Moth to a Flame

by Antoinette, Ashley

  “Who were they, Mizan?” she asked quietly.

  Mizan rubbed his freshly cut Caesar and appeared to be searching for an answer.

  “Tell me the truth. I think I deserve to know,” she continued.

  “I owe somebody a lot of money ... the type of money that people will kill over,” he said. “That’s why I don’t like for you to leave the house without me. That’s why I don’t like a lot of people to know where I rest my head. That’s why I can’t allow you to have this baby.”

  “What?” she whispered as she looked at him sadly.

  “I owe these niggas a hundred stacks, Raven,” he informed her. “They’ll touch you and everybody I love for that type of dough. I can’t put you and my baby in harm’s way like that, ma. We got to end this now. I can’t fuck with you like that no more.”

  “What! What do you mean you can’t fuck with me, Mizan? I gave up everything for you. Where am I supposed to go?” she asked. “I love you. I don’t want to be without you.”

  “It’s not safe with me, Rae. That could have been you up in that operating room,” he said passionately. It was odd, because even though Mizan had orchestrated the entire night’s events, he meant what he was telling her. He did have feelings for her, but they were so unfamiliar to him. He had never felt love before. It had never been given to him, therefore he didn’t know how to give it to someone else. His love came in the form of control and chaos. “I don’t have a hundred thousand, Raven. That’s the only way these niggas gon’ stop gunning for me.”

  “You can’t leave me alone,” she whispered as a huge teardrop fell from her eyes, splattering on the floor at her feet. “You told me you would take care of me. I can’t go home now. You can’t do this to me, Mizan. If you do, everything they said about you will be true.”

  “I have to, ma,” he said, laying it on thick as his eyelids filled with phony tears. Mizan delivered an Oscar, worthy performance as he gripped her hand. He stood to leave, but before he could take two steps in the other direction, she spoke.

  “What if I can get you the money?” she said.

  “I can’t ask you to do that, ma. I don’t want you involved.”

  “Mizan, my best friend is in there dying. I was tied up and almost raped with your baby inside of me,” she whispered frantically. “I’m already involved. I can get you the money ... Let me help.”

  “If you thinking about going to your old man, it is not going to work, Raven. Your father hates me. The nigga will see me slumped in the gutter before he comes out of his pocket for me,” Mizan said truthfully.

  “That’s why I’m not going to ask him,” she replied. “I know the combination to his safe. He gave it to me and my mother so that if anything ever happened to him we would have access to his paper. If this is what it takes for us to be together, then I’ll do it.”

  “That’s your father,” Mizan said, playing devil’s advocate. He wanted to be sure that she planned every aspect of the setup. He did not want her to ever put two and two together. In her eyes, she would be the one who thought of the entire thing.

  “You’re my man,” she replied sincerely. “I’ll do anything for you.”

  Raven stared at Mizan as she picked up the phone and dialed her father’s number. It had been such a long time since she had last seen him. Her leg jumped around nervously, causing her high heel to tap against the tiled floor. She counted the number of times the phone rang. She couldn’t believe what she was about to do. To set up the man who had raised her was eating her up inside, but the greater threat of losing Mizan was what stopped her from hanging up the phone. She thought of the baby growing inside of her—the one that she desperately wanted—and knew that if she did not do this, Mizan would leave. It wasn’t something that she was willing to let happen.

  “Hello?” Benjamin finally answered.

  “Hey, Daddy,” she whispered. Hearing his voice was therapy to her weary soul. There was never a problem that he could not fix. Her father had been the keeper of her heart until Mizan had come along and stolen it away.

  “Baby girl ... I’m glad you called,” he said. “Your mama has been trying to call you. She’s been worried sick over you.”

  Raven smiled. She knew that he really wanted to say he had been worried. “I miss you too, Daddy,” she replied, her voice shaky. Mizan stared at her intensely, adding pressure to the already tense situation. She closed her eyes to block him out and opened her mouth to speak. She knew that the next words out of her mouth would establish her allegiance to Mizan. “I really need to see you. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I just want my daddy back.” She bit her fingernails while fighting the moisture that built up in her eyes.

