Moth to a Flame

by Antoinette, Ashley

  Raven nodded her head. “Do you think I’m wrong?” she asked.

  “I think you’re young,” Ethic said. “And I think Mizan knows you’re young. You don’t let a nigga like him trap your heart, ma. You trying to find yourself, I get that ... but a dude like that is only gonna get you lost.”

  The look of disappointment that Ethic gave Raven caused a tear to fall down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away as she watched him disappear behind closed doors.

  Part of her wanted to heed Ethic’s advice, but to turn around and run home to her father after the scene she had made would make her look foolish. She had defied her father in order to be with Mizan, and now she had to follow through with it. Her pride matched that of a lion’s and under no circumstances was she going home. She had argued her way into a corner and now she was on her own. She tapped her foot nervously against the floor as she sat in the dark with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Should I call Mizan? she thought. I did all of this so that I could be with him. She picked up her phone and took a deep breath as she dialed his number. She hoped like hell that he was feeling her the same way, because if he wasn’t, she had just thrown away all that she had ever known for nothing.

  Chapter Six

  When Mizan received Raven’s phone call he smiled in satisfaction. Things could not have worked out more perfectly for him. The fact that she had gone against the grain just to be with him proved that he had her emotions in his pocket, and an emotional young girl would be easy to manipulate. He was about to offer her a place to rest her head and heart. In return, she would lead him straight to the top of the game where he belonged. As he navigated his way down Miller Road, he pulled out his cell phone to call Raven.

  “Hello?” she answered on the first ring.

  “Yo , I’m pulling up now. Where you at?” he asked as he turned into the parking lot of the Genesee Valley Mall.

  “I’m standing out front of Macy’s.”

  Mizan whipped around the mall until his headlights shined on Raven, revealing her tear-stained face. He got out of the car and grabbed her suitcase, then opened her car door.

  “Stop crying, ma. Get in the car. I got you,” he said as he buckled her in her seat.

  “Thank you for coming to get me,” she whispered.

  “Don’t worry about it, Rae. I told you, you’re mine and I take care of what belongs to me,” he said. He closed the door and jogged around to his side of the car, then pulled off into the night.

  Raven entered Mizan’s house and set her suitcase on the floor. “Make yourself at home,” he said. He lit up one of his special blunts and passed it to her. She was upset and welcomed the drugs, knowing that they would make everything better. She was slowly growing addicted to the high. She loved the way it solved all of her problems in the blink of an eye. “You don’t need anybody but me, remember that.”

  His words instantly made her lonely world better, and she smiled slightly as he pulled her to him. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said.

  “I’ve just never fought with my daddy before. It doesn’t feel right,” she whispered. “I just want him to respect my decision, you know?” She looked up to the ceiling and exhaled to stop herself from becoming emotional. “To respect my decision to be with you. He’ll come around.”

  “And if he doesn’t, are you prepared to be here with me, ma? I need a woman that’s gon’ be down for her man through whatever. You got to choose sides. I want to be the only man you’re loyal to. N’ah mean?” he stated, his face only inches away from hers.

  She nodded. “I am loyal, Mizan. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be here right now,” she said.

  “You better mean it, ma, cuz if I take you in, you’ve got to be mine. You got to choose me over any nigga, including your pops,” he whispered as he circled her nipple with his finger while kissing her neck softly. “You choose me, Rae?”

  “I choose you,” she gasped. She held her breath as a tickling sensation traveled down her spine, causing her to become wet.

