Forgetting What Lies Behind

by Marcy Pacino

  Jeremy was the first to speak, “Sarah, I hope this weekend lived up to your hopes and dreams.”

  “Jeremy, it surpassed them by miles.” Was Sarah’s reply.

  “Wow, really?”

  “Yes, sorry, but things haven’t been great between us for some time.”

  “I know and I apologize. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. Please forgive me, that’s one reason for this weekend.”

  “I already have, what was the other reason?”, she asked teasingly. “

  I missed us. I missed seeing you happy.”

  “I missed us too and glad to see you less stressed and frustrated.”

  “Let’s make a promise to each other to not get into that kind of rut again.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Minutes later, they pulled into the driveway and were met by the kids and Tammy, who must have been sitting by the window watching for them. Hugs all around, then they ushered them back into the house.

  Saying goodbye to Tammy she said, “Sarah you look so happy, what happened?”

  “It was such a romantic relaxing weekend and he was awesome,” Sarah replied, a huge smile on her face.

  Tammy gave her a big hug and left. Sarah smelled a wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen, her stomach rumbled as if in response. Tammy had left a pot roast for them and Jeremy was dishing it up when she entered the kitchen. Everyone seemed so happy sitting around the table eating and talking,

  Jeremy at work and the kids at school, Sarah found herself alone, only this time, she was content and so happy with her life, she practically danced around the house as she did her housework. Jeremy came home for dinner every night and even the children seemed to behave better. Sarah certainly felt blessed. Jeremy had also asked Sarah to start praying together. Sarah smiled to herself as she remembered how he broached the subject.

  They were getting ready for bed, when he came over to her, took her hands in his and quietly said “Honey, I’d like us to start praying together.” “

  Ok, that sounds like a great idea,” she replied, a little more robust.

  They knelt by the bed together and he cleared his throat, then, began, “Heavenly Father, we come before You, united as one. We thank You that You love us and promise to never leave or forsake us, even when we deserve it. Thank You for opening my eyes to the problems in my marriage. Thank You that You give me the wisdom to be a godly husband to my wife.”

  “Heavenly Father, I too thank you for Your love, grace and mercy, that although we are all sinners, You love us and forgive us of all our sins. Thank You for my wonderful husband, may we continue to grow closer to each other. Thank You for my children, may I be a good mother to them always.” “Father, please be with each of us tonight and tomorrow. May we glorify You in all we do. In Your Sons precious and Holy name I pray these things. Amen.”

  “Amen.”

  Jeremy made it home for dinner every night, for the first three weeks after their romantic weekend, then, had two back to back nights of having to work late. However, after these two nights, the next morning, he decided to go into work at 10 AM, so he and Sarah were able to enjoy a quiet morning over breakfast those days. Sarah couldn’t be happier, even their lovemaking had stayed passionate, intense and more often than what it had been before their romantic weekend getaway. These were her last thoughts before drifting off to sleep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Things were so good that Sarah didn’t have any of her vivid memories she had recently been experiencing. Even though she had only taken one photography class many years before, she still enjoyed taking photos and took them often. Recently, she had been introduced to scrapbooking by Nancy. Nancy had been scrapbooking for a few years, but when Sarah first heard about it, she wasn’t really interested. That is until Nancy told her that there was no wrong or right way to scrapbook, there was only your way. She also told her that she could put as much or as little into as she wanted, and suggested she start with the most recent or very recent event, and then decide if she wanted to go backwards to the earlier years. Sarah decided to try her hand at it with their romantic weekend getaway photos. Nancy invited her to her house, since she had tools and supplies Sarah could use. They planned it for a Thursday evening, while the children watched a movie. Nancy showed her a few different layout ideas; Sarah began slowly and felt like to took a long time to get her first 2 pages (a layout) completed. When she was done, Nancy looked it over and complemented her on how well she did. Sarah looked at the pages again and was amazed at what she had done. Nancy told her she was a natural at it. They spent most of the evening scrapbooking and talking; only stopping when one of the children needed them for something. As the evening drew to a close, Sarah told Nancy she had really enjoyed herself, so Nancy asked her if she’d like to make it an ongoing thing. Sarah nodded her head as she heard squeals from the children who had heard them, so they decided on two Thursday evenings a month. They also decided to start with dinner, then set the children up with games first and then a video after they were dressed in their pajamas. The next morning, the girls all asked to see the pages Mommy had made. Jason came into the room just as Sarah was pulling the pages out, so he looked at them too. They all liked the photos, but Maggie seemed the most interested on the scrapbooking part of it. Since Maggie was already an avid photographer, Sarah decided, to herself, that she would throw her a scrapbooking party for her next birthday, which was three months away.

