by Anna Antonia
“Good evening, Mara.”
I noticed her lingering gaze on my lover. I didn’t care for it. In fact, I hated it.
The only thing I hated worse was how much it reminded me of everything I didn’t want to be.
Jealous. Insecure. Spiteful.
Behave. You care about Gavin. You don’t own him.
Bolstered by that reminder, I returned the blonde’s greeting warmly. Once we were seated in the fine leather chairs, the stewardess inquired, “Will you have your usual, sir?”
Gavin turned to me. “What would you like to drink, Paige?”
“Water would be fine.”
“Water for Ms. Winters and the usual for me.”
She returned with practiced efficiency. A water for me and a lemon-lime soda for Gavin. We sat in companionable silence until she left us alone in the cabin.
“She’s married. Ten years.”
Startled, I turned to him. “What?”
Gavin shrugged. “I’m just saying. That’s all.”
“Do you think I’m jealous?”
“I’m just pointing out that you don’t have to be.”
A dull flush heated my face. “I wasn’t jealous.”
“If you say so, love.”
“I do say so. I say it again.”
I mimicked outrage even though I lied through my teeth.
Gavin took a sip of his beverage while looking straight ahead. “I’m bringing it up to save us both the trouble of a fight later.”
I didn’t know what to say. He reached over and buckled me in. His stare went back to avoiding mine. This was reminiscent of our second week.
The ground shifted under my feet. Gavin was upset with me. Disappointed even.
My stomach twisted in a knot. How to fix this?
“I wasn’t angry, Gavin. I wouldn’t have picked a fight with you over this.”
Rather never. I’d never pick a fight with you because I wouldn’t dare be angry with someone so kind and good. You care about me even though I don’t deserve your politeness much less your kindness.
“But you were jealous.”
Bewildered, I couldn’t think of the proper words fast enough.
“Why do you think that?”
“Because you were being fake.”
How did he know? What gave it away? How could I make sure it didn’t happen again?
“I wasn’t…I mean…what did I do to make you think that?”
“I saw the look you gave her. That’s not fair, Paige.”
“To who? To her?”
“To me. I told you before. I don’t cheat. I’m not the kind of man who’d sleep with an employee.” He clenched his jaw. “Or I wasn’t until now.”
Oh no. There it was. A corruption of his moral code. He’d done it for me and how much longer before he blamed me for that?
Withdrawing inside myself, I kept my arms at my side and looked straight ahead. The hurt pulsed angrily, but it remained buried behind the shell.
“Paige?”
I didn’t reply. Gavin shifted in his seat and stared straight ahead as well.
What started as a promising trip devolved into a punishment.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed separated by our thoughts. I’d always hated flying in private jets because there was no room for distance and privacy. Funny how I thought it would be different this time.
I’d just had my first fight with Gavin since we started dating. While it wasn’t nearly as loud or violent as the ones I’d seen growing up, somehow it hurt worse. I’d just learned in this instant that pain didn’t always come from yelling and hitting.
Gavin’s disappointment burned me because I knew I deserved it. I didn’t have the right to be possessive of him. But how quick he was to establish that boundary!
What did you expect? You were warned Gavin doesn’t do love.
I’d respect it and never forget the warning.
But damn it hurt. Badly.
I’d bury the pain like a grain of sand. Maybe one day it could turn into something better, a pearl of wisdom to join the others I’d created in the darkness of my suffering.
As of now though? It just hurt.
Losing track of time, I didn’t know how long we were in the air when I suddenly felt Gavin’s hand rest over mine. He gave it a squeeze. Returning from my mind’s safe space, I joined him and met his steady gaze.
“I’m sorry.”
I blinked a few times, disoriented by the two words.
“For what?”
“For jumping all over you.”
The corner of my mouth lifted in a faint smile. “You call that jumping all over me?” I didn’t mean for the words to be an innuendo but Gavin took as such.