  “Can I have it?” he asked as he unbuttoned her jeans with the skill of a Casanova. Her mouth fell open to respond, but no sound came out as he palmed her treasure and added pressure to her clit. She bit her lip and moved her hips from side to side to help him slide off her pants. He had never penetrated Raven, but tonight she hoped that he would take it all the way. She was tired of holding onto her virginity and she thought that she had found the one person who was worthy of her giving it to. Not once did she stop to think that it was something she could never take back. Once Mizan parted her thighs and entered her it would be gone forever, but as she looked into his eyes she felt that he was the man who she would be with. He did not have to be her husband because she felt that the street title of wifey was enough. As he lay her on the floor, she opened her legs and invited him inside. The expectations of a girl so young were of romance and pleasure. She had fantasized about this very moment ever since she had first felt her own fingers play with her clit, but as Mizan stood over her, removing his clothing, her legs began to shake. She had heard about how badly the first time hurt, and subconsciously she knew that once she became intimate with Mizan she really would be his. At seventeen she was now wifey and about to give herself to a grown man. She blocked all thought out of her mind and braced herself as Mizan slipped in between her legs.

  When Mizan’s nine inches knocked on her doorway to pleasure, she closed her eyes and sucked her teeth to absorb the pain. He slowly worked himself inside of her as tears slipped out of her eyes and she held her breath. With every thrust she could feel her hymen breaking. She knew that it was too much for her to handle, but she could not say no. She had to give it to him. If she did not, there was no way he would keep her around. Her young logic should have told her she was in over her head, but instead she convinced herself that she knew what she was doing.

  “You want me to stop?” he asked.

  Raven wanted to say yes, but instead shook her head. She knew that she couldn’t refuse him after he had taken her into his home. She wanted him to know that she was fully invested in him, and this was her way of submitting to him. She had talked a big game, but now it was time to perform. She had held onto her cherry for seventeen long years and it was time for her to know what the real deal was like.

  “Relax, Rae,” he whispered as he pumped one good time, breaking her in and gaining access to her fully. Raven’s back arched in pain as Mizan began to sex her slowly. Nothing about it felt good; it was painful and the amount of discomfort confused her. She closed her eyes and lay still as Mizan did all the work. He knew that she was inexperienced and did not know what she was doing. “Damn, ma, this shit is heaven,” he moaned as her tight walls almost resisted him. The pain that she was receiving was worth the pleasure she was giving to Mizan. The lust in his voice made her feel powerful as if her pussy was enough to keep him on lock ... enough to make him hers. She expected to feel like a woman when it was over, but nothing had changed. Besides a wet behind, she was still the same little girl she was before. No magical transformation had occurred. “Go clean yourself up and come lay with your man,” he said to her, smacking her behind as she walked away.

  Raven washed her body and then joined Mizan in the bedroom. As she lay on his chest, a feeling of independence swept over her. What she didn’t know was that her separation from her father did not make her free. In the hands of a man like Mizan she was more trapped than she had ever been at home, and only time would reveal the hell that she had gotten herself into.

  Raven was jolted out of her sleep when she heard a banging at the door. “Mizan,” she whispered as she nudged him awake. “Get up ... somebody’s at the door.”

  He stood up and frowned when he noticed that it was 4:00 A.M. He grabbed his chrome .45-caliber pistol from the nightstand, and put his finger to his lips to signal her to be quiet. He had robbed plenty of niggas and wasn’t taking any chances of someone coming back catching him slipping. She stood nervously with the covers wrapped ar
ound her naked body, and walked timidly behind him as he crept into the living room.

  Mizan pulled back his living room blinds to see who was on his front porch. He instantly recognized Ethic, and he knew that Raven’s father had sent him. What he didn’t know was how Ethic knew where he lived.

  He snatched open the door, standing shirtless with his pistol in hand.

  “Ethic?” Raven called out when she saw him standing there.

  “Get your things and let’s go. Your father sent me,” he stated, completely ignoring Mizan.

  Raven went to step closer to Ethic and Mizan quickly put his arm out to halt her. “Mu’fuckas don’t got no respect nowadays. Come knocking on my door in the middle of the night asking for my bitch,” Mizan said as he kept his hand gripped tightly around his gun.

