Opening my eyes, I saw Laney and Serena had arrived and were dancing around with us. When a personal favorite song came on, I turned it up louder. Elliott burst through the doorway singing the words in a high pitch squeal. Laughing loudly we started dancing and singing with him.
After the workout session, I ran back to the girl's bus, showered, and changed. Then we sought out Rob for rehearsal.
"Okay, so let's first play it as it was written and then we can play around." My eyes scanned them one by one.
Serena twirled her sticks in her fingertips with a nod. "Let's do this."
Slipping my guitar strap over my head, I strummed. Serena tapped out the timing and we started playing. We weren't using microphones so we faced each other, watching to keep in time. When finished I took a drink of water.
"What is that one called?" Laney asked. "I love it by the way."
"Fallen Love," I answered. "So now that we went through it once, what do we want to do?"
"I think it would be pretty if we stripped it down and slowed the tempo." Kat strummed slowly on her bass.
"I like the high pumped energy of the song," Laney pouted a little. "I'm not sure we should slow it down."
"Serena?" I looked to her.
She shrugged. "Let's try it stripped and slow," she winked.
Serena tapped out the timing slower and we began again. It ended up being undecided still. Honestly, both versions were good and it will all depend on the mood of the performance.
It turned out to be another amazing night on stage. Adrenalin coursed through our veins after the performance, so we hung out backstage for a while. Sitting around with a few beers, we sang songs from when we were in school and laughed about old boyfriends. They teased me for the many trips I took to the hospital during my skateboarding phase and then started in on my dancing background. Una sat laughing at our stories and at our behavior. She and Xander seemed genuinely entertained. After noticing how late it had gotten we all said goodnight and headed to our buses. My heart sank a little when we parted ways at the buses.
The bus was empty, which was my personal preference when I was going to change. Showering away the stage grime, I felt better. I changed into my last pair of clean pajamas – terry boy shorts and an old band t-shirt. Both were a little small and tight. Groaning, I threw a baggy sweatshirt over myself. These have to be Laney's shorts.
"I really have to get some laundry done." I said aloud to an empty bus.
I'd been lying in my bunk for about ten minutes when I felt the bus shift and heard the door swoosh shut. Pretending to sleep, I silently wondered when he would wake up tonight. Fighting a frustrated sigh, I tried to ignore his movements. When the sound of the shower filled the bus, I figured it was my opportunity to fall asleep.
As I was about to welcome slumber, his footsteps pulled me back. Holding my breath as he walk by, my muscles tensed. The moment I relaxed, the footsteps returned and stopped next to me. Clenching my eyes shut, his presence and the weird unwanted draw of him resonated inside me. He didn't move, didn't speak, nothing. I suddenly felt self-conscious and shifted uncomfortably. Finally, there was a shift in his presence.
Long arms slid under me. Lifting me to his chest, he got me to his doorway before I found the nerve to speak.
"I have feet I can walk on." He froze, holding me bridal style.
After a couple of long minutes, he set my feet to the floor. Squeezing by him, I reached for my blanket from my bunk. Back through the doorway, I noticed he stood frozen to the same spot, running his hand through his dark wet hair. Slipping by him again once more, I lay down on his bed. Facing away from him, I pulled my blanket up over my head.
He took a few minutes, but eventually the bed gave way under his weight. Taking a deep, calming breath, I focused on the beat of my heart instead of the warmth radiating from his body.
* * * * *
After the concert was finished, I hung backstage talking with the guys. It was nice to just sit and bullshit with each other like we used to. One by one the guys headed to bed. Therefore, I followed suit and went to the bus.
As usual, Mia was already in her bunk. Grabbing a pair of shorts, I headed to shower. Once I was done I walked into my room, took one look at my bed. Anxiety twisted in my gut and engulfed my chest. Instinctively I went straight to her. On the verge of hyperventilation, I just stood there looking down on her.
I have no idea how or why she makes it better, and I told myself, I wouldn't do this again. It's too damn personal, but she takes it away. The human parts I swore would never come back seemed to be piecing back together inside me.
