Finding Junie Kim

by Ellen Oh

  Looking at the crowd, she could see her mother at the front of the line pleading with the desk sergeant, who looked overwhelmed.

  Jinjoo pointed. “She’s over there.”

  “Mmm, I tell you what. I’ll stay with you until your mom comes back, okay?”

  Not knowing what to do, Jinjoo just nodded. He led her to a bench nearby and sat down with her. From his pocket, he pulled out a small bag of sesame candy and offered Jinjoo one. Unwilling to say no, Jinjoo took the small rectangular sweet and sat with it in her hand, eyeing him and then the candy a little suspiciously.

  He smiled and popped the sesame-covered bar in his mouth. “They’re fine. I promise I wouldn’t give you something bad.”

  Jinjoo thought of all the dead bodies outside the police station. Blinking away the image, she couldn’t help but notice the rifle leaning against his leg.

  “You can eat it. I promise it’s good. These are my little sister’s favorites,” he said a little sadly. “You remind me of her.”

  He didn’t look like a bad man. His smile was gentle, and he seemed very nice. But he was a Communist. And she’d been taught that all Communists were bad. Jinjoo didn’t know what to do. Should she not trust him, even though he’d saved her from being trampled? She looked down at the sesame treat in her hand. She was starting to unravel the wrapping paper when a hand slapped the candy away. Jinjoo stared up at her mother in shock.

  “Don’t you dare give my daughter candy!” her mother said fiercely.

  The soldier’s face grew serious and he stood up. “You should be more careful with your daughter. She was almost badly hurt by the crowds over there.”

  “Mind your own business!” Jinjoo’s mother snapped. Grabbing Jinjoo’s hand, she pulled her out of the police station.

  Early in the morning, Jinjoo heard a lot of hurried movement and banging from the other room. She carefully snuck out of bed so she wouldn’t wake her siblings, only to find her mother in a frenzy. In the center of the living room floor was a large white cloth with a pile of her mother’s jewelry, her father’s special watches, jade figurines, money, and other precious items. There were also four twenty-four-carat-gold baby rings, one for each of the children, that they’d received on their first birthdays. Jinjoo’s mother would sometimes show the rings to Jinjoo and her sister, telling them they were theirs as soon as they got married. That had always bothered Jinjoo. Why did she have to be married to receive a ring that was hers?

  But now all the rings were in a pile with the other family valuables, and their mother was tying it all up with a small parcel of clothing.

  Eunjoo came out of the room holding Junha.

  “Eunjoo, Jinjoo, Eomma has to go help your father! You have to be good girls. Take care of your brothers and listen to Shinae eonni.”

  “Eomma, where are you going?” Eunjoo asked in a frightened voice. “Please don’t leave us!”

  Their mother stopped packing to grab both Eunjoo and Jinjoo firmly by their arms and look at them intensely. “Listen to me. Your father is in a prison in Seoul. I need you both to be brave. We need your father, or we can’t survive.” Under her breath, she whispered, “I can’t survive.”

  Jinjoo heard her and once again felt that mix of sadness and anger that her mother would always put her husband before her children. But she pushed the feeling away, because she also knew that they needed their father.

  Her parents had had an arranged marriage, like all other marriages in Korea. But the difference was that her mother had been madly in love with her husband from the first moment she saw him on their wedding day. Her father had grown fond of his wife, and it was a matter of pride for Jinjoo that her parents loved each other. But sometimes Jinjoo wished her mother’s obsessive adoration of their father would not shut her children out. Not that their mother didn’t love them. She did. But all her life, Jinjoo had instinctively known that her father cared for them more than their mother did. He had a special love and adoration for his children that their mother didn’t seem to have. And sometimes, Jinjoo could sense their mother’s jealousy when they received too much of his attention.

  Jinjoo silently followed her mother as she rushed to Shinae’s room.

  “Shinae! Wake up!” her mother yelled.

  The girl hurriedly rose to her feet and bowed.

