Please Don't Tell My Parents I've Got Henchmen

by Richard Roberts

  Marcia stepped out of the tunnel on my left, and Charlotte on the right. Marcia cracked her knuckles. Beaddown held up a hand, and a bowling-ball sized sphere of beads whirled above it, while the beads in her hair clattered and flapped. Sue and Laverne both took a step back, definitely not expecting this.

  But Teddy rose to the bait, and even though I'd done nothing but stand around and watch all semester, my heart tightened with pride as he flicked first his right hand, producing a ball of fire, and then his left, producing a ball of water. He smacked them together, and as they exploded into steam, he caught that steam, dragging it out into a spear of ice. Jamming the tip into the floor, he declared, “No! I'm not the little kid you had to save, anymore. I am Hermes, alchemist…” He stumbled for a moment, but picked up again. “Master of the four elements, creator and destroyer of matter! You have wronged us, and we will show you who is on the side of justice.”

  Marcia laughed. It was not a sane sound. My laugh rolled. This barked and skipped. “You have grown, but I am still the teacher, and you are still the student. You pretend to alchemy? I am Ouroboros! I am the snake that eats itself, undying, unkillable. The spear and shield paradox, the immovable object and the irresistible force. Both halves of creation, dark and light, yin and yang, are born in me, and you are spared their power only because I hold them back. Surrender now, or with their power I will punch you so hard or your face won't be found for a thousand years.”

  As she ranted about dark and light, they appeared. Black and white mist swirled on the floor around her, spinning in a slow circle. Her final, ridiculous threat sounded much less ridiculous when she crouched down and slammed her fist into the floor. The force scattered the mists. Metal crunched and buckled, and the bang made us all flinch.

  Plan A was actually working. If I hadn't reveled in villainous monologs myself, I would never have believed it. I still had to force myself not to look surprised as Sue took the bait next. Shadow covered her so deeply I could barely make out anything, a girl-shaped silhouette surrounded by inky tentacles that lashed over the floor. “I am the Gathering Shadow, and I know darkness like you never will, Marcia Bradley. The light is always there for you, protecting you, but I have drunk the darkness's full power. Run in your circles. When you are tired, when your focus slips, light will abandon you. There will be nothing but darkness, and the darkness is mine.” She went in for the special effects, too. As she spoke, the overhead lights got dimmer. Not much. I couldn't see it happening. But by her final words, a malignant gloom shrouded the room.

  Until a single bead floated out of Beaddown's globe, and rapped Gathering Shadow on the top of her head. It was hardly an attack, more like a poke, but when Sue flinched, the regular lighting returned. Charlotte spread her hands, and the globe turned into a ring, circling her at the height of her fingers, lifting and falling on each side with the little movements of her hands.

  “You know me. I'm Beaddown. You all have command of the primal forces of the universe, and what have I got? Jewelry. But you know this. I've beaten your raw power before, with brains, with skill, and with heart, and you have no chance against me now. Ever stood in a hailstorm? You'll know what it's like real quick.”

  Throwing her head back, she laughed, a much more gay and friendly sound than my and Marcia's more villainous offerings. “And that's assuming I play fair.”

  Something went 'zzp.' Cassie squeaked, and grabbed the front of her pants, fastening them back in a hurry.

  “Is it my turn next?” asked Rocky, while Cassie adjusted her belt buckle.

  Laverne took a step back. “I'm not ready. I need time to think.”

  Olga tittered, twisting her web around in her fingers. “This is so much better than the fight I expected.”

  “Arrrg!” growled Cassie. She grabbed her forehead, teeth gritting in fury. “No! I won't let you weasel out of this again, Akk! Do you see these?” She yanked her shirt sleeves up, and I recognized something I hadn't been looking for. Long gloves made of little metal wheels. “Your boyfriend,” and she spit the word, “Shouldn't have forgotten about them.” She clenched a fist, and shot a bolt of lightning into the floor in front of her, a twisting white bar that stung the eyes, turned the room into a black and white picture, and went on and on. “I have their power now, and I am going- ow!”

