Into the Darkness

by Kat T. Masen

  Alex laughed and splashed me with the water. I screamed at the coldness.

  “Now I’m wet!” I whined.

  He turned the tap off, drying his hands on the towel hanging on the rack. “Weren’t you before?”

  “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know,” I teased as I walked back into the room.

  Suddenly I felt his arms around my waist. I stiffened. He leaned into my neck and whispered in my ear, “Yes I would, Charlotte. You don’t know how much.”

  I felt his lips on my skin. I couldn’t resist the feeling of his lips on me again. I allowed him to do it. Reaching my arm up behind, I pulled him into me. His hands were still around my waist, then I felt them slowly move up to my breasts. I waited in anticipation before I heard a commotion outside. Like that splash of cold water, we pulled away from each other.

  I grabbed the garbage bag and pretended to pick up trash as Alex looked at me, smiling, before walking out of the poolhouse. I heard the voices: it was Samantha and Adriana.

  “Adriana, seriously, we need to get cracking. Andrew and Emily will have a shitfit and you’ll be grounded for a year if they see the house like this.”

  “I know, I know. The house is done. It’s just the pool now.”

  “What about the poolhouse?”

  “Charlotte did it. I just showed her where to find the spare sheets,” Lex lied.

  “Eww, like people fucked in there?”

  “I know, I am never drinking again. Or throwing a party.”

  “Wait till you get to college,” Sam said. “The parties there are wicked.” “That’s what I’ve heard and I can’t wait. I better go find Elijah.”

  I heard Adriana walk away. I pretended to clean, hoping they would leave.

  “Nice influence, Samantha,” I heard Alex say. “Is that really how you want to tell an eighteen-year-old to spend her time in college?”

  “It’s more fun than staying in Carmel,” she bit back sarcastically.

  “You want to bring that up again?” Now he sounded pissed.

  “Fuck, Alex. How could I not bring that up again? I’m tired of this boring place! Being married doesn’t mean you have to stay at home every day. I miss the city. I miss the crazy parties and the drinking.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m going to finish cleaning.”

  “No, I’m sick of you not wanting to talk, or do anything for that matter! God, I even miss the fucking around. It’s like you came here and became a celibate doctor. Do you realize we haven’t fucked in like a month? Even then, it was a pity fuck. I had to beg you for it!”

  “Don’t do this now,” he warned.

  “I’m so sick of our marriage, Alex. It’s turned stale!” I heard her storm off. I stood there awkwardly, trying to take it all in. The door opened and I shuffled to the bedside, pretending to clean. He came up behind me again, turning me around quickly. He crashed his lips onto mine. I dropped the garbage bag and wrapped my arms around his neck. He tasted so good; I kissed him faster, the urgency and thrill of wanting more. As we slowly stopped to catch our breath, he looked me in the eyes.

  “It’s you, Charlotte. You’re the reason behind what she said outside. All I think about is you. I don’t want to stop this. Do you trust me?” he pleaded.

  I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I believed him but I couldn’t help but tell the truth, lay my feelings out in front of him. “I trust you, Alex.”

  …

  I felt my head pounding, like a woodpecker constantly banging that one spot. My eyes felt like they were sewn together. I could barely manage to open them but knew I needed to ease the pain I was feeling. I vigorously rubbed my eyes before opening them slowly, then I realized it was daylight. The sun was shining through the windows, something I would normally enjoy but not this morning. I sat up, trying to make sense of everything. I knew the pounding head was because of the alcohol last night but I didn’t recall how I got home or who I came home with. Panicking, I ran out of my room stumbling on my shoes and purse that were lying on the floor. Shit fuckety shit, that hurt. Rushing to the living room, I immediately noticed the couch was empty. Good, I thought, I didn’t want to deal with anyone right now. I took my time limping to the kitchen. I poured myself a tall glass of orange juice while leaning into the cupboard and grabbing some Advil. The events of last night replayed in my mind as I walked back to my room. I remembered the charity ball, the kiss I shamelessly had with Lex in the ballroom while Julian waited for me. I remembered going to the club to have a good time but that was ruined when Lex showed up. Eric mentioned it was Lex’s. That was it. How did I even get home? I swallowed the juice and Advil and climbed into bed, then closed my eyes. When I opened them again, the sun was still shining. Shit, what time was it? I reached for my cell on the nightstand. Eight o’clock. Wow, this was a sleep-in for me. The screen was full of notifications: five text messages and a slew of emails. The first two were from Eric.

