Forgetting What Lies Behind

by Marcy Pacino

  Chapter Fourteen

  The alarm clock beeping awoke Sarah from a deep sleep just as it was shut if off. Glancing around the room, she sighed heavily as she realized she was still back in her queen size bed, her husband Jeremy beside her. Moments later, Jeremy rose from the bed and tiptoed into the bathroom, apparently trying to avoid waking her. She stayed still, so as not to let Jeremy know she was awake. She also desperately tried to not feel the despair she felt creeping into her heart and mind. Her thoughts ran back to “last night” when Brian said he thought he was falling in love with her, and a small moan escaped from her lips as she struggled to figure out if it was indeed real or only a dream. There was no evidence that she had been gone at all, in fact, the last load of clothes she remembered folding before she “disappeared”, was still in the laundry basket sitting at the foot of the bed, which was being reflected in the mirror hung on the wall opposite the bed. When Jeremy emerged from the bathroom a minute later, he was surprised when Sarah greeted him good morning. He approached her side of the bed and, bending down, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead as he simultaneously greeted her good morning and said goodbye. Straightening, he turned before he could see the lone tear slowly slid down her face. Rolling over, she buried her face in the pillow and let the tears flow for a few minutes. Hearing the children beginning to stir, Sarah sat up, wiped her hands across her face and rose before any of the children appeared in her room. Grabbing her robe, which had not moved from the foot of the bed where she had tossed it before getting into bed “whenever that was” she thought to herself as she flung it on and opened the door. Moments later, standing in the middle of her kitchen, Maggie was the first to greet her. She came bounding into the large country kitchen, a huge smile on her face and her arms open wide. She reached Sarah and encircled her with her outstretched arms. Sarah swung her up into the air and kissed her on one of her baby soft, slightly freckled cheeks. She was joined by her older sister, Amy, seconds later.

  The morning flew by for Sarah and she all but forgot about Brian, the retreat and Mona. It wasn’t until mid-afternoon, while taking a short break from the never ending housework, that, while sipping her cup of hot tea, she allowed her mind to think about it, and once again try to determine if it was real or not, and what exactly God’s plan was in it all. Shaking her head to try and clear her mind, she walked to the kitchen to dispose of her now empty cup, glancing at the calendar which hung by the refrigerator, mostly out of habit, and nearly dropped the mug and she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. The date that was circled in red jumped out at her as if to taunt her even more than she already was. March 27th was double circled in read with the words “Happy Anniversary” in bold block letters, also in red written in the middle of the date block. “This Thursday” Sarah mumbled out loud “is my wedding anniversary to Jeremy. I wonder if either of us has made any plans. Did I buy him anything? Oh, I don’t even know how I feel much less what we are planning on doing.” She signed again (something she seemed to be doing a lot these days) and tried to find a happy thought. She was still trying when the children arrived home from school, and she was glad for their distraction.

  Over dinner that night, Sarah decided to bring up their anniversary with Jeremy. She waited until the children were done eating, excused them to watch their favorite show, Gilmore Girls, and then cleared her throat to speak.

  Before she could say anything, Jeremy spoke “Sarah, I’m afraid I have some bad news. I know that Thursday is our anniversary, and that you have already made reservations and babysitting arrangements, but I just found out today that I need to work late on a project tomorrow night, Thursday and Friday night. I’m sorry, I’ll try to make it up to you, I promise.”

  She fought back the tears and said nothing, just lowered her eyes and nodded her head. Moments later, Jeremy rose from the table and left her sitting there, head still bowed.

  He still seemed to want to avoid her as they both prepared for bed. Sarah was in bed first and had rolled over, facing away from Jeremy’s side of the bed. Jeremy turned off the overhead light and slid in next to her. Softly he spoke her name and then offered her a back rub. She declined, still upset with the news. He apologized once again and turned over. Minutes later, she could tell by his breathing, that he was already asleep. She silently crept out of bed, grabbed her robe and headed out onto the balcony, hoping it wasn’t too chilly. Sinking into one of the lounge chairs, Sara fought back the tears, turned her pleading eyes toward heaven and, as a sob slipped from her throat, began seeking peace and comfort from God. Sarah knew that although it appeared that Jeremy was slipping away from her, God never would, and that brought her some comfort. After sitting there for several minutes, Sarah realized it was pretty chilly and decided to go back in. Jeremy was snoring softly as she disrobed and slipped under the covers. She prayed she would fall asleep fast.

