Broken

by Christina Leigh Pritchard

  Poetry

  for the

  BROKEN

  Poetry by

  Christina Leigh Pritchard

  Author of the C I N Series

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  Broken:

  For the Psycho in Him & in You.

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  © Copyright 2009-2012 Christina Leigh Pritchard. All Rights Reserved.

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  Under Copyright Law:

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise (except for brief quotation in printed or digital review) without prior written permission of the copyright owner.

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  Photography Credits

  D Sharon Pruitt of Pink Sherbet Photography

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  Like Fizz

  Like fizz

  my emotions bubble up from my tummy

  Making my heart pound

  I am such a dummy

  For my heart is about

  to be tossed to the ground

  And I will have to stare down at it

  Regretting my deepest feelings

  And running after you I must quit

  For if I do not

  You’ll entrap me

  And leave me in your web caught

  Waiting to die

  When you drain me of my blood

  For what I feel is just a lie

  That lingers in my mind

  Since what I really want

  I cannot seem to find

  ________________

  Unable

  One moment I want you

  The next I’m just happy with what we have

  I am not sure which feeling is true

  Sometimes it is so intense

  And I don’t know what to do

  But then other days it is just comfortable

  It doesn’t make any sense

  There is a barrier

  That is tall and dense

  Blocking me from the truth

  And once removed

  It will be too late to know

  What I really feel

  And you will just go

  While I stay behind

  And continue searching

  For what I am unable to find

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  The Fact

  Don’t talk about the past

  all I want to believe

  is already in my head

  these feelings won’t last

  and I’ll move on instead

  never doubting how fast

  history fades when certain of

  the fact

  that there is no love

  ________________

  Pleasure

  you claim I’ll never see pleasure

  so this means in your heart I am not

  how many times I measure

  the things I feel

  but deep inside I know,

  I’ll never be able to deal

  Without you

  please just go

  So that I am not reminded

  Everyday

  That this is a lie

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  Stop

  Stop messing with my emotions

  You’re going to tear out my heart

  And leave me screaming my confessions

  Cause my motor you try to start

  Then drift away

  I get nervous and aroused

  But you just continue to stay

  Not ever knowing what it is you are doing

  Stop messing with my head

  Cause I can’t stop thinking about you

  When I’m lying in bed

  Thinking of all the things we could do

  Stop messing with my mind

  For if you do not

  I will be left in an unfixable bind.

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  Yo-Yo

  you come near

  but leave without emotion

  your motives are not clear

  and my feelings drift further away through this ocean

  cause I can’t wait till you know

  what it is you want

  so please decide before I go

  cause my boat is almost lost in the sea

  my oars already gone

  Please explain to me

  What it is you feel

  so that my electricity

  I may turn on

  But till then

  I shall refrain from you

  Cause if not,

  you’ll cause me much pain.

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  Too Close

  you are getting too close to me

  I can’t breathe right

  You will leave eventually

  And it will take all my might

  To not run from you

  Cause it hurts to know

  That soon you’ll just go

  And leave my heart out

  Displayed for all to see

  And the pain will make me shout

  But no one will hear me

  I can’t run from you

  I should

  I want to

  But don’t think I could

  You are my heart

  And into misery I shall fall

  Cause if I was smart

  I never would’ve let you get this close at all.

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  Song

  you wrote a song

  made my heart melt

  thought about it all night long

  wishing I could tell you how I felt

  but don't know myself

  wouldn't matter anyway

  so I'll leave my heart upon a shelf

  and hope this feeling doesn't stay

  twisting in my stomach knots

  it hurts more than you'll ever know

  cause I love you lots

  but am certain you'd just

  go away

  if you knew

  the things I really feel

  but there isn't anything I can do

  except hide from what is real

  and keep my emotions bottled up

  so that things will not change

  and so my feelings won't erupt

  and my life rearrange.

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  I saw you in a new light

  your smile grabbed me

  and now I must fight

  to not lose it completely

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  Shelf

  i ignore the feeling

  and try hard to pretend it's nothing

  probably it is for you

  but I keep fighting

  to keep it that way for myself

  I don't want to feel the way I do

  cause it is not wise

  to put my heart upon the shelf

  and wait

  for one person

  who has no feelings for me

  my heart is not bait

  for you

  to use as practice

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  That Look

  that look you give me

  makes my heart ache

  cause this feeling just cannot be

  and a relationship we're unable to make

  but I still shiver at your touch

  and try to push back butterflies

  and pretend it doesn't bother me as much

  as it does

  but am afraid it all may be lies

  to myself

  so I must keep away from you

  so that any harm I may cause

  won't come true

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  Why?
/>   Why can’t you just go away?

  Why don’t you just leave me alone?

  Please don’t stay

  Cause my heart you don’t own

  Nor will you ever

  If things do not change

  I’ll be enslaved to you

  And my life disarranged

  And my freedoms will be few

  For your look captures me

  But your games break my heart constantly.

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  Nothing

  Nothing you say

  Could make me stay

  Here with you

  Nothing you do

  Could get me to change my mind

  Cause my heart you’ll never find

  Nor will you want to

  Cause I am too afraid of loving you

  I’ll fight it till the end

  And on you I’d never depend

  For I am not made to be a kept woman.

