Broken Love

by Lucy Harvey

  Stories were not my favorite thing, I liked football. But stories and fairytales made me feel closer to Ava.

  When I walked into the room it was decorated with various mystical creatures and beautiful princesses. I looked around the room and saw the effort my new family had gone too. After one comment I made they did this for me. Something told me it would be different now.

  Next to my bed covered in Knight Bedding was a miniature bookshelf stocked with different tales and on top stood a crystal empty photo frame.

  “What’s this for?” I asked. I didn’t have any friends nor did I have a family I wanted to remember or a crush like one of my old sisters had near her bedside.

  “This is for your sister, we managed to get a picture of her from your file and it will be here soon.”

  I wrapped my arms around the kind lady and sobbed into her. Ava was gone but this new lady would take care of me.

  “This is probably my most favorite place on earth.” I told Lily.

  Lily reached up on her tiptoes to plant a light kiss on my mouth, instead I pulled her into me and turned the peck into a lush long kiss. I would never tire of that sweet taste. We made our way into the house to meet my parents.

  “Lily why don’t you let me take you on a tour of the house. Did you know that Roman would not let us change his room since the day he got here? Dixon probably had the latest designs each year, he was worse than a girl but Roman kept it the same.” My father unveiled welcoming us into the house.

  I cringed at the fact but it was true. My father led Lily off into the west side of the house and I went to find my mother in the kitchen. My mother had on one of her motherly aprons and was washing carrots in the sink. We had a maid growing up that attended to most of the needs of the house but my mother made cooking her priority – family dinner time was her favorite.

  “She looks like her.” I had not realized she noticed I was stood watching her.

  “Who looks like who mum?”

  “Do not try and dodge it Roman, you know what I mean. Lily reminds you of Ava doesn’t she?” She slowly moved closer to me and placed a steady hand on my shoulder.

  “Please don’t” I begged her.

  “Roman you know I do not stand for that tone, you may be able to hide the truth from everyone else but I am your mother, you can tell me anything. I take it Lily doesn’t know of Ava?” She said in assurance.

  “I’m scared okay. I don’t want to lose her, I can’t lose her but I cannot let her in I just can’t.” I confided. “I just think it will be too much for her, I can deal with knowing I kept her at arms-length but I cannot deal with fully depending on her and her leaving me behind.”

  “Roman she is not Ava. Ava had her reasons of why she did what she did but Lily’s different. You have not given her an easy time and has she ran? No, every time she comes back begging for more. You may be my son but even I would not put up with that kind of rubbish.” My mother was stood with one hand on her hip and the other pointing at me as she verbally scolded me.

  “I just don’t know if I can.” I declared avoiding eye contact.

  “Do you think Ava would be proud looking down watching how you won’t let anyone in? No, she would be heartbroken. Give yourself this chance Roman I beg you, if not for yourself then for Ava.” She pleaded. My mother knew exactly how to speak to my soul and make sense of mess.

  “Roman I’m coming to get you.”

  She ran through the uncut grass as her wavy hair crashed side to side. She was giggling, I loved it when she giggled. It was like the sun was shining down on her. Ava always glowed.

  “Roman where are you.”

  I was hidden behind a tree waiting for her to catch me, I loved watching her be happy. She was pretty when she was happy.

  “Ava get back here now.”

  He started shouting. The glow left her. Whenever he shouted she was scared and I hated it. Ava ran back to the house.

  “No Ava stay here.” I cried. She didn’t hear me.

  As I set the last placemat on the table my father and Lily returned to meet us in the dining room, did a tour of the house really take that long? Lily was smiling and gazing at me as though she had uncovered something, the thought uneased me so I looked away from her and sat at my usual spot.

  Still to this day I liked things in a neat order, an order I controlled. The thought of change unnerved me so I would go to all attempts to avoid it.

  I grabbed the glass tumbler in front of me and downed my drink wishing it was alcoholic. For the first part of the dinner my parents and Lily engaged in small talk then began to share stories of holidays and memories and plans for a future I could not promise.

  “You’re awfully quiet dear.” My mother stated turning the attention of the table to me.

  “It has been a long day, I’m over worked and under-slept.” I diverted quickly filling my mouth with a fork full of vegetables to prevent having to speak.

  “No change there then, I tell you boy you work too hard.” My father intercepted.

  I got up from the table to go and refill my drink, as I slid off my seat a piece of crumbled paper fell out of my back pocket and my father bent down to collect it before I could snatch it back.

  “Roman you’re writing again?” He asked, the wanted surprise etched all over his wrinkling face.

  A warped destructive bastard that does not believe in romance yet writes poetry and lyrics to someone else’s heart. How beautifully disastrous.

  “You never told me you could write?” Lily said looking up at me with those doe eyes of wonderment and slight rejection.

  There was a lot of things I never told my Angel and there were a lot of reasons why. I snatched back the paper, set them straight about my lack of writing then continued to the kitchen to fetch fresh drinks. As I was pouring different beverages into the empty tumblers I could hear them talking about me.

