Into the Darkness

by Kat T. Masen

  I leaned against the wall, the lack of her presence leaving a huge ache inside me. I needed to let her go, just for tonight. Maybe I was pushing her but I didn’t know what else to do.

  I walked back into the club to be pulled aside again. “Sir, the lady outside is refusing to leave. How would you like me to proceed with this?”

  “I’ll take care of it. The last thing we need is to be in the tabloids. Are the paparazzi still there?”

  “No, sir, I believe John took care of them earlier. However with Mr. Comb’s leaving shortly they may return.”

  I patted him on the shoulder and walked to the entrance.

  “Lex, baby, please. It’s been an hour. Let me in,” Samantha whined.

  I grabbed her arm and pulled her aside. “You need to stop causing a scene outside my club. I don’t know what has gotten into you but I am putting you in the next cab that drives past.”

  “Why won’t you let me in? Please, just for old time’s sake? C’mon, angel.” She pulled me into her. I wasn’t prepared for her overbearing affection and then it was her use of the word angel that triggered an unwelcomed memory. What was it though? She laughed. “Look what the cat dragged back. Is she the reason why, Alex?”

  I turned to see Charlotte standing at the entrance. Her eyes looked glassy but her facial expression was that of shock. Eric pulled her away from the scene but I saw her turn around one more time. I pushed Samantha away and ran to the cab Charlotte was getting into. Eric had placed her inside. She was leaning against the glass, facing the other way.

  “Eric, please, it’s not what you think,” I said, panicked.

  Eric poked his head into the cab and asked the cab driver to give him a second. “Look Lex, I don’t know what to think, but Charlie is pretty wasted right now so I doubt she’ll remember what she saw.”

  “I need to talk to her. I need to explain,” I said desperately.

  “She is my best friend and I don’t want to see her hurt. Just give her time. At least let her sleep this off.” He said goodbye, then got in the cab and they drove off.

  Back at the hotel, I sat on the balcony, running my hands along the rim of my glass filled with scotch. My blackberry sat beside me, tormenting me as I so desperately wanted to call her. I wanted make sure she was OK, to explain what happened. As the sun began to rise, I realized it was morning and no good would come of calling her this early. My mind refused to shut down, my eyes betraying me when I attempted to close them, images of tonight teasing me. The look on her face as she moaned at my touch, the pure ecstasy that her body so obviously craved. In frustration I grabbed my cell, clutching onto it as if my life depended on it, but I stopped and placed it back down. I picked up the scotch and drank every last drop.

  Angel. That word. Why was it bugging me so much?

  Moments later I fell asleep, slumped in the chair. The night’s events became a hazy blur.

  April 2005

  I rang the doorbell, patiently waiting for Adriana or Charlotte to answer. With my hands in my pockets, I stood there rocking back and forth trying to mask the excitement I felt at seeing her again. I knew it was wrong, but I hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of – though I knew it was only a matter of time. I enjoyed her company. She made me laugh, made me forget the world existed for a few moments. She was uncomplicated. My vows were still intact. No, there was nothing to feel guilty about.

  Then she stood in front of me. Like I was in some dream, she captivated me, her beauty leaving me speechless.

  “Oh hey, Alex. You OK? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Hi, Charlotte... I uh...” Fuck, I had nothing to say. Now was not the time to be giddy. Man up. OK, so I want to see her naked, every inch of her spread out in front of me. OK, shit, no more manning up.

  She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the living room where her parents sat. She introduced me to her father who simply said hello. Her mother stood up and walked over to me, then she placed her hand on my cheek. How odd, I thought to myself.

  “Un ángel camina entre nosotros,” she chanted as she touched my face.

  An angel walks amongst us? What an odd thing to say. I replied in Spanish, saying ‘thank you.’ Thank God I understood and didn’t look like a complete moron in front of her.

  “You understand Spanish?” Charlotte asked with a wide grin on her face.

  “Yes, it’s what happens when you’d rather study than play dolls with your sister.”