  “I want my baby girl back too,” Benjamin replied. “I only want what’s best for you, Raven. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Daddy. Can we meet for breakfast so that we can talk?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I would like that,” he replied. “I’ll pick you up at two o’clock.”

  “Okay, Daddy, see you soon,” she said before closing her cell phone. She looked up at Mizan. “I don’t feel right about this,” she told him. “He will hate me after this.”

  “We will make it look like a robbery, ma, don’t worry. You just keep him away from the house for at least an hour. Where is your moms and sister?” he asked.

  “It’s Sunday. They go to church every Sunday morning,” Raven replied.

  “Everything will be okay, a’ight? Trust your man,” Mizan stated as he stood and rubbed her hair. He gripped her shoulders gently and pulled her to her feet. “Go get dressed. You want to be ready when your pops get here. Remember, give me an hour to get in and out. What’s the combination to the safe?”

  “Eight-fourteen-twenty-four,” she muttered hesitantly. As the numbers rolled off of her tongue, a wave of extreme guilt swept over her. She lifted her head to the sky. God, please don’t let anything go wrong. Just make everything okay. Raven had to put her faith somewhere because the pit in her stomach was telling her that this could blow up in her face.

  A smile came to Raven’s face when she heard the sound of Al Green coming down the street. Only her father would cruise to the old school music with such pride. She shook her head in embarrassment as he pulled his pearl Cadillac STS into the driveway. She rushed into her bedroom, went into her candy dish, and took out a small amount of cocaine. She felt badly for indulging in the white candy while she was pregnant, but she needed it. She was hooked on it, loving the euphoric feeling it gave her, and she figured a little bit wouldn’t hurt. It was how she started every day, but she knew that she would especially need it today in order to deal with the lecture her father was sure to give her. She hit the line like a pro and then rushed outside. She was genuinely happy to see her dad and she smiled brightly as she hopped in the car.

  “Hey, Daddy,” she greeted him as she leaned over to kiss his cheek.

  “You flew up out there before I could even get in the driveway good,” he commented as he looked at the small house. “I’m not welcomed in your house? He got you living here and I can’t come inside?”

  Raven sighed. Here he go, she thought. “Daddy, you can come in.” She opened her car door and headed back inside with her father on her heels. She knew that he only wanted to come inside to be nosy. He turned his nose up almost as soon as he stepped foot inside.

  “This is where he has my baby girl laying her head at night?” he asked, his tone insinuating disapproval.

  “Daddy, don’t start. I’m not with Mizan because of what he has,” she said. “As a matter of fact, I’m not even trying to get into all of that. Let’s just go have a nice breakfast.”

  “You know you deserve more than this. I don’t look down on a nigga because he doesn’ t make a lot of money. I just don’t respect how he makes his money and you are above this lifestyle. I didn’t raise you to play housewife, Raven, cuz that’ s all this is ... You’re playing house.”

  “It’s not like that, Daddy,”
she replied. “I know you don’t like him, but I really need you to give him a chance.”

  Benjamin shook his head. “That’s not going to happen, Raven. He has no morals. No code. I can’ t throw stones because I’m not society’s most honorable citizen either. I know that some people might think what I do is wrong. I’m a hustler. I sell drugs, but the difference between me and Mizan is that I take care of those who take care of me. I’m loyal. I know a snake when I see one, and whenever you are ready to come back home, my door will always be open.”

  As he took in his daughter’s appearance he noticed that she had changed. She was no longer the delicate flower he had nurtured. Being with Mizan had hardened her around the edges. Her eyes were red and her lips had taken on a slightly darker tint; a clear indication that she had been smoking weed. He had no clue that his baby girl had graduated to snorting soft, but if he had known it would only intensify his desire to snatch her out of Mizan’s clutches and force her to come home. “Let’ s get out of here,” he whispered.

