Affection: book 7

by KT Fisher

  “Thank you mum.” I sleepily grin.

  “I hope you’re not coming down with anything.” She frowns, her hand checking my forehead for a temperature. “Let’s see how you are when you wake up.”

  She leans down to kiss me sweetly on my forehead, wishing for me to have a great nap and hoping I’m better later on. I wave her goodbye as she leaves my room to serve dinner for the rest of the family and as soon as I’m left alone, my eyes get heavy and I can finally let them close.

  Chapter Six

  Poppy

  It’s been a week since Ryder asked for my number and I’ve heard nothing. Which is a little odd considering her asked me but I’m trying my best to not let it bother me.

  My tiredness hasn’t lessoned, even though I’ve been having a nap every day and making sure I have a decent night’s sleep. It hasn’t changed a thing. I still constantly feel run down and exhausted. I don’t know what it could be. My mother seems a little worried, constantly checking up on me and making sure I’m eating correctly. I think I’ve just come down with a bug that I can’t seem to shift.

  I’ve spent most of my time this week at home, watching TV and snacking on all the food but now it’s time to get out. Another BBQ is being held at the clubhouse, we seem to have a lot and it’s because we do them to celebrate birthdays and there’s a lot of members in this club, which equals a lot of birthday celebrations. I feel like they’re a BBQ or get together every week. I don’t attend them all however today is Grim’s sons third birthday, Connor. So, I have to come the Presidents sons’ third birthday party. My dad would be pissed if I missed it.

  I’m sitting with my mother and sister, greeting club and family members as they pass by.

  “How are you feeling today?” My mum asks, just like she has done every day this week. Me feeling extra tired is worrying her.

  “I’m fine mum, stop worrying.” I urge her, for my own sanity. “I need the little girls’ room.” I go to stand from my seat and my mum starts to join me. “No, you stay here.”

  As well as asking me over and over if I’m ok, my mother has been my unwanted shadow. I need my space.

  Sighing, my mum listens to me and stays behind whilst I go to dad old room because when I’m here at the clubhouse, I refuse to use the regular toilets. You always run into club bunnies and they talk to you like you’re best buds. I just can’t be bothered with that.

  It’s on the way to my dads old room, walking down one of the small hallways, that I see someone walking towards me. It’s Ryder and we’re all alone with no disturbances. His room is connected to this hall, so I shouldn’t be too surprised.

  “Where are you running off to?” He asks, standing quite close.

  “Toilet.” I answer. “I know, very sexy.” I roll my eyes.

  Ryder laughs, shaking his head at me. “What’s the matter with you anyway? Axel’s been telling everyone you’re ill.”

  Letting out a growl of frustration, I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. Why do you care anyway?”

  Ryder frowns stepping closer to me. “I do care Pops.”

  “Really?” I laugh, shaking my head in denial. I don’t want to say the words that are daring to spill out of my mouth, threatening to come to life, but I say them anyway. “You haven’t text me.”

  As soon as I speak them, I regret it but I couldn’t help myself. Ryder even looks shocked that I said it too.

  “You want me to?” He asks me, looking rather pleased with himself. Which is why I didn’t want to say anything.

  “No.”

  He then smirks. “Yeah you do.” Why does he look sexy as fuck while he’s acting so cocky? “I’ll send you something special tonight.”

  “Please don’t.” I laugh, guessing what he has in mind.

  Ryder comes to stand close to me, close enough to touch. He doesn’t touch me though, it’s as if he’s trying to tease me, wanting to turn me on. I hate that it’s working!

  “Thinking about having you naked under me makes me hard.” He groans. “I think about our night a lot.”

  I feel my cheeks burning. “Oh?” I ask and Ryder nods.

  “I had to fuck a bunny last week because I got so fucking worked up thinking about you.” He admits and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

  Ryder shrugs. “I wished it was you.”

  My laughter stops. “Well, that’s not going to happen, is it?” Ryder now laughs and I narrow my eyes. “At least the memory of me gave you a good fuck.”