  Lunch at Noodle House at noon. We need to talk.

  Shit, what had I done? I suddenly felt an urge to vomit, thinking I couldn’t remember things for a very good reason.

  Adriana will be there but she is meeting us at 12:30. Don’t be late! Oh and check the photos I tagged myself in with Sarah Jessica Parker. 103 likes! That’s Cray Cray!

  I laughed, regretting it almost immediately as my head felt woozy. It’d been a long time since I drank that much.

  The next message was from Adriana.

  Hey Charlie. Hope you don’t mind Eric inviting me to lunch. If it’s too much I totally understand.

  As much as I didn’t want to revisit my past, Adriana held a special place in my heart. I didn’t know why she felt it would be too much for me, as long as she steered off the topic of her brother. I let her know I was looking forward to catching up.

  The next message was from Julian.

  Gorgeous, I’ll be back around 4. Any chance we can have that raincheck dinner tonight? My place around 7? If you are good, I’ve got a surprise for you. Batman has lots of tricks up his sleeve.

  He made me smile, like always. I hesitated responding. I don’t know why but I knew it had something to do with that kiss last night. I wasn’t cheating on Lex, I wasn’t his. So why did I feel guilty for having dinner with Julian and quite possibly some good sex in his batcave? I shook my head, attempting to clear my thoughts. I responded right away.

  After a few flirty texts back and forth, going back to sleep was impossible. No matter how much I tried to distract myself, I couldn’t be trusted with my thoughts right now. The tension was too much and the only way to release it, apart from raiding the goody drawer, was to go for a run.

  …

  The mornings were full of dedicated runners. I ran as if my life depended on it, trying to forget the past twenty-four hours. My body ached as I pushed myself as hard as humanly possible. I stopped by a bench, stretching my muscles, then pulled on my hood to escape the morning chill. People ran past me, some fast, some slow. Some ran in groups, some by themselves. A group was coming my way, running fast, but there was one guy who ran alone, faster than anyone else. His body tensed as he picked up speed. He wore his hood and I could see his iPod strapped to his arm. An illusion, I told myself, it’s not him. I had been down that road before thinking I saw him everywhere I went. He quickly ran past me. Tailing him were the rest of the runners in the group.

  I continued to stretch my muscles when a woman slowed down, stopping at the bench as well. She bent over and rested her hands on her thighs, trying to catch her breath.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude but blimey, I can’t keep up with you lot!” she moaned.

  “Don’t worry, I’m the same. I think I spend more time as a benchwarmer than actually running,” I joked.

  She started laughing but slowed down as she held onto her rib cage, still trying to recover. She sat down on the bench and I decided to join her.

  “Do you run here a lot?” she asked.

  “Most
mornings. Today I really needed it.”

  “Tell me about it. I haven’t had a moment to relax since I got here.”

  “You’re not from here?” I asked, noticing the British accent.

  “Manchester. A long way from here.”

  “Sometimes the distance can be welcoming.” I was from the West Coast. It wasn’t a coincidence I chose to reside in New York.

  “Yeah, I do miss home. But then again, home is where my man is.” She looked wistfully into the sky.

  I knew that feeling of being in love. There was nothing like it in the world. If you are lucky enough to have it, then hold onto it. How ironic, I thought, the part about holding on. I did, till the end. Till there was nothing left to hold onto.

  “Well, I best head off,” she said. “I’ve got back-to-back meetings today, can you believe that? It’s a Sunday for goodness sakes! It was really nice to meet you.”