  He led the way back to his car and opened the door for Raven before getting in himself. He reached into his glove box and pulled out the key to Raven’s Lexus.

  “I’m not giving this to you because I agree with how you’re living. I’m giving it to you because I want you to have your own. Whenever you want to leave, you have a way out,” he said.

  Raven gave her father a half smile as she put her hand on her stomach. Should I tell him I’m pregnant? She desperately wanted her father’s blessing, but she was not ready to deal with him knowing about her baby. Mizan was right. He would have never helped us. Hearing her father speak so critically of Mizan only made her feel more confident in her choice to help Mizan. She put on a fake smile as she rode shotgun with her father through the city streets.

  Entering the Atkins home was a piece of cake. With the security code Raven had provided, and the combination to the safe, Mizan and Rich entered without arising suspicion. They quickly made their way up the carpeted stairs and entered the master bedroom. They followed Raven’s instructions precisely, walking up to the bookshelf that made up one entire wall. Mizan scanned the second shelf until he located The Art of War. He removed the book and behind it sat a red button. He pressed it and the entire wall slid to the side, revealing a hidden panic room. Mizan instantly noticed the wall safe inside. With ease, he opened the safe, and when he saw the neatly stacked kilos of cocaine, he rubbed his hands together greedily.

  “Whoo!” he shouted in excitement. There was more cocaine in the safe than he had ever anticipated. After months of planning it was finally his time to come into his own. He opened the four duffel bags he had brought, and he and Rich emptied the safe.

  “One hundred and twenty bricks,” he stated in disbelief. He was about to make the streets snow and couldn’t wait to put in work. He pulled out one kilo and placed it back in the safe, leaving the door wide open.

  “What are you doing, fam? Take all that shit. What you putting one back for?” Rich asked.

  “That one brick is going to take care of my main competition,” Mizan replied as he darted down the steps with the duffel bags in hand. He hit the panic button on the alarm before leaving, which sent a direct message to the police department. “When the police get here they’re gonna find that brick. It’s enough to send Benny Atkins away for the rest of his life, and the streets will be wide open for the taking.”

  When Raven saw the police cars in front of her father’s house, she immediately thought the worst. The neighbors had come out to watch the scene. They stood around the Atkins’ property, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on.

  “Oh my God ... Did Mommy and Morgan go to church this morning? she asked, fearing the worst. Her father ignored the question, but she could see his brow furrow in concern. They stepped out of the car and Benjamin rushed up the walkway only to be stopped by a plainclothes detective.

  “Whoa, who are you? You can’t go in there, the detective said.

  “I’m the owner of this house. What is going on? Are my wife and daughter inside? he asked. Raven stood in the background, terrified, as she shook her head, praying that nothing had gone wrong and that her family was safe.

  The detective moved his hand to his pistol. “Sir, I’m going to need you to step back and put your hands up slowly.” He raised his gun and aimed it at Benjamin’s chest.

  “Fuck is wrong with you? Answer my question! What is going on inside my house? Where is my wife? Justine!” he screamed as he pushed past the detective, fearing that something had happened to his wife and child.

  “Daddy, wait!” Raven shouted.

  Benjamin was stopped by two uniformed police officers. “Get your fucking hands off of me!” he yelled. “I own this house. I need to get inside.” He reached into his jacket pocket.

  “He has a gun!” one of the officers shouted. Before Benjamin could protest, the officers opened fire.

  “Daddy!” Raven screamed as she witnessed her father’s body go limp. He seemed to fall in slow motion in front of her face, and when his body hit the pavement, a sickening thud echoed from his head hitting the ground. A wallet fell out of his hand, revealing that he had only been reaching for identification to prove that he was the owner of the house. “Daddy!” Raven ran for her father, but was held back from getting too close. “He didn’t have a gun! What did you do?” she screamed in agony as her legs gave out under her and she collapsed in the detective’ s arms. She hit him furiously. “What did you do?” she cried.