  She laughed and led me to her room where we found Adriana on her cell with some sort of party emergency. “Hey, Alex.” Adriana said, then turned to Charlotte. “Sorry I have to love you and leave you. The caterer needs me to pick the final menu.”

  “Adriana, you can’t just leave your brother here,” Charlotte answered in a panic.

  “Sure I can. He is the computer geek. My Mac is doing some weird cross-eyed guy warning thingamajig. All my songs are on there and I need them for the party.” Without any time for either of us to respond, Adriana vanished through the door like Superman on crack.

  “I’m not a computer geek, just FYI,” I told Charlotte.

  “You don’t look like a geek,” she said. “Far from it.”

  “What do I look like?”

  “Alex...please, you know. You’d be blind not to see it.”

  “Well call me blind.”

  “You know you’re hot. You’re smart. I mean, you’re a doctor! You’re the whole package.”

  “The whole package? Obviously you don’t know me well. I’m not perfect, Charlotte.” How could I even begin to explain how imperfect I was?

  “Maybe not, but you’re pretty damn close.”

  It dawned on me that her words were sincere and I had never heard anyone use the words ‘perfect’ and ‘Alex’ in the same sentence, except for my mother. But the thing that amazed me was how confident she was when she said it, that it was nothing but the truth. As the minutes passed, I found myself unable to look away, caught in the dilemma of wanting her innocence, her purity, but my words came out unexpected.

  “What did your mom mean back there?”

  “That angel stuff? Long story. Just this legend she believes in. Don’t worry, she’s always trying to bestow her wisdom upon me. I’m eighteen. Isn’t this the time of my life to go wild? You know, get drunk and tattoo some random guy’s name on my ass?”

  “You’re not like that,” I answered at ease.

  “No, I’m not.” She hesitated, distracted by a loud yell that echoed throughout the house. The voices were muffled but soon I realized it was her parents arguing. “Alex, you should probably go. This isn’t something you want to hear,” she whispered softly, her voice saddened by the excessive yelling. She sat on her bed, a tear escaping her eye. Without thinking, I sat beside her and placed my arm around her.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “You wouldn’t understand. Hell, even I don’t understand.”

  “No, but I’ll listen. That’s the least I can offer.”

  She wiped her sleeve across her cheek. With her head down she began to speak. “You think I would be used to it by now, you know, my parents being separated. Mom’s here visiting and I should be grateful they are able to sit in the same room together.” She paused, as if she was trying to find the right words. “I just don’t understand how you promise that in sickness and health, till death do you part that you will be with one person. How do you hurt someone you’re supposed to love? He’s hurting, I know he is, but he’s too proud to show it. My mom doesn’t understand. He still loves her, though he has a crappy way of showing it. She doesn’t look at him the way she used to, or maybe she never did. All she talks about is Dark Angels, how they come into your life and steal what’s yours, your heart and soul. I figured out a long time ago it wasn’t my dad. He didn’t steal her heart – someone else did. She never let it go and now, my poor dad—” Her voice faded as her words sunk in.

  “Charlotte, if it’s not meant to be then maybe your dad is
better off. Give him the chance to find someone who will love him the way he deserves to be loved.”

  “So you’re telling me it’s okay to make these promises, place rings on each other’s fingers, make vows before God, your family and friends, only to walk away when something better comes along?”

  Sitting so close to her, I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming need to touch her, to hold her in my arms. Her honesty and compassion astounded me. She wore her heart on her sleeve and I wanted nothing more than to place it in my hands and promise to cherish it for the rest of my life. With her big brown eyes staring back at me, my heart began racing, not because I was afraid but because it felt right, and that was terrifying. She instilled honesty in me and I had no choice but to express how I felt – how she made me feel.

  “Not something better, Charlotte. Something right. And yes, I would walk away, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  Chapter 11

  Charlie

  April 2005

  “Charlie, do you want to talk about it?”

