The Scheme

by Mia Kayla

  When it didn’t work, I turned the volume up higher. When that didn’t work, I cupped both ears with my hands, but it was no use. The memory was taking me under.

  Finally, I threw the remote and heard it thud against the television, then I dropped to my knees on the floor. That thud was a comforting sound compared to hearing myself plead with him over and over. My cries, my begging, and my screaming had not stopped him from violating me in the worst possible way. He had only wrapped his hand around my throat, suffocating me and restraining my cries.

  And once it was over, he’d left me to clean myself up and leave.

  I let my head fall into my hands, my shoulders shaking with sobs. I couldn’t. Not with Brian. Not when our relationship was unpredictable and all-consuming. If I let go with him, I wouldn’t be in control of my life anymore. This had not been our arrangement, our plan. I needed to take charge of my life from this day forward or I’d never be fixed. I’d forever be broken.

  ***

  BRIAN

  I reached over to the side of my bed, feeling around for the warmth of her body. When my hand patted against the empty sheet, I jolted up and searched my room for Kendy.

  My stomach churned with dread as I leapt out of bed, put my boxers on, and rushed to the living room. “Kendy!” I yelled, searching every corner of mine and Trey’s tiny place. But she wasn’t in the living room, and she wasn’t in the bathroom.

  “Kendy . . .” I stopped in the kitchen as realization hit me.

  She left.

  My hands gripped the kitchen counter, and I let my head hang as my eyes fell shut. Tonight, I’d seen the same emotion I felt mirrored in her eyes. I knew she loved me; these feelings didn’t only go one way. But maybe I’d rushed her. Maybe I should’ve given her more time.

  “Fuck!” I growled, slamming my palms against the marble. At the sound of heavy footsteps, I peered up.

  Trey slipped a shirt over his head as he strolled into the kitchen. “What happened?” His voice was low with concern as he advanced toward me.

  “She left.” I rushed back to my room in search of my phone then pulled it from the back pocket of my jeans, which were on the floor, and dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail.

  With a frustrated growl, I glanced at the digital clock on my nightstand. It was six-thirty. In a few hours, I’d be in the boardroom, trying to land the biggest client of my career, with every important board member from the company in attendance. This would make or break my hopes of getting a promotion . . . yet all I could think about was Kendy. Had she made it home safely? Were we okay?

  I tilted my head from side to side, trying to ease the tension building in my muscles. I focused on the clock again, doubting my ability to get to work on time if I went after her. At this point, though, I didn’t fucking care. I wanted to talk to her, make sure we were okay. Make sure she was okay.

  With my mind set, I pulled my jeans up and reached for my oversized shirt folded neatly at the edge of the bed, the one she’d worn to sleep. Slipping it on, I inhaled deeply, taking in her scent, which lingered on the cotton, and relived last night.

  Yes, this was the right decision.

  I marched to my closet, placing a pair of grey dress pants, a white crisp shirt, a tie, and a suit jacket into a garment bag. Then I picked up the keys I had dropped on the floor and rushed to the living room.

  “Where’re you going?” Trey blocked my path to the door. “Don’t you have that big meeting this morning?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, not wanting the reminder. “I need to talk to Kendy first.”

  I maneuvered past him, but he grabbed my arm. “Whoa! Listen, calm down. What happened last night, bro? What’s going on between you guys?”

  I swallowed hard. “I love her,” I said, my voice breaking. “I want to make sure we’re okay.”

  He nodded slowly then placed one hand on my shoulder and stepped out of my path. “Go then. Go get your girl.”

  My girl . . .

  Was she? I didn’t know.

  I gave him a sad smile and rushed out. I only had a little over an hour to get to her and make my meeting. Time was ticking away.

  ***

  I slammed the door behind me, stepped into the apartment, and undid my tie with one hand. “Fuck!”

