Spy

by Julia Sykes

  SPY

  RENEGADE #2

  By Julia Sykes

  Copyright © 2015 by Julia Sykes

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  julia-sykes.com

  Chapter 1

  Lissa

  Ian. An image of his handsome face coalesced in my mind, my first thought before I even opened my eyes. As I stirred to wakefulness, memories of the night before flooded my brain. My bruised cheek throbbed, a physical reinforcement that it hadn’t all been a nightmare.

  Anarchists had abducted me, beaten me. And Ian had saved me.

  I was amazed I’d managed to sleep at all after what I’d been through.

  Alik. Alik had come to visit me. He helped me work through my trauma. Now, I knew what I had to do. He’d guided me to the right path.

  I needed to go to Ian.

  I shot out of bed and bounded to my window. Sure enough, Ian’s aged silver Buick sedan was parked outside. Through the tinted windows, I could barely make out his profile. He really had waited for me all night, watching over me.

  He cares about you, the little voice in my head that kept me company whispered. He’ll protect you. He makes you happy.

  Yes, I agreed.

  Go to him.

  My decision already made, I rushed to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I knew I looked like a mess after crying all night—not to mention my bruised cheek. There wasn’t much I could do about that, but I made an effort to cake on more foundation than usual to cover the worst of it. I didn’t want to alarm my mom. And the vain part of me wanted to look pretty when I went to talk to Ian.

  Earn his trust. I was about to put my life in his hands. I had to know he trusted me as well. If I really was going to pretend to be his slave, I needed to put my faith in him completely.

  Master. He’ll be my Master. Just the thought of being in his strong, domineering arms again made my sex clench. Even after everything that had happened to me, my body still burned for him.

  Anxious to get to him, I quickened my pace. If he was going to protect me, I would have to stick close to him. That would mean staying with him. I wet my lips in anticipation as I blindly threw clothes and makeup into a duffel bag.

  I took one final glance in the mirror before darting for the stairs. Mom was waiting for me on the landing, but I breezed by her. If I lingered, she might take note of my injury.

  “Lissa,” she called after me. “Wait. I’m worried about you.”

  “I’m fine, Mom. Alik helped me. I’m going to stay with Sydney for a few days.”

  “Okay, honey. Did you pack your meds?”

  “Yep.”

  “Okay, good. I love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  It struck me as strange that she wasn’t questioning why I was leaving. But the thought melted to nothing as soon as it occurred to me. It was only natural that I was going away for a few days. Mom would understand that.

  My fleeting moment of confusion utterly forgotten, I flung open the door and crossed the yard to where Ian’s car sat parked at the curb in front of my house. He got out to meet me, striding toward me and wrapping his arm around my waist, shielding my body with his. As soon as his familiar heat washed over me, the beginnings of bliss pulsed through my veins, and my heart skipped a beat.

  He ushered me to the passenger side and guided me in, shutting me inside. I hated the loss of his touch, but he reappeared in the driver’s seat seconds later.

  “How are you?” His voice was deeper than usual and gravelly from lack of sleep. The concern that creased the fine lines around his dark blue eyes made my chest expand with happiness. He really did care about me.

  “I’m okay,” I assured him.

  A small, disapproving frown turned down the corners of his lips as his gaze fell to my cheek.

  “They hurt you. I’m sorry.” Remorse and a deeper anguish tightened his handsome features.

  I reached out and covered his hand with my own. He turned his palm to press against mine, his fingers closing around it. I could feel the tension he carried in his firm grip, but I was grateful for the contact.

  He grimaced. “You wouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place if it wasn’t for me. I never should have touched you.”

  Hurt pierced my gut, but I was determined to drive away the guilt that plagued him.

  “I wanted you to touch me. I don’t regret it.”

  His jaw ticked. “Your life is on the line. I regret it.”

  I squeezed his hand, desperate. “Please, don’t say that. I came out here to tell you I want to be with you. I don’t want to go into witness protection.”

  He regarded me for a moment, his expression unreadable. Finally, he gave a stiff nod.

  “Good. I don’t trust them to keep you safe. Salvation—the anarchists—might have ties to a larger terrorist cell. I don’t know the extent of it yet. And while I know I could handle those ignorant fuckers, their associates might be able to get to you if they suspect I’ve lied to them about our relationship. I have no idea how deep this goes.”

  I tucked that all away in my mind, saving it for later inspection.

  “I know you’ll protect me.”

  He paused again, studying me. “You know this means you’ll have to stay with me. When we’re together in public, you’ll have to pretend to be in an M/s relationship with me.”

  My clit pulsed. “I know.” My voice came out huskier than I intended. His pupils dilated, but he quickly blinked his lust away.

  “A man came to see you early this morning,” he abruptly changed the subject. “Who is he?”

  “Oh, that was Alik.” I waved my hand dismissively, indicating that Ian didn’t have to worry about him. “He’s my therapist. He helps me when I’m having an episode.”

  Ian’s brows drew together. “An episode?”

  Now I hesitated, uncomfortable telling him about my disorder. What if he didn’t want to deal with my crazy?