  “Ow!” Barbara said it too, at exactly the same time.

  Cassie's lightning stopped. She stood there, blinking in surprise.

  Out of the darkest of the tunnels leading from the central dome walked Claire Lutra, dragging Claire Winter in a headlock.

  Other Claire was not taking this lightly. She kicked and flailed her arms, but my Claire had just a teensy bit of superhuman strength, and it was no good.

  Still, Claire Winter could yell. “No! You idiots, why didn't you fight?! You can fight right now! You have her right here! I didn't even get to take part in this tournament, and I hand you the prize, and you're just staring at me like sheep. I will-” This time I heard the music start, but it didn't matter. My Claire cut it off by banging Other Claire's head into the wall.

  The headlock let Claire Lutra keep her fists clenched. She let go of Claire Winter, gave her a shove accompanied by a blast of purplish crackling lightning. It looked pathetic after Cassie's display, but Claire Winter hit the wall, and stuck, no matter how hard she tried to peel herself off it.

  Dusting off her hands, my Claire beamed at us with pride. “That should satisfy my mother. I was a ghost. I didn't have to use my powers at all. I would have stolen the doll, freed Ray, and ended this, until I found something even better to steal. No, don't try it again.” She gave Other Claire a boot to the backside, before I had any hint her powers were activating.

  Beaddown drew her beads back into a ball, relaxing into a more casual posture. “Huh. So she was mind controlling all of you?”

  “Naah, not most of the time.” Cassie's words answered Charlotte, but it was me she looked at, awkwardly half-grinning and shuffling her feet. “We really wanted to face you, Penny. Just once. I know you'd have gotten into trouble, but you'd have forgiven us for that just once, right?”

  Laverne laid her wooden power box against her shoulder, and pointed a thumb at my still delirious boy. “We did need her to capture Ray. I guess she did it by controlling Barbara… uh… team, did any of you look at Barbara lately?”

  Apparently they hadn't, and Other Claire had been more devious than they knew, because Barbara's condition got a series of gasps.

  My Claire said, “The control is off, so with any luck she'll be waking up about now.”

  “Waking up?” Barbara's voice came from behind me. I whirled around. So did everyone else, no matter which direction they were facing. “Yes, I'm waking up.” Again behind me. I tried to ignore it, and give my attention to the voice's owner.

  Barbara lurched off the table, and stood up. 'Up' was stretching the word. She leaned to one side, the arm with the doll hanging limp, while the other plucked needles from it one by one. Her multicolored eyes rolled independently. “I learned not to follow the thoughts, to keep my eyes closed, so I couldn't see. Now I've had a chance to bathe in them. Language! Language is so funny.” No laugh followed. The freed needles floated up, forming a steadily growing pointy cloud between her and us.

  My very last card came into play.

  “Winter, so help me, I am going to kill you!” wailed Jacky. She flowed into the room, went through the needles, letting them spear right through her or stick in her clothing, whichever. She threw her messy arms around Barbara's shoulders, and in a tone of attempted calm betrayed by a bit of flutter, spoke right into Barbara's ear. “Do these thoughts make sense? Ask yourself that, Barbara Tinsley. Do they make sense? If they don't make sense, what you see can't be there, can it? The voices can't be telling you the truth, if it doesn't make sense. Just think about what makes sense. You know how. Polly showed you.”

  Barbara swayed in Jacky's grip. Her lips didn't move. Her voice wandered around the room, wh
ich was an improvement over being right behind everyone. “Of course the things I see are there. It doesn't… make… sense that they're not. We're the ones that aren't here.”

  Dark eyebrows frowned. Barbara's bloodshot eyes focused. She squinted up at Jacky, and with her own lips and her own voice, said, “That doesn't make sense at all, does it?”

  That seemed to be settled. Ray was beginning to focus himself. Nobody had fought anybody. Tesla's belatedly sung genius. My plans had all worked perfectly! It felt really good.

  Time to go comfort my boyfriend-in-distress.

