The Scheme

by Mia Kayla

  His eyes roamed my face then drifted to the curvature of my breasts. If this had happened even last week, his look alone would’ve probably given me goose bumps. But it didn’t today. Slowly, I crossed my arms over my chest so he’d stop undressing me with his eyes. My boobs weren’t his to look at.

  “Dr. Chan is already down here. I’m wondering if I should go home,” he said, his eyes still on my chest.

  Rude much?

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I just closed my eyes and let his voice wash over me. I pictured us buck naked, doing it like rabbits as I had imagined so many times before.

  “Hey,” he said, “I was thinking maybe we could go out to dinner. Me and you. On a date. I checked your schedule and we’re both free Friday night.”

  A date?

  Brian’s face popped into my mind, and my mouth went dry. I felt sick.

  When I opened my eyes, I forced a smile for his benefit and mentally cursed Brian for ruining something that was supposed to be perfect.

  This was Karma biting me in my sweet ass because every time I closed my eyes, I knew he was the only man I’d see.

  Being with Brian had ruined me for eternity.

  ***

  For four days, I avoided Brian’s calls and texts like a dark alley in the ghetto. It felt like an eternity since we’d seen each other, and I was willing to keep that going. It would be easier to pretend we never happened.

  All was going as planned until Thursday night, when I walked up to my apartment and saw him in front of my door.

  He was hunched over, sitting on the floor. His legs were stretched out in front of him, his Cubs hat drawn low, so I couldn’t see his eyes. I stopped moving as a flood of emotions engulfed me, a dizzying current racing through my veins. Damn, I’d missed him.

  There was no denying it as my heart raced in my chest. There was this pull, this energy forcing me toward him. It took all my self-control, all my power, to remain a few steps away.

  When he saw me, he pushed himself off the floor. “Hey,” he said as he lifted his cap.

  “Hey,” I replied softly.

  He pointed to a traveler’s mug on the floor. “Hot cocoa,” he murmured. “Since you missed the opportunity to taste it the other night . . . I tried to perfect it at home.”

  I swallowed hard and bit the inside of my cheek.

  How much more perfect can this guy get?

  When our eyes locked, there was such sadness in the span of blue looking down at me, and I knew I was the bitch who’d put it there. It hadn’t been intentional. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him.

  When he stepped forward, I took a step back. The hurt in his eyes intensified, and my gaze dropped to the floor as a nauseating feeling of despair began to take over. I couldn’t bear to see all the pain I’d caused him without breaking down myself.

  When he reached for me, I pulled away, putting even more distance between us. If he touched me, I’d cave. I’d lose all resolve, and I wasn’t sure I could give myself to him, lose myself completely.

  “We need to talk,” he said firmly.

  I nodded once and inserted my key in the door before stepping inside. He followed right behind me. I dropped my purse on the floor, fidgeted with the edge of my scrubs, and backed up against the wall. All my defenses were up because I was scared shitless.

  Right now, I needed an absolute guarantee that our story would end happily, and Brian couldn’t give me that. I couldn’t stand another heartbreak. My breakup with Cole had severed my heart and tore me down. I wouldn’t be able to live through another failed relationship again. Would I even be able to trust Brian completely after all I’d been through? That wasn’t fair to Brian, either. Brian was no Cole, but how could I overcome this?

  All I knew was I had to protect my heart, the beating organ, which pumped life into every vital part of my body. If I couldn’t protect my own self, who would?

  I crossed my arms over my chest, placing another barrier between us. My lip quivered as I forced up the shield I was so used to.

  He approached me, but I couldn’t retreat any farther. I was already backed against the wall. His presence blanketed me and bombarded my senses, which only reminded me how much I longed for him.

  He was a foot away now, and my fingers twitched at my sides, yearning to touch him. With one more step, he closed the gap between us and cupped the side of my face. Heat spread through my body, and I didn’t pull away this time because I wanted to feel his hands on me. Though I knew it would only be temporary and painful when it was over, I’d deal with that later, because I needed the now so much more.