  “I’m Bipolar,” I admitted reluctantly. “I can usually control it with my meds, but Alik helps me when I lose it.”

  “Anyone would have been upset after what you went through,” he said, his face softening with kind understanding. I couldn’t detect a hint of judgment in his countenance. I blew out a sigh of relief.

  “I was scared,” I said quietly. “But I’m not now.”

  His thumb brushed across the inside of my wrist. “I don’t want you to be scared, but I can’t pretend like you’re not in danger. But I won’t let anything happen to you. I swear.”

  His eyes burned twin blue flames, and his lips firmed with determination. A ghost of the pain I’d sensed in him flickered over his features. He began to extricate his hand from mine, and I could practically see him pulling walls up between us.

  I couldn’t allow that.

  I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck and pulled myself up into him, crushing my lips to his. He went utterly still, his mouth taut beneath mine.

  I wasn’t giving up so easily. I’d tempted him before; I could do it again. I couldn’t bear to have him pull away, not now.

  Keeping him close with one hand, the other raked up through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. He growled and caught my lower lip between his teeth, holding it there in warning. I instantly softened, melting into him. My hands dropped so they rested docilely on his shoulders, and I opened for him.

  His tongue soothed away the slight pain of his bite, and his hand slid up into my hair, fisting in it tight enough to send little sparks tingling across my skin. I gasped into his mouth, and he devoured the sound.

  Yes. This was what I craved, wha
t I needed. My mind went mercifully quiet as I became completely enthralled by his scent, his touch, his taste. I wasn’t scared or worried. I didn’t have to feel anything at all except the pleasure he was giving me. The release after all the confusion and pain I had endured the night before was incredibly freeing.

  Suddenly, he tore his lips from mine, severing the moment.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked breathlessly.

  “Everything.” He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the golden strands. “This whole thing is completely fucked up. You shouldn’t be anywhere near me.”

  The beginnings of panic fluttered in my chest, and I clutched at his shirt, keeping him close. “But you said you’d protect me.”

  He scowled. “I will. I don’t have a choice now. But I won’t lead you on any longer. I don’t have anything to offer you.”

  Tears stung the corners of my eyes as irrational grief wrapped around my throat. “I don’t understand,” I forced out.

  “You don’t need to understand,” he said shortly. “That’s how it’s going to be.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, angry at being shut out. “Yes, Sir.” I put as much venom into the honorific as I could manage.

  He scowled at me, but didn’t say anything. After a moment, he jammed the keys in the ignition and slammed down the accelerator, speeding away from my house.

  Even though I was hurt and upset, concern teased the back of my mind. Ian was hurting, too. He had been since I first met him; it was why he kept pulling away.

  Drawing on years of practice, I mastered my roiling emotions. Helping Ian was more important than my need to lash out.

  I blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry.”

  He glanced over at me, his brows lifting in disbelief. “You’re sorry?”

  “Yes. For whatever happened to you.” I reached for his hand again, and he didn’t move away. “And you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. Just know I’m here if you want to talk.”

  He stared at me for a long moment, then jerked his eyes back to the road. His hand fisted beneath mine.

  “I’ll keep you safe,” he swore. “That’s all that matters.”

  “I believe you.” I trusted him completely. A small part of my mind whispered that it was irrational.

  Trust him. My guiding voice was much louder.

  I hooked my fingers through his fist, gently rubbing his palm until the tension eased from his muscles. He kept quiet, but the wall he had put up was coming down. He would open up to me when he was ready.

  Content with that, I leaned back into my seat, relaxing.

  “Where are we going?” I asked after several minutes of silence.

  “My motel.” He turned apologetic eyes on me. “I’m sorry I can’t take you anywhere nicer. It’s where Isaac is staying.”

  “Isaac?”

  “Isaac Holloway. That’s my cover with the anarchists. I’m supposed to be from middle-of-nowhere Iowa, visiting Chicago so I can meet up with Salvation and join their brotherhood.”

  “Right,” I digested that. “So you’re with the FBI, right?”

  “Sort of. I’m on the National Joint Terrorism Task Force. I was sent here to liaise with the Chicago unit of the FBI and local law enforcement to investigate Salvation. We think they’re planning an attack.” He shot me a significant glance. “Understand, this is all classified. I’m only telling you because you’re involved now, and you have to know the right things to say.”

  “I understand. I don’t have anyone to tell, anyway. I’m sticking with you until it’s all over. Isn’t that the plan?”

  His glance was more assessing this time. “Do you need to make some arrangements to explain your absence? If you tell me what you do, I can get the right kind of paperwork to get you off work indefinitely.”

  “I don’t work currently. I’m supposed to start law school soon, though. Will this all be over by the beginning of fall semester?”

  “I hope to hell it is,” he muttered, half to himself.

  “I told my mom I’m staying with my friend Sydney,” I continued. “I can call Syd and tell her I’m with you, and she’ll cover for me. She thinks I want to date you.”

  He flinched. I tried to ignore the pain his reaction caused.

