Arizona Allspice

by Lewin, Renee

  “Love is patient, love is kind.

  It does not ENVY.

  Love is never BOASTFUL, nor CONCEITED, nor RUDE.

  It is not self-seeking, nor EASILY ANGERED.

  It keeps no record of wrongdoing.

  It does not delight in EVIL

  But rejoices in the truth.”

  That’s from Corinthians, chapter thirteen, Laney.

  13 the number of evil

  13 = 1 + 3 = 4 Four letters in EVIL

  J +o +s +e +p +h +K +i +n +s +l +e +y = 13 letters

  Heed the warnings, sweetheart. They can’t cover all their tracks. I see Their plans with the help of angels. One of them is your mother. She lights the path. She talks to me every day. It is not time for you and Manny to hear her yet. Soon your time will come.

  I love you sweetie.

  Destroy immediately all evidence of this letter and those subsequent.

  ******

  “Joey’s been so agitated lately.”

  “Tell me about it. I’ve been dealing with Elaine’s moodiness since Monday.”

  “I thought that maybe she and Joey had broken up, but she hasn’t stopped coming over and Joey told me they were still together.”

  Frank’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “They’re going out now? Finally, but why are they so morose about it?”

  “What do you mean by ‘finally’? They’ve been going out for months.”

  “Elaine was pretty adamant that they weren’t dating.”

  “When did she say that?” Amelia frowned.

  “That time that she found out he’d read her journal.”

  “Well, I found out a little less than a month ago that they had been seeing each other for a while. What’s going on?”

  “Maybe she was just embarrassed and didn’t want me to know.”

  “Something isn’t right, Frank. I think I need to do some investigating.”

  ******

  “Come in!” I call out after the knock at my bedroom door. I set my pen in my new journal to mark my place and then swivel my chair away from my desk to face the door. Miss Amelia walks in. She seats herself on the corner of my bed, without my permission, and gives me a timid smile.

  “What’s up?” I ask suspiciously. She must want to talk about something important. She wouldn’t interrupt her time with my uncle for nothing.

  “I spoke with Joey and learned that the two of you have led me to believe that you were dating when in fact you weren’t.”

  Joey couldn’t keep his damn mouth closed or come up with something convincing? I don’t want to deal with this lady right now. She’s nice, but I will never forget the way she treated me when she found me in her son’s hospital room.

  “I’m a little upset that both of you lied to me, but then I found myself feeling disappointed. I actually liked the idea of you two being together, even though I wanted Joey to keep his distance from you and your family when he was in high school. He worried about you and you’re family so much that it wasn’t healthy. He cared a lot about your mother and he still cares a lot about you and he would take responsibility for things that weren’t his fault or beat himself up over things he couldn’t control. I only told him to stay away from you guys because I was worried.”

  That does not make me feel any better.

  “You’re mother helped me and my son so much when we first moved to this town. It was hard for me to tell Joey to separate himself from you all.”

  But not too hard.

  “Of course, he didn’t stay away for long. He and your brother were suddenly best buddies and then you and Joey started dating, so I thought. Joey was really happy to have you in his life. I can’t deny that. I now know that you’re just his friend, but you two are beautiful together and I can’t help thinking you guys will get serious one day, even if you fight sometimes. For that reason, I want to be able to trust you. I need you to keep an open communication with me about what’s going on between you two. I don’t want to be kept in the dark. I can’t allow someone to enter my family and encourage my son to be dishonest with me. I want us to be on the same page.”

  Translation: I would love you to be a part of my son’s life, as long as you’re wrapped around my finger.

  “I don’t really care whether you trust me or not,” I respond.

  I see a quick flash of anger cross her blue eyes before hurt does. There’s no question where Joey got his temper from. Why didn’t she ever use some of that fire to fight off her ex-husband when he was abusing her little boy? “Is that right?” she says.

  “I’m sorry that we had to lie to you, but I’m not going to become your confidant so that you can feel better about your relationship with your son. Joey thought it was best we continue the lie. He’s the one who encouraged me to be dishonest. Half the time he used the lie to blackmail me into spending time with him. I didn’t make him do anything. I didn’t make him worry so much about my mother. I didn’t make him feel the way he feels about me and I’m so sick of being guilt-tripped for it. If I am such a horrible person why doesn’t Joey just drop me? Why don’t you tell your son to just be done with me?”

  “Elaine,” she sighs, “you’re not a bad person. That’s not what I’m saying. I want us to be close.”

  “Did you ever think that maybe I don’t trust you? Honestly, I don’t think I could ever trust someone who stayed married to a violent bigot for six years.”

  Miss Amelia’s face drains of color. She smoothes her fingers over a scar at her eyebrow. “I didn’t know what he truly was until I married him. I tried to save my marriage, but each year got worse and worse. That’s in the past, Elaine. “

  “And so is the lie I had to tell in order to step foot back in Joey’s hospital room without fear of you having me arrested. It’s in the past. At least I thought it was.”

