Arizona Allspice

by Lewin, Renee

  “Don’t cry,” he says as he hugs me. “I’ll go talk to him.”

  ******

  “You picked a fine time to break the news,” I say sarcastically.

  Manny sighs. “There’s no good time to tell your little sister that you’re abandoning her.”

  “Well, you could’ve at least chosen any other hour in the day. I was going to propose to her if I won the game!”

  “Sorry,” Manny smiles widely. He’s quiet for a moment. “Oh my gosh. Really? You got a ring and everything?”

  “Um…Not exactly?”

  “What the hell?!”

  “It was a spur of the moment thing!”

  “Well, now you have some time to prepare, you big dope.”

  I nod. “Elaine wants me to tell you that she doesn’t want you to go. She didn’t tell you herself because she doesn’t want to hold you back.”

  “I tried to explain and make it right between us, but she pushed me away. She wouldn’t listen.”

  I sigh and walk back to Elaine. “You need to go talk to your brother.”

  “No,” she begins, “He’s…”

  I cut her off with a soulful kiss. “Go talk to your brother,” I repeat, my voice rough with desire.

  “Okay, okay,” she whispers with hooded eyes and runs her fingers over her ravished lips. I almost chuckle.

  ******

  Raul walked down the dusty streets of his old neighborhood. It was quiet now, but the ground was still littered from yesterday’s celebrations. He had conflicting feelings about Merjoy Trailer Park. He held memories of the anguish he felt inside his childhood trailer home, shame from weakness, self-centeredness, and disregard, pride from being part of a good team, and nostalgia from running out into the field at night with Elaine whispering in his ear.

  The Boss had called and offered to pay for him to make the trip back home if he played with his team one last time. It was the perfect opportunity to recreate his farewell. He shocked everyone when he stepped onto the field at the finals. The whole town would remember him as a soccer warrior, and not as a coward who disappeared in the dead of night.

  He wanted to make amends with Marisol. She was a sweet girl underneath her bad girl image and she deserved at least a goodbye from him this time around. It was also his chance to check on his mom, now that he knew his father had split. But the first thing on his list was Elaine. He knew that she and Joey were together now. He wasn’t going to try to interfere with that. He just wanted to talk to the only person who ever earned his total trust. Elaine had cared for him despite the abuse he went through. He didn’t know if he would ever find a girl like that again. He wanted to show her that he’d changed. He wanted her approval and to see her smile before he went back to the new home he’d made for Mateo and him. Manny answered the front door when Raul knocked.

  “What’s up?” Raul said, feeling awkward. To his surprise Manny stuck out his hand. Raul gladly shook it.

  “I’m writing To Do lists, man. I’ve got a lot of ends to tie up before I move to California for school.”

  “Oh yeah? Congratulations, Manny. You always were a smart dude.”

  “Thanks. That entrance you made onto the field yesterday was unforgettable. What’s new with you?”

  “I’ve got my own apartment in a nice neighborhood upstate. I’m taking care of my little brother, Teo. My aunt is watching him for me while I’m down here. Ever since I’ve had my little brother, he’s like my son now. He’s my total responsibility and I want to be a good example to him. A lot of things are in perspective now. I’m sorry about lying to the cops that day. I’ve done a lot of growing up since then. I wanted to apologize to you and tell Elaine goodbye before I head home.”

  “Apology absolutely accepted. As for Elaine, well, she’s at Amo Lake with Joey and they definitely don’t want to be disturbed,” Manny smiles.

  “Okay,” Raul said, disappointed.

  “Did you hear about Denise?” Manny inquired.

  “No.”

  “She ran off with Mr. Jimenez yesterday evening, while everyone was out watching the finals. He and Denise cleaned out the park’s entire emergency fund.”

  “Damn. You think you know what a person is capable of and then… How’s Mr. Merjoy taking it?”

  “My uncle is livid. But secretly he’s enjoying being park manager again, at least for now.”

  Raul nodded. There was an awkward silence.

  Manny was the one to break it. “It’s good to hear you’re doing well.”

  “The same to you,” Raul smiles. “Take care.”

  “I’ll try,” Manny chuckles. He waves and steps back into his home.

  Raul walks away from Elaine’s trailer with a weird feeling in his gut. Was it sadness? Was it jealousy? He didn’t know. The sensation just felt so strange and urgent. The feeling wouldn’t pass. The uneasiness nagged at him until finally he surrendered to the fact that he couldn’t wait any longer to talk to Elaine. He just needed to see her now. Raul stops at a friend’s house in order to borrow their car for a few hours.

  ******

  “He doesn’t have any scholarships because he has a criminal record now. That means no financial aid either. Caltech is willing to take him anyway. Even though Manny’s scared and even though it means he might fail, it’s something he has to do. I understand that completely now.” I roll over in the grass to face Joey. “I had to do the same thing to be happy.”

  “I’m glad you took my advice and talked to your brother. It’s proof that I’m slowly wearing your stubborn side down.”