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  Invalid

  Many times I’ve tried

  To get you to notice me

  But to myself I’ve lied

  Thinking it was not meant to be

  & now realize all the tears I’ve cried

  Are invalid

  For this whole time you did

  Love me

  But I was too afraid to accept it

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  I tried

  I tried to let you go

  But you came back

  I tried to make you grow up

  But you stayed the same

  Maturity you lack

  At your every call

  I always came

  I tried to say I need you

  But you were not there at all

  Now you say this is how it will always be

  But this is not for me

  I tried

  Having someone to love apparently

  is not your choice.

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  Mixed Feelings

  You are mine

  But not that way

  Like aged wine

  You are reserved for that special day

  When all those thoughts

  You have held onto

  Fill in the puzzle’s missing spots

  And create life’s picture for you

  I don’t want you to spoil

  As does wine when opened too soon

  My feelings are like dirty oil

  Ever changing as does the moon

  For I think one way

  But after our eyes meet

  I kinda feel like with you I need to stay

  But then I look down at my feet

  And see you for real

  And get confused for some of your touches

  Make it hard to not feel

  Those butterflies as your arm brushes

  Against mine

  But I need to stay away

  And so do you.

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  The Fool

  Walking aimlessly

  After you

  Holding onto every word

  Is what I do

  Hoping that the things said

  Mean what I want

  But it is just friendship I get instead

  Cause all I have sought

  Has been in vain

  And you allowed me to think otherwise

  So now I am in pain

  Cause no one hears the cries

  Of the fool

  Who lets another

  Treat her so cruel

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  Forbidden

  I try so hard to not feel

  but it never works when you come around

  when you look into my eyes I get weak

  and am ready to do your will

  you make it hard to not let my heart be found

  and you make it so I am unable to speak

  the truth out loud

  to the world

  cause this cannot happen

  so i will just ignore it when i feel my heart pound

  and pretend it is a lie

  for you and I

  are forbidden

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  Every Time

  every time I look into your eyes

  I see a paradise for two

  but then the truth is really lies

  when I turn away from you

  and see you wearing a disguise

  and realize there is nothing I can do

  to save myself from you

  I am stuck in a hopeless battle full of pain

  cause no matter what I do

  there is nothing I can gain

  by loving or hating you

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  I don’t have much time

  To sit here and wait

  For you to get caught in your crime

  And leave me as your bait

  Always you scheme

  life is one big mess

  But what I know you couldn’t even dream

  So why not just confess

  Your lies

  And help remove the chains

  Wrapped across my eyes

  So that I can have control over my reins

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  Game

  practically new

  to the game of dating

  there are very few

  who are left waiting

  for that special person

  to take for their own

  and become as one

  for all eternity

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  Only

  I only want someone loving

  to hold me closely

  And whisper in my ear

  Promises and secrets

  Of us being together year after year

  And making my heart

  Burst from my chest

  at the very thought

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  Back

  Something holds me back

  from the things I want

  it happens each time our eyes lock

  that’s when the butterflies attack

  And my mind they taunt

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  Rock

  You hit my heart with a jagged rock

  Each time I pull away

  The rope ties tighter

  Around my waist

  And months later I notice these rope burns that stay

  Grow brighter

  And stick to my flesh like paste

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  Pain

  The pain creeps up

  Through my spine

  And gathers around my neck

  Makes me corrupt

  And fills my glass with wine

  To dispel the nervous wreck

  That I’ve become

  My ankles shake

  I look away

  As some

  Talk of what a mistake

  I’ve made

  and try to think of a way

  To punish me

  For the sin

  I’ve wrapped myself in.

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  I would love to tell you what's in my head

  but if I ever did

  the relationship we now have would become dead

  and I'd be an invalid

  hopelessly wandering the street

  where you live

  crying out to all I meet

  hoping my pain to others I could give

  so empathy they'd feel

  and with me cry

  helping me deal

  with this never-ending lie.

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  U say

  u say u don’t care

  what’s going on with me

  I wouldn’t dare

  Ask why this is the way it must be

  Deep inside I know you

  Have affection for me

  But not love that is true

  I now see

  Where my road is
heading.

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  Make Me

  Make me follow your lead

  Make my heart beat

  Make my belly full of your seed

  Make me yearn for your caress

  Make my legs grow weak

  Make my emotions one big mess

  Make me depend upon you

  Make my life revolve around yours

  Make my decisions too

  Make me love all there is about you

  Make my desire lead me

  Make my heart beat

  Make my love known

  Make me sweet

  Make my soul no longer my own.

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  I see you

  but do you notice me?

  I watch how your lips curve into a smile

  but know you don't see

  the softness in my eyes as I dial

  your number

  and think and pray

  that you'll pick it up

  and say

  "hey"

  ________________

  everyone I see

  just isn’t the right one for me

  I try to spot the love in someone’s eyes

  But always come to realize

  That there is none there for I

  But why?

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  Funny

  it’s funny how one day you care

  but the next you don’t

  it’s funny how yesterday all you did was stare

  but now you won’t

  it’s funny how you looked at me

  but now will not

  it’s funny how this relationship was meant to be

  but emptiness is what we got

  it’s funny how I am so scared to love someone

  but you are not