Almost Perfect

by Susan Mallery

  “Monday.”

  “And you didn’t mention it until now?”

  “Mom always asks.”

  Of course she did.

  “Is there anything for dessert?” Tyler looked expectant.

  Ethan held in a groan. “We’ll stop on our way back from getting the art supplies.”

  “We could bake cookies.”

  “Maybe tomorrow.”

  “We’re riding bikes on the weekend, right? With Josh?”

  Ethan nodded.

  “What else are we going to do?”

  It was then Ethan realized he’d only ever had his son four or five hours at a time. Blocks that were easy to fill. Suddenly the weekend seemed like an endless parade of empty hours. They mocked him and made him think he should have opened a bottle of wine with dinner. Or a case.

  “We’ll have to come up with some ideas,” he said, leaning back in his chair.

  “We could go hiking. Or out on the lake. Or swimming. Maybe Abby can come with us. She’s really cool, for a girl. Or the park…”

  Tyler kept talking. A steady buzz of ideas and questions and statements. Ethan watched his son and wondered how on earth Liz had done it by herself. He didn’t know that he would have managed, let alone done as good a job. The hell of it was, loving Tyler didn’t guarantee getting it right. Having someone like Liz to watch his back would make all the difference.

  She hadn’t had anyone. Because he’d never bothered to go after her. Hurt pride had kept him from following her. Hurt pride had cost him more than he could ever recover.

  “TO THE STUPIDITY OF MEN,” Dakota said, raising a glass. “And my brother, who is their king.”

  “To Ethan,” Montana said.

  Liz, Nevada and Denise also raised their margaritas and toasted.

  After a dinner of delicious Mexican food, Melissa had gone to a friend’s house for a sleepover and Abby had danced off to watch the latest Hannah Montana movie out on DVD. Liz and the Hendrix women were in the backyard, sprawled on lawn chairs, slowly getting drunk.

  Word had quickly spread through the family and to Liz’s surprise, Ethan’s sisters had rallied around her as much as Denise had. They’d been appalled at the proposal, insulted by his refusal to declare his love and disappointed by her physical restraint in not at least throwing something at his head.

  “He’s having a tough time with Tyler,” Denise informed, leaning back and staring up at the stars. “His phone messages are getting more and more desperate. Apparently he tried to make lasagna.” She giggled. “It didn’t go well.”

  “Lasagna? That’s a lot of work.”

  “His first message was something about pasta and sauce and how it wouldn’t be that hard. The second one was to ask what a lasagna pan looked like. Then there was something about did he really have to cook the pasta noodles first. The last message said they were eating out.”

  Liz tried to laugh with everyone else, but she mostly felt sad. Having Tyler gone was getting harder, not easier.

  Dakota turned to her. “He’s asking about you. Today he came into my office and wanted to call you. I know he misses you.”

  “I hope so.” She desperately wanted to talk to her son, but knew the plan was the best way to go. Ethan would return Tyler to her Sunday night. Then they would talk. The three of them.

  In the meantime, she had women she could depend on. Friends, and that felt nice.

  It was close to ten when everyone left. She rinsed out the glasses and put them on the counter. Washing could wait until morning. While she was enjoying her pleasant margarita-induced buzz, she didn’t think that it was a good match for a soap-slicked glass.

  She turned off the lights in the kitchen and walked back into the living room. Abby sat on the bottom stair.

  “I thought you were going to bed,” Liz said. “Is everything all right?”

  Abby shook her head.

  Liz pointed to the sofa. “Want to have a seat?”

  “Okay.”

  The preteen got up and walked to the sofa. Liz settled next to her, put an arm around her and kissed the top of Abby’s head.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” she coaxed gently. “You feeling all right?”

  “I’m okay.” The girl snuggled close. “Don’t be mad, but I don’t want to go.”

  Go? As in… “You don’t want to move to San Francisco?”