  “Here, take this money for food.” Jinjoo’s mother thrust a small wad of cash into the maid’s hands. “But make this last. I have to go to Seoul. I should be back within a week. Take good care of the children.”

  Jinjoo saw Shinae’s eyes light up at the sight of more money than she’d ever seen before. Now Jinjoo was worried.

  “Eomma, do you have to go? Can’t someone else help Abeoji?”

  “There’s no one who will help us, Jinjoo,” her mom said. “These are dangerous times, and everyone is afraid. If I don’t go, we may never see your father again. Do you want that?”

  Jinjoo shook her head fiercely. “No, Eomma. Please be safe.”

  Her mother absently patted her on the head, put on her shoes, and hurried out the front gate. Jinjoo watched her mother’s form disappear down their street before closing the door. She turned to see Shinae still staring at the money while both Eunjoo and Junha cried. Junsoo came running out of the bedroom asking for his mother.

  A wave of helplessness nearly consumed Jinjoo. She feared they would never see their parents again.

  Junie

  “Oh, Grandma, I can’t believe you had to see such terrible things when you were only ten.”

  Grandma pats my hand. “Should we take a break?”

  “No, please don’t stop.”

  TWO DAYS LATER, SHINAE EONNI went out to the market for food and never came back.

  Jinjoo was not surprised, but Eunjoo was devastated. There was no food in the house; Shinae had eaten or taken it all, along with the money their mother had left her.

  “What do we do?” Jinjoo asked.

  Eunjoo wiped her eyes and picked up their crying baby brother. “We have to go ask our neighbors for help.”

  “I’ll hold him, Eonni,” Jinjoo said. She put Junha on her back while Eunjoo took out the podaegi. She placed the podaegi’s wide quilted blanket around Junha and took the long strap and wrapped it under his bottom, across his back, and then tied it in front of Jinjoo. Eunjoo took Junsoo by the hand, and the siblings went out of their house.

  Several hours later they returned with the small amounts of food their neighbors could spare. For the first time, Jinjoo became aware of how hard it was for everyone. Some neighbors had simply closed their doors, while others had given them as much as they could manage. It was clear that everyone was suffering.

  Eunjoo took the rice they’d gotten and mixed it with the fish and soup to make a rice gruel for Junha. She then carefully split up the remaining food for Junsoo and Jinjoo, while giving herself the least. It was depressing to see how little food they were able to get.

  The next day, the siblings went to an adjacent neighborhood to ask for food. This time, they were chased away with a broom from a few houses and called beggars. Jinjoo was angry and powerless. But the following morning, the children had no choice but to try a different neighborhood.

  By the time they got home, they’d received even less food than the day before. For three more days the siblings went door to door asking for help. They went farther and farther from their own neighborhood and it took much longer to get home. Since they would walk so far, Eunjoo would use the podaegi with Junha while Jinjoo carried Junsoo on her back. Often, Eunjoo would be so tired she would collapse, leaving Jinjoo to feed their brothers. Their meager meals left everyone still hungry and cranky. The one thing Jinjoo was grateful for was that they’d avoided going into her friends’ neighborhood. She couldn’t bear the idea of showing the twins how bad their situation was.

  On the morning of the sixth day since Shinae had deserted them, there was a loud knocking on their front gate. Jinjoo opened the door to see two policemen.

&n
bsp; “Are your parents home?” the older man asked.

  Jinjoo slowly shook her head.

  “Do you know where they are?”

  Again, she shook her head. The two policemen looked at each other, and one nodded.

  “We received word that a group of children were begging for food. Would that be you kids?”

  A sound behind her made Jinjoo turn around. Her sister was carrying Junha in the podaegi while Junsoo stood hiding behind her.

  Gazing back at the policeman, Jinjoo didn’t answer.

  “We’re going to have to take all of you to the police station,” the older policeman said, reaching over to grab Jinjoo’s arm.

  Frightened, Jinjoo dodged and ran back to the house.

  This time the younger policeman came forward. “Hey, don’t be scared. We’re just going to take you to the station so we can help you find your parents. There’s also delicious food.”