“Why don’t I show you tonight?”
“I’m up for that.”
I’d play along because this was safer. Let him think I was a sex kitten, ready to purr at the slightest touch. Better that than Gavin knowing how much his disappointment and judgment hurt me.
When will I learn? I’m not allowed to have feelings, remember? They belong to me and cannot be shared with anyone. Ever.
Even so I wished that Gavin hadn’t gotten angry with me. Unable to shake off my sadness, I knew I couldn’t be selfish enough to seek comfort from the same person I offended.
I also wished I hadn’t expected something different from Gavin. He was, after all, a man. Men expected and demanded full dominion over their world. Woe unto anyone who offended them.
The way he turned on me so quickly shouldn’t have been a surprise. Although he did apologize. That had to count for something.
But this was a lesson I learned the hard way.
Sensitive creature that I was, I counted on the fact I’d remember it every time I was with him. It was the only way I knew how to survive this harsh world.
No mistakes. Learn after the first time. Don’t allow anyone the opportunity to hurt you again.
Gavin lifted my hand to his mouth. He kissed it once.
“I really am sorry for being so short with you. Can you stop the silent treatment now?”
The vulnerability he showed with that request took me aback. Didn’t he realize he’d just given me a weapon?
“I wasn’t trying to give you the silent treatment. I just thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”
He fingers reached out and caressed my jaw. “Then can I ask something from you?”
Gavin didn’t charge forward with his request. He waited until I slowly nodded my head.
“Please don’t shut me out like that. If you’re angry with me then let me know. Don’t turn to ice. I don’t like it. I’d rather you yell at me than ignore me.”
Dear God he didn’t know what he asked. Silence was much more welcomed than a verbal explosion.
“I’ll do better, Gavin.” Leaning closer, I lightly kissed his cheek.
He smiled, eyes dancing with happiness.
I’d do anything to keep him looking at me just the way he was right now. But how long before the weight of everything unsaid crushed me completely?
THIRTY-ONE
We landed in New Orleans just as dusk visited the city. I stared out the window, wide-eyed and curious to see the place of his youth. We rode into the Quarter, our sedan pulling up in front of a creamy beige building.
Hotel Mazarin.
I was suitably impressed by the grand architecture. This building epitomized what I imagined when I thought of New Orleans. I caught a glimpse of the beautiful courtyard, requisite fountain, of course, and high arches.
Check-in was a breeze. Gavin soon opened the door to our second floor suite, bellhop briskly bringing our luggage inside. I ignored everyone as I took in the rooms.
Black marble flooring, rich warm woods, lovely tapestries on the living room walls, crystal chandeliers throughout, a fully equipped kitchen, and a king-sized bed with an en suite bathroom.
It was beautiful, but that wasn’t what excited me.
I rushed out to the balco
ny and let out a whoop of delight. Black railings, green shutters, and delicate iron furniture all overlooking the street, it truly was a space of beauty.
This was the New Orleans of my imagination.
I leaned against the railing, turning my head here and there like a bird while trying to capture all the sights and sounds. Tourists walked below and the bustle of nightlife charged the air with excitement.
I wanted to see everything.
Gavin came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“What do you think so far?” he asked while resting his chin on my shoulder.
“It’s beautiful! What’s that building across the street? It looks like a warehouse.”
He peered closer. “I’m not sure. Let’s find out later.”
“Do you think we can walk around and explore the city or should we wait until tomorrow? Ooh, you know what I’d like? I’d like to visit the famous cemeteries…I can’t remember what they’re called, but you know what I’m talking about, right? Oh, and can we walk down Bourbon Street? And is it true that there are jazz musicians all around playing instruments?”
My enthusiasm ran away from me. Too late, I remembered Gavin was here on business. Not to play tourist.
“Or we can save it for another time,” I amended quickly while turning around to look up at him. “I’m sure your schedule is packed.”