  This had to be the worst day I’d had in a long ass time. The biggest deal of my career had gone down the drain, because my head had not been in the game. I had gone to her apartment and . . . nothing. She hadn’t answered her phone, or the door when I incessantly pounded against it for over thirty minutes.

  When I arrived at work, everyone was already in the boardroom, including our prospect. Disoriented, I’d started off on the wrong foot and dropped the ball. I’d been unable to answer questions like I normally did. My pitch and my normal confidence had not been there. All because my mind was focused on her.

  “We’ll get back to you.” Their words.

  Clearly, my manager had expected a different outcome.

  I’d staggered out of the office, embarrassed to face the team. Then I’d gritted my teeth, sensing any semblance of control on my life slipping through my fingers.

  Any chance I had of getting promoted this year had gone down the drain with my horrible presentation.

  I dropped against the couch, resting my elbows against my knees. Running one hand down my face, I exhaled an exaggerated breath.

  What the hell? What am I doing with my life?

  I let my head fall back against the cushion and stared at the ceiling. All my hard work in the toilet, because of a girl? A girl, who’d left me in the middle of the night. A girl, who wouldn’t pick up my calls. A girl, who most likely didn’t believe I deserved an explanation.

  With both hands, I tugged at the ends of my hair. Life was spiraling out of control, and I was going fucking crazy.

  A moment of silence went by, and then my phone rang in my back pocket. I picked up and answered with an angry, “Hello.”

  “Brian!” My mother’s excited voice echoed through the receiver. As much as I loved her, I didn’t want to talk to her right now, not when I was in a foul mood. She didn’t deserve my wrath.

  “Mom.” My voice came out harsher than I’d expected it to. I closed my eyes, trying to calm the anger brewing inside me as a long, jagged breath left my mouth. “Sorry,” I said, forcing my voice to soften.

  “Oh, honey . . . what’s wrong?” Her motherly concern echoed through the receiver. It was the same voice she used to soothe me when I was upset.

  “Work.”

  “Oh, Brian, you can’t fool me.” She sighed. “I carried you for nine months and raised you until you went off to college. Spill it.”

  And there she was—my mother, the woman who knew all. The one who always knew I was getting sick before I even felt any symptoms. The one who had bandaged all my wounds. Call it a sixth sense or mother’s instinct, but there was no way of fooling her.

  “Work?” She sighed. “What’s my saying?”

  I shook my head. She always had one-liners for every situation. Maybe that was where I got it from.

  “Honey, are you there?”

  “Don’t stress; do your best,” I droned with a small smile. The tightness in my shoulders lightened as I heard her soft laughter.

  “Yes. Do your best, because that’s all you can do, and laugh. When in doubt, laugh it out.”

  And that was how my mother dealt with my rigid father. That was why she looked younger than her years. If only it was that easy.

  Her laughter died down, and a second later, her voice turned serious. “Does this go beyond work? I haven’t heard you this down in a while. Usually you love hearing from your mother.” She tried to use humor to break me, but nothing would alter my mood.

  “Mom, let me call you later.” I didn’t want to take my sour mood out on my sweet mother. I needed time alone, by myself, to work out the mess I’d made of my life.

  “Nope. Not until I know what’s wrong.”


  Life had been so much easier in high school. Mom and I had the best of relationships. It was so effortless. She knew all my girl drama and gave me insight on the woman’s mind.

  I finally let out a long sigh. “It’s everything, Mom. I just don’t have control of my life anymore. I needed to land this big deal I’ve been working on for a while, and I blew it. All because my head wasn’t in that boardroom. It was on a girl.”

  “Oh,” she let out, her voice full of understanding. “You know why this is, don’t you?” Her tone increased in volume, sounding confident. “It’s because you, of all your siblings, live with your heart on your sleeve. Everything you do, whether it’s football, school, or whatever, you live your life through your heart. In college, you played football hard because you loved the game. Your heart leads your life. Honey, it’s one of your greatest qualities. I know you. You weren’t in that boardroom because your heart was somewhere else. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  I sighed, both wanting and not wanting to believe her. Maybe I did live through my heart, by my heart. I let my heart rule me. Was that a safe way to live, though? Probably not, but I wasn’t going for safe, was I?