  “Stubborn never dies,” I smirk.

  “I’m not trying to get rid of it. I just want to soften it.” He draws closer to me and brushes his lips against mine very slowly. It’s torture when he teases me that way. Finally, he gives me a satisfying kiss. Appeased, I exhale and relax into the grass.

  “Eight grand. While everybody was at the game, Denise and Jimenez snuck off with $8,000. I still can’t believe it.”

  “She always did have a way with men and she never could pick the right ones, either,” I snort. “She’s going to be spending a lot of time running. She’s got heavy charges against her.” I shake my head. “So, how’d your mom take the news? I know she was excited about Daytona.”

  “She’s fine. She doesn’t mind waiting a few more days. Or weeks.”

  “What about a few more months? I have a feeling Uncle Frank is going to milk this. He’s missed being manager.”

  “Frank better plan an early vacation if he wants to get a good night’s sleep anytime soon. She’s hasn’t been out of Arizona in nearly two decades. Neither have I.” Joey is quiet a moment. He runs his hand over his hair. “You know, Elaine, I’d go to Cali with you if you decided to go.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I don’t know what I’d do there, though. Work at some other factory? Wait tables or something?” We both laugh at the thought of Joey serving food with a smile plastered on his face and disgust in his eyes. “I want to go wherever you want to go. I’ve done what I wanted to do here in Cadence. I’m up in the air now. I could go anywhere and do anything, but I don’t know what. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be?”

  “Think about what you love to do? What are the little things in life that make you happy?”

  “Umm...I love playing soccer, always have. And reading.”

  “You could be a soccer coach that teaches language arts!”

  “Haha! Maybe. Cooking, I enjoy. I love building things too, working with my hands,” he massages my jean covered thigh. I lightheartedly smack his hand away. “I like making something right that was wrong,” he continues, “Like helping the girls in town to stand up for themselves. And I love crappy horror films.”

  I laugh, remembering the last movie we saw together: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

  “And I love you. The most.” Joey grins, “I love you.”

  “Love you, too,” I beam. I glance up at the sapphire sky. The clouds look edibl
e, like cotton candy. Joey lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles. I feel something slip onto my finger.

  “Will you marry me?”

  My voice lodges in my throat. I raise my left hand up to my face and stare at a simple silver ring with a square cut diamond. It’s precious and perfect. I cover my crumpling face with my hands. I feel Joey’s eyes on me as tears rolls out from beneath my hands and down my chin.

  I feel his warm hand find my hip. Joey rubs at my side lovingly, his voice melancholy. “I know it’s a little soon, but”

  “No. It’s just that…” I take a deep breath to steady my voice. I wipe my eyes and finally stare into his. “I wish I could go back in time and have talked to you. Instead of being so stupid and judgmental I would have really had a conversation with you, done an English project with you, gone to prom with you and I would’ve known sooner that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Yes, I’ll marry you,” I grin through my tears. He pulls me into his arms and sighs with relief. We roll around in the grass, kissing, hugging and laughing. We come to a rest with Joey slightly on top of me. We get lost in a kiss that makes my whole body tingle. Tears come to my eyes again at the beautiful thought that it will be like this forever. I kiss him with more desire than I imagined could ever burn inside a person. Joey abruptly breaks the kiss. It startles me. His gorgeous blue eyes are wide and frightened looking down at me. “Run,” he whispers.

  “What?” I whisper, panicked.

  “Run.”

  I use my elbows and hands to drag myself backwards, away from him. As I scramble to stand up, I see the steel barrel of Raul’s grandfather’s gun pressed into Joey’s wavy red hair. I whimper and find myself immobile. Mrs. Campos glares at me with a pleased smile. “Please, no!” I cry. It’s happening again. Everybody I’ve ever loved has suffered for it, been punished for it, from accidents, to the sickness and death that lives in my shadows, casting onto the flowers and they wilt in the darkness, God, why? Why does everyone have to leave me?

  “You’re going to see how it feels,” Raul’s mother spits. She lifts her chin and looks down her narrow nose at me. “You get to watch me rip your life apart, like how you destroyed mine. By taking away everybody you love. I’m gonna start with your little White Boy,” she pushes the gun harder against Joey’s head, “and then you get to watch me blow your brother away.” Her bloodshot eyes widen with delight as she sees me tremble in horror. “Stand up, bitch!” she barks at Joey. With his head tilted at a painful angle by the pressure of the gun, he rises to his feet. He’s much taller than her. Not able to reach his temple any longer, she moves the gun down to the middle of his chest.

  “Please, no. I can help you get them back.” I stand up and inch closer to Joey. “I know where your sons are. I promise I’ll help you find them, Mrs. Campos.” I reach out for Joey’s hand while my eyes are glued on the woman. I find his hand and lock my fingers with his.

  “Step away from him!”

  “I can’t,” I plead as tears stream down my face.