  Abby nodded. “Can’t we stay here? I like it here. I feel safe. I have friends and Melissa has friends. Tyler likes it, too. Everybody wants to stay here but you.”

  Talk about a kick in the stomach.

  The worst of it was, Abby told the truth. Everyone did want to stay here. It would make things easier for Tyler and Ethan. Technically, Liz could work anywhere. The town accepted her—with the occasional dig at her choices. But they’d also come to her rescue. She had a past here, and while that wasn’t necessarily a good thing, maybe it was something she couldn’t escape. Maybe she should stop trying.

  But staying meant facing Ethan and now that she was willing to accept what seemed like her fate, she could also be honest. At first leaving had been about not belonging, but later she’d wanted to go to get away from him. Being around him when she loved him was like living with an open wound.

  “We’ll be really, really good,” Abby promised.

  Liz wrapped her other arm around the girl. “You’re already that. I know it would mean a lot to both of you if we stayed here. I guess…” She drew in a breath. “I guess we can do that.”

  Abby sat up and beamed at her. “Really?”

  Liz nodded.

  “I can’t believe it. Are we going to live in this house? If we do, you need a real bed and we need another bedroom. Or do you want me and Melissa to share? We can. She won’t like it, but I don’t mind.”

  Liz hadn’t gotten that far. Given the choice, she would prefer a house without so many memories. “Moving might be easier.”

  “We can move. We’ll help pack.” Abby threw both her arms around Liz and hung on. “Thank you so much, Liz. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Abby rose and spun in a circle, her bright red hair flying around her face. “I’m so happy! We’re staying. We’re staying!”

  Liz reached for her cell phone and handed it to the girl. “Why don’t you text your sister and tell her?”

  “Can I? Thanks. I will. This is the best.”

  Liz wondered how long it would take Abby to wind down enough to sleep. Staying in Fool’s Gold. Who would have thought? When Ethan returned Tyler, she would tell them both. Then Ethan could take back his stupid, thoughtless, practical proposal. The town was small enough that she and Ethan could co-parent their son. He could spend equal time with each of them. That should satisfy Ethan and the judge.

  It was, she told herself, the right thing to do.

  ETHAN STOOD IN TYLER’S ROOM at his house and watched his son sleep. After a morning of bike riding and afternoon of failing to get peanut butter cookies to bake right and an evening of watching the first two Harry Potter movies back to back, Tyler had fallen asleep on the sofa.

  Now, as he stared at his son, he felt a warmth in his chest. Love was there. Real love, born of time and frustration and a sense of being a complete failure as a dad, but still wanting to get it right. Tyler was everything he’d wanted his son to be—and he wasn’t easy. He got the latter from his mother.

  Ethan stepped out of the room and went downstairs. In the quiet living room, he sank onto the couch and tried to figure out what he was going to do next.

  He missed Liz.

  He hadn’t realized how much he’d gotten used to having her in his life until she was gone. He missed talking to her, seeing her, having her smile at him. He missed her in his bed, but that was the least of it. While he would want her until the day he died, the ache inside him wasn’t just about getting laid. It was about having a conversation, hearing her laugh, watching her with Tyler and Melissa and Abby.

  He wanted her in
his life. He wanted her to be his family.

  He wasn’t the only one. Tyler had gone from being mad at his mom to talking about her all the time. Today he’d regularly counted down the number of hours until he saw her again. Both of them had learned a lesson in the past few days. Which was probably the point.

  Tyler had learned to show his mother a little more respect and Ethan had learned that Liz was everything to him. His eyes sank closed as he realized he loved her.

  What should have been a stellar moment in his life made him instead want to put a fist through the wall. He loved Liz. He loved her. And instead of making her feel like a princess, instead of promising to love and adore her forever, he’d offered marriage as a practical solution.

  “Oh, crap.”

  He rolled onto his side, his face in the cushion. Talk about stupid.