  It took less than one second to get the answer—hell, no, I didn’t want to play it safe. I wanted Kendy.

  I closed my eyes and pictured Kendy’s beautiful face against the darkness. Her stark blue eyes piercing me, touching my soul.

  “Ma . . .” My voice was barely a whisper. “What am I gonna do?”

  “Work will always be there,” she said tenderly. “But you’re going to do what you’ve always done. You’re going to follow your heart.”

  She made it sound so simple.

  Was it?

  EIGHTEEN

  KENDY

  Brian had texted and called, his voicemails turning from sweet to solemn. I didn’t respond to anything. I wasn’t one to avoid confrontation . . . but with him, I wanted to avoid conflict like it was my deathbed.

  I had called my mother back, congratulating her on her engagement, but I was mad that my past was even preventing me from being genuinely happy for my own mother. I cursed my history for leaking into the present and taking this moment from me.

  My only saving grace, other than sitting in my apartment and hating myself for being a total bitch, was that I had to work. For the next three days, I’d be working my twelve-hour shifts.

  I debated texting him that I had to work, but it would mean he’d have hope for after work.

  Strolling the ER floor in a daze, I checked into the nurses’ station, got my list of patients, and started to make my rounds. About three hours in, I strolled to the coffee machine, needing the extra jolt of caffeine tonight, especially since I hadn’t slept well after leaving Brian’s place.

  Leaning against the counter, I rubbed my temple with two fingers, attempting to ward off an oncoming headache. I could already feel the beginning throbs at my temples.

  I didn’t get headaches often, only in high stress situations, and this would definitely be classified as high freaking stress.

  When I peered up, Sarah was strolling in, smirking like she’d won the lotto. She stopped in front of me, but her cheery self didn’t affect my mood. Happiness was contagious, but not with all the confusion reigning over my life.

  “Guess what?” she said, her voice peppy and bright.

  I squinted up at her, because opening my eyes at full mast only intensified my oncoming migraine.

  “What?” I asked, rubbing my temple like I could imprint my fingerprints onto my brain and force the throbbing to cease.

  “I heard rumblings that a certain someone is going to ask you out.” She practically bounced on her toes, while nausea crept up my throat at the thought.

  I’d heard that one before. I gave her a dubious expression, as if saying, ‘So?’

  I should’ve been excited, over the freaking moon about it. Finally, after weeks of pining after James, I’d caught his attention, but my thoughts were constantly on Brian. He was the one who occupied my head and my heart, and I doubted I would get over what had happened so easily.

  “I thought you’d be happier to hear my news report. What’s wrong with you?” She quirked an eyebrow, taking in my hunched posture.

  “Well, there’s kind of a party going on in my brain. These little drummer boys are in competition with who can be the loudest.”

  “Cheer up.” She bumped her shoulder against mine. “Your Dr. Hot Pants is on the market,” she swooned. “And I’m pretty positive you’re next on his list.”

  “That’s great,” I said with no inflection in my voice.

  She angled toward me as if there was some big secret that no one should know about, which was odd, because there was no one in our vicinity. “He’s interested in you,” she said with a sly grin. “I’m so sure.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He asked if you were seeing someone and I specifically told him no. You were free as a bird, ready to fly and soar and get married. I told him you were sweet as pie and talked you up,” she squealed, her eyes brightening. “He’s been asking about you nonstop.”

  I pressed my thumbs harder to my temple. Her pitch was only intensifying the pounding, so I shut her out. She kept talking and talking, but I didn’t hear anything. I only saw Brian in my head. Brian’s smile. His blue eyes staring down at me.

  Sarah snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Hello. Earth to Kendall. Are you listening to me? He’s going to ask you out.”

  I dropped my head, focusing on the floor. The little drummer boy pounding in my brain was turning into a Marine firing a machine gun.