  “He used to lock himself away for hours just writing these beautiful but dark poems, sometimes we would even hear him sing them.” I could hear my mother’s muffled tone relaying my secrets to Lily. “It has been a long time since Roman was inspired enough to write, I take it you have something to do with that Lily.” She finished. I pictured my mother taking her hand and silently thanking her, I could practically hear her grinning from here.

  Then I heard Lily’s laugh. It was not fake or put on for the sake of my parents, if anything it was thankful. That was when I decided I would show her my poem, it was the least I could do for dragging her through this whirlwind that continues to transpire from darkness to light.

  When I returned to the dining area I attempted to make more of an effort and join in the conversation. The rest of the meal thankfully hurried by and Lily and I were finally on our way back to mine, I just needed her to myself. Hopefully if I share the poem with her she will not pressure me for information about my adoption.

  “Why did you not tell me you write? Can I see it, whatever that is in your pocket? Please?” Lily was dressed in her signature oversized bed top exposing her sweet skin. As if I could deny such a heavenly sight.

  I was leant on my bed and Lily was knelt before me. She was being a bad girl and I knew she did not have any panties on, I could smell her sweet scent luring me into her trap. Using two of my fingers I slipped my hand over her clit and she clamped her legs around me.

  “No Roman, I want to hear that poem, then we can play.” She was biting her lip to stifle a moan so I leaned forward and licked my tongue into her mouth tasting her and swirling around her tongue until she released the moan.

  “Roman I mean it.” She pulled back gleaming at me.

  I moved away from the bed and stormed over to my black slacks I had discarded into the corner of my room earlier. Grabbing the poem I took my place back on the bed and pulled Lily into my lap. I did not need to refer to the paper, I could recite this poem any time but I needed to stop my hands from shaking.

  “There is this darkness inside

  It’s consuming me


  Then comes your light

  Why can’t I let you be?

  There is nothing here for you

  One day you will see

  You promise not to judge

  Sometimes I wish you would

  Maybe then you’d learn to run

  And now out of your depths

  Further than you should

  We know you can’t stay

  You don’t belong in the dark

  I’ll always wish you could

  You make evil pure

  With everything you do

  And I start to wonder

  I start to hope

  Could this thing be true?

  We know I will never be him

  The one your heart longs for

  But this is far from over.

  I can’t change

  Change can’t be

  I see you trying

  Saying you want me

  It kills me, I know you are lying

  Every single thing I do

  You are always left this way

  Broken

  Crying

  Run whilst you can

  Of this I beg

  Run before I own you

  Angel so pure

  Run before my truth

  Run before I possess you.”

  I look into Lily’s eyes, they’re blurred with tears. I wait for her to speak as she swallows the lump in her throat. Instead she does not say a word, she mounts me straddling my waste. She crashes her mouth into mine. I’m gone.

  Roman took a small piece of silk from a drawer of his oak cabinet. He tied it over my eyes and led me down onto the bed completely exposed.

  “But I can’t see.” I embarrassingly questioned like an inexperienced lover.

  “Angel you do not need to see a single thing, I want you to forget how you see, forget you have a tongue to taste or a mouth to moan. Concentrate on what you feel.” He breathes along my skin.

  Roman strokes a finger through my folds skimming against my self-destruct button.

  “Do not look, smell, touch, I don’t even want you to think. Just feel me Lily, feel us.” He groans and I can hear him pumping his growing erection. The sound of his skin being drawn back and forward as his groans reiterating his movements.

  Roman spent what it felt like forever smoothing my sex and lightly tasting me. He was being attentive and soft, perhaps too careful. Roman knows how to send me into overdrive where I become so wild with need that I forget my own name. Right now he was unintentionally teasing me and I knew why. I pushed him back from me and removed the silk blind fold covering my eyes.

  “It’s okay Roman, I trust you.” I coaxed looking up into his eyes.

  “What do you mean?” He acted oblivious but he knew. He stroked the pad of his thumb along the length of my mouth.

  “Let loose with me Roman, unleash the beast don’t cage him away. I need you, the real you.” I beg because I know he needs this too.

  “But I don’t want to hurt you again.” He confessed looking away.

  “You won’t” I kissed his cheek. “But this, this will drive me insane. I need you now Roman.” I demanded.

  After searching my eyes for truth he wrapped his grip around my neck and pushed me back into the bed.

  “Don’t you remember any of the rules you bad girl?” He bellows against me, I can fill him shaking with want and desire.

  “Angels are supposed to be seen and not heard. The only words to leave this mouth are Yes Roman, Please Roman, fuck me harder Roman.” He bites down onto the flesh of my neck then drags his teeth along my skin warning me.

  “Fuck me Roman.” I tease.

  “Angel.”

  His husky voice lingers over my personal endearment as he gently leads my hand to his throbbing arousal. Affirming my dominance over him I push him back so my legs are now straddling the ends of his and his body is caged by mine. I dive down head first taking as much of him as I can in my greedy mouth. As I lift my eyes whilst simultaneously sucking him dry I squirm at the reaction plastered on his face from my surprise attack. What started as firm commands had now become crumbling pleas as he begged me not to stop worshiping him.

