Arizona Allspice

by Lewin, Renee

  I swim further out into the water, deciding to give her some space. I practice my breaststroke. I even do a little doggy paddling and then slowly swim closer to the shore. Elaine’s sporting a neon green bikini, a color that pops against her dark skin. There is nothing about her body that I don’t like. Nothing. I almost drown a couple times, forgetting to keep my legs and arms moving to ensure that my nose stays above water. There on her chest, brushed along her breasts, are freckles. She hadn’t been messing with me. She really does have freckles! There’s so much beautiful skin to look at all at once! If I love her skin, is that self-hatred? I was born pigment challenged and it is shameful. Elaine doesn’t seem to mind my paleness, though. I swim a circle around her legs to see her from all angles as she stands in the water. Front, side, back, side, front again.

  “What am I? Some filet mignon?”

  I shake my head. “Tastier than that.”

  ******

  I roll my eyes, but on the inside I’m ecstatic. The parts of my body that I feel are too wide, or too dark, or not flat enough, or not big enough don’t even seem to register in Joey’s mind. Joey’s “flaws” don’t register in my mind either. What he thinks of as freckled and freakishly fair, I see as creamy cappuccino foam sprinkled with cinnamon. It’s a fact that he’s not pale at all. He has a tan, but he doesn’t acknowledge that. He doesn’t think he’s dark enough, I guess.

  Joey was right. The water feels really nice. It’s warmer than I expected, but still cool. The low temperature makes us draw closer to one another for warmth and we’re both slippery and wet. Yes. It feels great in the water. After a lengthy make-out session, I swim out of Joey’s eager hands. I’m a good swimmer, better than Joey, so I make it to the other side of the lake in less than a minute. “Come over here!” I smile and wave my arms. He chuckles and splashes his way towards me. I slip under the water while he’s blinded, while he’s squeezing the water out of his eyes. I stealthily glide deeper into the water. My stomach almost touches the lakebed. I feel like that shark from the Jaws movie. I’m sneaking up on two white legs glowing in the dark water. I hear Joey’s distorted voice calling my name. I slither through the water to get in front of him. I take in a mouthful of water, shoot up out of the lake and spit the contents of my mouth directly into his stunned face.

  I laugh loudly. “I’ve been holding out for that prank for two months! Since the day you faked your legs were giving out.” I laugh heartily, clutching my stomach.

  Joey wags his dripping head and smiles. Then the smile turns into an evil smirk. He narrows his eyes. “Tickle fight.”

  “No!” I gasp and turn to swim away, but he circles my waist from behind with his strong arms before I can escape. He gets one hand free to tickle at my ribcage. I laugh and struggle so hard that I feel my bikini top starting to loosen. “Joey, stop! I need to fix my bathing suit before it falls off!” He tickles harder. “Joseph Kinsley!” I say as sternly as a person can while giggling. He stops and I catch my breath as he hugs me to his chest. Our breathing synchronizes as we stand in silence, pressed against each other, gazing across the lake and the desert. A sensation of the sweetest déjà vu falls over me. It is as if I had forgotten an incredible dream, but now I remember it because I realize I’m living it right now. I smile to myself and blink away tears.

  “You ever seen those ballet dancers on TV?” Joey asks softly.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “When I was really little I saw those male dancers lifting the ballerinas up in the air I figured they must be boyfriend and girlfriend. Why else would a girl let a guy throw her up in the air like that without screamin’ her head off?”

  “That’s cute,” I chuckle.

  I feel Joey shrug behind me. “I was five. I also figured that he got his girlfriend because he was so strong. Strong enough to hold her up like that. A part of me still thinks I should be able to do that. For some reason, I can’t get the thought out of my head. I know it’s silly but, um, I really want to do that with you.”

  I turn around in his arms to face him. “I’m willing to try. Sounds scary, though.”

  “I know. What if I’m not strong enough and I let you fall?” Joey frowns. Shyly, he looks away. “I don’t even know why I brought this up. It’s stupid. You don’t have to do it.”