  What was wrong with me? This was what I had wanted. This was what I had planned out, what the psychic had predicted. The answer was laid out in front of me, clear as day. So why was I so conflicted?

  There was an emptiness in the pit of my belly, and I knew it had everything to do with Brian. I raised my head and squinted up at her. “I don’t know what I want anymore.” My voice was soft as the truth finally leaked out.

  Her mouth flew open, wide enough for a fly to pass through. “What do you mean?”

  I shrugged, shocking myself with what I was about to say. “I’m just not sure if he’s it anymore.”

  Sarah stalked to the other side of me and filled up a cup with water. She pushed the Styrofoam toward my face and held out a Tylenol she’d dug from her pocket. “Take it. I think your headache is interfering with your ability to think clearly.”

  I did as I was told because I needed the headache gone, but that wasn’t what was hindering my thinking. Not all of it, anyway.

  “James Klein, the hottest man in the universe, who also happens to be a doctor, is going to ask you out.” She tilted in, her face stern. “Don’t make my efforts go to waste.”

  I reeled back, wondering how sweet Sarah had been replaced with this pushy chick from Jersey.

  But her face softened a moment later. “I’m just saying.” She placed her hand on top of my arm. “You asked me to help you land him, right? Well, here I am, helping you. He’s doing rounds around ten. Just do what you regularly do. I’m sure he’ll be excited to see you. It’s perfect.”

  I didn’t answer her. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep, forget about all the chaos ringing through my head and in my heart.

  “He gave you the moon, remember?” she whispered conspiratorially. “Your soul mate, as that psychic once put it.”

  All I could do was nod. Before, all I had wanted, all I had wished for, was a chance with him, and it looked like I was going to get it.

  But did I want it?

  ***

  It was a slow night. Not a lot of patients with broken arms or gunshot wounds. Not that I was hoping for either, but I needed something to keep my mind off of things, and blood always seemed to help occupy me.

  I watched James pace back and forth around the nurses’ station. It was as if he was purposely trying to get my attention. In normal circumstances, I’d be up and out of
my seat, giddy at the thought of him noticing me. At one time, I would’ve craved any bit of attention he would throw my way. Now I felt blasé about it. I didn’t care anymore.

  I sat in the chair, rested my elbows at the edge of the desk, and stared blankly at my computer screen. I was bored out of my mind as I waited for my next patient. When James finally approached the desk, I smiled up at him, feeling polite but nothing else.

  It was funny. Odd. Almost freaky. Just a couple weeks ago, I’d been like a teenage girl with butterflies whenever he was around. I groaned internally at the irony of my life.

  I wished I could just get this over with, fast forward five years to see where I’d be. I wanted to confirm I’d be as happy with him as Evangeline had predicted because with all that Beth had said about futures changing and all my feelings for Brian bubbling to the surface, I had major doubts.

  I looked away from his hopeful grin. If he was going to ask me out, let him do it. If not, I vowed to remain celibate with my vibrator for life. No complications. No expectations. Me and my energizer bunny, that never told me he was tired, unless the batteries ran out.

  When James walked away, I huffed out a sigh and went back to my computer screen, charting my last patient. After ten minutes, I headed to the coffee machine. I felt his presence behind me before I even turned around. When I moved to face him, he threw me his winning smile, the one that used to make my heart pitter-patter and my knees go wobbly.

  But as I stared up at him, I started to notice everything Brian had pointed out, things I had never spotted before because I was too infatuated with a guy I hardly knew, a guy I had put up on a pedestal.

  He awkwardly rested his hip against the counter where the coffee machine was stationed, not at all suave. He looked uncomfortable—stiff. Just thinking of that word made me laugh internally.

  “Slow night,” he remarked with a forced coolness that made me believe he’d never once been cool.

  Disappointment seeped into me. It was hard to believe that, not so long ago, I’d thought he was the epitome of the perfect man. But he was only a character I’d made up in my head.