  “Not really.” Ryder answers. “She didn’t really do much. She just laid there on the bed most of the time. Not like you Pops,” he touches my shoulder. “You like to explore.”

  “And I’ll be exploring with others from now on.”

  Ryder’s smirk disappears, he doesn’t like hearing me being with other men, but it’s ok for me to hear about his boozy nights with bunnies and others.

  “You know I wish that we could be together?” He throws out there and I stand completely stunned.

  “No.” I honestly answer. “You just said you didn’t want an old lady and I need to respect my family.”

  Ryder nods, knowing where I’m coming from. My family is original to the club. One of the original founding families to be exact and I need to respect my father’s position in the family. My family isn’t that of any relation to the President of the club, but the men in my family have stuck by the club Presidents throughout the clubs history.

  I don’t have to be so strict with myself with men out of the club, it’s just when they’re a member that it matters. Some girls aren’t so traditional like my family but my mother is old school. So I need to respect her as well as my dad.

  Before Ryder can say anything else about that, I jump in with another question. “Did you imagine it was me?” I ask.

  Ryder nods slowly. “She had black hair but she looked nothing like you, so I spun her around for the most part, only wanting to see her hair to make it easier to imagine.”

  I can’t believe we’re actually talking about this and thankfully, before it can get too awkward, Ryder changes the subject. “Let me give you my number.” He holds out his hand for my phone and I hand it over. He types it in and saves it, handing it back to me. “Maybe next time you can send me a photo or a video.”

  “We will see.” I laugh and go to leave, walking away and hoping to calm my nerves as I create some distance between us.

  Feeling a little daring and possibly stupid, I open my phone and find the photo I’m looking for. It’s a full body photo of me in just a sexy matching red lace underwear set. You can see my nipples showing through the material. My head isn’t in the shot, because I’m not an idiot, well maybe I am because I know deep down I shouldn’t be sending this picture of me, but like I always discover, Ryder brings out another side to me. I probably shouldn’t, but I send the sexy photo to Ryder and within seconds I hear his mobile beep and then his groan. I turn to see his reaction and I’m pleasantly satisfied with the desired look on his face. Ryder looks from the picture and then to me, constantly switching between the two. I see the bulge growing in his trousers which pleases me more.

  As I continue to walk away, backwards to be able to still watch him, his dark eyes burn into me. Daring me to tease him some more.

  “You like that?” I ask. “You should know that I’m wearing that set right now.”

  Ryder groans again. “You playing a dangerous game Pops.”

  “Well then,” I bite down on my bottom lip. “Game on.”

  Sending him a wink, I turn and walk away, letting my ass sway sexily side to side to hopefully make him drool.

  ***

  After my visit to the toilet, I head back to the party and secretly hoping that Ryder is still waiting however, he’s gone. It sort of pisses me off because he’s gotten under my skin, yet again and then I was fucking hoping to see him again to what? Flirt some more? Get a grip of yourself Poppy!

  I storm into the party
area and almost walk right into Lauren. She holds out her arms to settle me and I quickly apologise. She’s married to Prez, and the highest ranking old lady. I do not want to anger or annoy her, but I don’t have to worry too much. She’s honestly one of the nicest people I know.

  “Oh!” She stops me in my tracks, making sure I don’t fall. “Are you ok?”

  “Fine.” I quickly reassure her. “Are you?”

  She waves away my concern. “Oh don’t be daft, I’m completely fine.”

  I look around the place, blue banners are all over the place and balloons that say the number three on them are everywhere. “Are you having a good time?” I ask her.

  Lauren heavily grumbles. “This kid party thing is exhausting!”

  She takes a seat, fanning her face with her hand. I’ve always admired Lauren, from the moment she stepping into the clubhouse. She claims that before she joined the club, she wasn’t like how she is now. Today all we know her for is being a kind and loyal woman but Lauren claims that she was a typical brooding young woman who caused hell for those around her. Which is an odd comparison to who she is here but Lauren never hides her past. She’s always been honest about that stage in her life.