  I was a puddle of mush against his touch, the shield crashing down. My self-control slipped. I was losing the inner battle between my heart and my mind. With his other hand, he reached for my arm, forcing me to uncross them as he stepped into me.

  Emotions rushed to the surface as my breathing became labored. He frightened me beyond belief. I’d never felt so vulnerable, like I could crumble between his fingertips. Problem was, I yearned for him so badly, and there was nothing I could do to stop my heart from wanting what it wanted.

  I rested my cheek in his hand as exhaustion hit. For once, I wished I could relinquish control of a life I used to be so sure of. And I wanted Brian to take the lead.

  But then my jaw tensed as my messed up thoughts brought me back to Cole, the way I’d let him in, let myself become vulnerable, and, ultimately, he’d broken me. My father and Cole had crushed any semblance of hope I’d had in any other man.

  Brian made me feel the way Cole did, but worse. I felt naked in front of him, even when I was fully clothed. He could see the damaged me, not just the spunky, fun Kendy, but he’d also seen all my broken pieces. He knew my past about my father, and about my tormented, violent history with Cole, and yet . . . he was here, with me.

  He ran his thumb lightly down my cheek, and I tilted into his palm. Being this close to him was a living contradiction. There was a direct pull between my brain and my heart. My heart melted at the look in his eyes, yet I was torn, knowing I needed to stay away.

  He pulled me into him, and I let him, again.

  Because I was weak, and he was my kryptonite.

  He lifted my chin, his eyes telling me all I needed to know. I swallowed, heat forming behind my eyes. I wanted to tell him he frightened me, that what was happening between us scared the shit out of me, but I didn’t, because I was on the verge of tears.

  He bent down and kissed my lips, so softly, so sweetly, as though he was breathing all his emotions into me, then he pulled back. “I love you,” he said with so much intensity all his sincerity poured into those three words.

  And then it was over.

  I broke down in front of him. Big, fat tears spilled down my cheeks. I hadn’t cried in front of anyone other than Beth before, but I couldn’t seem to stop.

  I trembled in his arms, but his hold only tightened as he rested his forehead against mine. He knew I was shattering. “I know you’re scared, but I’m never going to hurt you. I promise.”

  I wanted to believe him. For once, I wanted to believe and put my trust in a man and know he wouldn’t fail me.

  “I’m not him,” he said, his voice filled with emotion. “I want to be with you. I love you, baby. Don’t push me away. Please let me in.”

  I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. Why was it so damn hard?

  “Look at me, Kendy.”

  When I opened my eyes, I could see his heart in the blue of his eyes.

  “The best thing about this—about us—is falling,” he whispered. “Fall back, baby, and know I’m never going to let you hit the ground.” He wiped my tears with his thumbs. “I want you to pick me. I want to take care of you, be your ‘it’ guy. If you want the moon, I’ll give you the moon. I’ll give you twenty fucking moons, if that’s what you want,” he said lightly, even though the moment was serious. “Your psychic predicted he’d give you the moon, but I’d give you the moon, the stars, the universe, and e
verything in it. Everything you want. I want to be the man to give it to you.”

  It was all too much. Me crying, his words, his presence. I swiped at my cheeks, trying to dry my tears. I tried moving away from him, but he reached for my hand, stilling me in my spot.

  His jaw was set, his mind made up. “This is where everything changes. Where I make it change. In this story, the good guy doesn’t finish last. This is where he gets the girl he wants, the one he’s in love with. I’m not walking away this time. Not when you’re it for me.”

  I sniffled and took a deep breath, searching his face. My feet were on solid ground, yet I felt unsteady. Brian had done this to me, just by being himself. He’d broken down my defenses, made me feel helpless, uncovered, and susceptible to anything.

  All I wanted was to be whole, to know I’d be happy and in love, with four children and grandbabies for my mama.

  Sarah’s words rang loudly in my head. Once again, my stomach sunk to the floor when thoughts of the commitment I’d made to James tomorrow resurfaced. How did I know this other guy wasn’t it? All I wanted was a chance with James, and now that I had it, I no longer wanted it.

  It slipped out before I could bite it back. “I have a date with James tomorrow.”

