”

  I pulled myself together and followed him.

  The cop in the hall moved aside when we approached. When we walked into the bedroom, Dante immediately drew Isaac up from the floor by the closet and into a hug. Duke sat in the open closet door, seemingly uncertain about whether to come out or to stay inside with his master.

  Isaac looked relieved to see me.

  “Caleb, Axel’s here,” he called.

  I thought I heard a whimper from inside. God, Caleb was going to freak when he saw me. I took a step backward.

  “Talk to him,” Isaac told me. “It’s okay, Axel. He’ll be glad you’re here. I’ve been trying to get him to come out, but he won’t. He’s said your name several times though.”

  Emboldened by that news along with Isaac’s confidence, I crouched in front of Duke. The dog licked my hand and trotted out as though now that I was there, he could go off duty. My heart constrict
ed.

  “Caleb, baby, it’s me. Will you come—”

  Before I could finish, Caleb came flying from the dark closet and threw himself into my arms, sending me toppling onto my back on the floor. I held him close, thankful for the pounding of his heart against my chest.

  “Oh, God, baby, are you all right?” I said into his hair.

  “I am now that you’re here.” I barely heard the words, as they were muffled in my shirt.

  Caleb showed no sign of letting go of me, and I didn’t want him to, but the police weren’t going to leave until they talked to him.

  “The police want to ask you a couple questions,” I said while stroking Caleb’s head and back. “Will you talk to them if I sit with you?”

  Caleb nodded, and I didn’t even try to disentangle his arms from around my neck, just wrestled us off the floor and descended the steps with him clinging to me like a starfish. If the cops thought it was weird seeing a big biker carrying another guy down the stairs, they didn’t show it. Maybe fucking times were changing.

  Once we were on the couch, Isaac and Dante joined us and the cops started their questioning. Caleb never let go of my hand during the entire interview. My heart cracked when I heard how he’d woken to sounds of someone downstairs, knowing how terrified he must have been without me there with him.

  “Thank you, Mr. Sullivan,” the cop who’d been questioning Caleb said. “We’ll be in touch.” He stuffed his notebook in his pocket and stood, gesturing to his companions that they could go.

  “I guess you two will be okay if we leave,” Dante said when Caleb turned and buried his face in my chest. “Call us if you need us.”

  I nodded.

  When they were gone, I kissed the top of Caleb’s head.

  “I’m so fucking sorry.”

  Caleb pulled away and gave me a suspicious look.

  “For what?”

  “For not being here when it happened,” I said huskily.

  “You broke up with me.”

  “I—Caleb, I was just afraid. I still am.” I touched his cheek. “I’m afraid of not being what you need.”

  “I needed you here with me,” he said angrily. He might as well have kicked me in the heart, but I deserved it. “You left, and those guys broke in. I thought—” Caleb swallowed. “It was just like that night all over again.” He twisted his fingers nervously in a way that looked painful.