The lights from outside filtered in through caressed the outline of her body. After a few minutes, she moved just slightly and snapped me out of my own thoughts. Reaching down I picked her small body up. I knew it was a selfish act, but, fuck, I was a selfish person.
"I have feet I can walk on."
She had never been awake before or hadn't acknowledged she was. I didn't know what to say or do, so I just placed her on her feet. She squeezed past me back to her bunk, and an entire mass of anxiousness rose into my throat.
She’s fed up and refusing to go with me. I'm going to have to face the horror.
As I contemplated the pills in the table drawer, she slipped by again. Confused I watched her climb onto my bed. She came back. Lying down next to her all I could do was stare at her blanket-cocooned body.
Never what I expect of her was the last thought before my eyes closed and I slipped into peaceful slumber.
"Christopher?" The muffled grunt of my name called to me.
Rolling over to escape the voice, my arm fell over a body. It didn't move.
"Christopher!"
Opening my eyes, I lifted my head. Nicholas stood in my doorway and he looked pissed.
"What?" I groaned.
Placing my head back down on my pillow, a pleasantly soft scent surrounded me. Mmm, is it flow...Oh Shit! Mia! I shot up to a sitting position looking at Nicholas's wide angry eyes.
"Christopher Tobias," He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.
"It's not what you think." Putting my hand up to halt his lecture, I needed to explain. He would understand.
"Crap," Mia groaned.
At the sound of her voice I looked down, face filled with shame and fear. Mia looked toward my barely dressed body before she groaned and sat up.
"Nicholas it's not –"
"Mia, please excuse me and my son." He nodded to her and then looked at me with disgust. "Christopher?" He walked out of my room.
"Fuck," I mumbled and stood up, grabbing my jeans from night before. Sliding them on as I walked to the couch where Nicholas was standing near.
"Nicholas nothing happened. It's not what you think."
"I didn't agree to this arrangement just so you could get her into bed." He started shouting but brought his voice back down, remembering Mia could probably hear.
He was about to start into me again when the bedroom door slid open. Mia stepped out biting her lip. Grabbing a pair of jeans from her pile of clothes she walked by us saying 'excuse me' as she went out the door. Wish I could get out of here that easily.
Nicholas turned his angry glare back on me.
"Nicholas I didn't 'get her into bed'. We were just sleeping –"
"Do you think I'm stupid? You do realize I know you better than that?" He sighed. "I love you, but you can't do this –"
Knowing the full truth would be the only thing that would save this situation. I gave him the truth.
"I can sleep when she is there, really sleep." Resting my forehead in my palms, I waited for him to hear what I just said
"I hope you…Wait…" Now he's finally catching on. "You slept?"
Raising my head, I nodded.
"Without alcohol and without the pills?"
"Without the nightmares," I answered him.
His mouth was slightly open and conflicting emotions spread over his face. He didn't know what to say.<
br />
"Somehow she keeps them away." Not being comfortable with 'heart to heart' conversations, I kept my voice low.
"Damn it Christopher." He sighed, sitting next to me on the couch. "I don't even know what to say right now." He took a deep breath through his nose and looked me in the eye.
"You can't use her to keep the nightmares, the memories, away. It's not fair."
I nodded only to appease him. There was no way I was giving her up. Not now.
"I'm glad you were able to do it without using pills or alcohol, but you do realize you're just using a person now, don't you?"
"You don't understand." I shook my head. "With the pills and the alcohol I still had the dreams, the nightmares. They would still overpower. With her they don't!" Unwanted tears formed in my eyes. "Fuck Nicholas, I just want to sleep."
Slamming my hands on the table in front of me, Nicholas jumped. Then he put a hand on my shoulder.
"Why won't you let me get you some real help so that you don't have to –?"
Standing up, I stalked away to my room leaving him on the couch by himself. Why does he always think he can 'fix' me? You can't change a monster. No head shrink can 'fix' what I've done. You can't reverse death.