  The hope on his face disintegrated as he clenched his jaw. “Tell me you feel nothing. Right now. Tell me you don’t feel what I feel between us.”

  It was a challenge. He knew. He could see it in my eyes, feel it in the way I couldn’t turn away from him.

  My mouth went dry, and I looked away. “I don’t have feelings for you.” My voice came out strong. Not just because I wanted him to believe me, but because I wanted to believe me. It would be easier on both of us.

  “Bullshit!” he snapped.

  I raised my chin and squared my shoulders as the fight rose within me. It was a mechanism I knew so well. It was how I was built and what I did when I didn’t want to face the truth.

  “I don’t have feelings for you.” This time, my voice was even firmer. I faked confidence as though I’d been born a liar, my eyes locked on his, not backing down.

  A pained expression crossed his face as he stumbled back, like I’d sucker punched him. I watched as hurt seeped out of every wilting part of him, and through the reflection in his eyes, I could see the bitch I truly was, jutting out my chin and stubbornly moving away.

  “Don’t do this, Kendy.” The way his voice broke, half commanding me, tore at my insides.

  I knew I was hurting him, but this was better for both of us. I clenched my jaw to prevent any emotions from coming to the surface, though a sensation of intense desolation swept over me.

  If I didn’t rein this in now, I’d lose. I couldn’t afford to be weak, not in front of him, though inside I was dying.

  I swallowed and spoke firmly. “You’re the one who changed the game. This was not how it was supposed to be.”

  He reeled back. “Why does everything have to be a game for you?” His voice turned harsh.

  “Because it is!” I shouted. My body trembled as I tried to maintain composure. “We agreed. You never told me you wanted anything different.”

  “Kendy, things happened. Things changed. For me, at least.” He lowered his voice to barely a whisper. “I thought you felt something.”

  “Yeah. Orgasms.” A suffocating sensation tightened around my throat as those words left my mouth. It was mean, but it was all I had left.

  He shook his head, shuffling back another step. “No. Something more, something real.” A shudder left his body as he drew in a sharp breath.

  I crossed my arms in front of me and stared at him like he was the stupid one, the only one who had felt our connection. Maybe I was a better liar than I thought.

  I held my breath, counting seconds for what seemed like an eternity as he stared at me, hoping I’d take back what I just said, but I was stronger than that. I’ve had eight years of practice to toughen up my skin.

  The mask was in place as I fixed my eyes on him. But slowly, my insides crumbled as I witnessed his eyes drop to the ground, all hope in them crushed.

  “You’re right. You made the rules, and I decided to play the game. I get it.” His voice turned cold, disconnected. “I should’ve known that when you break the rules, you get burned.”

  “Bry,” I whispered.

  I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to tell him this was the last thing I’d meant to happen. I wanted to tell him this was as much for him as it was for me, that he didn’t deserve a messed up, broken woman afraid of her own future. My traitorous feet wanted to move toward him, but I knew I shouldn’t. That would’ve brought me back to square one.

  His tone was rough as he said, “If you go out with Stiff, I don’t want to see you. Ever. I walk out that door, and it’s going to be forever. You hear me?”

  His voice was cold, lashing, as his eyes met mine, not breaking contact. An inkling of hope passed through his eyes, as if he thought I might change my mind in the next two seconds, but as I straightened my stance, not letting any weakness show, that glimmer diminished, his eyes turning hard.

  “Good bye, Kendall.” He nodded once and stepped out the door.

  I stared at the empty space and my open door as my tears betrayed me, falling to my cheeks. The tough girl act had left with Brian . . . when he walked out my door and out of my life. The sinking anguish caused me to stumble and slide to the floor. My head fell into my hands as I let the vulnerable girl cry it all out, alone.

  Trapped in my own lie, I was defeated.

  NINETEEN

  BRIAN

  I stepped into the condo and dropped my laptop bag to the floor. I was functioning like a walking zombie lately, not speaking, not socializing, just going through the motions, typing at my computer, and answering only when spoken to at work.