  “No! It’s not stupid. It’ll be fun. Plus, there’s lots of water here to break our fall,” I snicker.

  “Okay,” he smiles, nervous and excited. I take his hands and place them on my hips. He digs his feet firmly into the ground and gets a firm grip on each side of me. My heart starts racing. I stand on my tiptoes ready to spring myself out of the water. He gives me a peck on the cheek before starting the countdown. “Three, two, one…” and then I push off the bottom of the lake with my eyes clenched shut. I hear Joey let out a grunt as he balances me with trembling arms, but then his arms eventually stop shaking. I open my eyes and I’m up in the air. I put my arms out in front of me like I’m Superwoman.

  “You’re doing it!” I cry from up here.

  “I’m doing it!” he laughs down there. Slowly, he turns in a circle so that I rotate, getting an elevated view of our surroundings. “I am a man! This is my woman!” Joey announces in humorous triumph. His arms tired, he brings me back down as slowly as he can and I land on my feet with a splash. “Thanks for trusting me,” he says with a handsome smile. Beat from horsing around all afternoon, we make our soggy way to the bank, have our picnic, and lie out in the sun to dry and recharge, just to run back into the lake for more.

  ******

  “If we have a little girl with my hair, and something happened to me and you had to take care of her on your own, you’ll have to know how to do her hair yourself,” Elaine reasons.

  It had taken her an entire hour to blow dry it and then straighten it. It was interesting to watch, but I had no desire to take part in all that work. Come to find out, she still wasn’t done yet! “You’re just trying to get out of doing it yourself,” I counter.

  “Precisely,” she nods and drops the rat-tail comb and jar of hair grease into my reluctant hands. “Sit on the couch,” she orders me. I sit down and she plops down on the floor in between my legs. She must know I have no idea what I’m doing. I stare at the back of her head defiantly until she turns around.

  She sighs in exasperation. “Okay, I guess you need a tutorial.” She shows me how to part her hair and how much of the grease I’m supposed to dab onto her scalp. Once I get the hang of it, I sort of enjoy it. I even start to imagine doing this for my own daughter one day and for once the thought of being a father doesn’t make me nauseous. Elaine rests her head on my thigh as I complete the task. Even though we had spent a long day at the lake, it still surprises me when I find that she’s fallen asleep. I watch her quiet slumber and smile to myself. Not wanting to disturb her, I turn the television on with the volume down low and let her sleep.

  A little later, Manny walks into the house, slamming the screened door behind him, which causes Elaine to finally stir and wake up. Manny sees us in the living room and freezes.

  “What?” She grumbles drowsily, seeing Manny’s facial expression.

  “Um, I’m not gonna ask why my sister’s head was in your lap.”

  My jaw drops. I point to the grease. “I was”

  He holds up his hand. “I’m not gonna ask,” he repeats and stifles his laughter.

  “Manny!” Elaine shrieks, flabbergasted. Manny starts cackling. Elaine flings the comb at her brother’s head. Thankfully, Manny didn’t duck fast enough. Ha!

  ******

  “I have a surprise for you, after the game.”

  “You do?” I grin and raise an eyebrow. Coincidentally, Manny said he had some news to give me after the game as well. “You mean winning the finals, right?”

  He shakes his head. “No, but I will give you that, too.”

  I squeeze his hand. “I know you will.”

  He kisses my hand. “For good luck,” he smiles and then jogs out onto the
field. The number five is emblazoned on the back of his red soccer jersey which flutters some at his waist as he runs. His shoulders and chest help the jersey fit snug at the top. White soccer shorts that stop mid-thigh show off his powerful legs that propel him to the middle of the field. He reaches down and adjusts his high red soccer socks and then gathers his team together for a pep talk before the game. This is the game; the one game that they’ve shed blood and tears for, the one that could forever name them champions. It wasn’t a surprise that they were going up against Raul’s old team, La Tormenta. Even though the members of the team had a bad reputation around town, they had an excellent reputation on the field. But, as they say, may the best man win. And he will.