  She points the gun at my face. “I said step back,” she commands through gritted teeth. Joey wriggles his hand and tries to peel his fingers from my grip. I clench his hand tighter.

  “Laney,” Joey pleads. “Do as she says.”

  “No,” I whisper. I crush his fingers in my grip at each attempt he makes to extract his hand from mine. Her sick plan is to take away the love of my life and my twin brother. Well, I have an even sicker plan. I want her to shoot me. I’d rather die. Maybe she’ll focus on me if I’m disobedient. Then Joey can run away. He’s already given me true happiness and love. He gave me everything I’ve ever hoped for my life in this world. A sad, faint smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. “Shoot me,” I order.

  “Elaine, please don’t do this,” Joey’s voice strains.

  “Don’t you dare tell me what to do,” Mrs. Campos snarls and steps closer to me. The gun is inches from my mouth.

  “You’ve always been a coward,” I say.

  “Oh, God,” Joey breathes.

  “If you’re not just talkin’ shit, then it should be easy for you to shoot me. But you’ve never shot a gun in your life, have you?” I challenge.

  Mrs. Campos’ nostrils flare. She points the gun between my eyes. “Doesn’t matter,” she smirks. “I can’t miss from this distance.”

  “Mamá?!” a voice shouts in shock.

  All three of us turn our heads to watch Raul running along the bank toward us. “Mamá! Qué estás haciendo?!”

  “See, Mrs. Campos. Your son is here. You’ll be a family again,” Joey says. “Your husband will want to come back again. You don’t have to do this.”

  “Shut up! Shut up!” she screams at Joey while waving the gun back and forth from the approaching Raul to Joey and I.

  “I left you that gun so that you could protect yourself. What are you doing?!” Raul yells in disgust.

  “You’re back?” She looks at her son in disbelief.

  “Give me that gun. You are a disgrace to my grandfather.”

  His mother stares at him silently. Tears begin to gather in her wild eyes.

  “Give me the damn gun!” He grabs at her wrist and tries to rip the gun away.

  Joey pulls my arm and we start to run towards the trees, stricken with fear.

  “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” she screams after us.

  “Don’t do this!” I hear Raul shout.

  The gun goes off. A single shot. I scream in terror. What has she done?

  FOURTEEN

  I’ve been noticing little boys and little girls with their parents more often. Especially curly headed boys. They always remind me of Joey. There’s a small playground in the shade of some oak trees along my short walk home from work. California weather is milder than how it is in Arizona, so a fifteen minute walk is actually enjoyable. Lately, the sound of happy children stirs me to tears. Especially when it’s their mom or dad that makes him or her giggle with abandon.

  Today, I cross the street and sit at a bench in the park awhile, watching the children climb, swing and slide.

  A little girl with long light brown hair zooms past my bench, eager to get to the playground.

  “Ten cuidado, Honey!” Her mother calls after her, a bit out of breath. I stare at the young woman in disbelief as she stands with her hands on her hips, watching her daughter race to the swings. Her long black hair is in a ponytail. Gold bangles on both wrists match the gold flecks in her flower print summer dress and complement her bronze skin. Feeling eyes on her, Ariella turns to look at me. Her eyebrows furrow once she takes in my familiar face, then her eyes shine with recognition.

  “Elaine? Elaine Roberts?”

  “I can’t believe it’s you!” I smile unsurely. I stand from the bench and she runs over and hugs me. “Actually, it’s Elaine Kinsley, now,” I say. She cries on my shoulder.

  My tears dampen her shoulder as well. If things had been different and Ariella had stayed in Cadence, I know she would have stood by me when everyone else turned away. I wouldn’t have been so lonely for so many years. I would have had my best friend. “You don’t hate me?” I ask, in shock.

  “No! Never.” She steps back and squeezes my hands. We take a seat at the bench. “I wanted to call you so many times, but I was ashamed. I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. What’s her name?”

  We both glance at the beautiful girl on the swings. “Elena.”

  I stare at Ariella curiously. Is it just a coincidence that her little girl’s name sounds so similar to my name? Ariella grins and nods. I squeeze her hand and swallow my urge to cry. We sit and update each other on our lives. I tell her that Joey moved to Cadence around the time she had left. We fell in love, moved to California along with Manny. Dad came, too. Joey and I got married on a beach in Malibu three months ago. Ariella told me about her fiancé, the young owner of a popular Mexican fusion restaurant, who loves her and her little girl. She didn’t start off here in Pasadena, but a seri
es of job and school opportunities landed her here. She’s a hostess at her fiancé’s restaurant a few days a week.

  My job is at a luxury spa. I’m a receptionist. Joey works for a battered women’s shelter, organizing resources so that abuse victims and the children they often bring with them can get exactly what they need, in terms of clothing, food, counseling, and employment. He’s also helpful when it comes to security for the shelter. Soccer, or as I like to call it, his first wife, is still in his life. He joined a local soccer club and plays every weekend.