  “Nice meeting you too,” I said as she took off, her long blonde hair shimmering in the morning sun.

  …

  Eric was already sitting outside at a table. As usual, his hand was glued to his cell. He looked up as I was walking toward him. He greeted me cheerfully with a kiss on both cheeks.

  “Hey Charlie, how’s the hangover?”

  “How much did I drink? Everything is such a blur,” I moaned as I sunk down in the chair.

  “Let’s see, probably a bottle at the charity event, then maybe...” He started counting his fingers. Oh God. I hung my head in shame, waiting to hear his response. “Maybe five shots at the club? I don’t know. I lost count after you disappeared on the dance floor.” He sipped his latte, grinning.

  “Eric I need you to be honest. What happened last night? I don’t remember anything after the shots I had at the bar.” I didn’t tell him about the quick flashes that would run through my head. I didn’t know if that was my imagination running wild.

  “After the bar, we went up to the VIP area. P. Diddy was there and oh-em-gee, Charlie, Emma and I went to speak to him and he is the coolest guy ever, and—”

  “I mean, what happened with Lex and me…?”

  “That gorgeous man was all over you in the VIP. We left to go dance, then when we came back he had disappeared so you and I decided to dance but before I knew it you and Lex were all over each other on the dance floor. Then you guys disappeared.”

  I froze. Holy shit, did I fuck him in the club? I bowed my head for a moment, closing my eyes and trying to remember what happened, but everything was so hazy. We were in a dark room and I remembered something felt cold on my back. Shit shit shit! How would I know what happened without confronting Lex?

  “OK, so I take it from the silence you are worried you fucked him? To be honest, Charlie, when I saw you coming out of the ladies’ room you didn’t look like you had been fucked.”

  “And how in hell would you know what I looked like if I had been fucked?”

  “I don’t know, legs wobbly, more disheveled? Your hair was pretty much intact, as was your dress. Maybe he just copped a feel. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

  Maybe he thought I shouldn’t have worried about it too much but this was Lex we were talking about here! This wasn’t any new guy I could simply ignore. Every touch meant something and I was afraid I crossed the border into up-the-creek-without-a-paddle’sville last night. Suddenly I thought of Julian. The guilt made me nauseous even though I didn’t know what happened. I could blame the alcohol, right?

  My thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Adriana strolling toward us. Eric and I stood up and hugged her before we sat down again to order our lunch. I didn’t have much of an appetite so I settled for a noodle salad. We chatted about the charity ball and what gossip was splashed on page six this morning. Adriana proudly talked about her boutique, how she started it and the designs she would stock as well as her own creations. I was so proud of her and what she achieved. She had wanted this for as long as I could remember and to be successful in New York was a very big achievement in the fashion world. Eric excused himself when he got a call from a potential booty call. I was thankful for a moment alone with Adriana.

  “Adriana, I need to ask you something.” I hesitated slightly, wondering if I should involve her in the mess I had created for myself. “Have you spoken to Lex since last night?”

  She placed her fork down, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “Yes, I have.” She grinned.

  “Why are you smiling?” I was nervous. I fucked him, I knew it!

  “Were you so wasted you don’t recall last night so you are trying to find out what happened between you and Lex?”

  “Yes, kind of. Look, I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t usually go out and get wasted on a Saturday night. Most of the time I’m at Nikki’s house spending time with her son,” I said, trying to defend myself.

  “Hey, listen, Char…” It had been a while since she had called me that and everything about it felt so normal. I missed her, my best friend. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. One look at you and I know you aren’t that type of girl. You never were. That’s why Lex loved you so much.”

  Her words were like tiny knives, stabbing me one by one in the heart. Loved…that’s why he loved me so much. Past tense, I kept telling myself. He wasn’t my future anymore.

  “He didn’t tell me much to be honest, only that you didn’t have sex. He was clear on that when I asked him. Oh, and that stupid bitch Samantha was there,” she mentioned calmly.

  “What? Samantha was there??”