  In the end, Tiggins Corporation had decided to drop their current bank and move over to Financial State. My manager was ecstatic. When he’d heard of the news, he’d slapped me on the back and sang my praises. I was now a shoo-in for that promotion, and everyone was raving about this great win for the bank. Funny how that worked. Weeks ago, this had been all I’d wanted, to land the account and be the big shot. Now there was not an ounce of me that was excited because work wasn’t as important to me anymore.

  I’d fallen in love, but the girl didn’t want me. Instead, she wanted a boring, emotionless prick, who happened to be a rich doctor and the predicted love of her fucking life. Anger choked me, and the more I thought of it, the more I wanted to put my fist through the damn wall.

  Whatever.

  I did wish her happiness, even if I hated the asshole. Part of me felt guilty for hating him, since I didn’t technically know him, but just the fact that he thought he could have a great girl like Kendy made my face go all red-hot with fury as a seething type of resentment kept eating me up.

  I rubbed my brow, feeling a massive headache coming on. Fuck my fucking life. I stalked toward the fridge and reached for my cold beverage of choice then staggered to the couch and turned on the television.

  My hands wrapped around the cold beer bottle as I stared at the TV screen, seeing nothing. Good. That’s how I wanted to feel. Maybe mindless TV would help. At least until I was butt ass drunk and passed the hell out.

  ***

  My ass hurt, and I shifted on the couch. Shit. I tipped my head back and drank my fourth beer. My stomach growled for the tenth time, but I’d decided an hour ago I’d get drunk faster if I didn’t eat. The last time I’d eaten was lunch. Still, I needed to numb this dull pang in the center of my chest. It’d only been a few days, and I was sick and tired of being in pain. Being in love fucking hurt. Someone should put that on a billboard, instead of the cheesy shit they always advertised.

  I turned up the volume of the TV, raising it to full blast. The bass echoed what the announcer was saying, shaking the coffee table in front of me.

  When the door opened, Trey walked through with his work out bag slung over his shoulde
r. One look at my sorry ass and he dropped the grey backpack on the floor, strolled to the fridge, and grabbed a beer.

  I didn’t even offer a hello as my gaze flipped back to the TV. If he even said her name, I’d mention Katelynn to shut him up. I couldn’t talk about her. Not now. It was too fresh.

  The couch cushion indented beside me, and he rested his beer on the coffee table. “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Nope.” I reached for my fifth beer and pounded it back. The alcohol should’ve warmed me up, but the cold, dull pain was still very present in the center of my chest.

  When I thought of Stiff and Kendy on their date, I couldn’t deal. Picturing his hands on her had my arms tensing and the veins in my forearms bulging. I gripped the beer bottle in a tight vise, having a sudden urge to break the glass just to feel physical pain. That would be less excruciating than this unbearable ache. But then I pictured cleaning it up and thought better of it.

  Always the responsible one. Yep, that was me. Maybe that was why Kendy didn’t want me. Nice guys finished last, after all.

  Trey snatched the remote beside me and lowered the volume. From my periphery, I could feel him burning a hole in the side of my face. When I paid him no attention, he reclined against the cushions as we both pretended to watch TV.

  “I don’t know if I can handle seeing your sister.”

  I closed my eyes and let out a jagged sigh. He never mentioned my sister. This was his way of forcing me to open up.

  “I made her hot cocoa,” I muttered, trying to change the subject, or maybe I was just rambling now, “ . . . left my stupid mug there.”

  He frowned, probably wondering where this was headed and what a damn drink had to do with anything.

  I sighed again, not wanting to explain, and then I found the words spewing out anyway. “Hot cocoa reminds her of home, and I thought maybe . . . I could be her home in New York.”

  I shook my head and felt the anger rising again, my face getting hot. “I’m so fucking stupid. I was going to win over a girl with hot chocolate.” I kicked the coffee table in front of me, causing the empty beer bottles to tip over. “Why couldn’t I just fucking follow the rules? I had it good. What guy falls for the ‘no strings’ girl?” Unable to keep my OCD in check, even drunk, I reached for the empty bottles and set them upright. “I fucked everything up.”