  I twirl my open blue parasol as it rests against my shoulder and find my lawn chair amongst the rest of Joey’s supporters.

  “Have you seen Denise?” Marisol asks once I’m seated beside her.

  “Nope.”

  “I can’t believe she’s going to miss this game!” Marisol sighs.

  I shrug and anxiously wait for the game to start. I’m probably more nervous than the players are right now. I’m not as nervous as Auntie Amelia. She can hardly sit still. She and Uncle Frank are sitting in front of me. Marisol and Tia are on my right. Morghan and Manny are on my left. Jacob and his buddies from Dewitt are sitting behind us along with the 150 other people in the crowd. That’s not counting the people on the other side of the field who are cheering for the Tormentas. At least three hundred people have come out. Last year’s turn out can’t even compare to this. My baby draws the big crowds. Conversations quiet as the two team captains walk up to the center of the field and wait for the referee to toss the coin.

  Marisol suddenly gasps. I glance at her and follow the direction of her wide eyes to the far end of the field. A guy with his shiny black hair cut into a faux-hawk walks cockily onto the field in a silver jersey. Did the Tormentas recruit a new team member? I gasp as I realize it’s not a new team member at all. It’s Raul! He throws his fists up in the air. The crowd cries out in disbelief and excitement, even the Chupasangres fans. Even me. Did he decide to come back home? Where’s Mateo? Raul looks so happy. Marisol and I clap loudly, screaming, “Capitán!”

  I sense Joey’s eyes on me. I rip my focus away from Raul. Joey blinks at me with an amused expression that says, “Honey, why are you cheering for my enemy?”

  I chuckle awkwardly. “Sorry,” I mouth and blow him a kiss before obediently dropping my hands into my lap. The Tormenta boys welcome their old team captain back into their midst and the referee finally makes the toss. The quarter flips up into the air. The ref catches it and slaps it onto the back of his hand.

  Heads.

  Joey called it. Miguel, the new captain of the Tormentas doesn’t appear surprised when Joey decides not to take the kickoff for himself. A few of Joey’s fans cuss under their breaths at his choice. The referee gives the ball to Miguel. The crowd goes quiet as Miguel taps the ball towards Raul who boots the ball to the other side of the field. It flies in Max’s direction, our goalie, but one of our defenders, Cesar, jumps up and blocks the ball with his chest. The game begins.

  The first half is grueling. Through three fouls and consequently three free kicks, two for the Chupasangres and one for the Tormentas, not one goal is scored. However, in the first ten minutes of the second half, Niko wins the struggle for possession of the ball at midfield, and swiftly passes it to Claude, whose quick feet help him push past the other team’s defense. In seconds the ball is in the air. Joey leaps high and heads the ball. It zooms right past the goalie’s hands. “Raaah!” Joey roars, pumped by the goal he’s made. My throat goes hoarse after all my jubilation. Joey’s team members pat him on the back as he grins. For twenty long minutes, Chupasangres maintain their lead, 1-0. La Tormenta is playing with a vengeance, trying to get a goal of its own. With ten minutes left on the clock, the opposition finds a gap and sprints towards the goal. Cesar, desperate to stop it, trips the player as he attempts to remove the ball. Cesar’s legs crash into his. The player falls forward and grimaces, clutching his shin in pain. As his teammates carry him under the arms to the bench, fans hiss that he is faking his injury.

  Despite the fans’ suspicions, the referee pulls out a red card for the foul and awards La Tormenta a penalty kick, resulting in a chorus of boos. I sigh and mentally prepare myself for a tiebreaker that would add another tense 30 minutes to the game. Stopping a direct kick is incredibly hard for a goalie to do. The goalie becomes an open target because defenders are not allowed to interfere. If Raul makes this goal, the score will be 1-1 and the fight will have to continue. For how long is impossible to know. Max shifts his weight from one foot to the other, focusing on Raul who will soon turn that soccer ball into a missile. Silence settles over the crowd. Then Raul kicks the ball full force. Our goalie leaps and stretches his arms out as far as he can. My jaw drops as the ball bounces off of Max’s hands. He deflected it! Max stopped a penalty kick! Chupasangres’ fans rejoice with a full two minutes of shouting, whistling and applause. Max, always humble, gives only a shrug and a small smile.