  Suddenly the vision flashed behind my eyes. We were exiting the club; I heard laughter, familiar laughter. The feeling of wanting to be violently ill on the sidewalk when I saw her face and Lex trying to restrain her from entering the club. There was so much I had wanted to say at that moment, from apologizing for what I did to her, to calling her a whore for what she did to Lex.

  “Yes, she was. She wasn’t allowed to enter the club so she made a big scene and Lex of course had to calm her down. It’s not the best publicity for the club since the paparazzi swarm that place.”

  Adriana continued to explain what happened, how Samantha was already drunk and how she was having massive custody issues with Rodney, her ex, regarding their daughter. Adriana had only heard about her through the grapevine after ceasing contact with her after she and Lex split up. A part of me felt sorry for Sam after hearing what she was going through, but it wasn’t my place to get involved.

  Eric came back to the table, excitedly talking about a date he was having with this guy tomorrow night and what he should wear. I pointed out that since it was the movies he might want to leave his Versace suit hung up in the closet. He pouted as usual. Any excuse to wear that suit. We said goodbye to each other. Adriana and I had planned to have dinner on Tuesday night, just the two of us to catch up on old times.

  Back at my apartment, I plonked myself on the couch and tried to piece the puzzle together. I didn’t fuck Lex last night but who knows, maybe I gave him head or something. Shit. I was mad as hell with Lex. No good could come of being around him. I needed to focus on the positive and that was Julian. All this was doing my head in massively. I grabbed my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey off the shelf and snuggled on my couch with my newest book boyfriend, Christian Grey. He would make it better. Failing that, he’d spank me into oblivion.

  …

  It was seven on the dot when I knocked on Julian’s door dressed in my off-the-shoulder black dress. His grin was infectious when he answered. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Geez, Alfred is slacking off. Batman has to answer the door himself?”

  He grabbed me, pulling my body into his, and kissed me on the lips. I felt his desire as his tongue softly teased mine. I pulled away momentarily, a reaction of guilt, then played it off as a joke.

  “If that’s how you’ll greet me every time, you might as well fire Alfred,” I joked.

  “Come inside, Gorgeous.”

  As I walked into his apartment it still took m
e by surprise how much it actually looked like the batcave in the movies. The walls were dark but still had this warm feel. We stood in his living room which was very much like mine, not too large. A brown leather sofa sat in front of a massive flat screen TV. What is it with men and their obsession with size? Opposite to that were rows and rows of bookshelves. They were crammed with so many books, which was expected considering he wrote for a living. He grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen, where I was surprised to see the dining table set up with the plates and cutlery perfectly positioned as well and two candelabras sitting in the middle of the table, the flames burning brightly.

  “Oh wow, Julian, this is beautiful,” I said in awe. A romantic gesture, but that was Julian, such a romantic guy.

  He motioned for me to take a seat, then he poured some wine into a glass. I wasn’t sure if I could handle any more alcohol but I didn’t want to offend him. I took a sip as he served the first course. We chatted about the charity ball which led to a conversation about his work with Hungarian orphans. I watched him as he passionately told the story about his journey and how much work he had done to help the children. The emotions were getting the better of him as he choked up slightly. I leaned in and placed my hand on top of his. Here before me was a man who had a huge heart. He had so much compassion, understanding. He wouldn’t leave me alone and hurt. It always came back to this. Why was I constantly comparing him to Lex? When we finished our meal, he cleared the table while I wandered back to the living room.

  “Are you ready for your surprise now?” His eyes danced as if a piece of forbidden fruit was being dangled before him. I eagerly waited in anticipation as he walked out of the kitchen with a small plate of…wait, is that? Yes, red velvet cupcakes with butter cream frosting.

  “How did you know these were my favorite?” My curiosity piqued and my mouth was drooling.

  “A little birdie told me: Bakers in Brooklyn.”

  What! That was my favorite place in the whole world! They made the most scrumptious desserts and these red velvet cupcakes were my weakness—next to Louboutins, of course.