  Raven stared at the blood on her hands as she sat on the floor in the hospital. She was waiting by the morgue for her mother and sister to arrive. She hadn’t the heart to call her mother herself, so she’d allowed the hospital to do it. She heard her mother’s wails through the phone. This is all my fault, she thought. Her pale skin was flushed red from constant crying. She could not wrap her mind around the fact that her father was gone. She regretted their foolish fighting. Now she would never have a chance to say she was sorry, or to make things right. In the blink of an eye he had been taken from her. She was now a fatherless child, and the ache she felt in her soul was one she would live with for the rest of her life. She looked at her vibrating cell phone and ignored it. Mizan had been calling her all day, but she did not have the energy to speak to him. She was sure he had heard what had happened, but she was not trying to hear anything from anyone. Nobody could take away the emptiness she felt inside. No one would ever understand what she had lost.

  “Raven?”

  She heard her mother’s voice and looked up. Justine came down the hall, holding Morgan’ s hand. Ethic stood by her side as he escorted them inside.

  “Mommy?” Raven called as she stood up. She ran to her mother and hugged her tightly. “I’m so sorry, Mommy ... I’m sorry,” she whispered. She buried her face in Justine’s shoulders as they embraced each other Morgan. “They shot him right in front of my face. They killed him,” Raven sobbed.

  Justine felt as if her heart had been ripped from her chest as she held her daughters. She had been with Benjamin since she was a young girl. He was the love of her life, and to have him taken away so suddenly felt like torture.

  “Mrs. Atkins?” a woman in a white lab coat interrupted.

  Justine looked up and nodded as she wiped her nose with a tissue. “Yes, I’m Mrs. Atkins, she confirmed.

  She spoke with so much sorrow that she brought tears to the woman’s eyes. “I am so very sorry for your loss. Your daughter is still a minor so she could not legally identify the body. I hate to put you through this, but... .”

  “I’ll identify him,” she replied. “I’d like to see what they did to him.”

  The woman led Justine away, and Morgan clung to Raven.

  “What happened to Daddy, Rae?” Morgan signed as she cried from uncertainty. She did not know exactly what was going on but she could feel the sadness in the air.

  Raven was speechless. She was so caught up in her own grief that she was choking on it, un
able to respond to her little sister’s question. Ethic had been standing back to allow them their intimate moments, but he could see that Raven was traumatized. He bent down to face Morgan. “Your daddy is with the angels. He is watching over you right now, so wipe your face. You don’ t want him to see you crying,” Ethic signed back.

  Morgan wiped her tears and Raven turned her back to them because she could not stop herself from breaking down. It was so unfair. She felt like seventeen years was not enough time with her father. Ethic came up behind her and put his hand on her back. She turned into him and cried on his shoulder.

  “I was fighting with him ... For months I haven’t talked to him,” she said.

  “Don’t think about that. None of that matters now. He knew you loved him,” Ethic assured her.

  “I don’t know how I let this happen,” Raven said as she shook her head. Something inside of her was telling her that Mizan’s setup was the reason why the police had gotten involved. “How did this happen?”

  “I don’t know, ma ... but I’m gon’ find out,” he stated.

  Justine emerged from the coroner’s office. Distress was written all over her face as she reached for Morgan. “I can’t believe he’s gone,” she said. “I just need to go home ... Raven, will you stay with us tonight? I need both of my girls with me.”

  Raven desperately wanted to be near her family, but she knew that Mizan wouldn’t want her staying the night away from home. “I can’t, ma. I can’t go back there right now. I can’t get the image of Daddy laying on the grass out of my head,” she replied.

  Justine touched Raven’s cheek gently and gave her a half smile. “I understand, baby. Tomorrow then?” she asked.

  Raven nodded in agreement. “Tomorrow, I promise.”