  When Sarah awoke the next morning, she was immediately disappointed to discover she was still in 1999, and that nothing had changed. Jeremy’s body imprint on the bed was still visible, though he had been gone for over an hour, as she tossed back the covers and prepared for yet another day she knew would be filled with confusion, disappointment, heartache and joy (that, coming from her children). The day went by in a blur and before she knew it the children were home from school and dinner was finished. The kids had been in bed for over 2 hours when Sarah heard Jeremy enter the house. Her initial reaction was that of disappointment tinged with bitterness, so she decided she needed to change her attitude and accept life as it were. She apologized to Jeremy for her behavior when he entered the bedroom, and he apologized again. He then took her into his arms for a somewhat passionate kiss before turning out the lights and hunkering down under the covers to go to sleep. The memories that flooded Sarah’s mind came on so suddenly and strong she almost gasped aloud. Suddenly she saw Brian taking her in his arms and felt the passion flow between them as his lips met hers. She rolled over on her side, clutching her side as if to hold the images and feeling inside. She then felt the warm tears as they cascaded down her face, moistening the pillowcase.

  Thursday, Sarah was even more despondent than before, and it was a struggle to try and be happy around the children. She gave up the battle and sent the girls to bed a little early and asked Jason to read or do something quietly until his bedtime, as she didn’t feel well and was going to bed herself shortly. Sarah was fast asleep when Jeremy arrived so she never saw him as he stood over her, head down as if guilty of something, looking at her and wishing things were better between them. He couldn’t really pinpoint when, but he felt they were drifting apart and there didn’t seem to be anything they could do about it. She also didn’t see him kneel beside the bed, bow his head and pray for wisdom.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sarah woke to the smell of bacon frying. Confused, she looked around and discovered she was still in her first life. Disappointed once again, she glanced at the clock and seeing that it was 8:15 a.m. rose, picked up her robe and headed towards the kitchen. Her three children were all gathered around the table and Jeremy was standing in the middle of the kitchen, an apron around his waist and a frying pan in his hand.

  He whirled around as Maggie squealed “Good morning, mommy!” “Good morning sweetheart”

  Jeremy said “I’m just getting ready to fix the eggs how would you like them?”

  “Oh, Jeremy, I’m not really hungry, although the bacon smells great; maybe I’ll just have a couple of pieces of that.” Helping herself to a glass of orange juice she joined her children at the table. A few minutes later Jeremy set a plate of scrambled eggs and the bacon on the table . Breakfast went quickly and the children scrambled to rush into the family room to turn on their favorite cartoons, leaving Sarah and Jeremy alone in the kitchen.

  Their day was busy and Sarah did not have all lot of time to speak with Jeremy. She felt like they had not been in
touch for some time and that, coupled with the memories of yesteryear, left her in a somber mood. Just after tucking the girls into bed and telling Jason to turn down his music, she retired to the bedroom. A few minutes later, Jeremy joined her, but said he was really tired as he crawled into bed. Disappointed once more, Sara turned out the lights and rolled onto her side. Once again, she cried out to God asking for direction, wisdom and understanding.

  The weeks flew by and school was coming to a close for the year. Sarah baked cookies for the end of year parties and attended a final meeting with their teachers, to see if any of them needed to work on anything over the summer.. There were swimming lessons, ballgames and play dates with friends, taking up her time for most of the summer. She and Jeremy still seemed worlds apart, and Sarah continued to pray, seeking God’s will and direction for her marriage. She found that the memories of fourteen years ago, although tucked away, were all but forgotten.

  Sarah awoke to the slight snoring beside her. Trying to smile and not let last night weigh on her this morning, Sarah turned to face her husband.

  Jeremy smiled and said “Good morning.”