  March dawned, a cool start for the month. Sarah sent out the invitations for Maggie’s Scrapbook Birthday Party, asking each girl to bring 6 or 8 photos, but it was a surprise for Maggie so to not say anything about the photos. She ordered a sheet cake, made to look like a 2-page scrapbook layout; even including a couple of photo’s of Maggie and her friends. Sarah was amazed at what you could put on a cake nowadays. At her and Nancy’s bi-monthly scrapbook evening, Nancy helped her create several 2-page layouts of Maggie’s other birthdays, to use for decorations. She also offered to help with the party and to bring her tools for the girls to use. With Nancy’s help, Sarah put together a packet of 4 scrapbook pages, a few embellishments and a glue stick for each girl who was planning to attend.

  The morning of the party, Jeremy took the children to a movie, so the two ladies could get the party set up. Nancy arrived as Jeremy was pulling out of the driveway. . Sarah had made homemade pizza to go with the cake and ice cream and a fruit punch made with orange juice, soda and ice cream for the festivities. As the girls arrived, Nancy collected their photos to hold onto until later. Jeremy and the kids arrived not long after the final girl had arrived. He dropped off Maggie and Amy, then, headed out again, taking Jason to the mall to escape the houseful of girls. They planned to return for cake and ice cream.

  The girls started out playing games; some played Scrabble and others played Upwords. Jeremy and Jason arrived about two hours after the party had started, just as the girls were putting up the games. Maggie nearly cried when she saw the cake and none of the girls could believe they were actually on the cake; Sarah was pleased with herself. Maggie was very surprised with the theme, and she thanked her mother several times throughout the afternoon. After cake and ice cream, Jeremy and Sarah presented Maggie with their gift, a beautiful 12” x 12” scrapbook decorated with flowers in many shades of pink with a background of very light purple. Some of the flowers had sequins as their centers. They also gave her a stack of decorative papers and some solid cardstock. Jeremy and Jason left the girls to open the rest of the gifts; choosing instead to watch a movie upstairs. Much to Sarah’s surprise, all the gifts from the girls were all related to scrapbooking; which pleased Maggie immensely. Nancy gave her a paper cutter and a few paper punches. When it came time to work on their pages, the girls were very excited, especially after all the things Maggie had rec
eived, as well as all the tools from Nancy that they could experiment with. The party lasted until the late afternoon; they had all lost track of time. Jeremy and Jason coming downstairs to inquire about dinner brought them back to reality. Before any of them left, they decided to form a scrapbook club, to be held every other week, after school, at a different girl’s home each time. This made Sarah and Nancy very happy, and both knew gift giving would be so easy in the future. Amy also seemed to enjoy scrapbooking, but wasn’t sure if she wanted to join her sister’s scrapbook club or not. The parent’s began arriving a few minutes later to pick up their daughters. The house was quiet as Sarah and Jeremy began preparing dinner.