  A thought of possibly asking Lauren for advise on everything I’m going through with Ryder pops into my head. Not right now though, her son’s third birthday party is not the best time and place to discuss my fucked up life.

  “Are you ok?” Lauren asks me, I must have let my smile drop.

  “Fine.” I grin.

  Lauren examines me, seeing right through my façade. “No you’re not, tell me what’s up.”

  I shake my head. “This is Connor’s party.”

  “You think he cares?” Lauren chuckles, pointing over to her son who is currently running around with the other kids, high on sugar and loving his life. I’m jealous of a three year old. “Come on, let’s go outside.”

  Lauren takes my hand and walks towards the doors that lead to the private club garden. On our way, she signals to Grim that he needs to watch their kids as we step outside into the gardens. As we do, we see Elise sat on a nearby bench, with Maddison in her arms. Her daughter looks tired as she is rocked in Elise’s arms.

  “Hey.” Elise greets us. “I needed to bring her outside for some fresh air, she was sweaty so bad.”

  “She looks tired.” Lauren adds, all of us watching as the little girl’s eyes flutter close. Lauren then looks to me, silently asking if it’s ok for Elise to be here while we talk, she’s my boss and I have a good relationship with her so I don’t see why not.

  “Ok.” I sit on the opposite side of the bench to Elise, Lauren choosing to sit beside her. I take a deep breath. “I need your advice.”

  Both of them look concerned.

  “About what?” Elise asks.

  “Ryder.” I blurt out and I see their stunned expressions. If I wasn’t so torn up I would have thought their reactions looked comical.

  “As in, part of this club Ryder?” Lauren asks and I nod.

  “The very one.”

  “Start talking.” Elise demands with wide eyes.

  I look at them both as I decide where to start. “Well, about a month ago we had sex.” I quickly gaze their reactions and I’m not surprised to see how shocked they look. Yeah, they weren’t expecting this. “I didn’t want it to happen,” I continue but then I realise that I’m lying. “Well I did, but I know it shouldn’t have.” Both of them nod in understanding and it makes me feel slightly better. I feel as if I’m doing the right thing. “There’s always been something there.”

  I look up to the sky as I think about how I truly feel about Ryder. I do like, I see that but it just can’t happen because he’s made it clear he doesn’t want me.

  “I know that feeling.” Elise smirks. “Bomber and I were the same, but while he was out having fun with strange women, I was at home being told how to become the perfect old lady.”

  “Yes.” I eagerly nod. Elise completely gets me! “He’s such a disgusting man whore. Just five minutes ago he told me he fucked a bunny because he was thinking of me.”

  Lauren eyes widen. “These men really are gentlemen.”

  “I’ve been told that if I get close to man of the club, then I need to know where I stand and become his old lady. Nothing can happen before because I can’t embarrass our family.” Once again, Elise nods. “But Ryder doesn’t want me.”

  “Oh hun.” Lauren places her hand over mine. “How do you know that?”

  I look up at them both through teary eyes. “Because he told me as much.”

  The pain for me is obvious on their faces and Lauren squeezes my hand in support. “This may be hard to hear honey, but if Ryder is flirting with you, knowing where you stand within your family and he still continues to do so, he’s a prick.” Elise laughs. “He shouldn’t be doing that and you need to distance yourself. You like him, but if he doesn’t want an old lady, walk away and find someone who wants the same as you do. He also needs to tread carefully, your brother would be first in line to kill him if he found out.”

  Lauren speaks the truth, but it’s nothing I didn’t already know.

  This time, it’s Elise’s turn. “Look, if I was you I would sit him down and have a brutally honest conversation and then depending on the outcome, you either tell your parents and come public as a couple or completely separate and keep your distance from him. Don’t let Ryder dangle his dick.” She sadly smiles, but Lauren snickers and I smile over at her.