  Sarah, trying to hide the surprise and disappointment, smiled and said good morning too. Jeremy stretched and got out of bed. When he returned a couple of minutes later, he moved closer Sarah and took her hands in his. He began, “You know I love you, Sarah, but I know I haven’t been showing it and I’m sorry. I know I’ve been inattentive lately and I’d like to try and make it up to you. I’ve got some time off from work coming up and I’d like to go somewhere, just the two of us, if that’s something you’d like to do.”

  Sarah offered him a huge smile and said “Oh honey, that’s wonderful.” “Yes I’d like that, just tell me when and I’ll make all the arrangements.”

  “No, this time I’m going to take care of that, take care of all of it, you just need to pack.”

  He placed a brief kiss on her almost trembling lips and got out of bed again. This time he headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. Sarah, still smiling, got out of bed too, and raising her hands toward Heaven lifted up a praise of thanksgiving to God.

  The next two weeks flew by in a daze and Sarah couldn’t have been happier. Jeremy had come home for dinner every night and kept Sarah apprised of the plans (just that they were taking place but no details). Sarah placed her small suitcase by the front door and tried not to pace with excitement as she waited for Jeremy. The kids also seem to notice the change and were quietly watching a cartoon in the family room. Sarah felt so blessed. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and Tammy, their usual baby sitter, smiled as Sarah open the door. Just then Jeremy showed up and joined them in the foyer. They all walked into the family room and Maggie squealed with delight when she saw Tammy. Jumping up from her place on the rug in front of the TV, she ran over to Tammy and threw her short arms around her legs, hugging her close. Tammy, a strong young woman in her twenties, almost 6 ft., tall, reached down and picked Maggie up. Then, carrying Maggie, she walked over and sat down on the sofa between Jason and Amy. Jeremy and Sarah addressed their children, reminding them of their plans. After several hugs, mostly from Maggie, and their promises to behave, Jeremy and Sarah left.

  Sitting in the car, Sarah tried to relax and enjoy the ride. She still had no idea where they were going, and hoped it was going to be both romantic and fun.

  Jeremy looked over at her, offered her a huge smile and said, “I hope you like what I have planned for us.”

  All Sarah could do was smile back and nod her head, afraid if she opened her mouth the doubts would surface and the way Jeremy was looking at her she desperately didn’t want to disappoint him. As they drove out of town Sarah switched on the Christian radio station and began softly singing quietly. As the sun began to set, Jeremy turned off the highway and appeared to be heading straight for the ocean. Sarah had a perfect view of the sun setting and her breath was nearly taken away as she watched the hues of blues, purples, and reds splashed with a hint of orange and yellow collide yet seeming to merge together as the sun lit the horizon. With her mind distracted by the beautiful sunset, Sarah hadn’t realized they had stopped. She tore her eyes from the spectacular view just as Jeremy reached for the handle of her car door, opened it and offered her his hand to assist her out of the car. They walked hand in hand towards the seafood restaurant, which sat directly at waters edge though, up on a hill out of harms way of the sea. The Wharf, appropriately named, was a quaint restaurant complete with nautical furnishings. In the entry hall they approached the hostess who had greeted them where they had entered. Jeremy gave his name and they were told their table would be ready in a moment. Sarah wandered over to the fish tank, which banked one wall of the foyer. It was filled with many colorful fish. Their name was called so they followed the hostess to their table. At their table, Sarah was impressed further. They were seated at a table along the outside wall, made completely of glass, so it gave the illusion that they were dining on the water. Sarah glanced out and watched the sun make its final dip behind the horizon. She turned her attention back to Jeremy just as their server arrived with glasses of ice water.

  They started with stuffed mushrooms before their steaming steaks arrived. With her steak, Sarah also had a baked potato with sour cream and broccoli and mixed vegetables. Jeremy’s plate was covered in garlic mashed potatoes and corn. There was a lot of conversation throughout dinner, although Jeremy seemed to have something on his mind.