  Or, I could ask the suddenly pertinent question that I wished I could ignore. “Does anybody hear that?”

  Sue, now entirely visible, put a hand to her ear. “Is that someone screaming?”

  “A lot of people screaming?” added my Claire.

  I stepped towards Ray, but Marcia anticipated my priorities. She heaved him up onto her shoulder, which was impressive, since that skinny body was basically made of lead nowadays. Wobbling a little, she pointed at the elevator. “We need you to lead.”

  Sparing myself one very brief sigh, I shouldered my own burden: Responsibility. “Out. Everyone out, now, and stick close together until we know what we're dealing with. Leave Winter. Waiting here until someone comes back for her is a good punishment.”

  “But what about our fight?” asked Cassie, plaintively.

  “People are in real danger.”

  She looked at me for a moment, and then lowered her eyes. “Yeah, I know. Let's go save them.” She sounded disappointed, but she was definitely smiling.

  We packed ourselves tightly into the elevator, leaving Other Claire, Jacky, and Barbara behind. That was fine. Even if she'd been able, it would have been sadistic to push Barbara any farther.

  The yelling was coming from the street. We ran around Northeast West Hollywood Middle to the edge of the playground, and got our first look at the invasion.

  Machines were running amok, bizarrely transformed. A lawn mower ran on its blades, waving its wheels as it chased a high school kid. One of the cars that had been parked out front rolled off on its hind wheels, front hood snapping.

  A lot of the screaming came from the windows of the building next to us. “All of the teachers are still here. Both schools. You know that, right?” said Beaddown.

  Yes. I knew.

  Another infected car drove up the grassy hill towards us. “Back!” I shouted, activating my clockwork jets.

  Everyone threw themselves out of the way, even Ray, except Marcia. She met the oncoming car head-on, and punched it right in the fender.

  The noise was terrible. It knocked her away, sent her rolling, and spun into the wall. Bricks tumbled down.

  Marcia got right back up on her feet, not even hurt. The same could not be said for the car, but while we watched, skinny white robotic arms reached out of the engine, pushing the frame back into shape. A fluid line lashed out into the broken wall, fixing on a thin copper pipe that gushed water.

  They connected only for a second, before the fluid line retracted into the rapidly regenerating car. The walls tore themselves farther open, and an electrical wire snaked into the room beyond, grabbing a laptop on a desk.

  It was my computer lab. This corner of the building was where I had computer lab, and Mr. Geisser stood at the other end of a room full of laptops that were pouncing each other like zombies, each one infecting another, crawling in a wave towards him.

  The PA box over the door fell down and clattered around, cutting off that escape.

  “I've got the monsters!” shouted Cassie. Thrusting out both arms, she put those power-enhancing gloves to good use. Her lightning blasts charred laptop after laptop into slag.

  “I've got the teacher!” shouted Charlotte. Her beads whirled out, and although she gritted her teeth in strain, she floated him over the chaos and out through the gap to us. He got no worse than splashed by open plumbing.

  The car started moving again. It transformed, frame detaching into pieces. It looked like an animal now, lumbering down the street.

  Cassie kept blasting laptops, but they snapped each other up, charred electronics and puddled plastic buffed back into condition by threadlike white arms. They were building into a humanoid shape.

  More screams. A copy machine leaped out of an upper story window, hit the ground hard, and the smashed shape started pulling itself together into a robot.

  “Focus on protecting civilians!” I yelled.

  A couple of parents sat in a car right down the hill from us. Either they were too confused to flee, or their car wouldn't start. It didn't matter which when the shambling car-beast grabbed it.

  I gave Laverne's shoulder a push. “Go!”

  They sprang into action marvelously. Olga threw her web over both cars, orange lines of light wrapping them together. The monster slowed. Laverne fitted a wooden blade into her power box, which set it buzzing like a chainsaw. She sliced the arm off the monster, freeing the door enough for Olga to grab the arm of the first adult and give a tug. “Get out! Run!”

  I allowed myself the briefest moment for internal applause. Wow. Laverne had gotten a lot more powerful.