  “All fours now Angel.” He screamed.

  I quickly scramble to my knees and lean forward. Roman uses the back of his hand to stripe against my left ass cheek.

  “That is for keeping this tight little pussy from me. Do you know how hungry I have been for this you little cock tease?”

  Slap, he stripes me again only harder this time.

  “That one Angel is for how bad you make me crave you.”

  He grips each of my cheeks and I feel his breathe hovering over my sex. With the tip of his tongue he strokes from my clit to my entrance. He licks faster until he’s sucking me in between his teeth. Roman kisses and snogs my pussy till I feel moisture dripping onto the backs of my legs, I don’t know if it’s him or me but I’m soaking.

  I feel him hover higher as he breathes over the entrance of my puckered hole. The one I forbid him from. The one I can sense he will soon own. Maybe I even hope that he will.

  “Please Roman, now.” I scream with aggravated need.

  I moan from the absence of his mouth on me.

  “How much do you trust me Angel?” His grip around my neck started to tighten, he subtly creates a steady rhythm of tightening and releasing making my nipples stand on edge begging for attention.

  “With all my heart Roman.” I confessed through panting breathes.

  “Good because I need you to hold on to that. I’m about to finish you like never before sweet Angel, not even a prayer could save you from this.”

  I had learnt his words were used to scare me and cause me to dread his following actions, it speared him on making him hungrier for me. He was one sick bastard but in this game where I so willingly submitted to every skin crawling fetish for my own pleasure as much as his, I was the sickest one by far.

  The hands that were just freely experiencing the sensation of holding Roman were now bandaged behind my back so tightly my chest stuck out in protest. I tried to cry out for Roman, I hated waiting, the longer he would take to gather supplies the longer I had to regret pushing his buttons.

  Pulling my tangled hair back in a hurried grab Roman stuffed a piece of cloth into my mouth. He stepped off the bed taking something from his closet. He takes the cloth from my mouth replaces it with a ball strapping another piece of material around my head.

  At first it does not entice me at all, I feel like a pig with an apple stuffed in its mouth for show. My words were muffled by the gag but his bare feet along his wooden floors calmed me for just a moment.

  He was empty handed. My excitement deflated, he really was turning me into a bad girl.

  “Sorry Angel I need to answer this call it’s an emergency, just make yourself comfortable and we’ll pick up where we left off when I’m back.”

  HE MUST BE JOKING?

  Roman chastely kissed my forehead and then span me around to untie my hands. I turned back in his direction pointing at the gag waiting for him to remove that too.

  “Oh no Angel, you just showed me how very much you like things in that dirty little mouth, you can keep that on.” His boyish chuckle stopped me from fighting him, there was nothing I would not do to hear that sound.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Oh no. Goose bumps spread across my naked skin like wildfire.

  He had caught me, more importantly he had caught me unwarrantedly snooping through his belongings, as if I could be so careless.

  Roman removed the gag from my mouth and slammed it across the wall, he put the dismantled item in the bin and rushed towards me frantically trying to untangle the tight grip of the rope burning against my skin. He had loosened the grip from my wondering hands but my ankles were still tightly woven together.

  “Oww Roman that hurt.”

  I was used to his firm grip but before the underlying warmth of his passion soothed the burning aches he wou
ld leave. There was no passion or care in the way he grabbed me now, this action was laced with nothing but anger, the out lash settled a stir of fright in my heart.

  Mentally and physically I had grown familiar with Romans violent handling, he had me in more compromising positions than I even knew possible but for the first time I was scared and this time the aftermath of lust didn’t follow.

  Roman discarded me onto his bed and threw my scattered garments at me ordering me to go.

  “Roman please, I’m sorry don’t make me go, please.” My plea was pathetic and needy, I had a hard time coping when he would walk out of my life for his own selfish reasons, and I could not live with myself if his disappearance was truly due to my own selfish curiosity after I continued to try so hard for him to stay.

  “Who is she Roman?” I shyly interrogated.

  I retorted back to the situation that had just created yet another barrier between us. In his tight grip he held a crumpled stained photo of a young girl and boy. Her eyes shone with an enchanting emerald glow the same as his. I pushed for her identity but deep down I knew who she was, a sister? I had recently discovered that Roman was adopted but before I had chance to press on that revelation he warned me it was a no go area. The warning bruise imprinted on my behind was a constant reminder to not question him.

  A scribbled passage on the back of the memorabilia pushed me through that wall that kept me from pressing.

  Rome,

  You are the light in every ounce of darkness we have lived through.

  "’A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.’

  I’m sorry, but do not think of me as gone for I am always with you. I pray you keep your promises and become the man I know you can be.

  We are the same me and you, equally born into a world that did not deserve us. But you deserve it. Make me proud Rome.

  All my Love

  Forever,

  Ava

  As a self-confessed literature addict, the Joseph Campbell quote was not lost on me, however the reference for the quote was. What could that mean?