  He lay there, mentally beating himself up, then straightened. Fine. He’d screwed up. He would fix it. There had to be a way. Liz was a great woman—and he would fight for her. Figure out how to do it right. How to be the man she deserved. She’d loved him once, maybe she could again. Everything wasn’t lost.

  He understood what she didn’t like about Fool’s Gold. While he didn’t like the idea of leaving everything behind, it didn’t have to be like that. He could run his business from San Francisco. Make a few trips in a week. Maybe they could have a second house here and spend summers in town. That would be a good compromise. Liz wasn’t looking to make him miserable. She would meet him halfway.

  As long as she was willing to give him another chance.

  She had to, he told himself. He would convince her. Somehow he would show her that they belonged together.

  The decision made, he rose and started for the front door. Halfway across the porch, he stopped. Showing up at her house in the middle of the night probably wasn’t smart. Nor was leaving Tyler home alone. So Ethan would wait. He could come up with a plan and this time, he would get it right.

  LIZ WATCHED THE CLOCK anxiously. Ethan was supposed to bring Tyler home on Sunday. It was only a little after eleven. At this rate, she would give herself a heart attack in the next hour. She needed to keep busy.

  Both Melissa and Abby had run off to spend the morning with friends, celebrating her decision to keep them in town. They were beyond happy and seeing their joy confirmed that she’d made the right decision. Tyler would appreciate it, too. The chance to be with his dad more, and with his family.

  She’d wanted to call Denise but had decided that Ethan and Tyler should hear it first. So she’d spent a restless night and a bad morning. Writing would be impossible. There was no way she could focus.

  The thought of cleaning made her shudder, so she grabbed a big straw hat and a few garden tools from the back porch then went outside to see what she could do to spruce up the garden. She’d barely begun weeding when she heard someone calling for her.

  “Mom? Mom? Where are you?”

  Still on her knees, she straightened. Her heartbeat thundered in her chest as her son burst through the back door and raced toward her.

  “Mom!”

  He flew into her arms and hugged her so hard, she couldn’t breathe. She held on to him, doing her best not to cry, letting the familiar feel of his body ease her fears that she’d lost him forever.

  “Hey, you,” she whispered, when he’d released her and stepped back. She pulled off her gardening gloves and shoved them into her pocket.

  He stared into her eyes, then hugged her again. “I really missed you.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  He glanced back at his father and then at her. “Maybe I could still live here, you know. More of the time.”

  “I think that could be arranged. Your dad and I will work things out.”

  “Yeah?” His dark eyes—Ethan’s eyes—lit up.

  She stood and ruffled his hair. “It’ll be a grown-up thing. Melissa and Abby will be back soon and we’re going to the pool. Want to get changed and go with us?”

  “Sure.”

  He dashed toward the house, then paused and looked at his dad. He ran back, hugged Ethan, then took off again.

  Liz stared after him, feeling her world right itself. Denise had called it exactly as everything had played out. At least from Tyler’s point of view.

  She turned to Ethan. “How did it go?”

  He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Damn, I missed you, Liz.”

  She thought about their last conversation. How he’d hurt her with his thoughtless words. It wasn’t his fault, she told herself. Why would he offer more? She’d never bothered to tell him how she felt and now she never would. Not when she was staying in town.

  “Did you two get along okay?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “Great. He’s a good kid. But there’s a whole lot more work involved than I realized. A few hours here and there is easier than taking care of him full-time.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t think I’m nearly as exciting as he thought I’d be. Regular life taught us both something.”

  “That was the point.”

  He moved closer. “Liz, I never wanted to take him from you. Okay, maybe at first, but not now. I care about you both. We have to work something out.”

  She held up a hand to stop him. It was oddly difficult to be this close to him, to hear him talk. Probably because as much as she’d hated how he’d proposed, there was a part of her that couldn’t help dreaming about how it could have been. If he’d loved her back.

  “We have to talk about it,” he continued, ignoring her gesture to stop. “We meet with the judge next week.”