  Rocky had his own idea. As the walls of the school rippled, more bricks pushed out from the pipes squirming underneath them, he jammed his hydraulic power armor hands into the plumbing.

  To my very, very great surprise, it worked. The other holes stopped forming. The big one into the computer room went still.

  White filaments slid through the glass pipes in front of me. They plugged a line, twisted, it, and connected it to an entirely different pipe. In the process, they released a few wire-thin cables to hook onto the outside joints.

  Not cables. Segmented arms, made of something white and plasticky. I had seen these. They looked like the universal repair machine, which I had combined with my villainy robot to make a self-replicating…

  Oh, criminy.

  But business first. “Sue, get him out of there, fast!”

  Whatever her personal feelings for me, she didn't ask, or argue. Shadows crawled up the hydraulic power suit, and a big, oval hole formed in the back. Ray, looking merely dazed, dragged a protesting Rocky out.

  His thoroughly infected suit turned on us.

  Marcia hit it. Repeatedly. Sue did… something, something that bounced the spraying glass away.

  “I see her!” yelled a familiar woman's voice.

  Rachel and Ruth came galloping up to us on all fours. They were still mostly human. Their shoes were gone, split by massive claws, and they had a whole lot of sharp teeth in too-big mouths, but they were mostly furless. The silvery tattoos Cassie had called their Upgrade glowed, not even a little disguised.

  Ruth got a lot more human as she lifted Cassie up off her feet and into a hug. “Cassie! Thank goodness you're alright. We are getting you out of here, now.”

  Cassie started to struggle, metal-gloved hands pushing against her older sister's arms with little luck. She did have room to complain, “What? No! I have to stay here and help rescue people!”

  “Nope. Sorry. You're leaving,” said Ruth.

  “If you want, I'll take the Akk girl with us,” offered Rachel.

  “No, you don't-” Cassie insisted.

  The front doors of Upper High burst off their hinges, broken down by a shambling, bouncing soda machine. It headed for the copy machine, which had already combined with some other monsters into the recognizable beginnings of a giant robot.

  The problem was that one of the high school kids, unsure where to run, was in the way.

  Cassie twisted around enough to shove out both hands. The gloves gave her real control. Her lightning blast went all the way across the street, only skipping a little, and she dragged it onto the soda machine. The cans inside exploded. While it lay there twitching, the high schooler made a run for the intersection.

  Cassie lifted her still-crackling hands to her sister. “This is what I want to do with my life, Ruth. Besides… these
people need me!”

  That was a fine moment for a school bus to rear up from a side street, roar, and come lurching forward. A couple of cars and some lampposts had attached to it. It was rapidly coming to resemble Godzilla.

  Ruth looked at Rachel, pleadingly. Rachel looked back at her, grim, resolved, and a little consoling.

  Cassie slid to the ground as her purple haired older sister released her grip.

  I pointed at the bus. “That is going to hurt people. A lot of people. We need a team to stop it, and a team to go into the high school and evacuate civilians.”

  “The high school?” asked Beaddown.

  “Yes. Look at it.”

  They did. Most of the windows were broken open. A ceiling fan with telephone legs was crawling around on the front wall. The lunchroom cashier jumped out of a lower window, followed by a bunch of clocks.

  “The infection started from there. This is a mechanical zombie plague. They attack our machines, infect them, and those machines combine and go looking for new prey.”

  “Which is more dangerous?” asked Ruth, eying the scene with cold, professional eyes.

  I indicated Upper High. “The evacuation. You'll be surrounded.”

  “Then Cassie and I will handle the monster,” said Ruth, taking hold of Cassie's shoulders. Her stubborn tone and set face rejected all argument.

  …except from one person. Rachel laid her hand on Ruth's forearm, gently pulling it free. “No. I deal with the monster. It's what I'm good at. No one with any technology powers goes inside.”

  Marcia lifted one fist, curling and uncurling it, while she rolled her shoulders to get the kinks out. “I'll come with you into the school. Nothing can hurt me, and I only need my fists.”