  Ethic smirked as he sniffed and rubbed the bridge of his nose in irritation. He grilled Mizan with malice in his stare, fearless as he stood before him unarmed. Out of nowhere, two niggas with burners appeared beside Ethic. Safeties off and ready to blaze, his goons were just waiting for him to say the word. Mizan shook his head and rubbed his chin, then backed away from the door. Obviously, he had underestimated Ethic’s clout in the streets. He chose to back down, losing the battle so that he could win the greater war. It didn’t matter if they had come. He was confident that Raven wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t need to force her to stay. Outgunned and outnumbered, Mizan knew better than to buck, so he left the decision up to her.

  “I ain’t into keeping a chick that don’t want to be kept,” Mizan stated as he looked at Raven, who stood indecisively behind him.

  “Raven, get your shit and let’s go,” Ethic repeated sternly, the bass in his voice causing her to shake. She could see the look of rage on his face. All eyes were on her as they awaited her response.

  “I’m not leaving, Ethic,” she said. “Tell my daddy that all he did was push me away. Now I’m right where he didn’t want me to be.” She said, proud of her defiance.

  Ethic looked at her sternly, causing her to lower her head to the floor. If she looked him in the eyes she might change her mind, so she avoided his stare.

  Mizan wrapped his arm around Raven and a smug look crossed his face. He pulled her close and kissed her cheek, never taking his eyes off of Ethic.

  “Go back in the bedroom,” Mizan whispered in her ear. When Raven disappeared from sight, Mizan stood toe to toe with Ethic.

  “See, my nigga, I’m Daddy now,” Mizan stated.

  Ethic wanted to snatch Raven out of the house and deliver her back to her father, but it wasn’t his place. He wasn’t Captain-Save-a-Ho, and if she refused to leave, he was not going to make her. He nodded and stepped off the porch, as his trained dogs kept their pistols aimed in Mizan’s direction. “I’ma see you, my nigga,” Ethic threatened.

  “I look forward to it,” Mizan shouted back, unimpressed by Ethic’s intimidation skills. They were two men at odds, both fearless, each ruthless in his own way. A war between them would be the greatest the streets had ever seen, but today was not the day to spark it. “You gentlemen have a good day,” Mizan said mockingly as he watched them pull away.

  He headed back to his bedroom to find Raven looking out the window. Her eyes were watching the taillights of Ethic’s car disappear into the night.

  “Another nigga come to my door for you and I’ma body him,” Mizan whispered in her ear.

  She turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Seeing Mizan stand up to Ethic made her feel secure, as if no matter who came for her, he would always be there to handle it.

  “You don’t have to worry about me going anywhere,” she replied. “No matter how many people he sends here for me. I’m never gonna leave you. I’ll always come back to you.” When Raven spoke the words, she had no idea how true they would one day be.

  Chapter Seven

  Raven awoke when she felt Mizan get out of bed. They had been living together for two months and almost every night he would leave to hit the streets. She had become used to the routine. She knew how he made his money. The bloody clothes and small sums of cash told her that the rumors she had been hearing about him being a stick-up kid were true, but she didn’t care. She knew that he would never harm her, and as long as he treated her well she didn’t question him or complain. She had not spoken to her father since the day she stormed out.

  After hearing the news from Ethic that she had refused to leave Mizan, Benjamin stubbornly decided to cut his daughter off until she came to her senses. The sting of betrayal hurt him only because it was coming from the one person who he felt would always take his side. Raven was his baby girl and her behavior cut him deeply.

  Raven missed her father dearly, but she was unwilling to give up her new relationship just to appease him. Her eighteenth birthday was in a week and she would officially be grown. She knew that on that day she would no longer owe her father any explanations. He would either respect her decision or be cut out of her life. The choice was up to him. She knew that she had given up a life of luxury in order to ride for Mizan. The small Susan Street house was a far cry from her lavish mini-mansion in Grand Blanc, but the trade was worth it to her. For the past eight weeks all she had seen was his face. They had been holed up the way that only new lovers can be, sexing each other every minute of every day. Once Mizan had broken her in, Raven couldn’t get enough of him. The things he did to her body were amazing and only made her fall deeper in love. The only time they were apart was when he had to handle his business, and she always waited patiently for him to return.