Being his PA, I should’ve already known that. I still didn’t know who he was meeting. Bad Paige.
Gavin’s gaze brightened to a beautiful shade of honey. “I think we can get most, if not all, that list taken care of. And if we don’t, we can always come back again.”
I played it cool. “That sounds good.” Inside I was doing backflips.
Gavin acted as if our little fight hadn’t happened. He wasn’t going to be moody and punish me with his temper for offending him. I really wasn’t in trouble.
The knot inside my heart undid itself.
“What do you want to do now, Gavin?”
He took both my hands in his and walked backwards into the living room.
“I can give you two guesses but I’m sure you’ll only need one.”
I jumped up into his arms and peppered kisses all along his neck. Gavin groaned when I nipped his jaw. His hands squeezed my backside hard.
“Mmm, somehow I don’t think we’ll make it into the bedroom.”
“You’re absolutely right, my sweet love. I can’t wait another moment to taste something else that is just as sweet.”
Gavin lifted me up and held me high up against the wall. He shoved my skirt up my thighs and easily ripped the tiny panties off my body.
I put my legs on his shoulders without being ordered. Gavin parted me with two fingers before hungrily feasting on me. He didn’t want to tease, knowing the exact pressure I needed to fall apart.
Crying out his name in no time at all, I clenched my fingers in his hair as I came so hard my heartbeat thundered in my ears.
Gavin brought me down but still held me aloft. “That good, love?”
“Isn’t it always?” I murmured drowsily with a smile.
“Mmm, I don’t mind hearing it again.”
“Very well. You are the best ever. In the world. No, the universe.”
“Which one?”
“All of them!” We laughed together, joyful in feeling alive and being together. Gavin kissed me and our need took center stage.
When we finally broke apart for air I purred deep in my throat. “My turn.”
Gavin raised his brow but set me down on my feet. “Never let it be said I don’t give my darling Paige what she desires.”
Too short to drop to my knees, I bent forward and undid Gavin’s belt. Palming his already hard cock, I pulled it out and gave it a teasing lick.
Gavin groaned. “You’re hardly playing fair, love.”
“Fair? Is there such a thing when you drive me crazy? I’m simply returning the favor.” Tracing the thick ridge with the tip of my tongue, I smiled when he let out another groan.
Lost in the power of having him under my feminine control, I took Gavin in my mouth, bit by bit. A shudder of delight went through me as he filled me to the brim. Then I relaxed my throat and took more.
“Fuck! Look at me, Paige. Let me see those pretty eyes as you suck my cock.”
His dirty words sent a bolt of lust right through my body. I smiled at him with my pretty eyes as I pleasured us both. Him with my mouth and me with my fingers.
It was always like this. It didn’t matter how many times I came. I always wanted more with Gavin.
He slid one hand through my hair and used the other one to lightly encircle my neck. I sucked him harder, rubbing my fingers faster across my clit. The delicious liquid tightening coiled low in my belly, growing in time with the cadence of my hand.
Our heavy breathing, the suction of my hot mouth, and the wetness between my thighs drowned out the constant drone of the French Quarter. Gavin thrust deeper down my throat. I was so full of him I could barely breathe. But I didn’t need air when I had him.
Fuck my mouth. Take whatever you want from me. Take everything I have.
“No, love. Not like this.”
Gavin roughly stood me back up. He yanked my hand away from my drenched core and sucked my wet digits into his mouth with a greedy moan.
Lifting me up again, he swiftly brought me down on his cock. I let out a sharp cry, swirling my hips to bring him even closer out of need and desperation.
Clutched in his arms, I dropped my head back against the wall. Gavin kissed my neck passionately, feverishly even. His hands gripped my ass hard and lifted me up and down, faster and faster.
I was out of my mind. Every thrust hit my aching clit. It was torture most divine.
Gavin may have forgotten about our spat on the plane but I didn’t. I needed this closeness. I needed to give myself to him, body and soul, and have him accept my offering.