  Jason’s High School graduation was suddenly upon them. Both Jeremy and Sarah we very proud of him graduating with a 3.5 GPA and being accepted to Fordham University in New York City. Sarah, though excited for him, was also sad that he was going away to school. However, New York City was only about a five hour drive, so they would be able to visit him often. The morning of the graduation, Jeremy fixed breakfast; he had taken the day off to be supportive to Jason and Sarah. Jason had rehearsal at the school at 11:00 AM, followed with a barbecue, so he left shortly after breakfast had been cleared. Jason’s girlfriend, Tawna, was planning on attending the local community college, but they planned to stay together and see each other on weekends when they could. Kim, Twana’s mother, and Sarah would get together for lunch every once in a while, yet couldn’t really be called friends. Jared, Tawna’s father, and Jeremy seemed to hit it off better, though due to their schedule conflicts, didn’t see much of each other. The family left for the graduation with plans to join Jared, Kim and Tony, their son, both in the stands for the ceremony, and also for dinner afterward. When Jason’s name was announced, not only the section where his and Tawna’s families were seated, but quite a few of the graduation seniors hooted and hollered for him too; Sarah was both a little surprised and very pleased that he had touched so many lives. The culmination of the ceremony brought momentary chaos until Jeremy spotted Jason. Hugs were passed out by all and several photos were taken. Then they went in search of Tawna and her family. More hugs and photos before heading to the restaurant. Michael Black’s Steak & Fries, was not familiar to Jeremy or Sarah; Jared and Kim had suggested the restaurant. It was a Mom and Pop, family owned and operated restaurant and the food was excellent. Sarah ordered the broiled salmon, in a light butter and lemon sauce, a baked potato with all the fixings and green beans. Jeremy had the New York Strip steak, seared to perfection, medium rare, just the way he liked it. He opted for the garlic mashed potatoes and corn. Jason copied his father with the steak, but chose French fries and green beans as his sides. Amy enjoyed a large helping of lasagna and a salad, while Maggie’s choice was spaghetti and meatballs and a salad. Kim ordered her favorite dish of stuffed pork chops, rice pilaf, and butter beans and Jared opted for pot roast, which was also Tony’s choice. Tawna ordered a bacon cheeseburger with French fries and coleslaw. No one ordered dessert. The conversation around the table was focused on the graduation and college. Jason and Tawna headed to Grad Night after bidding their parents goodnight. Jeremy, Sarah, Amy and Maggie returned home just after 9 PM, spent and ready to call it a day. Amy had fallen asleep on the way home, so Jeremy carried her straight up to bed, removed her shoes and placed her in bed in her pretty pink sundress; she didn’t even stir. Jeremy go down on his knees bedside her bed and bowed his head. He said a quiet prayer over her as well as for Jason and Tawna. Sarah had accompanied Maggie to her room, to pray with her before bed. Jeremy and Sarah met in the hall and decided to get a cup of decaf coffee before heading to bed. They headed to bed a short time later, knowing they had a busy day ahead of them. They had planned a barbecue for Jason’s graduation party and he had invited several of his friends as well as Tawna’s family. The party was to start at 11 AM.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The Graduation Party was a complete success! Jeremy and Tony were in charge of the barbecuing and Sarah and Kim were in charge of the side dishes. Kim had arrived with potato salad and a cherry pie. Maggie had helped Sarah with the homemade French Fries and the Jell-O fruit salad. Sarah had prepared a double chocolate tripe layered cake with the frosting the school colors of Fordham University. There were so many people there that Sarah kind of stayed in the background for most of the party. She and Maggie took lots and lots of pictures.

  Later, after the party had wound down and practically everyone went home, Jeremy and Sarah decided to sit on their back porch and pray for Jason, Tawna and all the other graduating seniors, before tucking the girls in for bed. As Sarah crawled into bed that night, exhausted yet very, very content, she thought about her and Brian’s relationship. Their “marriage” had all but crumbled. Brian was working late almost every night and even when he was home, his mind was elsewhere. Sarah felt so lost and began to ask God why she was living this life and what had happened to her “real life”? God seemed silent. Every night, as she crawled into the empty bed, she cried out to God for answers. In her dreams she began seeing her other life, her life with Jeremy and began to crave the love she felt in the dreams. Days became weeks and Sarah was really struggling to understand. She knew things hadn’t been great with Jeremy, but at least she knew he loved her. She wasn’t sure about Brian’s love anymore. She finally decided to do something about it.

  She began exercising twice a day with walks in the morning and dance DVD’s in the afternoon. She began slimming down (not that she was overweight), strengthening her core and she began to really feel good about her body. Brian didn’t seem to notice. In fact, he seemed to be even more distant. The children were happy and didn’t seem to notice how unhappy she was. After dinner, she called them all into the living room for their nightly Bible reading. After the twins yawned for the second time, she stopped and sent them all to bed. Thomas asked if her could stay up and read a little longer and when Sarah said yes, he surprised her when he asked to borrow her Bible. After handing it to him and bidding him goodnight, she headed back to the kitchen to v=clean up the dishes. When she finally went to her lonely room, she knelt by the bed. Struggling with the right words to say, she finally cried out to God, please help me understand all of this. Suddenly she was flooded with peace and heard a still gentle voice say “My child, be careful what you wish for as you might get it and it might not be what you hoped for. Perhaps it’s best if you are thankful for what I have given you.” Sarah stayed a moment longer after the voice had quieted, trying to fully understand what God had said. She finally crawled into bed and for the first time in a very long time, fell fast asleep. When she opened her eyes the next morning, she was pleasantly surprised that she was sitting on the sofa and Jason was still vacuuming the living room. She glanced at her watch and saw that only ten minutes had passed. She suddenly remembered what God had said and realized she had been longing for a better life. God had given her Jeremy and the children and she realized God had shown her she needed to be thankful for what she did have and not hoping for a better, different life. So she closed her eyes and offered a huge thanksgiving to God for showing her that it is best to not look back but only to the day before you and trust that God will take you where you need to be. She thanked Him also for Jeremy and the love they shared and of course for her three children.