  “Good,” he said, moving past the awkward moment. “You’ll stay with me, then. I’m afraid it won’t be much fun for you. I’ll keep you company when I can, but I won’t take you to Salvation meetings with me. I don’t want you in a room with those men again if I can avoid it.”

  His fist tightened on the steering wheel.

  “I have my laptop, so you can get online while I’m gone,” he continued. “Other than that, I don’t have much to offer for entertainment.”

  “Will I be safe at the motel without you?” I didn’t like the idea of being left alone.

  “I don’t want them looking at you.” He heaved in a breath, visibly making an effort to calm himself. “If you stay put while I’m gone, no one should bother you. The only people who know about our connection are the men I’ll be meeting with, so I’ll be able to keep an eye on them. Otherwise, I’ll stay with you. If they tail us again, they’ll believe we’re really in an M/s relationship.”

  My breath hitched at the mention of him pretending to be my Master. Would he touch me again? Or would he maintain the distance he seemed determined to keep between us?

  After knowing bliss under his hands, I couldn’t give it up. I craved to feel the sweet release again that I had only ever known with him. And I knew he needed his own form of release just as badly.

  I could only hope to earn his trust soon.

  Chapter 2

  Ian

  I watched Lissa sling her bag down on the bed in my crappy little motel room. I hated seeing her there.

  She deserves better than me. Better than what I’ve done to her.

  I gritted my teeth, determination taking hold deep in my chest. I wouldn’t allow another woman to die because of me. Lissa wouldn’t end up like Marie.

  I winced at the memory of her wide, sky blue eyes, reproachful even in death.

  I won’t let it happen again.

  Instinct told me to put as much distance between Lissa and myself as I could manage, but we were beyond that now. She would be vulnerable if I couldn’t ensure her safety. Even leaving her alone at the motel for a few hours so I could meet with Salvation felt wrong.

  The men who might want to hurt her will all be at the meeting, I reassured myself. So long as I kept an eye on them, they wouldn’t be anywhere near her.

  I could just kill them. The thought was appealing. After what they had done to her, I would relish ripping them apart with my bare hands.

  But there was more at play here than a ragtag group of bigots. They might lead us to a terrorist cell, and I couldn’t put that investigation at risk. One life wasn’t worth the thousands I might save, even if that life was Lissa’s.

  Bastard, I accused myself. I’d taken her in and treated her as my sub. It was a Dom’s job to look after subs. When I’d been with her, I’d almost felt like my old self again: calm, powerful. Worthy.

  Now I was left feeling almost as worthless as I had on that horrible night two years ago. My hand twitched toward the bedside table, where I kept my flask. I clenched it to a fist and drew it back to my side. I couldn’t get drunk to dull the memories that haunted me, to drown my self-loathing. It was more important than ever that I focus on my task and bring this op to an end as quickly as possible.

  No drinking, and no sex.

  I wasn’t at all sure I would survive this mission.

  Lissa caught me staring at her, and she gave me a small, shy smile. It reminded me of just how innocent she was. A strange mixture of lust and guilt stirred in my gut. The sensation was decidedly unnerving.

  My phone rang, distracting me from my brooding. I snatched it up, grateful for the excuse to turn away from her.

  “Holmes,” I answered, my voice a bit more clipped than us
ual.

  “Hello to you, too.” I recognized Hassan’s accented drawl.

  “What is it?” I didn’t bother with politeness.

  There was a slight pause. Hassan was generally lighthearted, so I assumed he was torn between teasing me and placating me. His sigh sounded through the receiver, letting me know he’d chosen the latter.

  “Right,” he said, turning brusque and professional. “I’m having trouble hacking into Ernest’s computer. He’s much better than I thought he would be based on what an ignorant bigot his is. He’s used peer-to-peer encryption on the emails we need to read. That indicates to me that those are the communications with their contacts, but there’s no way to decipher them without the encryption key.”

  “So what does that mean?” I prompted, trying to keep things vague in case Lissa was listening. Telling her the basics of the op was one thing; I really shouldn’t share any more classified information if I could help it.

  “It means I need you to access his computer and download the files. He should have the encryption key embedded somewhere so he can read them. I’ll give you a flash drive that’ll do the trick. It won’t take more than thirty seconds to transfer the files.”

  “Where do I pick it up? We shouldn’t meet in public, and I can’t come to headquarters. They followed me last night; they might do it again. I’ll watch for it this time, but I can’t give away that I’m aware of them.”

  I missed them last time because I was so distracted by Lissa. I can’t afford to make that kind of mistake again.

  “I’ll drop it in a PO Box at the post office on West Sixty-third,” Hassan informed me. “Number one thirty-one. I’ll leave it there within the hour.”

  “Got it. I’ll pick it up before my meeting with Salvation tonight.”

  “Good luck,” he said, suddenly solemn.

  “Thanks.”

  I ended the call before he could get too friendly. I didn’t need any friends in the Chicago unit. They might use the relationship to manipulate me into giving them control over my op. I’d be damned if I let Parkinson take control. Especially now that Lissa was part of the equation. I didn’t want them to know about her, or they might take her away from me.