  What was there to talk about? I hadn’t slept. My mom decided to take off again leaving my dad to worry relentlessly about her. How could I understand? I hadn’t been in love before nor had I been married. My opinion didn’t matter even though my life had been turned upside down.

  “Not tonight, Adriana.”

  I examined my eyes in the mirror. The dark circles were impossible to hide.

  “So listen, since you look like sex on legs, we need to discuss some sort of signal in case you want to get some nookie nookie.”

  “Adriana, did you just say nookie nookie?”

  “You know Logan will be here,” she teased.

  Here we go again. If I had a dollar for every time this topic was brought up I could buy, well, a new pair of converse. Logan and I had a fling last year; it resulted in us losing our virginity down at the beach. It wasn’t the best place to lose it, mainly because there was sand everywhere. So I was in no rush to try again after what could only go down as the worst first time in history. We tried again a month after in his bed and unfortunately it was no better than before. There was no sand but also no spark, plus it was awkward, he was huge and I was small, so it just kind of hurt.

  I wasn’t sure what the big deal was. I was fully capable of helping myself. Adriana would tell me how wonderful it was to be in love. I was yet to discover that feeling.

  “Honestly, he is a great guy, you know it. Stop trying to play matchmaker! If anyone needs the signal it will be you.”

  The doorbell rang and I had never seen Adriana run so fast. She could have qualified for the Olympics at the rate she was going. I opened the bedroom door to hear muffled voices. It was Elijah. I had learned my lesson: give them five minutes before entering the room. I checked my cell and saw a message from Logan.

  Charlie, I’m bringing the guys. Be there in fifteen.

  I quickly responded knowing Adriana would be ecstatic. In her eyes, the more the merrier. I thought of the aftermath, the cleaning tomorrow morning. Her parents only agreed to this if the house was back to its original condition by ten o’clock the next morning. I didn’t know how Adriana expected to pull it off.

  The doorbell went off again and this time I decided to head downstairs. They must have finished their make-out session by now.

  “Adriana! Logan said the guys are coming too,” I yelled as I walked down the stairs. I was surprised to be greeted by Alex and Sam in the kitchen.

  Everything that I felt in the past week had slapped me in the face. They were here, as a married couple. That’s right, married, I had to keep reminding myself. Suddenly our flirty texts seemed foolish and adolescent. What was I thinking? I had no right lusting after a married guy. But something felt different, like it was more than just a crush. He acted different. I couldn’t explain it but I knew I had no choice but to snap out of it. I briefly looked at him; Samantha was sitting on his lap. His expression was uncomfortable, my insides crushed as I took in the image.

  “Charlotte, nice to see you again. This is my wife, Samantha,” he introduced her as I awkwardly stood there not knowing what to say. She was stunning. Adriana’s description did not do her justice, neither did the photos at their house. I reached out my hand to shake hers but instead she jumped off his lap and pulled me into a hug.

  “Finally, I get to meet you! Adriana talks nonstop about you. It’ll be good to have another friend in this boring, miserable place,” she squealed.

  I looked at Alex, unsure of what to say. His face was just as confused as mine. “Oh, wow. Nice meeting you too, Samantha.”

  She slowly pulled away, her smile sincere. Thankfully the doorbell rang so I excused myself to mingle with some of the guests. As soon as I was out of the kitchen, I took a moment to gather my thoughts. That was awkward and I felt like shit now, not wanting to admit it hurt me seeing her like that with him. Maybe I did need some nookie nookie tonight, just to get over this.

  The house was filling up and I started recognizing a lot of people from school. I did my best-friend duty and greeted the guests. Most were already into the punch which I assumed had been spiked, and the speakers were blaring the latest Chris Brown song. I had been humming along to the beat when I felt a pair of bulky arms wrap themselves around my waist.

  “Logan!” I turned around as he hugged me tight, lifting me up. I missed him. He was one of my best friends despite our awkward history. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and behind him I noticed Alex standing with Elijah. Alex looked at me strangely, almost angry. Why on Earth would he be angry that I was hugging one of my best friends? Logan put me down, the grin on his face contagious.