  “I was out of my head. Joey could have died that day. I was so distraught. Haven’t you seen that I’m not really like that?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Or maybe it was a situation that revealed your true colors. I don’t know.”

  “You’re one tough cookie, but I love you, honey,” her voice trembles with sadness. “Not just because I love your uncle, or because my son loves you, or because you’re in love with my son. So, whatever you’re going through right now, I’m here for you. You can always confide in me, but you cannot speak to me this way again. Okay?”

  I can only stare at her silently.

  “I’m here for you. Frank is here for you. Joey is here for you. You’ve gotta see that,” she says before she stands from the corner of my bed. She leaves my room and closes my door very gently behind her.

  I turn back to my journal. Opening it to a blank page, I begin to write a letter to my mother. I express my disappointment in myself for losing track of my goals in life and for becoming dependent on a guy to help me feel strong. I wrote out my anger over the way life has been so rough for me while other people glide through it. My shame over the way I’ve treated people by judging them, being disrespectful and stubborn pours out of me. I beg Mom to forgive me for not being the kind-hearted daughter she raised. Then I methodically rip the tear-stained letter into a hundred pieces because I have no place to send it.

  ******

  “Where were you yesterday? Why didn’t you answer any of our calls or our text messages?” asks Denise.

  “I had some business to take care of.”

  Marisol, Denise and Tia all look offended that I won’t give them any details. Denise mumbles under her breath, “Can’t even apologize to us,” and looks away. I glance down at my hand gripping an ice cold can of strawberry soda. I imagine how satisfying it would be to dump the sugary drink right over Denise’s head. I’m supposed to apologize for being so upset about my Dad some days I can barely speak? When do I get my apology? Marisol never apologized for plastering the door of my trailer with flyers. When do I get an apology from any of the people who treated me like garbage in high school? Never, because I’m supposed to forgive and fo
rget. I’ve been trying to forget but people keep doing and saying things to remind me why I haven’t talked to them in years.

  “We were just worried,” Tia says gently, snapping me out of my devilish thoughts. I used to think Tia pretended to be so sweet and shy until I got to know her better.

  Trying to stop a fight by changing the subject, Marisol asks “What do you think of him over there?” She points discreetly to the handsome guy playing pool with Niko. “His name is Jacob,” she adds. All three of us watch as his silky jet black hair falls into his face as he positions the cue ball. When he stands up straight, his hair moves out of the way. He has beautiful green eyes against swarthy skin. His ear lobes are adorned with medium sized silver gages. He’s sporting a brown Bob Marley shirt on his tall frame, black board shorts, and brown flip flops. I notice a hemp bracelet and a leather bracelet on his wrists. Reflexively, I scrunch my nose. Jacob is a friend of a friend of a friend who lives the next town over and came to Cesar’s house party on Saturday. He and the guys became fast friends over their love of soccer. However, this is the first time the female side of our crew has seen Jacob since the party. We want to size him up before calling him part of our gang.

  “He’s hot and he’s Spanish. I couldn’t ask for more,” laughs Denise.

  “Yes, girl!” Marisol gives her a high five.

  “He’s attractive, but I’m looking for someone who has goals beyond scoring pot this weekend,” I comment.

  Marisol and Denise groan. “Lighten up, Elaine,” Marisol shakes her head.

  Tia chimes in with her soft voice that reminds me of Betty Boop. “He seems like a nice guy. I think you’re being a little judgmental, Elaine.”

  “Whatever. Plus, he’s obviously gay,” I fib, and wait for the drama to unfold.

  “Oh my gosh! No way!” Denise’s eyes go wide. Tia giggles.

  “He did take a liking to Cesar pretty quickly,” I smirk.

  “Look at how he’s holding up his pool stick,” Marisol whispers. “His wrist looks so limp.”

  Feeling eyes on him, Jacob looks over at us sitting at the bar and smiles, amused. We all wave at him coquettishly and then burst into giggles.

  “Ooo, no,” Denise waves her pointer finger, “I am not going to lose that boy to the other team.” She steps down from the bar stool and straightens her mini skirt.

  “Not if I get to him first,” Marisol laughs. The two girls rush over to the pool table. “Wait up!” Tia giggles, close behind them. I roll my eyes and leave the bar Cesar’s dad built in the game room. As I walk over to Jacob who is surrounded by my nosy friends, I hear heavy footsteps on the stairway.

  “Look what the cat dragged in, guys!” Cesar laughs as he comes down the stairs to his basement with his arm hooked around Joey’s neck.

  Jacob is startled as the three beautiful girls that took such an interest in him forget he exists once Joey walks into the room. They greet Joey with the usual inappropriate hugs and Joey grants them the usual indecent kisses on the cheek or on the forehead.

  “Great to see you again, dude,” Jacob slaps hands with Joey. “Your skills on the field and how you basically cheated death is legendary in Dewitt.”

  Joey can only chuckle.