  “It won’t be a problem,” she said. “I’m staying in Fool’s Gold.”

  He stared at her. “What about your life in San Francisco?”

  “I’ll sell the house and move here. It won’t be that difficult. Tyler wants to stay, as do the girls. If I’m here, you and I can co-parent him. I won’t live in this house, so I’ll make sure I buy something close to you. Tyler can spend alternating weeks with each of us. That should satisfy the judge and you’ll both be happy.”

  She had already talked to Peggy, who was interested in moving to small-town America. “It should only take me a week or so to get things organized back there. If you’ll take Tyler, I’ll ask your Mom and Montana to split duties with the girls while I get everything settled. I’ll make sure I’m back before everyone starts school.”

  “What do you get out of the deal?” he asked.

  “I get to make my family happy. There are things I don’t like about this place, but the good far outweighs the bad. Eventually people will stop telling me whether or not they support what I did with you and Tyler. I’m a writer, Ethan. I can work anywhere.”

  “Then why do you look so sad?”

  Because being close to him, knowing that she’d never been able to forget him or get over him, wasn’t her idea of a good time. Because the love inside of her seemed to grow bigger every day. Eventually he would find someone. Who wouldn’t love Ethan? And then she would have to smile and pretend she was happy while he went off with someone else.

  “I’m tired,” she answered. “I missed having Tyler around.” She glanced toward the house. “I need to get inside. We’re going to the pool.”

  She started past him. He grabbed her wrist and held her in place.

  “Wait.” He stared into her eyes. “Liz, we belong together. We’ve always belonged together.”

  She had a bad feeling about where he was going and she didn’t think she could survive it again. “Don’t.”

  “Hear me out. I’m sorry about what I said before. I don’t want to marry you because it’s practical. I want to marry you because I love you.”

  He released her then, as if confident the words were enough to keep her where he wanted her.

  “We can be a family together. The five of us. I was going to tell you that I’d move to San Francisco to be with you. But this is better. This is home, Liz, for all of us.”


  They were good words, she admitted, feeling the sadness pour through her. Nice words. Telling her that he would move added a little touch of sacrifice. Playing the kid card was good, too. Easy enough now that she was staying.

  “No,” she said and started for the house.

  “What?” He came after her. “Why not?”

  She paused by the back porch and looked at him. “I don’t believe you. Oh, I think you want to marry me. It makes everything tidy. Besides, I’m the mother of your child and it’s the right thing to do. But love? You never loved me. Not then, not now.”

  She drew her gardening gloves from her pocket and squeezed them in her hand. “You haven’t loved anyone outside of your family. I’m not sure why that is. If you’re afraid to care that much or if there’s no need. You’ve always been blessed with everything you want. Even now, you’re getting your son with very little effort on your part.”

  “Is that what this is about? I haven’t suffered enough?”

  “No. It’s about risking everything. Putting your heart on the line, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s risking having the person you love rip it out and stomp all over it in public.”

  “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

  “I loved you, Ethan. I gave you everything I had. Not just my heart and my soul, but my body. I’d spent years being called a whore and being propositioned and lied about, so I protected myself. I didn’t care about anyone. Until you. I was a virgin and you called me a slut in front of your friends. You said I wasn’t worthy.”

  “I know. I’m the one who wasn’t worthy. I never have been.”

  Hearing that didn’t make her feel any better. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m letting the past go. This is the last time we’ll talk about it. I loved you then and I still love you. But I won’t marry you. I won’t be one more thing you got right. We’ll raise Tyler together, in this town. That’s going to have to be enough.”

  She walked up the steps to the porch, crossed the refinished wood and stepped into the house.

  For a second she allowed herself to hope. To believe that he would come after her, tell her that she was wrong. That of course he loved her. He’d always loved her. He would beg and plead and she would allow herself to be convinced because that’s all it would take. A little effort on his part.