* * * * *
I sat back on the bed as long as I could. Trying not to overhear them, but it was pointless. Quickly grabbing some jeans, I excused myself before leaving the bus. Once on my old bus, I curled up on the couch.
My mind was racing. I could just imagine what we looked like in bed together. Last night, I hadn't paid attention to Christopher's lack of clothing, but this morning Nicholas and I noticed his bare tattooed chest. Groaning quietly I covered my face with my arm.
Now that the thought was there, I couldn't help but think about each tattoo covering him. There was a large three-swirl tattoo just over his heart, which got most of my attention. Quickly shaking my head to clear my train of thinking, I forced myself back to sleep.
"Mia."
"Go away," I groaned. Didn’t I just get back to sleep?
"Mia, dear."
Opening one eye, Una's fuzzy face slowly came into focus...
"Hey" I yawned. "What's up?" Stretching my arms over my head, a grunt slipped out of my mouth.
"Everything okay?" She looked at me nervously.
"Yeah, why?"
"Well, you aren't on the other bus and I thought maybe –"
"No, Nicholas came in to talk to Christopher so I gave them some privacy, that's all." Silently I prayed Nicholas didn't tell Una about his 'discovery' this morning.
"Oh," she looked unconvinced. "Okay." She forced a smile and I curled back up on the couch to try to sleep a few more hours. No such luck.
"Mia, come on get up!" Laney groaned.
"Why?" Rolling over I glared.
"Come on, it's past noon, get up." She jabbed me in my stomach with her finger.
"Humph," I breathed out and stood to stretch out. Changing into the jeans I brought with me, I ran a brush through my hair and climbed off the bus.
First was sound check and then we practiced the new song, which we decided to play tonight at the original faster tempo. We were ushered off stage so The Forgotten could rehearse. His presence when we pass them by was unmistakable, but refused to look in his direction.
After the concert was over, we went back to the bus to celebrate our last days on the tour buses. Tomorrow we would arrive to the airport and fly back to Seattle, where we have three days scheduled studio time.
A routine seemed to establish with Christopher. The third night I arrived to an empty bus, lay down to sleep, was woke up by Christopher, and put into bed with him. Then I woke up by myself the next morning.
Packing up my clothes, they were loaded onto the label's private plane. After a deep cleansing breath, I stepped aboard the plane. This should be interesting.
Once we were off the ground, I put on my iPod and lounged back in the seat. Pulling the hood of my oversized sweatshirt over my head and sleeves down over my hands, I was cozy. Then asshole had to ruin it.
There was a jab at my back. I ignored it. Then I felt it again, only harder and painful. Flipping around in my seat, I wanted to slap him.
"What the hell?"
There was that fucking smirk. Christ, I hated it. I just want to slap the damn viper piercings out of his cocky face. He tossed his notepad into my lap.
"Are you serious?" He put his head back and closed his eyes. "You woke me up just for this?! We haven't touched this damn song in a week and now you want to work on it."
He turned his head and glared.
"Just look at the damn song Ryder!" He spit.
Huffing, I grabbed the notebook, looking it over closely. He'd written out the lyrics with the music. I had to read it twice to make sure I saw it right the first time. I looked to him slowly.
"You're splitting the lyrics?"
He nodded.
"I'm supposed to sing this?"
He nodded again, his brow still in its constant crinkled furrow. It looked really good and he actually took some of my notes into consideration. Throwing the notebook back into his lap, I rolled back over.
"So?"
"So what?" I groaned without rolling back to him.
"I'm going to arrange for you to record your part while we're in Seattle." Before I could even respond to his demand, he was out of the seat and almost to the back of the plane. Huffing again, I slammed myself back into the seat. He is so infuriating.
Waking up in a overcast Seattle day in May was a welcomed familiarity. Stepping off the plane, I inhaled deeply and raised my face to let the cool misty air wash over me.
"Come on," Laney grabbed my arm.
"Where are we going?"
"We're getting our asses to the hotel so we can get ready to go out tonight." She looked back at me beaming. I rolled my eyes.