There were so many words I’d never be able to say, but I could show Gavin with my body how much he meant to me.
I’d deny him nothing. He could have all of me for as long as he wanted because I loved him and always had.
No! You don’t have the right to think that. Stay in the moment. Don’t think about the future.
Digging my fingers deep in his shoulders, I lifted up higher and came down harder. Making love with Gavin was more than I deserved and I’d be a fool to waste a second thinking about something stupid like love.
Stupid. No, definitely not stupid.
Hopeless? Yes.
Loving Gavin, and God forbid, being loved by him would be heaven.
Just the fantasy of being free to be with Gavin, without shame or secrets or lies, was enough to push me over the edge. Dropping my head on his shoulder, I let out a low cry of satisfaction.
Gavin held me tighter. His thrusts quickened, a deep growl of pleasure building deep in his throat.
“Love, you’re so tight. It feels so good…I can’t…fuck!”
He pulled out of me roughly. Something warm hit my thigh. My eyes widened in surprise while Gavin’s remained hooded.
Hooded but watchful.
Breathless, I asked, “Was that what I thought it was?”
One word without remorse.
“Yes.”
Silly as it was, a blush stole across my face. “Are you worried that I’ll, uh, get…”
I couldn’t finish saying the words.
“Pregnant? No, I’m not worried.”
“Why not?”
Gavin kissed me sweetly on the lips. “Because a child is a blessing. Always. Don’t you think?”
I kept my expression controlled. A child should be a blessing. Too bad it didn’t hold true in my life. And maybe not in his either.
Stop thinking that way. Stay in the moment. Here with Gavin.
Why was this getting harder?
“Paige?”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face against his neck. “Childre
n should be loved and appreciated.”
“That’s my girl. I knew you’d feel the same way.” Gavin carried me over to the bathroom and set me on the counter. “But it’s probably a moot point. I didn’t actually come in you.”
He reached over for a hand towel and spread my legs. His tawny eyes brightened while he inhaled sharply.
“What is it? Is something wrong?”
Gavin shook his head. “No. Not wrong. Not for me.” He couldn’t tear his eyes away.
I shifted and tried to close my legs. Gavin kept me from doing so with one firm hand on each thigh.
“No. Not yet, love.” He touched my folds with one finger.
I realized then what captured his attention completely.
“You came in me?”
Gavin’s nostrils flared. His large cock, already half-hard, rose up. “A little.”
Being that I was newly on the pill, never mind all the other skeletons in my closet, I should’ve been panicked at the possibility of conceiving. I should’ve leapt in the shower and scrubbed myself raw.
All those things made perfect sense.
But the forbidden excitement curling through me didn’t make sense. It wasn’t prudent. It carried the potential for life-long consequences.
I knew this. I did.
Yet…
Gavin slid two fingers in me, swirling them around before pulling them out. It felt so good, especially because of how much it affected him.
I grabbed Gavin by the wrist and pulled his hand up, much like he’d done to me earlier. Keeping my gaze locked on Gavin’s, I sucked his fingers into my mouth slowly.
Gavin clenched his jaw.
I was heady on my newfound power. Gavin looked like he was ready to jump me at any second. I laved each digit with my tongue, greedy to swallow any lingering drop.
Pulling my head back, I kept his fingertips against my lips. “I know I shouldn’t do it, but you taste so good, Gavin.”
That sultry whisper couldn’t be mine.
Gavin caged me in his arms. “I want to fuck you again. No barriers.” He exhaled loudly. “But…”
“But?”
He nipped the side of my neck. “But I’m going to do the right thing from here on out until your birth control fully kicks in.”
“And what if something happens from this?”
Gavin kissed his way upwards. His tongue delved into my open and eager mouth. Breathing hard, he cupped my face and nudged my head with his. “Then we’ll be in this together…whichever way it turns out. Okay?”