  “Charlie, I’ve missed you. You never visit me anymore,” he complained.

  “I know, I know. I’ve missed you too, Logan. Come on, let’s get a drink.”

  We walked over to the drinks table. Logan grabbed a cup of punch, and his facial expression said it all. Yep, it had been spiked but thankfully Logan could hold his booze. I on the other hand didn’t want a repeat of the last eighteenth birthday party I went to. I grabbed a bottle of Coke, knowing I would probably be the only sober one here.

  Logan put our drinks down and pulled me onto the makeshift dance floor. He had the moves; I’d always enjoyed dancing with him. He grabbed my waist and pulled me into him, then I rubbed myself against his thigh. This is what we did. We didn’t care that people thought we were a couple. We were just having fun. The song finished, and I pulled away from Logan.

  “I’m going to check on Adriana. Behave, Logan.”

  I found her standing in the kitchen with Samantha, pouring Grey Goose into a new batch of punch. Alex was standing at the corner doing something with his cell. I made a conscious effort to avoid contact with him at all costs.

  “Hey, Char!” she greeted a bit too cheerfully.

  “Adriana, why are you spiking the punch? Did we not learn from the last party?”

  “Oh, lighten up, Char! I’m eighteen now. WOO!” This was like a bad scene straight out of Girls Gone Wild.

  “So, Charlie, Adriana tells me you and Logan…” Samantha teased. Alex instantly looked up from his cell, his face enraged as he gazed at me. “You looked pretty cozy on the dance floor,” she continued.

  It was so awkward to have this conversation in front of Alex! I felt the need to defend myself. “It’s not like that. We are just great friends. Have been since we were born.”

  Adriana laughed loudly, the punch in full effect. I sensed that what she was about to say would not paint the best picture of me. “Please, Char, good friends don’t just lose their virginity to each other!” She continued laughing.

  Alex shot me a fierce glare before leaving the room. I was livid. “Adriana, I can’t believe you said that out loud!” I angrily responded.

  I left the room to look for Alex. I wanted to know what his problem was. I continued searching the house but couldn’t find him. I searched the gardens, no sign of him. Then I walked onto the street, wh
ere under the pale moonlight I saw the shadow of Alex leaning against his car.

  “Alex?”

  He turned around, his face softening as he saw me. I leaned against the car as well, knowing it was best that I didn’t make eye contact with him.

  “Alex, did I do something to make you angry? I’m sorry about that conversation in the kitchen. I didn’t particularly want my sex life announced to the whole world. Adriana will get an earful from me tomorrow,” I joked.

  His face was still serious. The silence was deafening. “So, it’s true?”

  “What’s true?”

  “You and Logan are an item?”

  “No, we aren’t. I told you I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “So what, you’re fuck buddies then? It sure looked like it when you were dancing.”

  His hands caught my attention: his fists were clenched. I didn’t get why he was so fucking angry and it was now making me angry. I was shocked at his response. What did he care, anyway? He was married; he had a wife to go home to. Why would my sex life bother him in the slightest?

  “First of all, we are not fuck buddies. We did it twice, over a year ago. It was not good so we never did it again. Second of all, he is a good friend and yes we like to have fun—it’s harmless. Besides, both of us agree we are better as friends. And lastly, why would you care? Are you worried I’m going to have unprotected sex like the rest of the teenagers here and get knocked up before graduation?”

  “Charlotte, it’s just…you—”

  “What about me?” I was confused. What the hell was going on?!

  Just then, he quickly leaned over, his lips crashing against mine. I could taste his desperation as it was mirroring mine. My head was screaming at me to stop but my body was aching for it. His hands were now cupping my face, but I wanted more. I wanted him to touch every part of me. I grabbed his jacket, pulling him closer to me, the kiss becoming more intense, his tongue searching for more. I wanted to give him everything, right then and there. I didn’t want to stop. My heart was beating fast, and my body felt like it was on fire. I wanted all of him.