Once in our room Laney attacked each one of us with hair product, make-up, and then shoved clothes in our arms. Una met up with us for dinner. We discussed the plan for tomorrow at the studio.
After our dinner, we headed to a nightclub. The music was thumping loudly. The assistant club manager escorted us to the VIP area. It was a fun night. We got to let loose for a few hours until we were ready to collapse.
It took all the strength we had left to drag our asses to our room. Each of us headed to our own room to shower away the make-up, hair products, and sweat. When I stepped out of the shower, I slid on a pair of cotton pajama bottoms and a tank top. Walking out of the bathroom, loud voices came from outside my room. When I went to investigate the disturbance, I ran into Laney standing with our suite door open. She was staring down the hall. Serena appeared next to me.
"What the hell is going on?"
With a shrug, we started to walk over to Laney. Laney's face scared me.
"Laney what's –?" A yell from down the hall cut off my question. Leaning into the hallway, I saw she was staring at a crowd formed.
"Christopher, please let us in!" Jackson pounded on the room door.
Stepping around Laney into the hall, two men in hotel uniforms ran by me. I started toward the door with Laney and Serena at my heels.
"What in the world is going on?" Serena used a hushed tone.
They were both look at me for an answer.
"How would I know?" I shrugged.
Jackson started banging on the door again when the hotel worker slid a card key in the slot. Nicholas was next to Jackson with fear and worry plaguing his handsome ace. My eyes fixed on Kat standing next to Jimmy. He had his arm around her. Her face filled with concern. Walking over to her, Una pushed by us and stood next to Nicholas. Her lips were moving, but I couldn't make out what she was saying. He shook his head without looking away from the door.
"Kat, what –"
Suddenly the door opened. Nicholas and Jackson rushed in with Una holding the door open. Kat grabbed my hand.
"Mia, I'm so glad you're not on that bus anymore."
"What happened?" Still
in shock from the scene unfolding around me, I couldn't take my eyes from the door. It was like a car wreck you couldn't help but watch the aftermath.
"All I know, is Stacia ran to Una upset after leaving Christopher tonight. Then he started destroying his room, screaming and wouldn't let anyone in." My attention pulled from Kat when I heard Jackson and Nicholas pleading loudly with Christopher.
Moving closer toward the room, Kat tightened her grasp on my hand. Turning, I smiled at her. With a squeeze to her hand, I pulled away from her grasp. The draw was strong, like an invisible line hooked to me. Taking a deep breath to clear my head, I found the courage to enter into the room.
"Mia, No," Laney yelled from behind the crowd.
Una turned around and looked at me. Panic flooded her typically calm and collected face.
"Mia, you need to get back to your room, please."
I shook my head.
"Mia, it's not safe."
There was a loud crash. We both jumped and looked in the direction of the noise. While Una was distracted, I took my opportunity. Moving quickly by her, she tried to grab my arm.
"Mia," she hissed.
Stopping just inside the room I took in the sight before me. The room was demolished. The TV was smashed, the couch flipped over, the mirrors shattered, and there were holes in some of the walls. Slowly, I stepped into the bedroom. A paramedic was standing next to Nicholas, both of them trying to coax a distraught and injured Christopher.
The sight of Christopher was devastating. Sitting against an open closet door, knees pulled to his chest with his arms wrapped around them and his head buried.
"Christopher," Jackson whispered and moved to touch him.
"Get the fuck away. Get out!" Jackson almost got close enough to touch him.
Flinching from Christopher's outburst, fear set in. What the hell I was doing? The desire to flee coursed through my body, but the lure of Christopher dissipated my run instinct. Christopher slammed his head back against the door with a torn look on his face.
My heart ached for him.
"Get out! All of you!" Burying his head again, his hands tightened on his legs.
Blood dripped from his hands from where he'd punched the mirrors and maybe even the TV. His knuckles already swollen and definitely turning a purplish-black, but the worst of it all was the deep slashes on the back his hands.
Falling Stars Page 9