  “What time will you be home?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I won’t be long, though, ma,” he said shortly.

  “I just get so lonely here by myself sometimes,” Raven said, knowing that he didn’t want her to leave unless he was with her. He told Raven it was because he wanted to keep her safe, but in reality he wanted to keep her contained. He didn’t need anyone putting anything in her head to make her stray, so he kept her secluded. He even kept her away from her friends and family. Raven didn’t know it, but her parents had called her almost every day trying to reach her. Mizan had contacted her phone carrier and had their numbers blocked so that they could not connect their calls. They wouldn’t hear from Raven until he allowed her to call, and he had planted so many seeds in her head about her parents controlling ways, that Raven had cut them off completely out of anger.

  “I’ll try to make it back quick, a’ight?” he said.

  She nodded and pulled his gun out of the nightstand beside her. She handed it to him and rolled her eyes. She knew he was just trying to game her. “Yeah, okay, boy,” she replied with a smirk.

  Mizan loaded the clip and leaned over to kiss her lips before leaving. When she heard the door lock, she put the pillow over her face and went back to sleep.

  Raven awoke the next morning, nauseated. She ran to the bathroom. She couldn’t make it to the toilet, so she leaned over the sink and vomited profusely. She brushed her teeth and then wiped her face with a cold towel, trying to stop the hot flashes that swept over her. She took a deep breath as her stomach continued to feel as if she were riding a huge wave. She held on to the sink as she became dizzy. What is wrong with me? she thought. She didn’t have much time to think before she leaned over again and dry heaved. She got in the shower and cleaned herself as best she could. I need to go to the doctor, she thought. Something doesn’t feel right. She went to her purse to retrieve her cell phone and dialed Nikki’s number. It had been awhile since she talked to her, but she knew that her best friend would take her where she needed to go without holding grudges or acting petty.

  “Damn, bitch, I was beginning to think you had lost my number,” Nikki greeted, as soon as she picked up the phone.

  “Never that, hon. I’ve just been busy with Mizan. You know how it is,” Raven said as she breathed heavily into the phone.

  “Yeah, I know ... Niggas wanna take up all your time like you didn’t have a life before th
ey came along. It must be nice. I wish I had that problem.” She paused when she heard Raven groan slightly. “You okay? You don’t sound too good.”

  Raven put her hand to her head and noticed that her temperature was elevated. “I feel like shit. Can you come by and take me to the doctor? Mizan isn’t here and I can’t wait for him to come home,” she explained.

  “Just give me the address and I’ll be there in a few,” Nikki said without hesitation.

  “I’m on the north side on Susan Street,” Raven replied, barely able to get the words out before she was throwing up again.

  After giving Nikki directions, Raven lay on the bed until she heard her friend knocking at the door. She went to open it, and Nikki’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “Damn, Raven, what the fuck Mizan been doing to you? You must been getting a lot of dick because your ass is for sho’ spreading.” Nikki put her hands on her hips.

  “Girl, shut up and take me to the doctor. Raven closed her eyes as she felt more nausea hitting her. “Oh my God, it must be something I ate.”

  “You’re throwing up?” Nikki asked curiously. She eyed her best friend and began to shake her head in disbelief. “Bitch, you’re pregnant!”

  “What?” Raven exclaimed. “Get the fuck out of here. Don’t be putting that on me. I am not pregnant.”

  Nikki took Raven’s hand and pulled her into the bedroom to stand her in front of a mirror. “Look at yourself, girl. You’re wide as fuck, out here looking like a video model. Your hips ain’t ever been that wide, and you had a cute shape but your butt ain’t ever been that big, either, bitch. Don’t front!” Nikki laughed. “Even your face has rounded out a little bit. On top of that you’re throwing up. You don’t need a doctor to tell you what I already know. Don’t act like it’s impossible. You’ve been hiding out in this house with him for two months ... You’re not on birth control?”