  Eunjoo was already nodding and heading for the door, but Jinjoo held her back.

  “And then you’ll bring us home?” she asked.

  The young policeman nodded with a smile. “Of course! We’ll bring you right back home so you can wait for your parents. But you need help to find them. And I’m sure you’re all very hungry.”

  Eunjoo pulled at Jinjoo’s arm. “Let’s go. Junha and Junsoo are hungry.”

  That was her sister’s problem, Jinjoo thought. She was always thinking of others and not herself. Jinjoo didn’t trust these policemen, and the last place she wanted to go was to the police station. She was still haunted by the memory of the dead bodies. The idea of going there terrified her, but all she could do was follow her sister.

  Although the walk from their house to the police station was not very far, the policemen carried Junha and Junsoo, making it easier for the sisters. As they approached the police station, Jinjoo gripped Eunjoo’s arm tightly and whimpered.

  “What’s the matter, Jinjoo?” her sister whispered.

  Jinjoo shook her head and closed her eyes tightly.

  “There’s nothing scary here,” Eunjoo said. “You can open your eyes.”

  She shook her head, refusing to open her eyes until they were inside the police station. Inside, the policemen led them to a side room with a large window looking out onto a side street. On the table, there was a pitcher of water and a few small wooden bowls.

  “Wait here and I’ll get you some food,” the older man said.

  The younger officer smiled and asked them to sit. Eunjoo sat with Junha on her lap, while Junsoo sat next to Jinjoo. The police officer then began to ask many questions, starting with their parents’ names, their father’s occupation, where the rest of their family was, when their parents had left, and so on. But when the questions began to turn to who they were friends with and where did they work, and why did their mother leave them behind, Jinjoo began to be alarmed. As the girls struggled to answer all the questions of the smiling police officer, Jinjoo knew why she didn’t like him. His smile never reached his eyes. She kicked her sister under the table and answered first.

  “We don’t know,” Jinjoo said. “We don’t know where they went or why. We don’t know anything! My sister’s eleven years old and I’m only ten! How are we supposed to know anything?”

  The policeman gave them another fake smile. “Let me go see where your food is.”

  After he left, Jinjoo admonished her sister about talking too much.

  “But he’s a police officer,” Eunjoo replied in surprise. “We’re supposed to listen to them.”

  “He’s North Korean! He wants to find anyone who is antiCommunist!” Jinjoo explained.

  Her sister’s eyes grew round in shock. “I thought the police were still the police.”

  “No, we can’t say anything about Gomo, and why Abeoji took her to Suwon,” Jinjoo said. “You have to stop being so trusting, Eonni.”

  Another hour passed before the older policeman returned. He brought them a large plate full of jumokbap, small fist-sized rice balls mixed with barley, seaweed, salt, sesame oil, and toasted sesame seeds, sitting on a white cloth to prevent sticking.

  “Eat as much as you want. There’s more if you’re still hungry.”

  Jinjoo quickly counted twelve rice balls and handed out one each to her brothers and sister before hurriedly eating her own. Eunjoo and Junha ate one each while Jinjoo and Junsoo ate two. Jinjoo wrapped the remaining six carefully with the cloth and tied them up into a little sack. She then hid them in the podaegi that Eunjoo was still wearing.

  “What are you doing?” her sister asked.

  “I don’t want them to take it away,” Jinjoo explained. “We can take it home for dinner.”

  Another long hour passed and still no one came to talk to them.

  Jinjoo walked out into the main office and waited to catch someone’s attention. But everyone was busy and ignored her. She wandered around the building until she finally found a young officer working in a filing room.

  “Excuse me, but can you tell me when we can go home?”

  The officer looked confused. “Who are you? Where’d you come from?”

  Jinjoo led the officer back to the room, and he looked more confused than ever. “Okay, stay here and I’ll find out what is happening.”

  The officer was gone for a short time before he reappeared again.

  “Okay, kids, I just heard that you are to sleep here for the night, and someone will drop you off at the orphanage in the morning.”