  The game has taken a turn I hadn’t expected. Maybe there won’t be a tiebreaker at all. There is still six minutes left in the game. We just need to keep our lead for six more minutes. I glance at all our players. They look confident and focused, but absolutely exhausted. Rivulets of sweat run down Joey’s determined face. Still panting, Joey’s eyes scan the crowd. He spots my blue parasol and then me. I blow him another kiss. He nods his head, his face serious. His focus is good. He’s doing great in spite of not taking his medication. I tried for weeks to get him to take his pills again but his mind was made up.

  La Tormenta’s players all have malevolence in their tired eyes. I wring my hands nervously. Anger is a powerful motivator. They were already a team with intimidating technique on the field. No one would be shocked if they scored a goal in the few minutes remaining. It all happened so fast. Red jerseys and silver jerseys traveling back and forth across the field as the clock ran down. I whispered encouragements to our players. And then we win. La Tormenta couldn’t get past our defense before time ran out and we win. Just like that. All around, the crowd erupts. Joey falls onto his knees and opens his hands to the sky. He grins with tears in his eyes and I read his lips. “Thank you,” he says. “Thank you.”

  I stand up from my chair. Speechless, I watch as the people rush past me to join Chupasangre’s team members in hoisting Joey up with their arms and singing, “Fuegooo! Fuegooo! Fuegooo!” Tears run down Joey’s face and mine. It doesn’t matter that this is just a town soccer match. He could have had to bury his passion for soccer after the accident. We could have had to lay Joey to rest after the accident, but he survived. He stood tall through all the physical and emotional pain and now he’s a champion.

  Manny and I are one of the few people who stay on the sidelines and watch the celebration. He puts his arm around me. “What a game!” he laughs. He squeezes me to him. “I know this isn’t a good time for me to tell you,” his voice lowers, “but I should have told you this a long time ago and maybe you won’t take it too hard, now that you’re so happy with Joey these days. I’m…I’m moving to California. Caltech is still accepting me into their engineering program,” he says quickly. “I’m leaving. August 22.”

  “How long have you been planning this?” I ask, dejected.

  “Since May.”

  I step away from him.

  “That’s why I’ve been so adamant about you being with Joey. I know that you’ll be taken care of while I’m gone. He’s a great guy who loves you as much as I do.”

  “That was the secret, then.” I nod to myself. “And what Mom went through with Daddy. That was part of the secret, too. Right?” He nods with me. “August 22 is three weeks from now,” I gasp. My eyes start to sting.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s good. Live your life,” I chuckle. “It’s like the homecoming dances and prom. Remember? I
told you to go without me and that I would be fine.” I’m smiling and I don’t know why. Manny reaches his arms out to hug me but I gently push them away. “Go,” I swallow. “Just go.” Manny opens his mouth to say something, but Joey runs between us to grab me up in his arms. He’s dripping with sweat but I let him kiss and hug me. It’s good to know I’m his favorite fan. Manny congratulates Joey, tucks his folded lawn chair under his arm and then walks away with a bowed head.

  Joey’s hands are locked together at the small of my back. “Are you ready for your surprise?” he leans back and searches my eyes.

  I try to smile and look excited, but it’s obvious that I’m upset.

  “You okay?”

  “Manny’s moving to California. Did you know that? He’s known since May that he was going to leave me.”

  “He told you that just now?” Joey grumbles.

  I nod and begin to cry. “I thought Manny leaving me would be like ripping off a Band-aid. It feels like ripping off a limb. I just got him back and now he’s leaving me again. Could you please go talk to him? Tell him I don’t really want him to go. I can’t bring myself to say it.”