  “Be careful Poppy.” Lauren warns me. “I’m sure you don’t want Ryder hurt whatever the outcome but take care of yourself first.”

  “I will.” I add quietly, nodding along. “It’s just so difficult when I have to see him all the time.”

  “Of course.” Lauren agrees.

  “So,” Elise continues. “What was the night like?”

  “Huh?” I look to her confused.

  “What was it like being with Ryder?” She asks and after seeing she’s deadly serious, I giggle and answer honestly.

  “An experience.”

  “Oh you can’t just give us that.” They both complain.

  I laugh, feeling my cheeks burn. “Let’s just say that I’ll not be forgetting it for a long time.”

  Images flash back from that night with Ryder. Hot, sweaty and naked images. I blush some more and the girls laugh, knowing exactly why I’ve gone quiet.

  “We’re we bikers too, remember?” Elise jokes. “We know how they are.”

  Lauren nods and then leans forward to whisper, “I’ve heard he’s big.”

  I was not expecting her to say that! I nod though, thinking back to the first time I laid eyes on Ryder’s cock. “Oh he is.” I laugh.

  Lauren, Elise and I laugh together as I listen to their own stories about their own men. They continue to reassure me that I’m not wrong for figuring out what I want, and that’s to be an old lady and that although Ryder’s not ready for the same, he’s not wrong either, however he is wrong for still keeping me around by flirting with me whenever he sees me. He doesn’t even have to flirt or even fucking talk! All he has to do is looking at me with those intense eyes and I’m at risk.

  As I make my way home later on that night, I think about what the two of them said. Should I get Ryder alone and talk about this in a serious manner? None of our usual flirtations. Just the two of us discussing what’s happening between us but I’m terrified that if I do, Ryder will just say that there’s nothing going on and it’s all in my head.

  As embarrassing as that could be for me, I have to know where I stand. Do I let myself to be swept away by Ryder and in turn, hurt myself in the process or do I keep my distance and let him disappear from my life?

  When I get home I say goodnight to my mother and head upstairs to bed. Lulu isn’t here because she decided to stay out later and head to the bars with some of the other girls. Normally I would have been up for it and joining her but I’m too tired. Felling like this is my new normal jus
t recently. My mum wants me to go and see a doctor and I originally thought she was overreacting but I’m beginning to rethink and book an appointment.

  I take a quick shower and once I’m dry and in my pyjamas I jump into bed. I don’t think too much about my chat with Lauren and Elise because I don’t want to think about Ryder and the stresses he’s causing me right now, I just want to relax in bed.

  And what’s the best way to empty your thoughts? Watching a true crime documentary of course!

  So I scroll through and select one, but only twenty minutes into it my phone alerts. I reach over for my phone and see Ryder’s name pop up on my screen. Without thinking it through, I open up the message he has sent me and a video starts to play. Within seconds I regret that decision as I watch Ryder fucking a random woman from behind. He’s filming himself in the mirror so I can see him bending her over and fucking her. Her screams annoy the fuck out of me, they sound forced and fake. They shouldn’t be because I’ve been on the receiving end of that position and know exactly what you should sound like.

  Ryder then changes camera angle to look down where you can see his cock sliding into her.

  I’m a little jealous because I know how much of a great fuck he is, but I’m mostly pissed. My recent conversation with Lauren and Elise has made me how unfairly he’s treating me.

  As the girl gets louder I end it, getting fed up of watching a badly filmed homemade porno.

  A naughty thought enters my odd little brain and it makes me smile. Even though I’m so tired that my eyes keep threatening to close, I lift my covers and take a little snap of myself in a pair of my most sexy PJ set. It hugs me in all the right places and shows a lot of skin, leaving very little to the imagination.

  I send the photo to him with the caption, ‘She’s not me though, is she?’

  And with a smile, I turn my phone to silent mode and go to sleep with a very satisfied smile on my face.