  Hearing the word orphanage sent shivers down Jinjoo’s spine. So many times she had heard stories about how children who were taken to the orphanage never saw any of their family again. Her mother had once threatened her with being sent to the orphanage when she was naughty. Jinjoo had been more frightened of that threat than any beating she could have gotten.

  When the officer left, she ran to hold hands with her sister.

  “What do we do?” Eunjoo asked.

  “We have to run away,” Jinjoo said.

  “But how?”

  “I don’t know.” Jinjoo frowned in concern. “But we must.”

  “I have to go bathroom!” Junsoo whined.

  Is this our chance? Jinjoo thought. “Okay let’s go find it,” she said.

  Eunjoo stopped her and pointed to the corner, where there was a small pot. “I’ve been letting Junha go in there,” she said.

  “No, this time we need to go find the outhouse,” Jinjoo insisted.

  Holding Junha, Jinjoo led her sister and Junsoo out into the hallway.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” The older policeman stopped them.

  “Bathroom, bathroom!” Junsoo whined as he held his hand to his crotch.

  The policeman looked surprised and then quickly led them out the back exit and pointed to where the outhouses were.

  “I’ll wait here for you,” he said as he crossed his arms.

  “Drat,” Jinjoo whispered as she ushered her brothers into the smelly outhouse.

  After relieving themselves, they came out and washed their hands in the long sink behind the building. Jinjoo carefully looked all around her to get her bearings. This was the back of the police station in a large alleyway that opened to the main street after two other buildings. On the other side of the building, she could catch glimpses of the bay.

  The policeman hurried them back inside. That night for dinner, they were given rice that was mostly barley and grains that made it crunchy. It was served with a broth made from dried fish and radish. It tasted so bad that they decided to eat the rest of the jumokbap instead. But Jinjoo picked out pieces of fish from the soup that she tucked in the middle of the little rice balls she made out of the barley and grain rice. After making eight of them, she tied them in her cloth again and kept it with the podaegi. During the night, they all went to the outhouse twice more, but always with a guard. Jinjoo checked the hallways several times, but there was always someone around. Frustrated and tired, they all tried to make themselves comfortable on the flo
or and fell asleep.

  Early in the morning, they woke up to the sound of a series of intense blasts that shook the building. Alarmed, they sprang to their feet and looked out the window to see frightened people running in the streets. Jinjoo opened the door and stuck her head into the hallway. The police station was in full alarm, with officers and soldiers rushing in and out of the building. This was their chance.

  Eunjoo was helping their brothers empty their bladders while Jinjoo pulled a chair over to open the window. There was so much activity in the streets, no one would notice them. Jinjoo jumped down and quickly tied Junha onto her back with the podaegi, then tied her sack of rice balls to the front strap. She climbed out the window and down, holding onto the ledge with her fingertips until she could safely fall to the ground. Eunjoo climbed onto the chair next with Junsoo, and he jumped into Jinjoo’s arms, squashing their rice balls. Next, Eunjoo slowly climbed out.

  “Hurry, Eonni!”

  Eunjoo fell to the ground with a loud oomph. Jinjoo pulled her sister up, and the siblings joined the crowd of people running.

  “Jinjoo, where are we going?”

  “To find Appa!” Jinjoo said.

  Junie

  “What’s the matter, Junie? Why are you looking at me like that?” Grandma asks.

  “You were so brave.” I stare at her in awe.

  Grandma laughs. “I was stubborn and headstrong. Still am.”

  ONCE THEY WERE FREE OF the police station, Jinjoo felt like she could breathe again. But the powerful blasts that filled their ears meant another danger was near.

  On the street, as they were running, they found an old couple whose bag of belongings had spilled out onto the ground. Jinjoo untied Junha and passed him to her sister. She helped the old couple pick up all their valuables and retie their packages.

  “Thank you, little one,” the grandfather said. “Where are your parents? It’s not safe! You must find them quickly!”

  “They’re not here,” Jinjoo said. “We need to go find them in Seoul. Do you know the way?”

  “Aigo, you poor children! How could your parents abandon you?” the grandmother cried.