  “You look good as new. When do my buddies and I get to see you in action at the finals?” Jacob asks.

  “Yeah! What are you waiting for?” everyone barrages him.

  Both Joey and I know that his eyesight isn’t ideal yet. He’s having the most trouble with the vision exercises in therapy and it’s the one thing holding him back from throwing himself into soccer again. “I know as much about when I’ll come back as you do. Sorry guys,” Joey smiles politely.

  Once the mob of his faithful fans disperses, the girls remembering their goal of snagging Jacob for themselves and Jacob remembering he could have three girlfriends if he juggled them right, Joey turns his attention to me. He nears me with a guarded smile. When he puts out his arm to hug me, I extend my arm for a handshake. Offended, his radiant blue eyes darken. He stares down at my hand and glares. I chuckle, making light of it. Though clearly irritated, he gives in and we bump fists like bros.

  “What brings you here?” he asks.

  I don’t think he’s realized yet that I don’t need him to be my secure base anymore. “The same thing that brings you here,” I smile. I walk away from him to give him time to understand that without his help I am capable of interacting quite well with other people. I can even join Denise, Marisol and Tia as they pry into Jacob’s personal life. As I suspected, his interests are smoking, partying, and smoking at parties. Bored, I found myself getting into a surprisingly deep conversation with Niko. Ten minutes into it, I glance around the room and realize Joey is missing. I chew on my bottom lip. “Did Joey go home?”

  “No, he just went upstairs,” Niko says. “He’s probably raiding the cupboards.”

  “I’m a little hungry myself. I’ll be right back. You want anything?”

  “You.” He wags his jet black eyebrows above sparkling brown eyes. We both laugh.

  “Oh please,” I brush him off in jest.

  Jacob’s and Joey’s deep voices become louder and clearer as I quietly make my way up the stairs.

  I hear Jacob say, “Those chicks forgot all about me when you showed up.” I pause on the top step and eavesdrop, curious to hear what Joey will say.

  “They didn’t forget about you. I’m just really close with them. I’ve known them for years.”

  “I can tell that you know them very well,” Jacob replies suggestively. “Dude, you have all these girls hanging off of you. What’s your secret?”

  “There’s no secret to tell.”

  “Okay, but just tell me one thing. Are you sleeping with all of them or just some of them?”

  “Um…That’s for me to know and you to be jealous about.”

  “You dog!” Jacob laughs. “You are a legend, man! That’s awesome.”

  I loudly clear my throat, startling the two buffoons. “I’d like to have a word with Joey,” I command. “Alone.”

  Joey crosses his arms and frowns.

  “Uh, no prob.” Jacob grabs a bag of trail mix and darts back down the stairs to the game room.

  “I was just joking,” Joey says once we’re alone.

  “Well, I don’t think it’s funny, Joey. You’re insinuating that I’m loose.”

  “I never said that,” he lies to my face.

  “That’s what insinuating means, smart guy,” I almost growl. “You didn’t have to say anything outright. How could you talk about me like that when you know that’s what Raul did to me? And you know what? This isn’t just about me. You’ve been doing this shit since high school, leading your stupid friends to believe you’re Don Juan and that the girls who you claim to care so much about are just part of your private harem.”

  “You are taking this way too seriously. The girls know I’m just kidding. They even play along with it sometimes. They don’t mind.”

  “They say they don’t mind, but I know that’s not how they feel. Of course they’re going to tell the guy who’s practically their knight in shining armor whatever he wants to hear!” My voice cracks at the end of my sentence. I’m mortified. How’d I let myself get so emotional?

  Joey stares at me, silent. His blue eyes always see more of me than I want to reveal.

  “I have somewhere else to be,” I whip at him before I leave Cesar’s house and speed home in my truck.

  ******

  I saw something in her eyes yesterday. So, I invited her over for lunch. First off, I owe her an apology, but I also want to see if I can get the old Elaine to make an appearance; The Elaine who drives me crazy in a good way. I keep taking a peek out the window, waiting for her black truck to appear. Just as I notice how a blanket of dark clouds is rolling in from the east, Elaine arrives. Her tight jeans hug the curves of her long legs and shapely behind as she steps down from her truck. As she adjusts the straps of her vest I catch a glimpse of
her flat brown stomach. Her expressive brown eyes behind her glasses search the darkening sky and her pouty lips part as she mutters something to herself. It’s hard for me to stop spying on her this way, but she’s gorgeous. Even her elbows are beautiful and for the life of me I can’t explain why.

  “Hey,” I greet her at the door and then wrap her up in a hug before she can step away from me.

  “Joey. Stop,” she protests, but I feel her relax into my body. I continue to embrace her until she uses her hands to pull my arms away. She steps around me and heads towards the dining room. “Where’s the food you promised me?”

  I grin and follow her to the table to watch her reaction.

  She looks down at her plate and smiles slightly. “Caribbean Jerk Chicken Salad. You remembered.”