  Leaving the restaurant Jeremy tossed his jacket over Sarah’s shoulders as the temperature had dropped considerably when the sun went down, and all Sarah had on was a lightweight sweater. Just a short drive from the restaurant, Jeremy turned off again and Sarah found herself anticipating a very romantic location and evening; she wasn’t disappointed. She waited in the car while Jeremy checked them in, then Jeremy led her to a quiet cabin nestled amongst the trees. Their room was very tastefully decorated. There was a king-sized bed with a down comforter and several pillows, a little sitting area had been created near the fireplace with two of the straight backed chairs. Another chair sat near the bed. Jeremy built a fire while Sarah unpacked then went into the bathroom to change. The bathroom was very spacious and to her delight boasted a Jacuzzi bathtub. Sarah giggled like a young bride on her wedding night as she donned the skimpy nightshirt. It was a black satin shirt with lace trimmings; not too sexy yet with enough sex appeal, Sarah hoped for the occasion. She wrapped her long, white robe around her, glanced in the mirror and wished herself a great night. When she emerged a few minutes later the room was toasty and the only light came from the fire. Jeremy had kicked off his shoes, and removed his belt, and jacket and was sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. As Sarah approached he stood and they embraced, and just held one another for a few moments. With a quick kiss Jeremy excused himself and disappeared into the bathroom. Sarah heard him softly whistle and she knew he had discovered the tub. When Jeremy emerged from the bathroom he too was wrapped in his soft white robe; his legs bare below its hem. He rejoined her by the fireplace and they sat silently for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Sarah found herself wondering if this was all a dream and worried she would “pop back” into her other life tomorrow morning. She was a little surprised to find she really didn’t want that to happen.

  Jeremy broke the silence and her thoughts by standing and pulling her to her feet, brushing her lips with his he whispered shall we retire Mrs. Hansen?”

  He led her to one side of the king bed and pulled back the covers. He then reached for the tie around her waist and released its hold, then gently pushed it off her shoulders so that it fell to the floor. Sarah could see by his reaction the nightshirt did its job. She reached for the tie of his robe, untied it and pushed his robe off his shoulders; it fell to the floor, revealing that he only had boxers on. They embraced and kissed. As the kiss became m
ore passionate, he pulled Sarah onto the bed. Their lovemaking was so full of passion that Sarah was blown away. She couldn’t remember it being so explosive in such a long time. Exhausted yet content, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  Sarah awoke to birds singing and sunlight streaming in from the two large picture windows in the room. Jeremy was just stirring beside her. She offered him a huge smile and greeted him with much more love and happiness than she had in a very long time. He embraced her and gave her a big, long, hug, then got up out of bed.

  “Do you want to shower first?, he asked her.

  “No, go ahead, I’ll go make some coffee.”

  “Okay, I won’t be long.”

  They spent the morning hiking on the many trails on the mountain. The scenery was breathtaking; the trees were budding with new growth and everything was lush green. They stumbled upon a bubbling stream that cascaded into a small waterfall. It was a very enjoyable hike. After lunch, they headed to the beach. The air was still chilly but it was pleasant to walk along the shore hand in hand. Sarah felt like it was a second honeymoon for them. They had been married for ten years, and had three children, yet it almost felt like they were starting over; she smiled. They returned to “The Wharf” for dinner, and feasted on lobster tail, a baked potato, and mixed vegetables. Before their meal, they shared a shrimp cocktail. For dessert, they shared a molten lava chocolate cake, which was rich and very delicious. Stuffed, they headed back to the cabin. That night, their lovemaking was so intense yet so tender, Sarah felt so loved and hoped Jeremy felt the same way. The next morning, for the first time in over 5 years, Jeremy pulled Sarah close and kissed her so passionately, she almost stopped breathing. They made love and she was dazed yet, so happy. Jeremy surprised her even further when he suggested they take a bath in the Jacuzzi. Sarah found bubble bath in the cabinet that smelled of lavender as Jeremy started the water. When the tub was half filled, Jeremy climbed in and Sarah followed, sinking deep into the bubbles, Jeremy switched on the jets, then, settled back into the bubbles. His arms encircled her waist as he hugged her to his chest. They sat nestled together immersed in bubbles and just let the jets do their job. An hour later they were on the road heading home. Neither spoke for miles, yet there was a beautiful peace in the car.